I hear a scraping at the door and look at Rick before heading out into the hall. Carl is wrapping a cable around the door. "That's smart" I say as I walk towards him

"Thanks" Carl replies.

I hear a scraping behind me and see Rick pushing the couch towards the door. "I tied the door shut." Carl snaps

"We don't need to take any chances." Rick replies

"You don't think it'll hold?" Carl asks

"Carl."

"It's a strong knot. Clove hitch. Shane taught me." My stomach tightens painfully at that name "Remember him?"

Rick has frozen on the spot "Yeah, I remember him. I remember him every day. There something else you want to say to me?"

When Carl doesn't reply Rick snaps "Help me move the couch."

I shake my head and lift the couch up right then Rick and Carl move it into position in front of the door. Rick staggers dangerously and he's shaking pretty badly.

"Rick I need to you lie down" I say firmly and take off his belt.

"Gwen" He starts but I shush him.

I sit him down "We'll all stay in this room for the night. We'll survive the night at least."

I walk around the room grabbing some cushions and blankets to turn into a makeshift bed. I hear rustling followed by Carl saying "You gonna have some?"

"You should eat." Rick replies

"We should save it." Carl snaps. I look around to see Carl snatch the bag out of Rick's hand before opening it and throwing it back at him

"Oi! What have I told you about respecting your dad huh?" I snap at Carl.

Rick stands "Hey."

"I don't want any." Carl snaps

"Eat it. Now." Rick says dangerously and throws the food at Carl's feet. I flinch.

Rick walks off and I take a deep breath "What's wrong?" Carl asks concerned "Are you hurt?"

I look at him confused "What is that?"

"What is what?" He asks

"This whole knight in shining armour routine you've got going on?" I ask as I lean down to retrieve the food packet and taking one before offering the bag to Carl. He takes one.

"I just want you to be safe. Daryl asked me to watch your back if things went south" He replies

"When did Daryl ask you that?" I ask

"Just after you collapsed. He asked me to watch you to make sure you weren't pushing yourself more than you should. He said that because you have a habit of caring about others more than yourself you push yourself too hard even when you don't mean too" Carl replies

I smile sadly "It's insane how much that man knows about me."

"He loves you. When you love someone you pick up on the little things right?" Carl says

"Yeah, you do. I don't think I care more about other people than myself. I care about what happens to the people I love. I care what happens to you and your dad." I drop down on my makeshift bed "My heart is broken by what happened at the prison. I failed to do what I promised I would. I promised your mum that I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I promised her that I would protect you and Judith, I didn't. I promised you I would keep you and your sister safe, I failed. I promised Nessa we would spend more time together, I lied. I promised Andy that I would reinforce the fences, I didn't" I'm crying now, the tears are thick and my voice is broken "I promised Daryl that I would never leave his side and I did. For someone who apparently cares more about others I have done a piss poor job at it"

Carl hugs me suddenly and tightly "Its okay" those two words hit my heart more than they should have. It sounded like he was forgiving me "Please, get some sleep"

I nod and pass out almost instantly on my makeshift bed. I didn't hear Rick come back and more importantly, I didn't hear Carl get up. I didn't hear anything. My brain has gone into shut down. I can feel it. I can hear Carl shout my name but I still can't wake from this sleep paralysis. My dreams are filled with what happened at the prison. Like the Governor never happened. Daryl, mostly just his face. His lips on mine. I know I can take pleasure in the fact that the last thing I said to him was 'I love you'.

My eyes open. I'm in the living room still. I sit up straight. I can't see Carl, just Rick, passed out on the couch. I crawl over to him feeling dizzy and a little sick. I check his pulse and his breathing. He's struggling.

"Carl?" I call out, my voice sounds scratchy and weak. "Carl!"

I struggle to my feet and grab a water bottle and drink half of it in a one go. Feeling a little more rejuvenated I head for the back door. I will search each and every house one by one if I have too. My panic grows until I reach the third house on my search and there is Carl on the roof eating out if a giant tin.

"Carl! Are you okay?" I call in relief.

He looks down at me in shock "Gwen! Are you okay? I tried to wake you but you wouldn't move"

I nod slowly and guiltily "I'm sorry, I think my body shut down on itself. Come down here. What are you thinking? Wandering off alone"

He stands "I don't need you to look after me. I can look after myself"

I raise an eyebrow "Oh yeah? Where's your shoe?"

