Opening Montage
Music: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi, featuring Jennifer Nettles
First shot is Quinn seated on a train. Jim takes the seat next to her and they start talking. Cut to a shot of Quinn and Jim's wedding five years later. Then cut to a hospital room a few years later and we see an exhausted Quinn and smiling Jim holding newborn triplets. Cut to present day and we see the now nine-year-old triplets. Teddy is reading a book while Tommy and Timmy fight over the video game controller. Cut to Teddy rolling his eyes disdainfully at his immature brothers. Next, cut to a shot of Jim working on a car while a tripod mounted camera records the whole thing. Next shot is Quinn making a S'mores 'n' Pores video in the kitchen. Next shot is Jim chatting with Jamie, Chuck and Kevin over beer while Brittany and Daryl make out in the background. Next shot is Jamie teaching a history class at Lawndale High. He notices that the current quarterback is making out with his cheerleader girlfriend in class, causing Jamie to have a DeMartino-style meltdown. Next, we see Teddy hanging out on the playground with a girl his age who is visibly of mixed European/East Asian heritage. They watch the 'normal' kids play with visibly disdain, implying that this girl is the Jane to Teddy's Daria. Next, we see Quinn, Jim and the triplets stand on the front lawn and smile at the audience. The following caption appears under them...
Lawndale
S.2, Ep. 20
"Circle of Strife, Part II"
written by
WildDogJJ
A street in Lawndale, day...
An ambulance was speeding up the road with it's sirens blaring. Inside, a team of paramedics were struggling to keep Bryce Palermo alive en route to the hospital. Outside, the ambulance was being followed by Jim's Camaro and a police escort. Inside the Camaro Jim was driving while Quinn rode shotgun and a nervous Angie Thompson rode in the backseat. They followed the ambulance into the parking lot at Cedars of Lawndale. Once parked, Jim, Quinn and Angie quickly filed out of the Camaro and watched as the paramedics took a stretcher carrying the unconscious and badly broken Bryce out the back of the ambulance. Seeing Bryce like this freaked Angie out to no end.
"Oh, God!"
Angie was about to rush towards them, but Jim held her back.
"Let the paramedics do their job."
The ER, a few seconds later...
The paramedics were frantically rushing Bryce in.
"WE NEED TO GET HIM TO ICU, STAT!"
Quinn, Jim and Angie came in after them. Angie was especially distraught as Bryce getting mowed down by an eighteen-wheeler was something that happened right in front of her. They'd been fighting with each other in the middle of the street, now he was fighting for his life.
The parking lot, a short time later...
A black Silverado pickup truck with Virginia license plates sped into the first available parking space and came to a screeching halt. A panic striken Timmy emerged from the driver side and ran to the passenger side. He opened the door to reveal a very pregnant Jennifer yelling in extreme pain as the contractions were becoming increasingly frequent and intense.
"SOMEBODY HELP US," Timmy shouted, "SHE'S GIVING BIRTH!"
Fortunately, a number of hospital staff were passing by and immediately responded to the ten-year-old boy's cries for help.
ICU, a short time later...
A badly smashed up Bryce was on a table with all manner of equipment attached to him while a team of doctors and nurses were desperately struggling to stabilize him.
"BLOOD OXYGEN LEVELS ARE RAPIDLY FALLING!"
An oxygen tank was placed over Bryce's mouth and nose to force air in. The heart monitor suddenly made a deafening beeping sound.
"HE'S FLATLINING!"
Meanwhile, in the maternity ward...
Jennifer was laying on a table in the delivery room with her legs being held apart by stirrups. Since Tony had yet to arrive Timmy had to be the birthing partner. He was holding Jennifer's hand and trying to speak words of encouragement. While this was going on the doctor, assisted by a team of nurses, knelt between Jennifer's legs to deliver the baby.
"You're doing good, Mrs. Carbone," said the doctor.
"You hear that, Jennifer," said Timmy.
Jennifer screamed in pain.
"Push," the doctor said.
ICU...
"CLEAR!"
Bryce was zapped by the de-fibrulator.
One of the doctors looked at the monitor screen.
"BLOOD OXYGEN LEVELS ARE STILL FALLING! NO HEATBEAT!"
"CLEAR!"
Bryce was zapped again.
"BRAINWAVE ACTIVITY IS RAPIDLY SLOWING! WE'RE LOSING HIM!"
Maternity ward...
Jennifer screamed in agony.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"You're doing good, Mrs. Carbone," said the doctor, "Now...PUSH!"
Jennifer pushed.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Seized by morbid curiosity, Timmy looked between Jennifer's legs.
"Ohmygod! I CAN SEE IT'S HEAD!"
ICU...
"OHMYGOD! WE'RE LOSING HIM!"
"CLEAR!"
Bryce was zapped again, but it did no good. His heart wouldn't restart, and his brainwave activity was almost at zero.
"CLEAR!"
The heart was non-responsive, the blood oxygen level was zero and all brainwave activity had ceased. Finally, one of the doctors shook his head and sighed.
"He's gone."
Maternity ward...
Jennifer was now catching her breath while the doctor held a crying baby in his hands.
"It's a boy!"
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Timmy stared in amazement. He'd just witnessed the beginning of another being's life. He was brought out of his trance when one of the nurses offered him a pair of forceps.
"Would you like to do the honors?"
Nodding, Timmy took the forceps and approached the baby boy. He took the forceps to the still attached umbilical cord.
"My...my uncle!"
Timmy cut the cord.
Hospital waiting room, a short time later...
