Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: When memory is veiled, can the love forged between two hearts survive?

A/N: If you have not read the first seven stories in the A Light in the Darkness main story arc (Awakened, Shadowed, Revealed, Concealed, Rekindled, Refracted, and Reflected), I highly recommend you do so for the full experience. However, I have included a quick summary of the previous stories so if you want to give this one a whirl on its own, you can.

Chapter Nine: Identity

14 Twirleaf 1008

"Kat? Are you all right?"

She stared at the crown then quickly shut the lid, turning around as though that would make the jewelry box and its contents go away. She glanced at the younger Queen whose wide blue eyes were fixed on her and forced a smile. "I am…fine." Queen Lucy nodded then left at her sister's urging.

She sighed as she surveyed the room…

A hand…her hand painting with careful precision. She didn't want to mess up the Centauress now gracing the mural. She turned her head at the slightest scuff of a booted foot…

A voice she didn't recognize murmured, "Poor child. Katerina Alambiel…"

"What is your name, child?"

She gazed up at the old man with his shock of white hair that stood on end and a pipe in hand. His eyes were kind. She liked him. She spoke in a much younger voice, "Alambiel."

His face blurred and morphed into something else, something dark and terrifying. Evil permeated his dark gaze and his lips twisted in a cruel smile. "Scream for me, Princess."

She sat up, panting and struggling not give voice to the scream clawing at her throat. Her hands. They were trembling but whole. The sole evidence of any past trauma was the twin scars in the center of her hands, shaped like stars. But she couldn't remember how she had gotten them or the other scars (including a faded set of scars that crisscrossed her back, which she had the brief flash of clarity had once been raised but now were healed flat due to the cordial according to Tuulea) on her body and she had more than a few. Then again, she wasn't certain she wanted to remember those details.

She wrapped her arms around her knees, wishing she knew what to do, what to think. The dream that had frightened her was already fracturing into hazy pieces that made less sense than the complicated tale the Queens had told in their attempt to explain why she had a crown in the jewelry box they claimed was, indeed, hers. She felt…cold even though the day had already grown warm. Rubbing her arms, trying to warm herself, she finally crept from the bed. She didn't bother with the robe as she paused in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. A woman with sickly pale skin, blonde hair with two streaks of white in the front that had mostly escaped from the thick braid, and dull, bloodshot, blue eyes with puffy shadows beneath them to complete the haggard appearance. A stranger stared back at her. Shaking her head, she whispered with a slight cringe at the brokenness in her own voice, "Who are you?"

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Even her thoughts mocked her inability to remember. She pushed back from the dressing table, needing to get away from the stranger in the mirror. Opening the balcony doors, she paced the small area, narrowly avoiding knocking into the chair and an empty easel. She clapped her hands over her ears as her thoughts broke apart and scattered then the most useless and frustrating bits came back to taunt her inability to chase them down and put them in some semblance of order. Katerina, Kat, Alambiel, Dame Sepphora, Princess, Princess Royal. How could she remember who she was when she had so many names?

"You are alone. No one cares that you're here, Princess." She shook her head again then grasped the balcony railing, her braid dangling over her shoulder as she stared down at the steep drop to the seaside cliffs. With a gasp, she straightened and backed up until her shoulders hit the sun-warmed marble of the wall. She was alone. She gasped again, this time trying not to cry as the sense of loneliness and isolation weighed down on her. Something inside her wanted to cry out to Someone greater, but she couldn't remember Who…or even how.

Sliding down to sit on the balcony floor, she drew her knees up to her chest then buried her face in her arms. She didn't move even as the sun rose higher in the sky. Too busy struggling to find some tenuous thread of sanity that made perfect sense with which to anchor herself in the midst of the choppy thoughts and flickering memories or nightmares. A soft gasp came from behind her and she jumped.

"Oh, My Lady, please forgive me," the raven-haired Nymph stammered as she knelt next to her, one tanned hand tentatively touching her arm. "It was not my intent to startle you, but you were gone from your bed." Her dark eyes were so black that she couldn't distinguish the Nymph's irises from her pupils but they were filled with honest concern. "I should summon Tuulea."

