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Chapter 19: To Disappear

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(Should I move back to Nova's POV for the entire story? Or do you all like seeing Kanda's way of thinking?)

Nova's POV

Please. Someone help me! Make this noise stop!

There was static buzzing through my head and it felt like it was going to split open any second now. I don't know what happened, but one second I was perfectly fine, and the next, it feels like someone slammed a giant gong into the side of my head. I could barely register that I was holding my head in my hands, curled up in a ball as I tried to protect myself. I knew that the battle-or whatever it is, is inside me.

"Mommy? Where are you?" I snapped my eyes open when I heard my younger voice echo around me. I sat up in the empty hall that was my mind to see a circle of images next to me, flickering like a memory. I stared at the image, reliving the memory right then and there as the little version of me held on to my brother's hand.

"Mommy's….going to be gone for a while Nova," I could see my heart broken face as I gazed up at my brother who was only a few years older than me. He didn't look like someone who could understand a situation like this, but by the look on his face, he did.

"Again? Why does she always leave?" My younger self whined sadly as I looked down at the floor, tears falling. Patrick and I were standing by the front door where she left once more, promising she would be back soon.

"I'm sorry, she's just…busy." I was now shaking my head and asking for her to come back, clinging to Patrick's shirt like a lifeline.

I looked away from the memory, just as the flickering image shattered into tiny little pieces, making me look up at it again. The fragments fell on to the cold floor, glittering as its light died out. I reached out to touch the ones that hadn't faded away yet when I felt a sharp pain in the side of my head. I winced and blinked, wondering what I was just thinking about. Wait, but that was weird, I swear that I was just thinking about something. Multiple circles appeared all around me, all flickering images of a memory.

A memory.

I gazed at all of the memories, all filled with Patrick and my mother, laughing, crying, and going through so much together. Up to the point where she died. Then I began to ask myself why I was seeing these things. Suddenly, all of the memories formed cracks at the edges and shattered into pieces, startling me.

My memories…they're being erased!

I gaped at the falling fragments of my memories, my arms outstretched in hopes of catching them. They phased through my hands, falling on to the ground. I was now just a spirit. With my head in my hands, I sat there in silence, not knowing what to do as I heard all my memories starting to break more frequently.

If this keeps happening…will my memories of Kanda and everyone else be erased as well?

I could feel tears streak down my face as the thought brought an aching pain into my heart. I couldn't bear that if that were to happen. I…I finally found what I wanted. And now it's being taken away from me?

"We'll all be fighting for you. Remember that."

I looked up when I heard his voice, and widened my eyes when I saw the memory of him in my room, a comforting look in his eyes as he tried to calm me down with the incident with Tyki.

"No! No, I can't lose him." I whispered, unable to believe that any of this was happening. I curled myself into a ball as I felt everything in my world crumble all around me. I could feel the darkness lock me tight into a ball, preventing me from escaping.

If I lose him, then he loses me too.

"Why is this happening?" I bit the bottom of my lip in anger as I tried to suppress my tears, hoping that an answer would come out to me.

"I was ordered to shatter your mind." I looked up when I heard Avon's voice and glanced around, to meet a pale floating figure in front of me. It wasn't solid, but it wasn't invisible either.

"But that doesn't make any sense. You said that I can't die or else you won't be able to move my body." I exclaimed as I stood up to her height, swiping the tears off of my cheeks.

"I did say that. But my Master doesn't want me using your body anymore. Right when I was getting used to it too," I heard a soft sigh come from the white floating figure.

"So what's going to happen to me? Will I disappear?" I demanded as I took a step forward, glaring at the half solid half invisible thing. There was a period of silence before I heard Avon take a breath.

"Possibly, I don't know how this works kid. But hey, it's not my problem. I'll just find another body to take over. Master just doesn't like you."

"Why? Why doesn't he like me?" I snapped as I clenched my fists tightly, staring down at the floor.

"I shouldn't have to explain that to the likes of you." I scoffed and turned my head to the side, ignoring the floating figure.

"So are my memories going to keep shattering until I'm nothing left?" I softly inquired as I glanced over at her, eyes brimming with tears.

"That's a possibility. Like I said, I don't know what's going to happen to you. I just came here to let you know that I was leaving. I'll be leaving your body somewhere, and trust me, it's got some pretty bad injuries so if you aren't gone by the time I leave it, you'll probably die of blood loss and pain instead. That'd be much worse than this right?" I could sense her dry sense of humor and squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to block her out.

"Wait, in fact, I do hope you get back to your body. I want you to have to experience the pain that I couldn't feel. Those wounds will kill you for sure." I opened my eyes in shock and looked back at her floating figure, watching it solidify for a second and take my look alike appearance, landing in front of me. She had a smirk on her face as she stared into my eyes.

"So it's like this then?" I whispered as I stared into the eyes of my own, defeat expressed throughout my voice. Without any sound, I backed away slowly from Avon, knowing that that would be the last time I see her. Avon just stood there, watching me walk away, as the shadows started to wrap around me again.

