Leanne enters the inter-sanctum gingerly. Her hair is wet from a shower. She's clad in mauve button down pajamas. She slides between the two girls on the couch. She digs the remote from its hiding spot between the couch cushions, and pauses the TV screen. An audible groan hits her ears in stereo from either side.
"Mom! What gives? If you want to watch that's fine, but you're being rude."
She glances at her daughter, and then to Emily who sits on her left. "Girls we have to have a conversation."
"We cleaned up our messes, and we're keeping the TV at an agreed upon volume. What's with the come to Jesus tone?" Ariel queries.
"Do you think that I don't know what the two of you are up to?"
The girls exchange glances, "I'm pretty sure we're in the middle of a sugar high."
"So you're not trying to parent trap anyone?" Her brow arches.
Emily, "You know, Dr. Rorish, I think that since you've taken your make-up off it might be the perfect time for Ariel, and I to use some of the new contouring techniques we've learned."
"Emily, in this house it is Leanne. Also I am not about to let the pair of you apply eight pounds of make up to my face before I go to bed and ignore what is going on here."
Ariel avoids her glance, "I understand what you're saying about the make-up. We wouldn't want to clog up your pours. Heaven knows that your skin care is enough steps as it stands. I think it would be a better option to do something with your hair."
"You know, I was just thinking the same thing," Emily nods.
"If the two of you want to hang out I don't mind, but the scheming needs to stop."
"We could be out there in the world doing so much worse right now," Ariel growls.
She touches her cheek, "And I appreciate that you aren't. I would also appreciate it if you were just honest with me. That is always going to get you further with me."
"She's right," Emily agrees.
"We have just been talking a lot about parents," Ariel admits.
"We can see that parenthood is challenging. It's not as if we make it easy on ya'll. I guess we just thought instead of doing a really lonely job alone it might be fulfilling to find someone to spend time with who understood," Emily sugarcoats the scenario.
Leanne's brow thrusts upwards, "Really? That was the breadth conversation?"
"No! Mom it wasn't. The two of us will be leaving our respective nests soon enough. We will go off to college, and leave the two of you lonely, and then what? We just don't want the two of you going back to old patterns where you work yourself to death, and don't enjoy life. Is it really wrong of us to wish that the two of you would find some common ground, and maybe go out on a date with each other, or something?"
"So the two of you are administering your own dating service now?"
The girls both giggle, "I mean in our scenario you live happily ever after of course." Emily reveals.
She nods, "Is that so? What would that look like to the two of you?"
"You fall madly in love," Ariel begins.
"Then you get married, and the two of us get to be sisters," Emily adds.
"Obviously that is one of the most important parts. Then you'll realize that life is short, and that you will be so deprived of opportunity if you don't give parenthood one more shot. So you dust off those cobwebby eggs, and pop them into an oven," Ariel rambles.
"And the combination of your genetics makes a beautiful baby. Of course you will worry about your ages, but then you realize that you have two magnificent options available to step in should anything ever happen to you."
Leanne's eyes dart from one girl, to the other. She starts laughing raucously. She laughs until her sides hurt, and her eyes tear. Eventually she stops long enough to breathe.
"Girls, I am sorry. That is the most ridiculous scenario I have ever heard, and I work an ER. I think we all know that people are quite creative with the excuses they come up with for injuries. Me, and Dr. Campbell happily ever after?!"
"Why is that so funny?" Ariel wonders.
"This isn't a fairytale, its real life. Even if one of those things happened fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and while I haven't googled the rate for doctors, I would suspect it is higher than that. As far as spider babies there is no guarantee that would work, and even if it did it could go horribly wrong. Parenthood is eighteen years of trying to prevent your child from dying prematurely, and to be honest my track record is not that impressive."
"Fine, but will you do the two of us a favor?" Emily asks.
"What's that?"
"At least tell him the truth," Ariel implores.