Okay, the week after Heather's death. Let's see how Ana's coping. Thanks, guest reviewer.

If you were wondering, I made sure to check I was clean after my first time and I was. We were both virgins, so I'd known I wouldn't get any infections, but I had worried a little about the other possibility, even though I got the morning after pill as soon as the pharmacy was open and taken it (I also bought condoms, over-the-counter birth control and a pregnancy test). However, it looked like I was lucky. I had everything now, so I wasn't taking any more chances. But all I had to show for that first time was a renewed love for living.

Even with Heather Chandler not around, Westerburg High daily life went on. I did sit with Veronica at her insistence that she didn't mind on Tuesday. It was nice to have a group of people staring at us enviously like we were celebs, but I also had to deal with Heather Duke glaring at me like I was some kind of terrorist. It almost felt like she knew what I'd done. I'd had some vague ideas of stopping her from taking Heather Chandler's place, which I knew she was planning on when Heather's funeral was over, but one look at her face and I knew anything I could say would just make her take over sooner.

Heather McNamara didn't glare at me. She never voluntarily talked to me directly, glancing warily at her emerald-clad friend, but if I spoke directly to her, she'd answer, and she'd address general comments to everyone, including me. Veronica was the only one that would actually volunteer conversation directly towards me. She was nice, still rather reserved and quiet, but I was starting to like her as a person, not just a character. She'd always been a little quiet in the musical, but when she was more relaxed, she was also smart and fun. I still liked her better when she wasn't in school because she was more herself, but I could see us being friends both in school and out.

All the same, I told Veronica on the phone that night that I'd rather not have another tense lunchtime. "I don't know what Heather Duke has against me, but she really seems to hate me. It's probably best we just hang out outside of school, otherwise she'll probably ostracize you too. I feel sorry for Heather McNamara, having that to go round with."

"I understand," Veronica admitted. "I felt it too. But we'll hang soon, promise."

I smiled as I put the phone down. She'd said that to Martha after flaking out on movie night. But hey, here's hoping. Maybe all three of us could start hanging out when Martha was ready to forgive Veronica. My parents had liked both girls. There was nothing they could object to.

I spent the rest of the week with my friends. Tim and Will sat with us on Wednesday, and we mostly talked about the high school hierarchy and which Heather was going to take over, and if we could actually expect everyone to just live without a queen bee. Hopefully.

"We'll have to watch out if it's Heather Duke," I said. "Heather Chandler gave her a really hard time and I think she was jealous of her. I hope it's McNamara. She'd still abuse her power, but probably not as much because she got on better in the clique and she wouldn't feel like she had to work hard at ruling. We might end up moving into the era of the whole cheer squad ruling." Even though I knew that it would be Heather Duke. It was inevitable by this point.

Will had raised an eyebrow at me. "How do you already know the girls so well, Ana? You only started this year – not even a month ago."

I shrugged and explained it away by saying Veronica told me, but on the inside, I felt worried. That was dangerously close to proving I knew the story and everyone in it just a little too well. At least my friends weren't part of the musical so I didn't know anything about them that they hadn't told or shown me.

On Thursday and Friday, it was just the girls. They'd known since JD joined the school that I was interested in him, so when I admitted that we were official, they wanted details.

"I sort of got what you see in him," Holly admitted. "I mean, cute and moody and all that. But what does he see in you?"

Lisa nudged Holly. "She doesn't mean you're not lovable, Ana," she said apologetically. "But that said, answer the question."

I shrugged. "He said he literally showed me his dark side to see if that would drive me away. It didn't, so now he trusts me to be loyal to him."

"Dark side?" Holly's eyes were round. "How much darker can he be? Is he into drugs or something?"

I certainly wasn't going to tell her, so I bluffed. "No, not drugs, unless you count slushies. It's just…he moves a lot, because of his dad's work. That's the worst thing – what if he's not here in a few months?"

"Going long-distance for a while, big deal," Steph said, rolling her eyes. "You can always try to meet up again at college. Besides, you guys are old enough to go cross-country and meet up during winter and spring break if he leaves before then, not to mention summer." As she thought, a sly smile spread over her face. "So how much have you done?"

Lisa and Holly practically pricked up their ears at that question. I could feel my cheeks getting hot. "Um…" I frowned. "Do you think I'm a slut if I kiss and tell? About everything?"

"You did everything?' Holly squealed, guessing the hidden message in my words. "And no, Ana, I don't think you're a slut." She paused. "Just easy."