The black darkness around my legs soon felt wet and I realized that I was standing in a pool of water. And it kept rising. As I looked around frantically, stretching out my hands, they hit against glass, startling me from my increasing panic. I noticed that I was encased in a large glass box, with water pouring in at an alarming rate.

Great, I was going to drown while I'm in the midst of disappearing. That's just great!

The water was now up to my arms, the lower half of my body cold, and my head still dry. As it inched up, I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut as the water passed over my face. I bent down into a ball and wrapped my arms around my knees, wondering if this was the end for me. There was a moment that passed, with my lungs burning, when I opened my eyes-

-and I could see people through the water. It was no longer darkness. I straightened up to see white lab coats that looked slightly familiar…I widened my eyes in shock as I laid eyes on the people in front of me.

No way…how?

Komui, and the rest of the Science Division were standing in front of me, beaming as they saw me awake. He approached the glass box and did something to it, pressing a few buttons on a nearby computer. In a few seconds, the water was going down and I fell down on the bottom, astonished. I'm supposed to be gone. How is this possible?

"Nova! Are you alright?" Komui asked from inside the box, looking at me with a relieved gaze. I gave him a weak smile as I stood up slowly, still surprised.

"Yeah, what did you do?" I replied as I met his eyes seriously. He instantly frowned and averted his gaze for a moment before meeting my stare once more.

"You were screaming and sobbing only a few hours ago. We couldn't figure out what was going on, and we tried to find a way out to help you but you wouldn't stop and cooperate; it was like you couldn't hear us anymore." I shook my head in understanding as he continued.

"But then only a few minutes ago, you stopped crying. And Reever had an idea that he suggested in a flash to help wake you up. That was to put you inside this box and put water in it. Looks like it worked." He said with pride, when there was a loud clang. It was the elevator shaft. We were down in the basement where Hevlaska was?

I glanced over and there she was, the beautiful glowing creature she was, off to the side. I heard rushing footsteps and saw Kanda and the rest of the gang running over quickly. Reever kept them from coming close to me instantly, earning him a loud cry of protests.

"Is she alright?" They all asked simultaneously, meeting my gaze only a second later. I smiled brightly at them and gave them a thumbs up.

"I'm fine!"

"Sam told us that Avon shattered your mind," Allen said as he met my distant gaze seriously. I saw Kanda glance over at me with a hint of worry in his eyes.

"She did. I'm going to disappear soon and either go back to my body…or just…not exist anymore." I heard them all gasp at this and instantly; I heard a rush of footsteps and a thump against the glass. I jumped and saw Kanda's hand pressed against the glass, his eyes staring intently into mine. I could see the relief clearly in his dark eyes.

"You said you'd stay," He quietly said to me, still holding my stare. I stayed quiet for a few seconds, my bottom lip starting to tremble slightly. I could feel the sobs shaking my shoulders already. It was only moments later when I couldn't take it anymore. I fell to my knees, the palm of my hand against the glass as I lowered my head, tears streaming down my face.

It hurt. It hurt so much to know that I would have to leave the one person whom I've come to love. It just wasn't fair. I didn't want to leave. I loved this place with every ounce of my being.

"I'm sorry Kanda, everyone." I choked out as I clenched my fist that was against the glass. My heart squeezed with a pain that was indescribable. It echoed throughout my entire body.

"Nova…" I heard Lenalee softly say. I felt a spark of pain in the back of my head and held my head in my hands. I must've looked like a complete mess.

"I hope…you'll be able to find my body…if I make it there…" I whispered as I looked up at all of them with blurry eyes.

"Don't say you won't! You will! We'll find you and bring you back!" Lavi exclaimed as he stepped forward and put a hand on Kanda's shoulder. The Japanese man had his head lowered, and I thought I saw his shoulders shake.

"Komui-"

"-hm?" The Chief said as he stepped forward.

"-let me in." I held my breath at his sentence, the sobs within me wanting to come out even more. There was a series of beeps before I heard the door open. In that second, warm arms wrapped around me, bringing me close. The coldness that had seeped into my wet clothing disappeared as I buried my head into his shoulder.

I whispered the phrase, "I'm sorry" to him over and over again, hoping that he'd be able to forgive me for leaving him. All he did was pull me tighter into him. That had to mean something. There were seconds, maybe minutes, hours that passed by before I could feel myself go light. I gasped at this and pulled back slightly, looking down at my hands. They were transparent. Kanda seemed to notice this as well because he pulled away as well, looking into my eyes.

The look he gave me was all it took for me to understand. I love you.

Then, as I looked at the rest of my friends who were staring back at me with torn gazes, I smiled at them as my world around me turned a bright white.

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Kanda's POV

I could only stare down at the spot where she had disappeared. My memories of her from when she came here, to now-flashed through my mind as I stood up. She had to be alive. She needed to be. She can't give in to death that easily. She told me herself that she couldn't die easily. I chanted this in my mind as I walked back with the group-to who knows where. Komui was leading the group so it must've been important, wherever we were going.