He looks down "A walker got it but it didn't get me"

I glower at the boy, really not in the mood for this teenaged angst shit "Yeah, okay, it didn't get you this time but tell me, what happens next time? You're alone and not as lucky. What if I die or your dad dies, hell what if we both die and turn. Could you put us down?"

"I killed my mother." He says.

I nod "Yeah you did. But you still had the group. Tell me what you will do alone out here?"

"I'll survive" He replies.

I shake my head and look away from him "I'm not in the mood to argue. If you're gonna act like the big man you can come down here and help me patch up my arm. It's still bleeding from when I got shot"

Carl nods. Five minutes later he comes out the front door and walks with me in silence back to the house. He helps me clean my wound and patch me up. Darkness falls and we're both still awake. That's when Rick moves. Carl shuffles away from him as Rick's breathing comes out like a walkers. Fear floods through my entire body. I didn't even notice he died!

"Carl!" I whisper desperately and pull him away from Rick.

Carl sits in front of me, gun up and pointed at his dad. Rick falls from the couch arm up moving towards Carl. My hand goes to my own gun. I'm going to leave it until the last minute, to prove my point to Carl. If anything can come out of Rick's passing its humility.

Carl starts sobbing wildly as Rick gets closer. Suddenly his arm drops and he grips my shirt "I can't. I was wrong. Just do it"

I raise my gun when Rick speaks "Carl" I gasp and drop my gun to the floor. "Don't go outside. Stay safe." Rick collapses again.

Carl throws his arms around me, sobbing his heart out "I'm scared! I'm scared!"

I shush him and rock back and forward with him in my arms "I know, honey. I know. I'm scared too. I'm terrified."

I hold Carl to my chest until he falls asleep. My chest is wet from his tears, my face is wet from mine. I sit and stare at Rick lying on the floor thinking about Daryl. I shake myself out from my thoughts and lay Carl down on his bed before moving to Rick. I pull him off the ground, drag him to the couch and heave him back onto it. I drop my head onto his chest as sobs wrack through me again.

"Don't die on me you son of a bitch! I can't lose you too!" I mutter

"I'm not going anywhere" Rick replies, his voice hoarse.

I look up at him shocked and smile "Welcome back"

I help him sit up "How long was I out?" He asks

I shrug "Not sure, I passed out from blood loss. Woke up and Carl was gone. Found him at a house eating pudding on the roof. He's fine. He got one hell of a fright when you woke up the first time. We both thought you had turned."

Rick nods and looks at Carl "He went out?"

I nod "Yeah. He won't do it again."

Rick studies my face "How are you doing?"

I nod "Fine"

"That's a lie" He says

Tears spill over again and I start sobbing. Rick wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his chest. He just lets me cry until the sunrises and Carl wakes up. I pull away from Rick.

"Dad!" Carl exclaims and throws himself into Rick's arms.

I smile and grab the food bag "Let's eat something"

We sit on the floor of the living room and eat. "You shouldn't have risked it, going out there like that. It's dangerous."

"I was careful." Carl says

I laugh a little "You lost a shoe"

Rick chuckles "It's good that you found more food."

"I found even more. But I ate it." Carl says and I smirk

"What was it?" Rick asks

"112 ounces of pudding." Carl replies. Rick laughs

"I know we'll never get things back to the way they used to be." Rick says

"What?" Carl asks

"I only clung to that for you. For Judith. Now she's gone. And, Gwen has been right all along, you're a man, Carl. You're a man. I'm sorry." Rick says

"You don't need to be." Carl replies

I place a hand on each of the men's shoulders between me "We have to see this as a fresh start. Move on from here. Survive"

A knock on the door sends me to my feet faster than you could say my name. "The fuck?"

Rick struggles up and peers through the peep hole. He falls back down onto the couch laughing "What?" Carl asks

Rick looks at Carl and grins "It's for you"

I help Carl move the couch and he unties his knot and flings open the door. Michonne is standing at the other end. I let out a cry of happiness and dive forward into her arms.

"Oh thank God!" I cry

Carl hugs her too. She starts laughing and hugs us back. "You're all alive!"