Title:It's Only Here
Author: Kiku Nakamura
Disclaimer: I don't think I'm talented enough to create my own manga which has an anime adaptation, so excuse me for being a fangirl. Credits to Amano Akira.
Genre/Tags: angst, wishful thinking, romance
Rating: K+, PG
Characters/Pairings: 5986/GokuHaru
Summary/Theme: She never imagined it would end like this.

Warnings/Side Notes: The story is in Haru's point of view. There will be tears shed if you weren't so cold hearted. Sheesh, that was a joke.

It's dark. Random flashes of bright, neon lights swing around the room and rest on your face only for a few moments. It's in those seconds between the flashes that I let myself believe your beautiful face smiles for me, the brunette thinks. There's a mystical illusion around him; the Japanese girl wistfully looks at the uncaring Italian.

I think back on times where there was someone who could make me do crazy, stupid things. There were glimpses of dancing in the rain, yelling at 3 AM, eating several whole cakes, sneaking around and climbing through windows to abandoned houses. There were so many exchanges of "I love you"s that actually meant something to me.

And I miss them so much. I miss you so much. I think that if this was a letter, the paper would be tear-stained through and through; no words would be understood. But this letter is going to become old and frayed, hidden in between a book, never ever sent through the mail because that was never the intention when it was being written.

He's nice to me, has beautiful dark eyes, an amazing dreamy color, but never the intoxicating emerald green. It's flawless, like the top gemstones: without a trace of imperfection, rare, and unique.

He kisses my forehead and compliments my outfits and me, seamlessly. I laugh bitterly because I have to be masochistic to miss you stuttering while calling me an ugly-looking, stupid woman. You then kiss me passionately to make up for it and every day was a game. It was all happy dreams and a colorful scenery.

He takes me out on dates with a bouquet of red roses when we go out each week. It's a good, happy feeling I get. It's light and makes me feel like I'm floating around.

But this is nothing compared to cuddling in your house and me trying to beat you in trivia and board games. You used to pick and arrange wildflowers in the best ways to give to me, because you know I'm more of an emotional than expense person. You knew that I think it's cold to value everything on money. You still picked those flowers, even though you could have easily bought them at the flower shop near your house; you have the money. You're the heir of a mafia family for God's sake.

But words how little they mean when you're a little too late.

You're already gone. Dreams leave me in the dead of night when I wake up.

There's white noise buzzing around in my ears as you hold her in your arms with eyes that show a genuine feeling you once showed me, until the end of that chapter of our relationship that once was. There's nothing left for me. We've both changed, but people don't ever really change and I still love you.

Did you hear that? The sound of my heart beating for someone who doesn't care for me anymore. He doesn't know the smile that I wear is fake. I don't even know where it is anymore, the real one. It's buried treasure- put inside a box with the missing key right in front of it refusing to try.

I miss the silver hair, cheeks turning pink, strong jaw, tan skin, and bright eyes. I miss you, I love you. Come back, please. Hold me tight, and meant it when you say it back.

But you don't miss my plain brown ponytail, chubby cheeks, pointed chin, pale skin, and chocolate eyes that are now dark. You don't miss me. You don't love me. You'll push me away, walk away, whisper words that I dread to hear: tell her how much she means to you. Because I can't make you love me if you don't.

Now, I'll plaster on that disarming smile again for him while green lights up at the sight of her, charming the lucky girl. It's only in this smoky bar that I'll imagine a happy look for me on that perilously chilled face of yours.

Your name is forever the name on my lips.

Author's Note:

I am sooo sorry for not updating until today. I was on vacation last week (damn cruises for making people pay so much for Wi-Fi) and I missed out on a whole lot of anime that I was supposed to watch, I know it's not an excuse, but I wrote this on the ship and I hope you liked it.

And if you realized I was using a Taylor Swift song reference, good for you. It's so much easier writing angst. I've had much of a debate on the title. They all seem to sound stupid to me.

Guest Replies for Chap. 3-
LOBA1312- Thank you for reviewing and I will start brainstorming for that prompt that you have given me.
Guest- Thank you for that adorable review! ^^

Drop a review on your way out!

Word Count: 679

Signed,
Ivy