A,
i don't know why i keep writing to you-i guess i'm hoping that you'd slip give in and email me. Just once. So i know who you are today... how your life is today, What it is you're doing? Sometimes i even get this irrational feeling of jealousy for the people you get to be with for a particular day- the families, the boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, People who get to see you in the everyday mundane activities when you wake in the morning, in the same classroom -they have you for an entire day- someone who is theirs-but who am i to feel that? What claim do i have on you, i'd like to think i still have your heart-and i wholeheartedly believe deep down that you would never give it away to anyone else-i don't even want to consider the possibility that you could be happy with anyone else-i fear one day that you'll find someone-who can put up with your..."circumstances" someone who could be strong when i could not. i love you A. you are the one person who really lived during each day-and you let me take part in it. You've given me the romantic story, the love that everyone craves for yearns for in the deepst darkest recesses of their hearts - more than i could ever find in a lifetime-you gave it to me through the short sparse passing moments we had together-you made everything special-extraordinary.
i'm wondering what'd i do if i couldn't stay here if had to change my body daily-i'm not sure if i could risk getting close to anyone with all the losses it would amount to afterwards-i know how much you gave up-all i know that if today was my last day being myself i'd spend it with my love ones-i'd spend that one day just looking for you if i had to. It hurts to think of our last day together-and yet i cling to it like i cling to everything about you-i may not have a particular face in mind or even a real name to pin you to...but i remember how it felt- how no matter who you became i could always feel our connection...and when you looked at me their was always this intesity behind those eyes- i felt that you could really see me, that you saw right into my soul. And i loved how i was with you,you made me feel like i was enough that i never had to be anyone else but myself.