Notes: Just a little late with this new chapter. Sorry. It went up last night over on ao3 with it's usual swearing which has been edited out for ff's site.
Hope you like where it's gone, and where it's still going. Happy reading!
Dean headed downstairs while Manda was in the shower, ignoring his nerves and all the unease he felt in what would happen in a few more hours. All he wanted for now was some coffee and food, and to spend what time there was left pretending he wasn't leaving behind the female hunter he loved who was currently pregnant with his child at Bobby's house before she disappeared again without a trace.
Making his way into the kitchen, he quickly heard Bobby giving some serious hell to someone on the phone in the library and noticed that Sam wasn't sitting there waiting for him to surface either. Smirking as he got to the counter because at least no one was giving him a hard time just yet and the coffee pot looked full, he eyed the container of instant decaf coffee beside it with a sceptical look. Curiously, he opened the jar, sniffed, and made a disgusted face before screwing the lid back on.
"Manda's. I picked it up for her last night," Sam said as he walked in, witnessing Dean nearly gag. He watched his brother with slight amusement as the jar hit the counter with a loud bang.
Dean turned around. "Dude, how the hell does she drink that crap? We've probably had a billion cups of bad coffee over the years and that smells even worse than half of those tasted."
The younger Winchester shook his head and kind of laughed as he went to sit at the table. "I don't know… but that's like the only coffee she can have while pregnant."
"That ain't coffee, Sam. Thank god I can't get knocked up. Couldn't do this job never mind get up or go to sleep some days without caffeine and alcohol," Dean gruffly muttered, getting himself actual coffee. Once he sipped from the mug, he made a face. He glanced through the doorway to see Bobby was on still on the phone at his desk. "Bobby didn't slip some of that decaf in this, did he?"
"No," Sam chortled. "Just, it's not exactly a fresh pot, Dean. You're kinda late to breakfast for once."
"Whoa, it's not that late. It's only ten." Dean grimaced, dumping out his cup and then the pot. "But uh… it was kind of an interesting night… and morning." He grinned a little at Sam before setting about making a fresh pot of coffee.
"Dude, no!" Sam groaned, making a disgusted face. He knew what that meant, this was Dean. So his brother hadn't just slept beside Manda last night. Of course he hadn't, and in the end the younger Winchester wasn't that surprised. "Don't tell me you're all for tapping the MILF market now."
Turning around, the older Winchester just shrugged and made a face. "One chick hardly makes it a market, and this really might be last time me and Manda see each other, so there was no way that wasn't happening. But I gotta tell you, Sammy, those hormones of hers were something else." He let out a quick and low whistle, leaned back against the counter and was clearly waiting for the coffee to percolate.
"No, you really don't need to," Sam said, scrunching up his face.
"Oh, then I guess that means you also don't wanna know your soon-to-be niece kicked for the first time this morning or how even in utero she's packs more punch than you do?" Dean chuckled with a wide smirk. "Because she did and she does."
The younger Winchester saw how proud his brother was and how being a dad was the only thing on his mind at this moment. "I hit harder than an unborn baby, Dean. But alright… that's good. Baby's healthy, Manda's fine. Wait… did you like have your face on her stomach while that happened? Because if you want to tell me that in utero your daughter already kicked your ass…" He began to laugh.
"Ha, real funny there, smartass. I felt it happen with my hand," Dean uttered, exasperated. "But you're right, they're both healthy. Which is saying something. Turns out Manda's only been power napping…"
"Power napping?" Bobby asked as he wheeled himself into the kitchen then. He stopped just within the doorway between the library and kitchen. "You mean to tell us that pain in the ass didn't get any sleep with you around last night?"
Sam faked a cough and conveyed a silent, knowing look to the older hunter who looked deeply irritated and disturbed for a brief moment.
Dean rolled his eyes, poured himself some coffee then and took a sip. "She did… but that took some time. Especially after we ended up in the same nightmare thanks to Zachariah."
"What?" Eyes widening in alarm, Sam studied his brother with a closer look, wondering how that had gone down. Judging by the tight look on Dean's face he could already tell it had been worse than anything he might have guessed right then. "That's a new low even for him. How'd that even happen?"
"Bastard wanted to rub what he knew in my face first, and then he friggin' magic snapped to make it a three-way with Manda. Which – ew. Not like either of us is about to touch that angel." He shuddered with a disturbed look.