Quinn, Jim and Angie were nervously awaiting word on Bryce's condition. By now they'd been joined by Bryce's parents. Jerry Palermo was a fortysomething yuppie who looked just like his son due to the miracles of plastic surgary. Bryce's mother was a dark-haired woman named Romonica Palermo (nee DiGregori. Yes, THAT Romonica.).
"My...my...BAMBINO MIO," cried the horrified Romonica.
Jerry tried to comfort his distraught wife. "I...Let's wait to hear what the doctors have to say."
At this point a balding, bespecticled man with a neatly trimmed beard wearing a lab coat approached and introduced himself.
"Doctor Jake Hudson, Intensive Care."
Romonica and Angie both ran up to him.
"Please," Romonica begged, "Please tell me my son is alright!"
Dr. Hudson looked solemn. "I...I'm sorry. We did all we could, but the damage was just too extensive. We lost Bryce fifteen minutes ago. Once again, I'm truly sorry."
Romonica turned towards Jerry and began to cry hysterically on her husband's shoulder.
"No," Angie gasped, "NOOOO!"
Without another word, Angie ran out crying.
"Angie, wait," said Quinn as she chased after the distraught teen.
Jim stood there looking uncomfortable. He kept silent as he had no idea what to say. He wanted to comfort Bryce's parents, he wanted to go after Quinn and comfort Angie as well. Try as he might, though, Jim just couldn't think of anything to say that would be helpful. Finally, he decided to just leave everyone alone.
"I'm going to the vending machine."
He left before anyone could ask questions or chastize him.
The hallway, a short time later...
Jim approached the vending machine to find a chubby, frustrated little boy at the machine.
"Work, dammit!"
Jim instantly recognized him.
"Timmy!?"
Timmy turned to face Jim.
"Dad!? Thank God, I need an unwrinkled $5 really bad!"
At this point something occurred to both of them. They asked the exact same question at the exact same time.
"What are you doing here!?"
The parking lot, a short time later...
Angie sat on a curb crying while Quinn tried her best to comfort her.
"Angie," said Quinn as she pat the distraught teen on the shoulder, "It's gonna be alright."
"A...Alright," said Angie, "How can it be alright!? Bryce is dead...AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"
"Angie," said Quinn, "How is it your fault?"
"If only I didn't run across the street," said Angie, "That truck wouldn't have hit him! BRYCE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!"
Angie buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrolably. It was at this point that Jim approached. Quinn's eyes went wide when she saw who was with him.
"Timmy! You're supposed to be at Grandpa Tony's!"
Timmy looked solemn as he spoke. "Mom, Dad told me what happened." He turned his attention to Angie. "I...I'm sorry, Angie."
Angie said nothing as she continued to cry.
Jim proceeded to tell Quinn what happened with Timmy. "Jennifer just gave birth to a son. She's in the maternity ward...here!"
Quinn was shocked. "WHAT!? HOW!?"
Jim explained. "Jennifer went into labor and was in too much pain to give Timmy directions to the local hospital, so he drove her all the way up to Lawndale to have the baby."
Quinn instantly forgot about everything else as she got in Timmy's face. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND, YOUNG MAN!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED TO YOU ON A SIX-HOUR DRIVE UP I-95!?"
"I'm sorry, Mom," said Timmy, "But everything happened so fast that I couldn't think of anything else!"
Quinn instantly calmed down. "I'm sorry I yelled, Timmy. How are you feeling after all that?"
Timmy instantly went from solemn and scared to happy and excited. "Today," said the boy, "WAS THE MOST EXCITING DAY OF MY LIFE! I got to be Jennifer's birthing partner! I ACTUALLY CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD!"
Coincidentally, a red Mustang GT pulled into a nearby open space and shut off. Once the car was parked Jane emerged from the driver side while Daria emerged from the passenger side. Tommy and Teddy immediately followed them out.
"I guess you guys heard," said Jane.
"Just now," said Jim.
That was when Daria saw the sobbing Angie. "Um...What's going on?"
Before anyone could mention what happened a pickup truck pulled right up to them. Tony practically lept out of the passenger side.
"Jennifer," said a visibly worried Tony, "WHERE'S JENNIFER!?"
Jennifer's room, a short time later...
Jennifer was in her bed resting when everyone else entered the room.
"Where's my new dependent," Tony growled, "I'm supposed to look at the damn thing."
Sitting up, Jennifer asked "Where did I put that baby?" She then saw the pram with her and Tony's newborn son inside. "Oh, there it is."
Tony walked up to the pram and took the baby out. As he held the baby in his arms the grizzled old Army commando fell in love with his newborn son at first sight.
"H...He's prefect!" Tony looked at the baby with adoring eyes.
Daria, Quinn, Jim and the boys were all visibly shocked to see Tony actually let his humanity show.
"Look at you," Tony cooed, "You're a handsome little soldier." He started talking to the baby in a cutesy voice. "You wanna kill a commie? A commie-ommie-ommie. Goo-goo, you wanna kill a commie!"
The baby giggled.
Looking at his wife, Tony asked "Did you name this baby?"
Jennifer didn't even look in their direction as she spoke in an apathetic tone. "What's the use?"
Tony declared "I'm naming him James. We'll call him Jim for short. I always wanted a son named Jim."
Visibly hurt, Jim said "Dad, that's MY name".
"Not anymore," Tony barked, "I'm takin' it back!"
Rolling his eyes, Jim said "Dad, you can't take back a grown man's name."
"FINE!" Tony snapped. "His name's Good Jim. We'll call him GJ for short. But from now on, I'm callin' you something else, ya womanly waste o' man-juice. HAPPY?"
