If anyone was wondering, V is actually 13 now and her birthday is October 12. So she's actually just slightly older than everyone else in her house/year. This is where the story gets... different...?

WitchWolf6470

Chapter 5 Third Year and a Taste of War

I was scared. I had only seen my parents for a few moments before the screams erupted from town and smoke started to billow upward into the bright blue sky. They forced me into the cottage and ran towards the commotion to find Dumbledore. It was only a few minutes that passed before he was standing in the cottage—but it felt like hours, and I was hiding- trembling. I could feel death in the air. The old wizard called to me, but I couldn't move. He had a cut on his cheek and he brought the smell of fire into my new home. Ash was smeared across his hands and I could tell he hadn't expected them to come looking for me so soon.

His wand raised and I was forced out of the small wardrobe and stumbled forward, landing on my knees in shock. I stuttered- and my mother burst through the doors and ran to my side. I understood the look of terror in place on her face. She had not foreseen these events- the dark lord knew about us.

"Mother-" I cried as she tried to pull me out of the cottage. "Mother please stop!" She wanted to take me away from the violence but she couldn't. She was frantic, and as my father stopped us outside of the door, tears fell from her eyes. He comforted her and they held me between them. I was incased in their warmth and love- safe. I didn't realize we had stepped beyond the barrier of safety Dumbledore had incased the cottage in until he called to us from inside.

My father fell from me and I was doused in a new warmth I soon realized was his blood. I stood shocked, as my mother screamed and fell beside him, her hands trying to find the source of the bleeding. I looked past them- hearing nothing but the beating of my heart progressively getting louder and faster. A wizard stood in a mask, his wand raised to bring a curse down on my mother's weeping form.

I didn't think- I reacted. Dumbledore had only just stepped across my father's shaking body to face the wizard—I raised my hands and ran at him, a growl of rage erupting from my throat as the wizard's wand was thrown aside and his body was raised. Everything seemed to stop then- I held my hands in place in the air and glared at his throat, I screamed at him as his body rose more and he began to choke and writhe in my grasp. I had a hold of him!

I wouldn't let go until he had stopped moving- his body hit the ground hard and I knew he was dead. I was glad he was dead. I stared at my hands, covered in my father's blood and I fell down, tears finally breaking free as I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt so alone for so long. Soon Dumbledore was pulling me up and turning me back towards my parents. He did not speak, but when we reached my father's side my tears turned silent but continued to fall. I was only partly aware that he was still breathing. I felt so weak. I had killed someone. I blacked out.

The next thing I remembered was waking up on a soft bed of white, sunlight blinding me momentarily. I realized I was at Hogwarts- in the Hospital Wing. Alone. I forced myself out of bed, and found my father laying a few beds down. He was alive! I touched his face and a flash back of his blood soaking me pulled me back. I stepped away from him and tried to control my breathing, looking down at my hands and arms to make sure that there was no blood.

"Vermilliah." I jumped and turned quickly to find Dumbledore standing at the door. "It's okay. You're safe." He reassured me as he cautiously moved forward. Was he unsure of me?

I had killed someone.

The tears swelled again, but I didn't want to cry. That wizard had almost took my father away. I had a right to want to hurt him. He would have killed me and my mother if I had let him.

"I didn't mean too." I told him shakily as I sat back down on the edge of the bed I had woken up in. I wished I was still asleep. Dreamless. Calm. Peaceful. I was thirteen years old and I had killed someone. Many elven people went their long lives without the thought ever crossing their minds. "Where's my mother?"

"She will be back to get your father. Then they will not be able to visit you again until the war is over." I resented this. I felt a new emotion bubbling in my stomach. I hated war. I hated this Dark Lord that thought he could do and have whatever he wanted. I loathed him. I wanted to kill him just as I had killed his follower.

My mother asked me if I wanted to go with her and I refused. I knew it wouldn't end with me going home. Now that these evil wizards knew of us and wanted us they would tear down the forest to find our people. Better for me to stay and be their target than hide and let them find my entire clan. I think that Dumbledore was half proud of me and half scared of what I could become. I refused to believe that I could ever kill an innocent person and I comforted myself that the man I had killed was not innocent. He tried to steal a life that was not his to take.

I stayed in Hogwarts until the students arrived. It was as empty in the Gryffindor tower as I felt in my heart. I wouldn't see my parents again- maybe ever. I could die. I knew it would all be worth it if I helped these people make it through. Dumbledore told me this 'Voldemort' had plans to annihilate any impure blood from the wizarding world. The muggles were non-magic humans that were defenseless against his power, and that they were even lower than 'mudbloods'. I realized Lily was a mudblood and I immediately felt assured I was doing the right thing.