Bobby wheeled himself a little closer towards the table where Sam was, and ignored the remark even if he wasn't surprised by the way Dean tried shrugging it off. "What happened after that?"
"What do you think?" Dean scoffed, shaking his head. "What Castiel told me he saw in her mind was nothing compared to what happened last night. I swear, hell was no picnic, but give me five minutes alone with Zachariah and it'll look like some sort of paradise."
"Dean…" Sam started. He'd heard the growl, the underlying anger in his brother. Whatever Zachariah had done last night had definitely put Dean on edge.
"Sammy, that son of a bitch put Manda on the ceiling just like Mom… and just like Jessica, except…" Dean's voice held a trace of pain as it went hollow, and he stopped as he thought about it. He rubbed his hand over his face, wishing it was possible to scrub away the memory of what he'd seen in that dream. It wasn't. It was already seared into his memory. Even if it hadn't been real, it was now another thing on the list of the worst things he had live with and never wanted to remember. "Except he made sure she was like ready-to-pop, and there wasn't one freaking thing I could do to help her and the baby. Manda couldn't stop it either. So I watched not only my girl but also my kid die on that ceiling, okay?" Looking at his brother, two tears he couldn't hold back rolled down his cheek. He still couldn't shake how losing them that way had left him feeling broken beyond repair. Closing his eyes for a brief second, he shoved it down and regained control over his emotions. "Oh, and that was after he killed her once, made her lose the baby the next round, and then made this little girl he wanted us to believe was our daughter appear and disappear just as quick."
Sam stared at his brother, unsure what to say to all that. It was a lot to take in. But he knew exactly how helpless Dean had felt in one of those moments. He'd felt that same way when he'd looked up to see Jessica burst into flames on the ceiling a mere second before Dean had grabbed him and pulled him out of their apartment. Though, seeing the way the whole thing wounded the older Winchester even if it hadn't been anything other than a nightmare only made it clearer to the younger one that losing the female hunter was something that would destroy him. And even if Dean had only known of his child's existence since yesterday, losing her was also something that would rip him apart in ways he'd never recover from. "Do you think…"
"That the little girl was my daughter?" Dean finished what he thought was his brother's question. He shrugged, looked away from Sam and Bobby, took another sip of his coffee. He'd thought about it a lot last night and this morning, and he still wasn't entirely sold on the idea, but part of him knew it was possible. "I… I don't know. Something about her felt like she was my kid. Angels are the ones with the frigging mojo to pull it off, too. But she's not even fully formed yet, so how the hell do they know what she's gonna look like?"
"Hope for her sake that kid didn't look much like you," Bobby uttered, hoping it would keep Dean talking. He could see it in him– the worry and heartache were so clearly visible that it hurt the older hunter to see it on Dean. The boy was trying his damnedest to hide that pain, but it was so strong he couldn't. And Bobby knew that that kind of pain better than the younger hunter even realized.
"No." Dean turned back around and shot Bobby a hard look as he scoffed. "She took way more after Manda, but there was enough Winchester in there to know she was mine just by looking at her. Not gonna lie… kid was cute. Just like I thought, because unless she somehow gets Sam's geeky awkwardness from my side, there's no way she wouldn't be. Girl's gonna be blessed with good looks because both Mom and Dad never hit a branch on the ugly tree."
Rolling his eyes at Dean's comment, but also looking at his brother more closely, Sam easily picked up on his deflection and the doubt that was there. He could also read him well enough to know he didn't think he was ever going to get to meet his daughter for real. That maybe that dream had been Dean's one and only chance. "What did you do, Dean?" he asked, looking at the older Winchester questioningly.
Dean made a face that said he was insulted. Sam knew better than to ask, didn't he? "Nothing. I told you."
"Yeah right. You expect me to believe you did nothing after that dream? Zachariah obviously wanted to put pressure on you. He found a way to hit you where it hurts. So out with it. What did you do?"
"Oh, I didn't do anything, Sammy. Not a goddamn thing." Well… nothing along the lines of what you're thinking, anyway, he mentally added, keeping his face expressionless.
"Dean," Bobby said with a serious tone, rubbing his hand over his chin. "There's no way you did nothing. Who do you think you're talking to? You're not fooling Sam or me with that massive load of crap you just spewed."