Jim rolled his eyes as Daria gave her brother-in-law a sympathetic look. Quinn stared daggers at her father-in-law.
Casa Carbone, evening...
Quinn, Daria, Jane, Tommy, Timmy, Teddy and Tony were seated at the backyard patio table while Jim was grilling hamburgers for dinner.
"Did you see the way little GJ looked at that nurse," Tony bragged, "Practically smacked her ass right there. Finally, a son I can be proud of."
Serving up the burgers, Jim complained "Dad, this isn't right. You call him Good Jim and it's like you're saying I'm Bad Jim."
Tony took one bite of his burger before throwing the rest of it at Jim. "Well, you burnt my burger, didn't you, BJ!"
Jim rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.
Jane immediately turned to Daria. "I'll never understand how a guy as well adjusted as Jim came from a family where all the other men are either pathetic drunks, toxic psychos or womanizing jerks."
Daria said nothing, which Jane noticed.
"What? No deadpan remark?"
Daria sighed. "Jane," she said, "I just endured a six hour drive with two bratty kids. We get to Lawndale and find out that the next generation's Kevin has gone the way of Tommy Sherman and now we're dealing with all of this. I'm too mentally exhausted for wit at this point."
"I see," said Jane.
Daria went on. "Also, have you noticed my sister and my husband exchanging awkward glances. I have a feeling something else happened over the weekend that they aren't telling us."
"Well," Jane speculated, "Nicole and Jamie are renewing their vows next weekend. Jim's the best man and Quinn's the maid of honor. This alongside all the other stuff that's been happening, which pretty much ruined Quinn and Jim's anniversary." She took a breath before going on. "Now that I think about it, I shouldn't be surprised that everyone's getting burnt out at this point."
Daria sighed. "And I have a sinking feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better."
Evening...
Both Quinn and Jim were asleep in the master bedroom. They each tossed and turned in their sleep.
Jim was watching Sandi and Quinn make out right in front of him. They were tearing off each other's clothes while Jim enjoyed the show.
Quinn was having a dream of her own.
Quinn and Sandi, now stripped completely naked, were actually having sex with each other while Jim enjoyed the show. After the hot lesbian sex, both Quinn and Sandi crawled on Jim and started to remove his clothes.
Jim continued to toss and turn.
Jim's wife and her best friend, both naked, were crawling all over him and peeling his clothes off. He was enjoying every second of it. Then, Sandi gave him a deep and very passionate kiss. After this he looked at Quinn.
Quinn began to quietly whimper in her sleep.
Far from being upset, Quinn was so turned on that she urged her husband and her friend on. Horny and stripped of inhibition by the alcohol Jim and Sandi proceeded to go full on and have sex while Quinn watched.
Jim continued to dream with a lecherous grin on his face.
Jim and Sandi had just finished having sex. Quinn then led both of them upstairs to the master bedroom.
Quinn tossed once again in her sleep.
Jim, Quinn and Sandi were all in bed together. Quinn was being pleasured simultaneously by both of them.
Jim began to squirm in his sleep.
Jim was having sex with Quinn while Sandi watched with pruient interest.
Quinn was shaking in her sleep.
Quinn and Sandi were going at each other again, much more passionately than they had before. Jim sat back and enjoyed the show.
Jim was violently tossing in his sleep.
Jim and Sandi were going at each other like a couple of pornstars while Quinn enjoyed the show.
Both Quinn and Jim suddenly woke up and screamed in horror at the same time.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
A bridal shop in Lawndale...
Nicole was at the bridal shop for a dress fitting. As the seamstress was making some tweaks to the beautiful white dress Nicole was practically gushing.
"I can't believe this," said Nicole, "I can't believe that my wedding's in five days." She amended her statement. "Although, it's kinda weird that I'm marrying a man I've already been married to for fourteen years."
Also there were Quinn, Stacy and Sandi.
"You deserve it," said Stacy, "After all, we all had big weddings. You deserve your day in the sun."
Quinn and Sandi were uncharacteristically silent. They just exchanged awkward glances. Sandi felt awkward because she'd cheated on Tom. Quinn felt awkward because not only had Sandi's infidelity been a threesome with her and Jim but the fact that said threesome included her and Sandi having lots of lesbian sex. This was making Quinn VERY uncomfortable around Sandi.
Quinn pondered her situation.
I loved getting it on with Sandi. I loved watching Jim get it on with Sandi and I loved that Sandi watched Jim and I get it on. What does that say about me? I've always been straight but if I'm so straight then how do I explain that I had sex with a woman and enjoyed it?
Sandi was equally lost in her own thoughts.
I love Tom, I know I do. If I love him, though, then why did I cheat on him with a man and a woman...at the same time? Granted, I've been sexually attracted to Quinn since day one. She must be going through one hell of an identity crisis over this. I, on the other hand, have been at peace with the fact that I'm bisexual. My problem is that I betrayed my husband. Granted, it's not the first time. I slept with Jane once, before Tom and I were married. I told him and he was totally okay with it because I slept with another woman. This time...This time I DID sleep with another man!
Sandi finally couldn't stand it. She had to get out of there. She feigned looking at her watch.
"Um...I gotta go!"
Sandi booked out of the place before anyone could ask any questions.
"What was that about," asked a puzzled Nicole.
Quinn instantly became nervous.
Do I tell them? Nicole and Stacy are my two closest friends. Stacy's been my bestie since we were highschool freshmen. I've been just as tight with Nicole since college. Heck, as college sorority sisters the three of us were ride-or-die. Still, how do I explain what happened with Sandi when I'm struggling to understand it myself?