When the students arrived I found Lily as quickly as possible and she exploded about how worried she had been that I wasn't on the train. I promised to talk to her later, and we sat in silence through the entire ceremony and feast. I only nodded to the boys and I think I made Mary McDonald upset by so blatantly ignoring her. I only picked at my food and tried to grasp at the comfort of Lily being at my side.

When we were in our dormitory I gestured for her to crawl onto my bed and pulled the hangings shut, grabbing my wand to cast a silencing charm around us. She looked worried, and I wasn't sure if I should tell her the whole truth- I didn't want her to think of me as a killer. She was my best friend… I grabbed one of her hands and decided on a partial truth for now.

"Lily… you know there's a war coming right? It's already started and I'm scared. I'm scared because a death eater almost killed my father. I'm scared because these wizards want to kill people like you." I felt the tears swell but I wouldn't let them fall as I tried to hold her gaze with my own. She looked unsure and scared, and I leaned over to hug her. "I won't let anyone hurt you though. You're my best friend. I just… I want to make sure we're prepared when school is over. It's going to be a dangerous world…"

"I'm so sorry, V!" She threw her arms around me to return the hug and rubbed my back. "Is he okay? What about your mother? I just- I knew something was happening… I just thought maybe it would be over by the time we were leaving school. I guess that was just wishful thinking!" We stayed up talking most of the night, migrating downstairs to lounge by the dying fire instead of on the cramped bed. We tried to focus on happier times, and decided we were determined to keep them alive. Even in the darkness.

I became immersed in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Class had always been easy for me, so I pushed myself in the library reading up on Dark creatures that Voldemort might be trying to use against us. I felt like I was at war already. I was jumpy, bitter, and I felt a determination fill the voids inside of me. I still managed to take notes for Remus on the full moons, but I tried not to talk to people too much. It just felt like a distraction from my end goal. Lily often bickered with Severus after classes, and spent most of her time frustrated when she was doing her homework.

The first day I was coaxed outside of the castle was a few days before my birthday. Sirius Black insisted I come out to the Quidditch pitch and watch try-outs again—maybe even fly a bit to loosen up a bit. It must have been very obvious how pent up I was, because I barely spoke to even the Marauders (as they now called themselves) anymore.

Peter had apparently decided that he wasn't much of an athlete and I joined him on the side lines at first. The sight of the brooms were all too tempting though, and I decided while everyone was distracted I would just take a little time to renew my flying skills. It came back with ease, and I couldn't believe the relief that spread through me as I zoomed down the field as fast as I could make the broom go. I almost collided with two of the first years that were wobbling on their brooms, but just slanted enough that my robes only brushed them.

My heart was pumping happily as I landed, and I was panting slightly from the rush I felt. It felt so good to be alive- I even felt hot in the thick cloak I had worn to block out the chill in the air so I threw it off. The captain blew his whistle and everyone gathered around. It was the same team captain from the previous year, and he was explaining that he was only trying to replace a chaser and get a few reserves. Apparently the injuries last year lost them the season because they didn't have enough back-ups. When I went to sit with Peter I was stopped by James, who insisted I try out.

"Clark seen you flying- he said you would be a perfect reserve!" I tried to back out, but I decided that being a reserve wouldn't really take up too much of my time. I would only need to play if someone was severely injured and I doubted I would be the first choice anyway.

It was clear when I was trying out that I didn't understand the rules of Quidditch. I managed to get 3 out of 5 goals and I got a decent hit in on a bludger. I was too tall to be a seeker, James said, but by the end of the trials the captain insisted I come practice and be a backup reserve. Apparently I had athletic ability, but I had never used it before.

"I won't take no for an answer. Come practice with us twice a week and I'm sure you'll improve greatly. You're extremely in sync with your surroundings and have great control. Just try to get yourself a broom. The school Comets are a little wacky and slow." After refusing to let me just try next year he walked off to speak with Remus, who had also made reserves. He did much better this time around, but couldn't guarantee full commitment to the team. I understood that this was James doing, and I wondered for a moment what lie he had told his team captain.

The first day of practice hurt, and the second left me so sore I didn't want to get out of bed, but the third- oh the third was exhilarating. My body was becoming conditioned quickly, and I started to take runs over the grounds on days we didn't even have practice. It was simple and it cleared my mind. I felt free and alive as the cold stung my cheeks and sweat soaked the jogging clothes I had ordered by owl-mail.

One day James joined me on a run, and turned back before I had even started panting. Sirius tried to see how far he could make it after this, but it was too cold for him. Remus tried on one of his good days, and I felt he had something to prove as James and Sirius were watching us from the front doors as the first snow began to fall.

