Andrea has a shadow. She wanders around the ship with Caroline no more than two steps behind her, no matter what time of day it is. Andrea. The scowling and sometimes sullen Commander I first met is no more, rewarding my daughter with patient smiles and helping her to manage her aggression levels in a controlled way, so that neither of them get hurt. It will take weeks for the hormones in Caroline's body to normalise and until then, we are reliant on Andrea's expertise in this area.

I worry about Caroline. I worry about both of my girls, if I am honest. They have become close to the crew, and even Caroline has settled into life on the ship remarkably quickly. They have already been through so much. So much has changed in their lives over the last month that it almost seems cruel to expect them to leave and start their lives over on Earth One again. I know if it was up to either of them, then this would be their life now, but they don't see the bigger picture. They don't understand that this is not the life that a child is meant to live.

Caroline has nightmares. The girls insist on sharing a pod, despite the small size of the bed, and each night I am woken by Caroline crying out in her sleep. I've stopped rushing to her side now. The first few nights after returning from Meliora, I ran from the bed I am sharing with Andrea, only to be rebuffed. It would seem the only person capable of comforting my daughter at these times is Andrea herself. She stays in there with them, until both girls are safely back to sleep, and then crawls back into my arms, exhausted.

I don't remember the last time I didn't spend the night in her quarters and though it's never been discussed, both girls know that this is where they will find me. I have no idea how any of us will sleep when we are back home, if we are without Andrea.

"What's up?"

I lift my eyes from where they have been staring gloomily into my coffee and offer Destra a weak smile. There is no point in lying to her, she always seems to know when I have something on my mind, so I opt for honesty, instead.

"I don't know what to expect when we are back on Earth One, but I don't think it's going to be easy for any of us."

She offers me a sympathetic smile, sliding onto the bench on the opposite side of the table to where I am sitting. "You could stay. I know Andrea wants you to. We all do."

"I know. It's not that easy, though. My girls… they need stability now, Destra. They need to be back home where they can recover from this whole ordeal."

"Who says?" she asks, tilting her head and stealing the mug from my hands. She takes a sip thoughtfully, smacking her lips in a way that is oddly endearing and doesn't incite the annoyance I would expect. "You know they would be well taken care of, and until you contacted us about Caroline, we had stopped doing the dangerous jobs like these."

"You took the job for the right price. What happens when someone offers you a sum of credits that you can't refuse? A sum that makes it worth the risk of attempting a mission that is just as dangerous, if not more so?"

She shakes her head, rolling her eyes. "You know better than that, Miranda. I know you do. Andy didn't do it for the money. She did it for Cassidy. You know that," she chides me.

I sigh heavily. "Yes. I know," I admit, hanging my head. She slides the coffee back over to me, and I drain the remaining liquid, wondering when I became someone who would willingly share my coffee with a stranger.

No. Not a stranger. Destra has become one of the closest friends I've ever had. The stage had been set for us to be adversaries, pitted against each other in a battle to win the affections of the same woman. It's never been like that, though. Destra accepts Andrea's choices and she doesn't hold them against me. I don't know if I could, or would, be so magnanimous in her position.

"You could do it. What do you really have to go home to? You've got more than enough money, and you retired months before this happened. The girls can have a tutor, and take their lessons remotely while on the ship. Name one thing that you really have on Earth One that you want to go back for?"

"Helena." It's the only thing I can think of. Our home itself is nice, but now when I think of it, all I see is 'stuff'. My least favourite word, but it's the only one that really fits. I have always appreciated my wealth - it's been hard earned after all - and I have spent my life surrounding myself with beautiful things. Living on the Star Chaser II, all of that has somehow become irrelevant and I've only just realised that it's been happening.

Oh, how I have changed.

Now, I have come to realise that beautiful things mean absolutely nothing. Life only gains a greater value when you surround yourself with beautiful people. People who are beautiful on the inside. Here on the ship, where I have only a handful of personal possessions, I have never felt so free. It's not just my girls who have undergone overwhelming changes. I could not be more different from the woman that left Earth One all those weeks ago.

I realise Destra is staring at me expectantly. "I'm sorry. Lost in my thoughts," I explain, though I suspect I don't need to, judging from the knowing look on her face. "What were you saying?"

She smiles patiently. "Helena. That's your assistant, isn't it?"