Quinn then looked at her watch. She was better at covering her ass than Sandi had been.
"Oh,my! Is that the time? I need to go to the hospital and pay Jennifer a visit!"
Both Stacy and Nicole raised eyebrows.
"Quinn," said Stacy, "I thought you didn't like Jennifer at all."
"I don't," explained Quinn with a straight face, "But I didn't get to see the baby yet."
Nicole raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you did?"
Crap! Out loud, Quinn said "Um...uh...Igottago!"
Quinn was out of there in record time.
Nicole and Stacy exchanged worried looks.
"Maybe being a news reporter's made me overly suspicious," said Stacy, "But something's DEFINITELY going on with those two."
"That's my impression too," said Nicole, "I'm absolutely sure something happened to Quinn and Jim over the weekend, and equally sure that something involved Sandi. Why else would they all be acting so weird?"
Stacy said nothing but looked thoughtful.
Cedars Of Lawndale, a short time later...
Quinn was at the front desk talking to the receptionist.
"Well," said the receptionist, "the baby's not with his mother right now. His father's learning how to change the boy's diaper."
Quinn was shocked. "Tony's learning how to change a diaper!? Why isn't Jennifer there?"
The receptionist explained. "Jennifer has severe post-partum depression. She didn't even have enough energy to put on her makeup..." The receptionist lowered her voice to a whisper. "...and she looks terrible without it."
Quinn's maternal instincts (and a desire to think about anything other than why she'd just bailed on her friends) kicked in. "That poor baby boy," she said.
The receptionist reassured Quinn. "Don't worry. Your father in law's really stepping up to the plate."
Quinn didn't know what was more unusual, Jennifer's lack of interest in her baby or Tony's acting like a good father.
Meanwhile, at a diaper changing station...
Tony and a nurse were at a changing table.
"Okay, Mr. Carbone," said the nurse, "show me what you've learned".
Tony proceeded to change GJ's diaper. He did it perfectly.
"There" said Tony. "Ready for shitting." At this point Tony saw something that seriously freaked him out. There was white fluid leaking from GJ's nipples. "WHAT THE HELL!? There's white shit leaking outta his chest!"
"That's just some lactation," explained the nurse.
Tony was outraged. "GODDAMMIT," he shouted, "YOU TOLD ME THIS BRAT WAS A BOY!"
The nurse remained calm. "He is. He's just lactating due to pre-natal exposure to female hormones from his mother. It's so common it even has a name, witches' milk."
Tony reacted with abject horror. "My child's a satanic witch-baby! NO!" He cast his eyes upward. "WHY, GOD!? WHY!? WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME, GOD!? WAS IT THE HUNDRED COMMIES I KILLED IN 'NAM!?"
Jennifer's room, a short time later...
Jennifer sat in a chair and just stared out the window with a morose expression on her face. As she did this Tony was verbally laying into her.
"You, did this, you fuckin' bitch!" He then raised his shirt, exposing his nipples. "THERE'S NO MILK COMING OUTTA THESE!"
It was at this point that Quinn entered the room for he visit. "TONY, STOP IT!" she barked, "You should be comforting her."
Tony turned his frustration on Quinn. "COMFORT HER!? Comfort me! I'm the one Jennifer stuck with a devil-baby freak!"
Quinn sighed. Somehow, she knew Tony's newfound humanity wouldn't last long.
Just then, a nurse entered. "Mr. Carbone, your insurance called. You and your wife need to vacate the hospital today." The nurse looked at her watch. "In exactly forty-five minutes."
"But I can't take care of a demon child," Tony whined, "Can't we stay here until Jennifer gets her brains back?"
Stifling a laugh, the nurse said "Maybe if you were Elon Musk."
As much as she couldn't stand Tony and Jennifer, Quinn wasn't about to leave an innocent baby alone with them while they're clearly in no shape to take care of the child.
I am soooo going to regret this Quinn thought. Out loud, she said "Tony, you and Jennifer can stay with us until things calm down." She followed with a resigned sigh, knowing that this was all going to get worse before it gets better.
Lawndale High...
The students were all gathered in the auditorium. Across the stage was a banner that read "In Loving Memory". Suspended from the banner was a massive photo of Bryce. At the bottom of the blown up picture was the following caption:
Bryce Palermo
2005-2023
This was a school wide memorial service for the recently deceased Bryce. Angie was in the audience, struggling not to cry. At the podium was the current principal, Ms. DaFoe.
"Bryce Palermo," said DaFoe, "A promising young life, full of potential and standing at the precipice of a bright future, cut tragically short. What can we learn from this senseless tragedy?" After a brief pause, she continued. "Other than not to stand in the middle of a busy street while begging your ex-girlfriend to take you back."
Angie started to sob.
On stage, Ms. DaFoe went on. "The lesson is to seize each moment. Take every opportunity. Make it your goal to lift the spirits of others, just as he did." The principal briefly frowned due to this speech being a scripted farce that the school board was forcing her to say. She knew what a selfish SOB he'd actually been. "He was only the second quarterback to lead Lawndale High to two consecutive State Championships and, just like the first quarterback to achieve this feat, his life has come to a sudden and premature end. Bryce Palermo, like Tommy Sherman before him, was a shinning symbol. A beacon of hope and glory for all of us. While he is now gone, his spirit lives on in each of us. Bryce is no longer alive, but we are and each of our lives is so much richer for having had Bryce in it. We must never forget that, nor forget to aspire to the enrichment of one another's lives. That is the life, the lesson and the legacy of Bryce Palermo."