Remus out-ran both of them, and kept a good pace with me. I realized that his curse was not just a weakness but also a strength. His endurance was higher than a normal wizard, and he made it through the entire run with me. We didn't speak as we ran, but it was nice to have a companion. He joined me sometimes after this even, always at least a week before or after his transformation when he didn't feel so weak or have the chance of becoming sick. It was nice to have him next to me.

With third year came permission to visit Hogsmeade. It was beautiful in the snow, and we had warm butterbeers at The Three Broomsticks and sampled all of the candies at Honeydukes. I even tried a blood-flavored lollipop to gross Lily out. She bought me a late birthday present so I bought her an early one, and we decided to do it this way every year from now on. It was wonderful and fun, and it was exactly the break that both of us needed.

The day before the Hogwarts Express took everyone home for Christmas, James and Sirius appeared before me in the library. I raised my eyebrows at them because it was a very strange occurrence for them to be seen here unless it was a few days before end of term exams.

"Can I help you?" I asked. They looked at each other with equally unsure expressions before sitting down on either side of me and pulling their chairs in close. "Uhhh…"

"We need your help. Can you keep a secret?" James whispered as Sirius kept his eyes moving, looking out to make sure no one was listening. "Like you would die before you told anyone?"

I nodded after a moment, feeling sure they were going to tell me that Remus was a werewolf, but instead Sirius slid a book across the table right in front of me. I immediately understood what they wanted from me. The book was old and battered, probably because it was frustrating for anyone that was trying to achieve its contents. They wanted to become Animagi.

"Reason being?" I asked, though I was sure I knew. After having a silent debate in stares I waved a hand between them. "Guess just to be able to sneak around the castle at night huh?" This became the reason too quickly, which confirmed it had something to do with Remus' ailment. I promised to look into it.

"You guys are excellent at Transfiguration, why are you asking me?" I asked as I cracked the book open to look over it.

"Well. Everyone knows you're the genius of our entire year" James smiled at me and patted me on the shoulder.

"Also- we don't have the patience." Sirius added with a wicked grin.

I decided it would be fun, and even beneficial for me to learn. I decided immediately that I wouldn't register and I was sure they wouldn't be either. It was easier this way.

Through the break I only studied how to become an Animagus. I only studied the books in the library so that it didn't seem suspicious on how enthralled I was by checking them all out. It was very fascinating. I wondered what animal I would become as I wrote notes down from each book to help James and Sirius. I wondered if I should tell Lily so she could try to become one too- but I wasn't sure how she would feel about breaking the rules, so I decided against it.

When everyone returned after break I was ready to explain things. I had my notes and they brought Peter down to the common room after everyone else had went to bed. I tried my best to explain the transformation. It could be extremely dangerous if it was not properly studied so I urged them to take the notes and look them over properly before trying.

"You must be very careful. I mean it. I won't tell anyone and I expect you to keep your silence on me helping you as well. Learn this formula here, and I mean learn it. Intimately. Live with it." They seemed excited, and this worried me. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. It usually took years to fully understand how it worked.

"I bet you can do it already!" Sirius challenged as I reminded them how long it could take.

"I haven't tried." I told him curtly and snatched the papers back. "I'm serious! This is dangerous you guys!"

"No. I'm Sirius." I glared at the handsome boy and gripped at the papers angrily as the other two began to laugh hysterically at his little joke.

"Very original I am sure." When they stopped to look at me they settled down quickly and James pouted.

"I promise we'll be careful. I promise!" He whined, and I dropped the papers on the floor between the three of them. "If you understand it you should try. Wouldn't it help us to see someone else transform?"

"James… it's not the transforming into an animal that's a problem. It's transforming back."

They kept to their word to keep careful and I continued to research the subject but found time for other things. I mostly ran… I had time to think about home while I was alone on the grounds instead of being bitter about how unfair it all seemed. I was beginning to realize the real depth to my situation and it made me enjoy the happier times more.

I took days at practice to check in on their progress, and James insisted that I try to transform first. I told him I would think about it… but I was scared. I didn't want to get stuck as whatever animal I turned into- and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what my animal might turn out to be. It really would show into the depths of my soul. Not something I wanted three teenage boys to witness.

Lily's birthday came right after a weekend to Hogsmeade, so we had a few rounds of butterbeer to celebrate. She was insistent that we should study harder than ever this year for our exams, and I managed to teach her a few of the things I had been learning alone. She was so excited she taught me how to use a few jinxes for around school. I recognized the bat-bogey hex as one James had been hit with a few weeks prior, and we laughed it over. He had been furious not knowing who it had been.

On a sunny day in March my run turned into walk and I laid down by the lake to cool off in the chilly breeze. I was aware of Remus approaching before I even cracked open my eye to look up at him, and he smiled down at me. I felt a flutter in my stomach. I was saddened by the predicament he was in. He was the nicest boy I had ever met, always lending a hand where it was needed and pushing himself to achieve high marks. I could tell his curse crippled his view on himself and tortured him.