"No!" She surprised herself with the vehemence of her refusal. But, she couldn't take more of the disappointed and slightly hurt look in Tuulea's eyes whenever she said or did something wrong. "I- I'm fine." She forced herself to smile as she rose with Leeta's, yes, that was her name, help. She started to turn toward the rooms that had been her shelter from the bewildering existence that was the rest of this place…Cair Paravel. But then movement caught her eye. Pulling away from Leeta's guiding hands, she moved to the northernmost end of the balcony.

A Centaur was standing on the bluff overlooking the sea. His coal-black coat (yet her mind insisted on imagining he had one hoof decorated with a white pastern marking, although there was no way she could tell from this distance) was matched by his tail and his hair. His upper body was a dark tan. He stamped a hoof then wheeled around. There was a stern and controlled power that radiated from him as he moved back down the hill, heading toward the Cair…warrior, he moved like a warrior of great experience. He never looked up and for some inexplicable reason she was disappointed but then she never knew why she felt anything anymore.

"My Lady?"

"Who is that?" She nodded to the Centaur just before he disappeared from sight.

Leeta was giving her an odd look. "That…that was General Oreius."

"I need to talk to him."

She hurried to the bedroom doors, now spurred on by the small voice that insisted talking to the Centaur, this General Oreius would be a good thing. Her fingers just touched the door handle when Leeta spoke up. "My Lady, do you intend to go to him in your nightgown?"

She stopped and looked down. Turning back around, she managed to smile. "I doubt that would make a good impression, hmm?"

Leeta was kind enough not to point out that her current haggard appearance would be more likely to frighten small children than anything else. Instead, the Nymph insisted on seeing a bath was drawn and then she set out a silk dress that was a very light shade of blue, almost a blue-tinged white with a silver belt. She did not protest as she was more focused on attempting to pin down the thoughts that made her think the General would be a good person to talk to but they eluded her…as was quickly becoming the norm. She finally gave up on trying to figure it out when the pounding in her head grew to a constant, dull thrum as Leeta brushed out her hair. Her brow furrowed when she realized Leeta intended to leave her hair hanging loose.

A hand buried in her hair and pulled her back just as she almost reached the door. She tried to scream but a gloved hand pressed a cloth roughly against her mouth and nose with a bruising force and a voice whispered, "I have you at last, little princess." The doll dropped from her fingers as the strong-smelling cloth took effect. The words taunted her as she succumbed. "How nice of you to give me a handy means of controlling you by leaving your hair nice and loose."

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and pulled a small bowl toward her, already frantically feeling for the pins. Leeta was talking but she didn't register the words. She gasped, trying to control the fear, the panic. "I need to pin my hair up."

Leeta took the pins away. "I'll pin it up, My Lady. It's all right. I am going to pin it up for you."

She was grateful and focused on breathing steadily. For a moment, she thought she heard someone murmur that she needed to breathe with them, but it was just another trick of her mind. Her hands ached when she finally calmed enough to break their white-knuckled grip on the edge of the dressing table. A glance at the mirror proved she was even paler than before. Leeta had just slid the last pin in place, catching her hair up in a looped chignon.

The Nymph eyed her with no small amount of concern. "Are you certain you wish to see the General now, My Lady?"

Her mind flickered to a terrifying face and she shivered. "Was he the one from the sickroom?"

"Yes."

She stood up, smoothing her hands over her dress and the silver belt resting on her hips, trying to hide the slight tremor. "I will see him. I have to speak with him."

Leeta opened her mouth and the look on her face spoke of protest but then she sighed. "Ptah will guide you."