Angie cried so loud that it was becoming distracting.
DaFoe began to lose her patience. "Could someone get her out of here so we can sing 'See You Again'!"
Later...
Angie was driving her car home and deep in thought.
I still can't believe Bryce is gone! He's dead and it's my fault! I shouldn't have tried to run from him! How? How do I deal with this?
At this point, Angie heard a voice.
"Annnnnngieeeeee."
Angie looked over to find a beautiful Asian woman with dove wings and a halo over her head sitting in the passenger seat.
"Tiffany!"
Tiffany proceeded to explain to Angie what was going on. "Bryyyycee's deaath waasn't yourr faault."
Angie sighed. "I ran across the street because I didn't wanna talk to him! If I hadn't done that, he wouldn't have followed me and gotten hit by a truck!" She sighed. "My last words to him were 'drop dead', for chrissake!"
"I knoww," said the angel, "I waas therre!"
Angie became angry. "Then why the hell didn't you do something!?"
"Beecaausee," said Tiffany, "Thaat's noot howw beeing a guarrdiaan aanngel worrks. I caan onnly maake suuggesstioons, I caan't interferre wiith thee naaturral proocesssss."
"Then," said Angie, "Why are you here?"
Tiffany answered. "I haave aaaa messaaageeee."
"From Bryce," asked Angie, "How is he?"
"Heee's noot inn heaavennn," said Tiffany.
Angie assumed the worst. "Oh, God, no! I mean, yeah, he was a jerk, but he didn't deserve Hell!"
"Heee's noottt in Helllll eitherrr," said Tiffany, "Thaat's theee messaaaggggeeee. Bryyccee isss a lootttt closerrrr thannn youuuu realizeeeeee."
With that, Tiffany disappeared. Angie continued to drive, looking thoughtful the whole time.
Casa Carbone...
A depressed Jennifer just sat in a corner of the living room ignoring GJ as he cried incessantly in his baby rocker. Tony walked by.
"Dammit, woman," Tony barked, "Shut that little hellspawn up!"
As Tony continued on his way Jennifer picked up GJ and just apathetically stared at the baby. Suddenly, Timmy walked by.
"Timmy."
"Yeah, Jennifer," said Timmy.
"I can't get GJ to stop crying," said Jennifer as she practically shoved her newborn son into the boy's arms, "You deal with it."
Before Timmy could protest, Jennifer walked away. Once alone, Timmy stared at the crying infant.
"Ummm...coochie-coochie-coo?"
The baby grew even more upset.
"WAAAAHHHHHH! WAAAHHHH! WAAAH!"
At this point, Teddy walked by.
"Teddy" said Timmy as he approached his brother, "Uncle GJ's crying!"
Teddy said "And?"
"How do I make him stop," asked Timmy in a tone that conveyed pure desperation.
"I don't know," said Teddy, "But I do know that I need a break from all of this chaos. That's why I'm heading to Rachel's."
"But," Timmy pleaded, "I don't know how to make a baby stop crying."
"You think I do," said Teddy, "Why don't you ask Tommy? He's better at human interaction than I am."
Without another word, Teddy left. As if on cue, Tommy entered the room carrying a basketball.
"Tommy" said Timmy, "I need your help!"
"Sorry, bro," said Tommy, "but I'm going to the park to play ball with the guys and after that we're hitting the arcade."
Timmy was nervous as hell.
"But...but..."
Tommy didn't want to hear it. "Later, bro." Without another word he was out the door.
Timmy looked at his one-day-old uncle and let out a defeated sigh.
Evening...
Both Quinn and Jim lay awake in the master bedroom. Sleep was made impossible by GJ's crying, which reverberated through the house.
"Jeez," said Jim, "I wish Dad and Jennifer would do something about that."
Added Quinn, "I don't remember our kids being that much of a handful as newborns."
Meanwhile, in the guest bedroom...
GJ's incessant crying was keeping both Tony and Jennifer awake.
"Dammit, woman," Tony barked, "Make that demon kid shut up!"
Jennifer muttered "What's the use?"
Tony angrily got out of bed and picked up GJ in his baby rocker. He took the baby out into the hallway and left him in front of Tommy and Timmy's rooms. That was far enough away to hopefully allow Tony some shut eye. Alone in a dark hallway the baby now cried so loudly that all the neighbors could hear it.
Chris's house...
Chris was sitting awake in his bed when he heard the following.
"WAAAAAHHHHH! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
It was coming from Casa Carbone, so Chris knew it was his new baby brother. He frowned.
It's not fair! Dad has another son, my brother has three sons and a wife! Why, God!? Why can't I be happily married with kids!?
Chris began crying uncontrollably.
Thompson house...
Kevin was sitting in the living room trying to watch some late night TV. Problem was that the sound of a crying baby next door was VERY distracting.
Like, how can Brittany sleep with that going on next door?
Meanwhile, in the master bedroom Brittany was making out with Daryl. Unfortunately, the sound of a crying baby coming from next door was killing the mood.
"That's it", said Daryl, "I'm sorry, babe, but I just can't tonight."
Brittany said nothing but shot an angry glance in the direction of Casa Carbone.
Meanwhile, Angie was sitting awake in her bed.
What did Tiffany mean, Angie silently asked herself. What did she mean by saying that Bryce is closer than I think?
"WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Dammit, Angie thought, I can't think with that noise coming from next door!
Casa Carbone...
Tommy was laying awake in his room.
"WWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Jeez," he said, "Does that kid ever shut up?"
Meanwhile, in Teddy's room he was laying awake and holding a pillow over his head.
"WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"How can something so small make so much noise," Teddy asked himself.
Out in the hallway Timmy emerged from his room and took the baby in with him, letting out a resigned sigh as he did.
Casa Carbone, morning...
A visibly sleep deprived Timmy was carrying his newborn uncle, GJ, down the stairs. Timmy hadn't slept at all because GJ had kept him awake all night with his incessant crying. Worse, GJ was still crying.
"WAAAAAHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"There, there, Uncle GJ," said Timmy in a haggard voice followed by a yawn.
As he reached the living room Timmy saw Jennifer sitting on the couch and feeling sorry for herself.
"J...yawn...Jennifer," said the exhausted Timmy, "Could you take him for a bit?"
"What's the use," said Jennifer as she continued staring at the floor, not even bothering to look at Timmy or her newborn son.
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Jennifer stood up. "I...I can't deal with this right now!" She hurriedly left the room. At this point, Jim entered.
"Dad," said Timmy, "Could you take Uncle GJ for a bit?"
"Ti...yawn...Timmy," said the haggard Jim, "I...yawn...didn't get any sleep last night. I...yawn...too damn tired. Ask Jennifer?"
"She won't even look at her new baby," said Timmy.
Jim just yawned as he made his way to the kitchen to make some coffee.
Timmy sighed as he went to the kitchen himself. "Dad, where's Mom?"
"Sh...yawn...She went to th...yawn...Whites," said Jim, "N...yawn...need...yawn...coffee," said Jim as he struggled to not pass out from exhaustion.
It was at this point that Tony entered the kitchen. Timmy approached his grandfather/GJ's father. "Grandpop," said Timmy, "Could you take Uncle GJ, PLEASE?"
"I'm not goin' anywheres near that milk leaking abomination," Tony growled as he turned around and exited the kitchen.
GJ continued crying.
"WAAAAHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAHHHH! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Timmy let out a resigned sigh.
"I'll get it, Uncle GJ, I'll get it."
Timmy then went to the fridge, got out the baby formula and proceeded to feed his infant uncle.
White Residence...
Nicole and a visibly exhausted Quinn were making conversation in the kitchen.
"You look like hell, Quinn," Nicole matter-of-factly pointed out.
"I...yawn...I feel like hell," said Quinn in a haggard tone, "That baby hasn't stopped crying since it was brought from the hospital. None of us got any sleep last night. Tony and Jennifer won't lift a finger to take care of that kid and we can't figure out how to make him stop crying."
Nicole decided now was the time to press her main concern. "Quinn, yesterday both you and Sandi were acting really weird at my dress fitting. Both Stacy and I noticed, and Jamie's told me that Jim's acting weird too, especially when either Sandi or Tom are mentioned. Quinn, what's going on?"
Quinn instantly went from tired to nervous. "Wh...What do you mean?"
Nicole explained. "Quinn, it's pretty obvious. Something happened to you and Jim over the weekend, and that something involved Sandi."
Quinn sighed. Might as well. Out loud, she said "Nicole, remember when you and Sandi made that lesbian video as a gift for Jamie?"
Nicole raised an eyebrow. "What's that have to do with anything?"
Quinn took a deep breath to steel her nerves. "Nicole, you and I have something new in common: we've both been sexually intimate with Sandi."
Nicole's eyes nearly shot out of their sockets when she heard that. "You're kidding!"
Quinn sighed. "You don't know how badly I wish I was. Look, Saturday night Sandi came over with some tequila. She'd meant to give it to Jim and I at our anniversary party the day before but forgot, so she was just going to drop by and quickly hand it over. Jim and I had been arguing because he just couldn't seem to get himself out of responsible parent mode. I invited Sandi to stick around for a bit and have some of the tequila with us. My plan was to loosen Jim up and we'd have our fun after Sandi left. Instead, all three of us got drunk. One thing led to another and, before I knew it, Sandi and I were having sex on the living room floor while Jim watched. After the lesbian sex, we both crawled up on Jim, tore off his clothes and then Jim and Sandi had sex while I watched and enjoyed the show so much that I got myself off while watching. Then I dragged both of them up to the bedroom, where we all had sex with each other and got each other off in a variety of combinations until we fell asleep totally spent. The next day, after the booze and horniness had worn off, all three of us freaked out when we remembered what we'd done the night before. As much as we could remember, anyway. We were all pretty drunk that night."
Nicole pondered the situation. "That definitely explains the awkwardness."
Quinn nodded. "Jim feels bad about doing the wife of one of his oldest friends. Sandi feels bad about cheating on her husband."
Nicole finished for her friend. "And you feel weird because this calls your own sexuality into question."
Quinn nodded. "I always believed myself to be straight. Thing is, if I'm so straight then why does alcohol seem to make me sexually attracted to Sandi. In fact, why does the thought of being with Sandi seem to arouse me now."
"TMI, Quinn," said Nicole, "But I get it. After all, when Sandi and I made that video I found myself enjoying it. In fact, I'll let you in on a secret; I wasn't acting, those orgasms were real."
"How," asked Quinn, "How do you reconcile your heterosexuality with the fact that you once had sex with a woman and enjoyed it?"
Nicole explained. "Simple, it's the only time I was ever turned on by a member of my own gender and it took being heavily stimulated for that to happen. I don't feel a sexual draw towards women like I do with men. I guess you need to ask yourself if you feel any desire to be with women or were you just turned on by the novelty of the experience."
Quinn suddenly got an idea. "Nicole...kiss me."