"Hello Remus." I greeted him as he sat down, and we sat in silence for a long while.

"What are James and Sirius up to? I have a feeling you know." He was accusing me and I was surprised by his boldness, and pushed myself up into a sitting position. He was close. It almost made me squirm and I wasn't sure why.

"I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. I made a promise. Just have faith that they're good friends to have." He seemed to notice the proximity as well, and I could feel a burning in my cheeks as his eyes slipped out of focus and landed on my lips for a few moments. Did he want to… kiss me?

He seemed to shake himself out of the trance and stood up, holding a hand out to help me up. The conversation was forgotten and we both got lost in our own thoughts on our way to the castle. I wasn't so sure how I felt about boys or kissing, all I knew was that I liked how easy and comfortable things were with Remus.

I quickly forgot about kissing as May was the only month left before we would be taking our tests. Lily had schedules planned out with little breaks for meals or stretching. It was driving me crazy. I didn't mind studying- it was her mode of freak out that was unsettling me. I let her go to Severus whenever I got the chance. I couldn't imagine how crazy she would become in fifth year. I didn't even want to think about N.E.W.T level.

Just a week before the exams I met with James, Sirius, and Peter. Pour Remus had been absent, and I gave them the notes to give to him the following day. After pestering me endlessly I decided that I would give transfiguring myself a go as long as they SWORE to pay close attention and make sure I was okay if something went wrong.

I was nervous. The biggest thing we had transfigured in class was a hedgehog. We hadn't ever dipped into human transformation before. I let myself run over everything several times in my head and twirled by wand between my fingers as the time passed, trying to calm my insides.

"If I do… this doesn't mean you can just do it okay? Just… let me transfigure back before you get any crazy ideas." Now I was confident, watching the excitement building in their eyes. They were on the edge of their seats and I took a long listen to make sure there was no one else around before I let go.

I felt weird- like something was buzzing in my head. My limbs were numb and I felt myself going limp. I tried to speak but nothing came out. My eyes were closed and I couldn't open them and I felt something burning in my chest. I couldn't hear James, but I still felt all three of their presences near me.

I realized I was on the ground but when I tried to grasp at something I realized I had no fingers. My mind was spinning at the possibilities of what could be happening but I caught a strong smell with my nose- and my neck jerked to the side. What was I?

My eyes finally cracked open and I scrambled back to get off of the floor but tumbled backward and landed on my back. I tried to speak but all I heard was grunting and a sort of a and a sort of yipping noise. When I found the three boys with my eyes they were all staring in amazement at me. I wiggled off my back and found a way to stand on all four of my new legs. I stared down at my paws curiously, covered in white and brown fur. What was I? A dog? A Wolf?

I sat awkwardly and looked back at my butt. There was a tail, and I could wag it! How fascinating! I stood up and tried to catch it, and it was then I realized the instincts of this animal partially taking over my own. I forced myself to sit and I watched James move closer.

"You're a bloody wolf! Moony would be pleased." They all laughed at this joke, but I only tilted my head to the side to question him. "Of course you can't talk to me…"

When I transformed back I felt sore and relieved that it was achieved at all. They bombarded me with questions, which I happily answered. I couldn't help but be proud of myself for the transformation. I had just accomplished a very difficult bit of magic. I wanted to tell Professor McGonagall, but immediately knew I couldn't and I swore the boys that had witnessed it to secrecy for life.

"So Sirius walked around today acting like a dog." James laughed as he whispered this to me a few days later, and I sighed heavily. He knew it wasn't a joke that they had tried and failed, but they showed extreme interest in pursuing and I couldn't very well tell them not to. I seen the comedy aspect of Sirius trying to scratch himself with his foot, but really I ended up forcing a potion down his throat to stop it from happening.

"Awe. Ruin everything!" Sirius laughed along with James and Peter but I slapped him upside the head.

"Listen to me. Do you think that doesn't make it obvious that you're doing something you aren't supposed to? They find you. Then they find me. So stop fooling around." I growled at them lowly. The wolf that I had transformed into only a few times seemed to be having effects on my own personality.

They all agreed, wide-eyed and alert.

Exams quickly passed. It was nothing compared to all of the hours Lily forced me to study with her. I was happy it was over, and thankfully she seemed pleased too. I spent the rest of the month with her, avoiding the Marauders at all costs. Dumbledore had informed me that I would be returning to the cottage because he was now the secret keeper, and no one would be able to find it without him. I didn't feel much comforted, going back to a place I had killed a man, but I knew it would only be two months and I would be back at Hogwarts with my friends… now my second home.