"It's not a load of crap. And I don't need a lecture from you two jokers either. Not when I got an earful from Manda last night about what I'm not doing. So whatever you think you wanna say to me about this, save it. I heard it already." He scoffed again and then in a higher pitched, mocking voice said, "Don't do anything stupid trying to save me or the baby, Winchester. Blah, blah, blah… you don't get to choose between us and Sam, and you sure as hell aren't letting Michael wear your handsome face to a death match for my sake or our baby's." He wasn't giving them her exact verbatim, but it was still pretty much the gist of how that conversation had gone.
Bobby and Sam traded looks before looking back at Dean with raised brows. Both of them knew it might not have been said that way but that Manda definitely would have told Dean something along those lines.
"What?" Dean groaned with annoyance.
"Good to know that in spite of everything else that girl still hasn't lost all her sense," the older hunter said with a bit of a smirk.
"Your impression of Manda is scary… and good." Sam gave his brother a lopsided smile. "But do you really blame her for giving you that speech? Tell me your first thought wasn't that you'd say yes to Michael?"
Making a hard grimace, the older Winchester turned and set about filling his mug with more coffee. Sam was right, it was his first thought, and it was also his last thought, if he was honest about it. So no, he didn't blame Manda for giving him that speech, but he really didn't need another one from his brother, did he?
The younger Winchester chuckled as the glare and the silence from the older one basically said he had done just that. "Thought so, Dean. Manda knows how you are, so do I. You were all ready to jump aboard the yes train the second you woke up after that."
"Yeah… well, Sammy, tell me you wouldn't have jumped on that bandwagon yourself if it meant Jessica would still be alive. That if you knew all it took to save her back then was for you going darkside, you wouldn't have done it so she didn't die?"
Sam stared hard back at his brother, held his tongue for a moment as he realized Dean was just rubbing salt into an old wound for no reason other than he could, and that he was angry and afraid and was once again was taking on more guilt for the current situation they were all in. "Dean, that's not fair. Or the same. Jessica wasn't a hunter, and she wasn't pregnant with my child either. But we all know she probably never stood a chance no matter what I did back then. That she was doomed to die from the moment I met her because of who I am. And you know that's something I have to live with every day." He sighed deeply, shoving down the emotions he felt about her death to this day. "I can't change what happened, but you know I would've done anything I could have to have saved her. I loved Jess. She shouldn't have died just because of her connection to me."
"Then shut your cakehole, Sam, because unless you really wanna put them on right now, you're not in my freaking shoes," Dean shot back in a loud tone. "I don't want to say yes to Michael, and I sure as hell don't wanna have to ice you if I do say yes either… Come on, you're my baby brother, man. But I can't just sit back and let Zachariah kill my woman and my kid either, can I? So unless you've found some way where neither of those things is one I'm gonna have to do in the near future, then just shut the hell up about it." His voice got even louder and angrier then.
"No one's saying you'll have to do either, Dean," Bobby said, matter-of-factly. "We've already been looking for a way out of this other than you boys saying yes to Michael or Lucifer. But Manda's right, you can't say yes for her sake or your daughter's. You know what it would do to her if you did that, don't you? Because I sure as hell do. " He stared hard at Dean then.
I know… I know it'll break her, but she'll get over it, Bobby. If you'd seen Manda's face the moment she looked at our daughter… how she looked this morning when she felt the baby kick… she'll get over whatever I do to save them because she'll have our baby girl. "Yeah, because we've been successful on that front so far, right? Remind me – what's our plan again?"
"You know we don't have one, but we're working on it. Something's bound to turn up. But what happened to your give them hell attitude?" Bobby returned the annoyed look he'd just gotten with his own.
Dean sighed. "Oh, I'm still giving them hell. I've been giving them hell my entire life, Bobby. That's all I know how to do. But I also want there to still be a world for my kid to grow up in. There won't be much of one left for that if I don't find something to do about it, will there? Hell, and that's even if she gets to be born."
Sam heard the weariness in his brother. He also knew what Dean was really saying here. "Even if that means you're not part of that world? Come on, Dean…"
"If that's the price, Sammy… if it means my daughter gets to survive, gets to live something even close to a normal life with no goddamn demons or angels to worry about, then that's the price. Kid's done nothing wrong but gotten the luck of having our genes, and I know that's more of a curse than a blessing, alright? But it doesn't have to be that way for her. This life and death crap we're always caught up in, the frigging weight of the world on a Winchester's back can end with you and me and not go on for the next one. All of this… hunting might be the family business on both sides of her family but it's not what I want for her." Wasn't what I wanted for you either, Sammy. When you were little and asking me where Dad was or what he did, you know how many times I lied my ass off and told you some B.S. story until there was just no way to hide it anymore. And I didn't want to drag you back into this when Dad went missing on me, but I needed you, okay? He mentally added to himself, unable to say it out loud. He'd already said more than he knew he should have.