Nicole raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Nicole," Quinn objectively explained, "I want this issue put to rest. You being a volouptuous Asian woman means you could arguably be the sexiest one of our little clique. Therefore, I want you to kiss me so I can guage my own reaction."
Nicole realized that this was the easiest way to put the issue to rest. "Okay."
Nicole and Quinn leaned in until their lips touched. The kiss lingered. They then opened their mouths and took turns exploring one another's mouths with their tongues. After a few seconds the kiss broke and both women pulled back.
"Well," asked Nicole.
"Nothing," Quinn admitted, "That didn't turn me on even a little bit."
"Quinn," said Nicole, "You're straight. What happened that night was because you wanted to do something a little out there. Now that you've done it, the novelty's worn off. If you were into girls then what we just did would've definitely made you horny."
Quinn said nothing but was visibly relieved.
Casa Carbone, later...
Quinn was in the living room, having just come back from her visit with Nicole. No sooner had she returned when Timmy came by carrying the still crying GJ.
"Uncle GJ" said Timmy, "I've done everything I can think of. Why won't you stop crying?"
At this point, Quinn noticed her ten-year-old son and newborn brother in law.
"Timmy, what's going on?"
"Mom," said Timmy in a long suffering voice, "I'm already doing all the baby watching. If you don't mind, I'm too tired to have a conversation."
Quinn asked "Did Jennifer change him?"
Timmy let out a frustrated sigh. "Jennifer and Grandpa Tony don't even wanna look at GJ. Whenever I ask for help Jennifer starts crying while Grandpa screams at me for being an ingrate and the baby for being a milk leaking freak. I've been doing all the feeding, watching, diaper changing. You name it, I'm doing it."
"I'm sorry" said Quinn.
"You should be" Timmy snapped as he walked away and continued in his failed attempts to soothe the crying baby.
Outside...
Jim was in the driveway checking the oil in his Camaro. He put the dipstick back in place when...
"Jim."
The sound of Sandi's voice startled him. He turned around to face her.
"Look," said Sandi, "About that night...".
Jim said "Could we not talk about that?"
Ignoring his request, Sandi asked "Jim, we need to talk about it. You, Quinn and I had a threesome and the sooner we deal with it the sooner things can stop being weird between us."
"Does Tom know that you cheated on him," asked Jim.
Sandi shook her head. "No, I haven't told him and I'm not sure I'm going to. If I'd only been with Quinn then he might be okay with it, but the fact that I was also with you would have some consequences that I'm not ready to face."
Jim sighed. "You've got a point there. How do you explain something like this? I mean, I can't stop feeling weird about the whole thing."
"Me too," Sandi admitted. "I mean, it was great. I loved being intimate with both you and Quinn."
Jim said "And Quinn and I loved being intimate it with you, which weirds me out to no end. I mean, you're married to one of my oldest friends, for chrissake!"
"I know," said Sandi, "that's what makes it weird for me as well. I mean, you're incredible in bed. No wonder Quinn remains as infatuated with you now as she was on your wedding day. Look, I'm on the pill and STI free so we don't have to worry about any long term consequences besides the awkwardness."
Jim said "Doesn't change the fact that it was wrong for us to have sex, even if my wife was a willing participant in the whole thing."
"Jim," said Sandi, "We can't change what happened. Still, we were three consenting adults giving each other sexual pleasure. The more I think about it, the more I realize that if you remove the fact that I cheated on my husband from the equation it becomes just a drunken hookup with no chance of a repeat. I mean, you're hot and I enjoyed having sex with both you and Quinn but I think it'd be best if we just act as if nothing happened. It was an alcohol fueled mistake, nothing more."
"What about Tom," asked Jim.
Sandi verbalized her thoughts. "Jim, I love Tom and would never leave him. Having been sexually intimate with you and Quinn hasn't changed that. However, if Tom knows what happened he'll be devastated. The fact that it'll never happen again doesn't make the news any less painful. What I want to do is maintain and strengthen my marriage. Telling my husband that I betrayed him in a moment of alcohol fueled weakness might prevent that. Either Tom will leave me, or he'll stay with me but never trust me again. Also, Tom and I have a son who's wellbeing I need to consider. If our marriage ends then Shane becomes an innocent victim. Frankly, since there's no chance of what happened ever happening again telling Tom would probably do much more harm than good."
Jim had to admit that Sandi had a point. "Makes sense. It sounds self-serving, but the fact remains that what happened was a one-time mistake with no chance of a repeat. Telling Tom would just worsen an already shitty situation." Jim made his own decision. "You're right. What we did that night was a huge mistake, one that we're determined not to repeat. Better we just put it behind us and move on."
Sandi nodded in agreement. "So...We're cool?"
Jim nodded. "We're cool."
They opted for a handshake instead of a hug.
Timmy's room, a few hours later...
Music: "Love at First Sight" by Kylie Minogue
A visibly exhausted Timmy was pacing back and forth holding the crying GJ. Timmy sang to the baby in a desperate attempt to calm him down.
"And everything went from wrong to right. And the stars came out and filled up the sky. The music you were playing ran through my mind. It was love..at first sight. It was love...at first sight."
Timmy yawned while GJ continued to cry uncontrollably. He then resumed singing.
"Baby, when I heard you...for the first time, I knew...we were meant to be as onnnneeeee..."
At this point, Tony entered the room. "TIMMY!"
Timmy was too exhausted to be startled.
"Where the hell is everybody," Tony asked.
Timmy proceeded to answer. "M...yawn...Mom's out with Sandi. Dad's in the office paying some bills. Tommy's at Kevin Jr.'s while Teddy's with Rachel. I...yawn...I don't know where Jennifer is."
