It's odd, how comfortable and natural being a mother comes to Regina. Snow knows she shouldn't be surprised, she was a natural with Henry, she's a great….something to Neal (godparent? Grandmother?), and then there the connection Regina had with Roland, the affection she felt for him almost immediately - undoubtedly had made her closer to Robin during their early relationship, and it strengthened their reconciliation every time each time Regina and Robin were reunited after being pulled apart.
Regina was a natural parent, she developed wonderful bonds with children. With all children, it seemed, except her.
Snow knows, realistically, why things were different with her. It's hard to take on the role of a mother at eighteen, especially to a ten year old, and it was understandable she couldn't love her then. Regina couldn't love her then, not as the young queen, not when her heart was shattered and her mind was corrupted with thoughts of revenge. She couldn't love her then and be the amazing mother she was clearly born to be when she was forced into a loveless marriage to a man who never cared about her happiness or comfort. She couldn't love her then when Snow unintentionally caused her all of this immeasurable pain.
But now, Regina has changed, she's no longer the bitter woman she once was, because Regina does not blame Eliza for any of the pain she unintentionally caused. Eliza, who's biological mother was as terrible and threatening to Regina as Snow's father had ever been. Eliza, who's very existence tied Regina's soulmate to a dangerous witch. Eliza, the reason Zelena could not be fought in Camelot, the reason they had to go to the underworld, the reason Regina had to face her old demons, the reason Regina still has nightmares, if what Henry tells Snow is true.
Regina doesn't hold even a single negative thought towards Eliza, instead, she only loves her. Loves her, purely and innocently and obviously. It's a blatant, selfless, overwhelming, in-your-face kind of love, and Snow would be lying if she wasn't a bit jealous.
They had come a long way since Regina had tried to kill her, dedicated her life to destroying he happiness, a long way since Regina looked at Snow and saw the cause of her misery. Snow could see Regina cared for her. But begrudgingly so. As if she was ashamed of it, as if she wished she didn't. She loved her with rolled eyes and sarcastic comments. She loved her with a stolen, heartfelt looks that were few and far between and always covered up immediately.
It shouldn't bother her. She knows Regina's heart. She shouldn't need the extra validation from a woman who has already put her life on the line for her on several occasions. But still, Snow watches Regina with Eliza and feels herself reverting back to that ten year old child who always felt undeserving of Regina's affection, for reasons she couldn't quite understand at the time. And part of her wishes she could experience the type of love Regina shows Eliza, even if it's utterly pathetic to be jealous of an infant.
She curses herself for being so jealous when she receives a call from Regina one spring day.
She sounds uncharacteristically frantic, very unlike the mayor, and it surprises her. "Snow, are you able to watch Roland for me? Robin's at work and I need to take Eliza to a doctor...emergency room…it's urgent."
There are a thousand questions Snow has but she knows questions aren't what Regina needs right now.
"I'm on my way." and she's over not 7 minutes later. Regina opens the door the second she parks her car, Eliza already in her carseat. "Roland's watching TV. Cook whatever you like for lunch – there's money on the table if you want to order a pizza. Henry is out with Emma, they should be home soon. He can watch Roland at that point if I'm not back."
"Regina, what's wrong with her?" Snow has brought Neal with her, and Regina had expected it of course, but now that she's faced with it she isn't quite sure this was a good idea, because Eliza may be contagious.
"Don't let Neal get too close. She's got a really high fever, won't take any fluids, all she wants to do is sleep." Regina looks down at the sleeping baby, "I prefer my sick babies screaming and inconsolable. This concerns me."
Snow cannot agree more. "Keep me updated, Regina. Let me know if you need anything." Regina barely acknowledges her as she leaves the house, baby in hand.
Snow spends two hours of coloring and watching Roland play video games, two hours of telling herself not to worry, two hours of reminding herself that Regina is a powerful sorceress who, if need be, will come up with a cure for whatever is ailing Eliza. It's two hours of assuring herself everything will be okay until Regina calls her.
"Bacterial pneumonia" she says a soon as Snow answers the phone. "It came fast, made her lethargic and dehydrated. She was sleeping a lot before her fever spiked, so we didn't notice it because she wasn't crying. But she's being treated now and they are giving her fluids."
"Thank god" breathed Snow. "Roland has been asking for you. What should I tell him?"
"Could you—could you bring him to the hospital so we can explain ourselves?"
Of course she can.
Robin is already there when Snow arrives with a confused and angry Roland, who demands to see his baby sister, because she doesn't like hospitals, and as the big brother, he knows this for a fact. Robin takes him aside, leaving Regina with Snow and Neal in the hallways of the hospital ward.
"Are you ok, Regina?"
She doesn't look well. She looks like she might have been crying, but of course she won't admit to being a wreck, she won't admit to anything that makes her look weak.
"I'm fine" Regina says, "I bit tired, it was hectic there for a second. It's a strong strand of pneumonia, she was so dehydrated so quickly. She was sniffling yesterday but we didn't think much of it. When I find out which idiot came over to our house sick and gave this to her….that person is going to wish I would kill them."
Snow laughed, covering her hand over Regina's with a soft squeeze. "But she's going to be okay?"
Regina nodded. "Thank goodness for modern medicine. I'd rather not relive illnesses in the Enchanted Forest- like that one you had."
Snow could remember no illness. "What are you talking about? Illness?"
Regina rolled her eyes. "You don't remember? Less than six months into my marriage, you fell ill. You were out of it for nearly a month. Nearly died. It was an infection of some sort, the healers were utterly useless. The magic I had learned up to that point proved useless too."
Snow searched her mind until she recalled a memory of being in an all-white room, healers in and out of the room, but it's faint, fuzzy, as if she couldn't separate it from a dream.
Regina sighed. "I hated you, wanted you to suffer for what you did to me, I couldn't help but believe I had caused it to happen." She laughed then, a dark laugh, "I didn't want you to die, I hadn't enough lessons with Rumple to make peace with being a murderer." She's looking down at her pants now, smoothing invisible wrinkles (or is it brushing off invisible crumbs?) up and down her thighs. "You terrified me. I spent most of Henry's young life watching for signs of whatever hell you had, but he was always healthy. When this happened to Eliza I couldn't help but think she had what you had. But she's going to be okay. There are antibiotics here, and IV fluids. Better than any magical potion, because we already know the side effects. Magic was too unpredictable."
Snow was clinging on to the few memories she had of that time. "It's weird, I can't remember much at all about that time….I had completely forgotten about it."
"You were unconscious for much of it. It's good you don't remember." Regina shrugged, "I wish I didn't remember it, to be honest. To have to go through that again would be the worst type of torture. But I was able to mix some sort of potion that seemed to help – it wasn't a cure though. I'm sure I'd have been able to spare you much more pain if Rumple had ever bothered to teach me healing magic."
"You cared about me" Snow said with a wry smile.
Regina sighed "Of course I did, you idiot. Did you not listen to the story?"
"You loved me." She pressed on.
Regina rolled her eyes. "I spent years trying to kill you, remember that."
"You also saved my life, apparently."
"I was an idiot teenager."
A teenager, Snow thinks. A teenager with an abusive mother, a powerless father, a teenager turned into queen and a mother and wife. A teenager who at least at one point, despite everything, took her role as a mother very seriously.
"I love you too, Regina"
Maybe Regina could only bare to show her love in this way, but it was unique and special in its own right, and Snow knew there was no need to be jealous of Eliza anymore. She smiled at Regina, who for a moment, looked at a loss for words. But it was only a moment.
"Shut up, Snow."