I nod. "Yes. We worked together for many years and when I retired, she approached me asking if she could stay on as my assistant. She's part of my family, to be honest, not that I have ever told her such. She doesn't have anyone else, and I could never just leave her behind."

"So we pick her up and she joins the crew. Do you think she would be cut out for it?"

I can't help the grin that I feel stretching my lips. "She would. She would probably embrace this life wholeheartedly."

"Well, then." Destra splays her palms out, her meaning clear as she silently asks where the problem lies.

"I can't. I just can't, Destra. My girls need stability."

"And they can have it," Destra argues, fixing me with a glare. "Here on the ship, surrounded by people who love them."

I pat her arm. "You've all been absolutely wonderful to my girls, and I'm so grateful. This is not the life I wanted for them, though."

"Will you at least think about it?" she asks, with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"I will," I confirm, and I'm not lying. I don't think I will stop thinking about it until the day we walk off of this ship for the very last time. It won't change anything, though. I can't just uproot them like that, and pull the rug out from under them. Not now. Not when they need a stable home the most. Caroline and Cassidy need to find a way to deal with what has happened, and that's just not possible living on the ship. They will both need therapy, and I'm almost certain I will also seek professional guidance for myself, too, when this is all over.

"Seriously. Don't make up your mind yet, Miranda. Don't throw away your happiness based on what you think you should do. Listen to your gut, and make the right decision for all of you."

She gets up from the table and walks away, her shoulders more slumped than usual. I know she cares. They all do. It still surprises me, though. When I was working, my name was always being bandied around in the entertainment and news industry. I was the 'Ice Queen', the 'Devil in Prada', a 'Dragon' and occasionally even a 'Witch'. I was reported as 'cold', 'unapproachable' and 'unlovable'. Not once did anyone ever report that I am a human with feelings. That I love my children, who mean more to me than anything else in the world. More than money, more than status, more than possessions. It was never mentioned that I am a loyal friend, that I support multiple charities and I would go out of my way to help someone in need, even if they were a stranger to me.

So this is all new. This feeling of belonging, and being wanted. The crew actually seem to like me and want to keep us around, not just because they love my daughters, but because they have grown to love me. I have to admit, even if I never say the words out loud… I love them, too.

Most of all, I love Andrea. I can't tell her that, though. We have settled into something that is far more meaningful than I ever dared hope she would let me have. Yet I know with a sick certainty that if I brought up the word love, she would push me away from her without a second's hesitation.

Love. It's a word I don't use often, and one that I have meant even more rarely. It was expected that I use that word to describe my feelings towards my husbands, but it couldn't have been further from the truth. 'Safe' would have been a better word. 'Comfortable' would also work. All consuming, passionate love? No. That is something I have only experienced once in my life, and yet in only a few days I will be voluntarily walking away from it forever.

-xXx-

"Stay. Please, Miranda."

In my sleep addled state, I almost miss the quiet plea Andrea utters from behind me. She stiffens when I turn to face her, burrowing into her neck. "Come with me," I counter, breathing her in as though this is the last day we will spend together.

"I can't," Andrea replies, a frustrated sigh leaving her lips.

"Why?" I honestly don't know. I have wanted to ask her this for the last week. Why is it so important for her to stay on the ship? But that would have started a conversation that neither of us were ready for. Now, as I lay in her arms, I throw caution to the wind. I am running out of time, and if I don't seek answers now, then I won't have the chance, soon.

"It's not what you think. If I could spend the rest of my life with you, I would Miranda. If it was just about you and me, and the girls, then I would come down to Earth One with you and we could build a new life together. As a family."

"But you can, Andrea. It's quite simple."

I feel her shaking her head, her arms closing around me more tightly. "It's not simple. It's not simple at all. What do you think would become of the crew without me?"

"Serena would take over?" I answer immediately. I've already given this a lot of thought and the answers roll smoothly from my tongue. "The rest of the crew would adjust their roles and life would carry on much the same as it is now."

"No. I mean, yes. To a point. But ultimately, no. I still have most of the implants and mods that I was given as a member of the Agency. Interstellar Enforcement gave me a huge number of skills, like information processing, knowledge of star charts and the universe. I can fight and fly better than anyone on board. It's inhuman, actually, in quite a literal way."

"So you worry that they would be in danger without you?"

"The universe is not a safe place if you are human. Having a unique skillset like this, artificial or not, is something that makes people sit up and take notice. I have a reputation, you know? If people find out that I am not on board, then the crew might be at risk. What if someone comes looking for revenge when they realise I am not around to protect them?"