It seemed to take hours but they finally passed through halls decorated with rich tapestries and gleaming suits of armor…and filled with various creatures who stared at her, whispering when they weren't bowing their heads and murmuring, "Your Highness." She hated that part. The Leopard darted one last concerned look at her before he pointed a paw at a door that stood open. A Satyr with grey fur and spiraling corkscrew horns nodded to her then left just a tad faster than before. Ptah made to step forward but she instinctively lowered her hand and waved him back. The Leopard didn't look happy as he retreated to the open door. She swallowed hard, once again remembering the evil in the face that had glared down at her. She needed to take control, facing her fear would help her do that. She rapped twice on the closed door and waited.

A deep voice barked, "Come."

She pushed open the door and held her head high, trying to meet the General's eyes. Only he wasn't looking at her. Instead, the Centaur was focused on a report as he jotted something down on the half-filled parchment to the right of the report. She glanced around the study, noting the orderly stacks of reports that took up half his desk, covered several smaller tables and a large wooden filing cabinet. The only thing that didn't have reports stacked on it was a chair too small for a Centaur that was tucked in the corner. Meaning to comment on it, she turned and was struck by his piercing dark gaze.

Her eyes widened but she didn't feel terror or even fear. There was no evil in his dark eyes. His face was sternly noble and the angular planes seemed to stand out because of his clenched jaw, but there wasn't evil in him. A warrior, a dangerous foe, no doubt, but she knew somehow that he had no intention of hurting her…she just wished she knew how she knew. "You're not scary at all."

He arched an eyebrow and she took a step back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded… Actually, I have no idea what I meant." She rubbed her arms, feeling the silk catch on her light callouses. "I- I should start over. What I meant was to ask if you…if you know me." He didn't respond and she grew more nervous, suddenly feeling like her tentative footing had vanished entirely. "Do you know me?"

"Yes," he stated curtly.

"Well?"

The Centaur stared at her for a long, uncomfortable minute and then he turned his attention to closing the report. "Do you know who I am?"

"You're General Oreius." At the sharp look, she felt the need to defend herself. "At least that is who Leeta told me you are." Her eyes were drawn to the movement of the report and she had the sudden compulsion to take the report from its organized resting place and flip through it to see what he had been looking at… Great, I have delinquent tendencies. Something else caught her eye and she blurted out, "Your desk has a dent in it."

It was recent as no one had added any stain to it and there were fine cracks in the wood radiating out from the large dent. She glanced at his hands again…it was the same size as his fist. He cleared his throat and she flushed, realizing she was doing the exact thing she so despised…staring at someone for no good reason. "You never answered my question."

He stared at her before answering tightly, "Some would have said we knew each other well. We were friends, at least."

He didn't want her there. That much was clear in his body language. She half-turned toward the door then paused. "General Oreius, what would you say my name is?"

"Your birth name is Alambiel. It is what you have taken to using once you accepted your heritage."

She hadn't wanted her heritage… Realizing he was still watching her, Alambiel bowed her head, feeling more comfortable now that someone other than Tuulea and Alithia had shared her proper name was Alambiel. It was time to reclaim her name, after all. "Thank you, I'll, umm, I'll just be going now. I'm sorry for disturbing you." Hurrying out the door, she paused beside Ptah. Alambiel made herself smile at the Leopard's concern. "Know how to get down to that beach?"

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Oreius closed his eyes as he heard Alambiel leave. She hadn't been terrified of him this time, but she hadn't been comfortable around him either. The emptiness in her eyes remained…she still did not remember him and he had not dared to say anything more than they were friends. What if she had reacted by screaming in terror again? He couldn't do that to her, not after everything else she was dealing with and he had heard from Tuulea and Alithia that the night terrors were getting worse.

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A/N: Please Read and Review! Hopefully this chapter has clarified on Kat's condition and how much she's still not been told. Oh and am I still loathed? Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this chapter.

A/N2: Jaygee (Jesus' girl 4ever) has made trailers for my stories Reflected (you can see Tarrin AND Leto) and Veiled. MissMelanieWilkes has also made two lovely banners for Awakened and Veiled. The links are all in my profile. A big thank you to these talented ladies for making and sharing these great tie-ins with my series! I was floored when y'all did so. :D Do check them all out and please let me know what y'all thought.