"Well," said Tony, "I'm off to drink with Kevin, Chuck and my no-good loser eldest son Chris. Since you're doin' all the women's work around here I want you to make dinner. I expect it done when I get back."
"I...yawn...I can't, Grandpa," said Timmy, "Uncle GJ needs me."
"Take him with ya to the kitchen," Tony growled.
"But, Grandpa.."
"THAT'S AN ORDER, YA FAT PUSSY," Tony yelled. He then turned and exited the room.
As Tony walked away, Timmy stared daggers at the old man.
Downstairs, a short time later...
Timmy came down, carrying the STILL crying GJ in his baby rocker. As the boys made his way to the kitchen he passed by a hallway. Jennifer emerged from the hallway.
"Timmy," said Jennifer, "Where's Tony?"
Timmy yawned before answering. "He's next door with the guys."
Jennifer handed Timmy some money. "I need you to go to the store and buy some lottery tickets."
Timmy yawned again. "I can't. The baby needs me and I have to make dinner."
Jennifer didn't care. "So?"
That was the last straw. Timmy was sleep-deprived, doing all the baby care, being forced to make dinner for everyone, had just spent a weekend being his grandfather's slave and that ended with a six-hour-drive from hell, his parents are acting weird for reasons he doesn't know and now he's being forced to buy lottery tickets for a woman who can't even be bothered to take care of her own child. Timmy finally snapped.
"THAT'S FREAKING IT," Timmy angrily shouted.
Jennifer was stunned speechless by the outburst.
Timmy began his tirade in earnest. "I AM A TEN-YEAR-OLD BOY! I AM THIS BABY'S NEPHEW! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS! I CAN'T DO THIS! I'VE HAD IT! GJ'S YOUR KID, JENNIFER! HE'S YOUR GODDAMN RESPONSIBILITY!"
Timmy angrily shoved the baby rocker into Jennifer's hands, then angrily stormed towards the front door. After opening the door, Timmy faced Jennifer and spoke again.
"If anyone's making food, I'll eat it but THAT'S ALL! ALL I'LL DO IS EAT!"
Timmy then left the house, angrily slamming the door behind him as he did.
Jennifer stared at her baby in abject terror.
"Um...baby...uh...whatever your name is...please stop crying?"
GJ continued to scream loudly. It was at this point that Jim came in, having heard all the comotion.
"What's going on," Jim asked, "Where is everybody?"
Jennifer nervously looked at her grown stepson. "Your father's drinking next door, and the baby's crying!"
Jim rolled his eyes. "He's always crying! Hell, he hasn't stopped crying since he got here!"
Jennifer looked at the baby, then at Jim.
"I...I...I CAN'T DO THIS!"
Jennifer shoved the baby rocker into Jim's hands and ran out of the house crying.
"Great," said Jim as he looked at his new brother, "just freaking great!"
Jim took the crying baby over to the kitchen and placed him on the table. GJ continued to scream and cry the whole time. Jim decided to do what he'd done when the triplets were that age, calm the baby down by entertaining him.
Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. He dangled them in front of the baby.
"WAH! WAHHHHH!"
Jim tried another tactic. He pulled out his wallet and flipped it open and shut in an attempt to entertain GJ. It didn't work.
"WAAAHHH! WAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
Jim once again reached into his pocket and pulled out a tape measure. He quickly pulled it out and snapped it back in multiple times, hoping this would calm down the inconcolable infant. Did it work?
"WWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
Jim finally emitted a frustrated sigh. "You sure you're my brother?"
That was when Jim remembered Jennifer telling him that Tony was right next door.
"That's it! This has gone on long enough!"
Jim walked out of the kitchen, ready to give his father a long overdue tongue lashing.
Thompson house, a short time later...
Kevin, Tony, Chuck and Chris were sitting on the porch drinking.
"Hey," said Tony, "Why do women have breasts?"
"Why," asked Chuck.
Tony said "So we have something to look at while they're yapping!"
Only Chris and Kevin found that funny.
"G...HA...GOOD ONE, SERGEANT MAJOR," said Kevin through the laughter.
It was at this point that a very angry Jim came up the stairs to the porch and got right in Tony's face.
"Dad, the baby's crying!"
"So fix him, pussy ass," Tony growled.
"No, Dad," said Jim in a firm tone, "He's your son, you fix him!"
"I'm not going anywheres near that wet nippled abomination," Tony spat.
Jim groaned in frustration. "Dammit, Dad," said Jim, "GJ's just leaking a little milk! Yeah, it's disturbing, but he'll grow out of it!"
"How do you know," Tony asked in a venomous tone, "You a leaker, boy!?"
Tony then grabbed Jim by the shirt collar and ferociously tore his shirt open.
"YOU LEAKING ON ME RIGHT NOW, LEAKY!?"
The two were about to physically attack each other when Jim noticed something. He could no longer hear GJ's cries.
"DAD, WAIT," said Jim,"You hear that?"
"I DON'T HEAR A GODDAMN THING," yelled Tony.
"Exactly," said Jim, "Wasn't GJ just crying?"
Suddenly concerned, Tony released Jim.
"GJ!?"
Without another word, they all ran back toward Casa Carbone. What they saw made them all gasp in shock. The front door was open.
"Oh, Jesus Christ, NO," said Jim.
The guys ran into the house and towards the kitchen where Jim had left GJ on the table while he went to confront Tony. They all gasped in horror when they saw the table.
"No," Tony gasped, "MOTHER OF CHRIST, NO!"
Both the baby rocker and the baby were gone.
To be continued...