I don't know how to answer. All this time I thought Andrea was being stubborn. That she was refusing to acknowledge the connection between us. That she was scared of finally committing to one person.

I could not have been more wrong.

I almost choke as I try to get the words out, tears running down my cheeks. "I love you, Andrea. I don't want to live without you."

The Commander rolls us until her weight is on me, comfortable and warm. She wipes my cheeks with her hand, drying her fingers in the sheet next to my head. "I love you, too," she tells me gently, her own eyes swimming with tears that she desperately tries to blink back, not that I would ever call her out on it. "So, stay. Please stay, Miranda. We could have such a good life together."

"I can't," I reply brokenly, pulling her down onto me more fully and holding her tightly. "It's just not possible."

I sense her defeat, and she doesn't ask me again. Instead, she lets me hold her, and for the first time since I met her, she openly cries; soft sobs shuddering through her body.

"I love you so much," I whisper, running my hands soothingly up and down her back. "I love you, Andrea."

It's such a relief to say it, finally. Such sweet words are wasted if no one hears them, and holding them inside has been almost impossible. No matter what happens now, I will live the rest of my life knowing it was possible. That there wasn't something wrong with me. That the news industry was not right about me.

I am capable of love. Of loving someone with my whole heart, no matter how terrifying it is. I am worthy of being loved in return, even if it's not the kind of love that can have a future. A love that exists just for love's sake. A bright spark of beauty in an endless universe of darkness.

Andrea's breathing stills, and I know the moment she has fallen asleep, her body settling more comfortably onto mine. I consider waking her up and moving her, but her weight is comforting. It makes me feel safe. I close my eyes, and let myself follow her into slumber.

-xXx-

The morning that we find ourselves on the edge of our solar system is not a happy one. The entire crew sits around the table and eats breakfast together for the first time since we came on board. Even Emily deigns to join us, and she almost never takes meals with the rest of the crew.

"We'll reach Earth One's orbit in about four hours," Serena informs us quietly. "Joss will Comm ahead and make sure we have clearance to land, and will arrange for a shuttle to meet you at the port."

"I don't want to go," Caroline huffs, pushing the chia pudding and fruit bowl away from her. Cassidy takes her cue from her twin, pushing her own breakfast away.

"Why can't we stay here?" Cassidy asks, and it takes all my patience to answer her calmly. To reply as if we haven't had this conversation twenty times already.

"You know why, Cassidy. Your whole life is on Earth One."

She shakes her head stubbornly. "Not my life. Yours. I don't want to go back there."

I hold back a sigh. "We've talked about this," I remind her gently, even as my fists clench under the tables. She has no idea how much harder she is making this for me. It's not her fault, and I would never tell her just how much I am struggling with my decision. Do I wish she would drop it, though? Absolutely.

"I know," she replies sadly, and it's enough to nearly break me when I see all too familiar tears in her eyes. These last few days have been hard on all of us. I am about to get up and comfort her, except I don't get the chance. Lily slings an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a side hug.

"Listen, Cassidy. Just because you are going home, doesn't mean that you won't be able to talk to us," Lily reassures her.

Serena offers both of my daughters a genuine smile. "We expect you to call us on the Comms channel at least weekly. We want to hear all about your life and what you are up to."

Doug nudges Caroline's shoulder with his own. "I bet you have so much fun being back home that you forget all about us." He pouts theatrically and both girls reward his efforts with a watery smile. "And you don't have to wait a week to talk to us. If you want to call us at any time, you can. You know there is always someone awake and monitoring Comms in Command."

"And you can keep those," Andrea points to the Comms units on their wrists. "They're kinetically charged so you'll never run out of battery, and no matter where we are in the universe you'll be able to contact us."

Both girls look awed at this, at being given such a precious gift. "Thanks, Andy," they reply in a hushed tone, completely in unison. The crew laughs at this, and they smile sheepishly.

"When I grow up, can I come and train to be a Cadet for real?" Cassidy asks seriously, turning her blue eyes to Andrea.

"No," Andrea replies with a straight face, even as Cassidy's smile drops dramatically. "You're already a Cadet, Cassie. If you ever decide to join the crew, then you will be taken on with the rank of Trainee Ensign."