Soon we ended up back in his office, standing in front of his desk in one horizontal line as Komui closed his eyes for a moment. And in this moment, footsteps piled in and General Klaud and Tiedoll stepped in, one more set of footsteps following behind them. Ones of who I didn't like.

Malcolm C. Rouvelier.

With his toothbrush mustache, he nodded to all of us stiffly and stood next to Komui silently. I only glared at him in silence, wanting to rip that mustache off his face. I can't stand to see that look of desire for victory in those eyes of his. All he wants is to win the war, not caring that we exorcists are humans too. I hated that.

"I've called you all in search of Nova Krest." I saw from the corner of my eye, General Klaud and Tiedoll jolt at this, completely surprised at this news.

"But Komui, isn't she-"

"No, that wasn't her body. She was in spiritual form, using her strength to solidify herself. Now she has disappeared. Back to her body-who knows? That's why we need to search for her. Avon, the Shigai who took control of her body seemed to have exited it, allowing Nova to go back to her body. The condition the body is in might be severe because of how Avon fights. If we do not find her soon, our gifted exorcist might die." General Klaud remained quiet as she took in this information, a frown of worry appearing on her face.

"You all know about the Shigai correct?" The Generals and Rouvelier both shook their heads, waiting. Komui sighed in exasperation and pressed his lips in a thin line.

"Well when one person fosters too much hate within them, a being, called a Shigai is born within that hate. These Shigai grow with the hate they have and take over the person's body when it is powerful enough. In this case, Nova's body was taken over to do what the Shigai's master commands. Which in this case…is me." Sam hesitated as he looked down at the floor, waiting for a response. I glanced over at him in surprise, astonished at the first time I've heard this news.

"Sam?" Komui inquired softly as he took a step forward, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I might end up like Nova. Or I might just end up being pushed into the back of my mind when he takes over my body." The skilled exorcist quietly replied as he clenched his fists.

"So…you just want us to find her? Whether the body is alive or not?" General Tiedoll inquired as he broke the silence.

"Will finding her help us fight against the Earl and his evil antics?" Rouvelier asked, sparking a fire of anger within me, as well as the others.

"Oi, she's not just some tool." I growled at him, glaring at him with ferocity. How dare he see us exorcists like that. It's sickening. Rouvelier stayed silent as he waited for Komui's reply.

"Yes, it will. Go to the places you've been recently at and try to search as widely as possible. Search in inns, forests; everywhere. We have to find her. We believe that she is still alive."

We all nodded in unison and made our way out of his office. I stayed in the back, seeing that General Klaud stayed behind to chat with Komui.

"So you're saying that we should go look for her, whether she may be dead or alive?" She asked in anger, her voice shaking.

"She did that for you. She searched even when she knew you might've been dead." Komui retorted, not missing a beat.

"You realize how this could affect the others right? How it will affect Kanda, if they find her dead?" Klaud whispered, the emotion of despair hinted clearly in her voice. There was a long pregnant pause before Komui sighed.

"I know. But we believe that she's alive. Out there somewhere."

I stopped walking and trailed away from the group, leaning against the wall that was hidden in the shadows. I stared down at my hand, the hand that had hugged her before she had disappeared. She told us to find her body if she made it back. If she was dead…I clenched my fist and shook my head.

That can't happen.

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Nova's POV

It felt like my entire body was on fire. The instant I opened my eyes, I knew that I had made it back. But the thing that troubled me was how I was supposed to deal with a broken arm, a sprained ankle, cuts and burns everywhere, and the fact that I was in a completely blood soaked town?

I don't even know the answer to that.

All I knew was that if I didn't do something soon, I'd die from these injuries and from major blood loss.

I took a deep breath as I used up all my strength to sit up, or at least try to-screaming my lungs out as I managed to sit up all the way. The feeling of pain soon became normal as I clutched my arm, standing up slowly. I looked around at the blood soaked town and saw the mutilated bodies, all slashed up and torn, scattered all around me. Not one living person left alive.

As I walked through the dead and already starting to smell corpses, I noticed that the buildings looked a bit familiar. I stared at the pale faces that lay on the ground, and widened my eyes when I recognized it.

It was one of the nice men who I bought food from each time I went to the market. I looked over at another face and realized that it was also another one I recognized. The man who bought that book. Before I became an exorcist, and Patrick had died.

No. No! Not this town! It can't be!

My thoughts were proven wrong when I saw the destroyed building of my bookstore and home.

Avon had completely annihilated my town. And now, if I ever see her again, I'm going to kill her.

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WHOOP. I'M ALIVE GUYS. I'M NOT DEAD. I'm really sorry that you all had to wait for three weeks for a new update. But now I have and I know it's a bit short, but I hoped that you all liked what happened! This now solves the whole solidifying issue. Trust me; I'll start moving the plot line forward with the prophecy with Allen and all that jazz. :) I'm sorry to have made you all wait so long!

Leave a review if you love KandaXNova!