That can't be the price… you've already given up more than you should have had to your whole life. You deserve to have the family you want, Dean. So if we pull this off, and we gotta pull this off, then you get out of hunting and live that apple pie life. You can be normal, or try to be… because if that life's the one you want, then that's what I want for you. Why shouldn't you get that? The words ran through Sam's head, but Dean wouldn't want to hear any of it now. "Dean, you aren't thinking of doing something stupid when we leave here, are you? Because it really sounds like it to me."
"No!" the older Winchester nearly growled with anger. "Get off my ass about it already. All I did earlier this morning was call Castiel and ask him to keep an eye on Manda's dreams, okay? That way he can let me know if something's up, but he can also interfere, help her out whenever Zachariah shows up to bug her," he stated. "She won't like it. Hell, that woman will be so pissed at me the first time Cass just pops into one of her dreams, but so what? Manda needs more sleep. The baby needs her to get it too. So thanks to the angel on our team maybe she can get that, but it also means I can also keep an eye on her that way even if I have no idea where the hell she is. Did you really think I was gonna let her be out there entirely alone with no way to get a hold of her again?"
"No, I didn't. I'm kinda surprised you're even going along with her plan. But to try keeping one angel out of her dreams, you're sending in another and not letting her know about it?" Sam asked, amused. "Are you willing to take another hit like yesterday's once Manda finds out about that and your plan to spy on her through Castiel?"
"Damn right I am, and you're damn right I am," Dean uttered, a smirk on his face. "It's no biggie. Cass pokes around in my dreams enough, now he can poke around in hers instead. It's not like one of us came up with a better plan last night. I don't know what else to do here, okay. I don't know how else to protect her right now, Sam."
Bobby gave Dean a serious look. "Kid, none of knows how to do that right now. So maybe we just let her do that by herself. Remember, Manda's not just a hunter anymore, she's also a mother. There's not a damn thing she won't do to protect that baby, and don't you doubt it for a second. You know as well as I do what having a family again means to her."
The older Winchester nodded. He knew what it meant – everything. It did to him, and he knew it was the same for her. She's lost her family once, and he knew there was no way she'd do it again, not without losing her own life in the process. "That's why you're gonna help her with whatever she needs once me and Sam hit the road in a few hours, Bobby," he said in a stern tone.
Meeting Dean's look with his own, Bobby just gave him a short nod. He wasn't surprised that it came out sounding more like a command instead of asking for a favour. "You wanna know about that afterwards?"
"If you think I should… She came to you first for some reason. Wasn't for your hospitality or that charming personality of yours, so she probably wants your help with something. Not that I could get it out of her."
With a curious look, Bobby just studied Dean for a moment. It was good to know the younger hunter hadn't missed picking up on that. "Alright… we'll see if your soul mate's still got more manners than you and actually asks later instead of making demands. Anything else?"
"I don't know," Dean said, shrugging. "But you better pick up the pace on finding some Hail Mary to bail us out, Bobby. Clock's counting down. Things are quickly getting worse for all of us, and Manda's running out of time before she's too pregnant to fight to protect herself, never mind the baby." And I'm running out of excuses to keep saying no to Michael. I got two damn good reasons to say yes upstairs in your shower right now, Bobby. And the only damn good reason that keeps me saying no is standing in here with us. Either way it's my family, and not one of them is dying on my watch. You sure as hell know what that would do to me, don't you?
Notes: So that's how it turned out. How was it?
It ended up being a shorter update than it was supposed to be, but after much editing and much debating, I decided not to add another half to this chapter since it seemed to be fine the way it is.
Having Dean, Sam and Bobby take over this one without Manda actually being in it made sense here. You knew Dean was going to have to spill a little of the details of that dream with at least Sam, but seeing as they're at Bobby's house, it was right to include him. It was also right to make Sam give Dean hell about possibly saying yes. And I liked having the brotherly banter happen on and off in this chapter.
So now you know what Dean snuck off to do a few chapters back when he got out of bed.
This story is getting longer and longer, and hopefully in the next few chapters I can pick up the pace with what needs to happen. It'll be up whenever it's up.
Hope you enjoyed it, and that you're still liking the story. As always, thanks so much for stopping by and reading!