Cassidy's face lights up, and I choke back a laugh. I might be wrong, but I am ninety-nine percent certain that Andrea has just made up that rank. What is a Trainee Ensign, if not a Cadet, anyway? Cassidy is delighted, though, and grins widely. "Trainee Ensign Priestly," she announces to the table. "I'm definitely coming back," she promises.

"Me too," Caroline joins in, her chest puffing out proudly.

I wonder if I have misstepped somewhere in my parenting? Both of my children seem determined to run away on a spaceship to live a life of piracy and crime. Well, not that Andrea ever admits much about their less than savoury endeavours. She doesn't need to. I knew of their reputation before I even met the Commander. That was why we hired them, after all.

"You are very welcome to come back," Andrea promises, eyes flicking to mine as she adds, "Any of you, at any time. There will always be a place for you on this ship."

The lump is back in my throat making it impossible to reply to her heartfelt declaration. She seems to understand, though, her eyes not leaving mine even as they melt into impossible softness. "Any time," she repeats and I feel like this time she is talking to me directly. It's a promise of sorts. Andrea's promising me that no matter how much time passes, I will be welcome to come back.

I smile, hoping that my eyes tell her how grateful I am, as words fail me. Her foot finds my leg under the table, running soothingly up and down my calf in a way that shouldn't feel as good as it does when there are so many other people present. There are four hours left and I want nothing more than to drag her back into her quarters and make love to her one last time, but I have to be here for my girls. I know they will need me. The closer we get to Earth One, the more distressed they become about our impending goodbyes', and I can't let them down now.

Andrea winks, and I blush. I know I haven't hidden my thoughts very well, though everyone else seems to be concentrating on Caroline and Cassidy now, who are chatting animatedly with the crew about the 'beast' they saw on the surface of our last resupply planet. The way they tell it, the furry little monster was twelve feet tall and spewing flames from its mouth. Not quite how I remember the friendly little critter that rolled over onto its back for belly rubs.

-xXx-

Four hours.

It drags so slowly and simultaneously rushes by at the speed of a spaceship. Four hours of lingering looks and poignant words threatening to drip from my tongue. What else is there left to say? I have to do what's best for my family, even if the girls don't understand. Andrea can't very well leave her ship, or her crew, and I do understand that, no matter how much it upsets me.

We are at an impasse.

Standing here on the access ramp, it doesn't feel real. Here in the arms of Andrea, our bodies pressed tightly together, I wonder if it is even possible to live without her, now? To live without her warmth and the safety of her embrace? She kisses me hungrily, our lips tinged with salt, as we say our final goodbyes. I try to remember that we are in front of the whole crew. That my daughters are standing next to us. My restraint doesn't last for long and I lose myself in her, parting my lips and eagerly accepting her tongue one last time.

We finally part, neither of us bothering to try and hide our tears.

"Any time you want to come back, just call. It doesn't matter how long it's been. Don't be stubborn, and don't talk your way out of it," Andrea insists, her voice low.

"Okay," I agree, not letting go of her hands.

She shakes them in her own. "Promise me, Miranda. Don't let your pride get in the way. If you want to come back, then do it. Don't second guess yourself or try to convince yourself that this is anything less than it is."

I nod then, leaning forwards to place one last desperate kiss on her lips. "I promise, Darling. I promise."

She releases me then, accepting both of the girls into her arms as they say their own goodbyes.

"You be good for your Mom, okay girls?"

"We will," they solemnly reply.

"Bye, Andy. Thanks for teaching me to be a Cadet." Cassidy offers her a smile of genuine appreciation and Andrea's lip wobbles tellingly.

"And thanks for rescuing me," Caroline adds.

"You're both welcome," Andrea replies, pulling them both into one last hug.

We hug the other members of the crew goodbye, and then it's time. Joss has arranged for a shuttle to take us home directly from the port, so all we need to do is walk down the ramp and across the concourse. How hard can so few steps be?

Nearly impossible as it turns out. I can't resist the lure of Andrea's arms, determined to feel her against me one last time. No words are spoken as she holds me close, her hand cradling the back of my head like I am something precious, and that gesture is nearly my undoing. I nearly blurt out the words she wants me to say. I nearly tell her that we're not leaving. That I can't leave her.

But I don't.

Instead, I force myself to raise my hand, a halfhearted gesture of goodbye as I wave at the crew. I reluctantly turn away from them and lead my daughters down the ramp, back onto the surface of Earth One.