Steph and Lisa giggled. I blushed even further, but I didn't deny it – they all knew. Then Steph asked the obvious question. "What was it like? Give us every detail!"

I wouldn't do that, but I told them that the endgame was the least enjoyable part of it all. "Apparently it sucks for most girls the first time or something. Before you guys say anything about how he might just be useless at it, he was good at everything else. I doubt that's possible."

Steph shrugged. "To be fair, I've done it once. It sucked for me too and I didn't want to do it again."

"You guys should have known," Holly said, shrugging. "Judy Blume didn't describe anything real in that one book she wrote about it. Now, there was a slut in that book. Someone who'd had five guys."

Eventually, I got them off the subject by telling them all the real stuff about JD, not all the physical stuff. The way he listened to everything I said and seemed really interested in knowing me as a person, and how he made me feel safe, that kind of thing. The way we related, and he wasn't the way everyone said teenage guys were, only interested in one thing. If he was only interested in one thing, it was me as a person. I didn't tell them anything too personal, and then we moved on to talking about whether there was anything going on that weekend and if any of us were going to Heather's funeral. I was the only one planning to actually go. I felt like I owed it to Heather, to celebrate her life after I'd helped end it.

"Why on earth do you want to go?" Lisa asked. "Didn't you tell Heather you weren't scared of her and that she was an elitist bitch literally the night before she died? You didn't even like her."

"Maybe she feels guilty," Holly suggested, smirking, talking like I wasn't there. "She called Heather out just before the suicide. Maybe that's what made Heather feel guilty enough to want to die. Or maybe it was just building up and that was the last straw."

"Wasn't she still at the party after I walked out?" I asked warily. Holly was getting too close to the truth.

"Yeah…" Stephanie said slowly. "She seemed fine then. Like you'd never said anything. We don't really know, do we?"

The last couple of days dragged by before I was finally sitting in a pew, hearing the priest spew out random stuff about Heather that didn't make sense. She was not a sweet young lady with lots of friends and a bright future. She was a bitch with lots of friends and a bright future. JD had come with me, but only as a favour, and we spent most of the service looking at each other and trying not to laugh.

I paid absolutely no attention until it was time to pay my respects individually. I stood by the casket and just sent my thoughts. "I'm sorry, Heather, but this was for the best. I wouldn't have done it on my own, but JD was so sure this was the only way. Maybe it was. I'm not sorry you're not tormenting anyone anymore, but I am sorry you had to die for that to happen."

I told only the truth. I was glad Heather wasn't around, but I didn't feel entirely comfortable with the fact that only death had stopped her. But like JD said, it was all for the best.

I'd spent every evening after school with him. We hadn't talked about anyone else deserving to die. We'd only been to his house once and I left before his dad got home, but every other time it was mine. We didn't actually go as far as we had on Monday, but we'd done everything but over again. We spent time talking every day, but we almost always ended up in my room. I gently tried to get him to talk a bit more about himself, and eventually, he told me the sad story about his mom. It was something I'd hoped he'd trust me enough to talk to me about if I asked, and I felt very special that he'd told me so early into our relationship. On Wednesday, the day after I'd spent an afternoon at his house, we just did clothed things, mainly because I wasn't in the mood. JD admitted he'd like to do more, but respected that I didn't feel like it ("Besides, if you don't want to, I don't get anything out of it anyway"), and I tried to show willing by at least doing something by choice. But on Thursday and Friday, we played uninhibited and JD wanted to experiment with a few different positions or unorthodox turn-ons to see how I reacted. He said he was trying to "map" me, figure out exactly what I liked and where I liked it. He kept easing me into them gently unless I asked him to get rougher with me. It turned out he could get rough if I wanted. I usually liked it gentle, but it was even better if he sometimes got rough with me too – a mix made if more fun, because then I wasn't likely to ever get bored with one or the other. Either way, it was something to enjoy, but if I was totally honest, I liked the cuddling and talking even more. Something about the innocent affection really made me feel loved.

Whenever Heather came up as a subject (like hearing about her on TV), I felt a little uncomfortable. JD had noticed and each time, he held me close and reassured me once again that we'd done the right thing. I believed him when he was there, but the doubts kept coming back whenever he wasn't.

Maybe that's why it started.

What started? You'll have to read the next chapter to find out. And yeah, referenced Judy Blume's book Forever, don't own, have read, whatever. By the way, yes, I am aware that STIs can be transmitted by plenty of non-sexual means, but it's not likely either JD or Ana have put themselves in positions to get infected, so Ana is still clean as she mentioned at the start.