This chapter was inspired by the song 'China in Your Hand' by T'Pau. Contains dialogue from the episode 'Grounds for Deception'.

Mac Taylor was fuming. He was absolutely incandescent with rage. Never before had he felt so furious at one of his CSIs and never in a million years would he have ever thought that Stella would incur such wrath, such fury from him.

He had known something was up when Chief Sinclair had arrived at his office just after four pm, requesting a private meeting, his face guarded as though he was worried about Mac's reaction. Out of all the possibilities that had crossed his mind from job losses to budget cuts to a complaint, Stella resigning had been furthest from his mind.

The shock had come first-even Sinclair had expressed it- and then came the rage. His CSIs in particular, Danny, Lindsay and Hawkes, knew something was up by the cold way Mac had dismissed them early from their shift.

And now it was around nine, the night shift were busy and Mac waited, seething, for the woman in question.

A knock on his door alerted him to her arrival.

'You wanted to see me.' Stella's voice was cheerful, no indication that she knew the reason she had been summoned. She had just assumed he wanted to discuss a case or budgets with her.

Without saying anything, he turned to face her, his eyes blazing furiously, her resignation letter clasped tightly in his left hand. Stella, on recognising it, gasped and her heart thudded wildly in fear as she realised Mac knew and that he was furious.

'Care to explain this?' His voice was cold.

'I...I...this isn't how I wanted you to find out.' Stella tried to explain; never having seen Mac so angry in all the years she had known him, not even during some of their more heated fights. He was incredibly beautiful when he was angry. His eyes burned darkly and his mouth was pulled almost into a ferocious grimace as if he tasted something inherently unpleasant. Even though the anger was directed at her she couldn't help the feelings that were pulsing through her blood, causing her to become weak at the knees.

'Yes I could tell.' Mac retorted icily. 'I'm guessing that if you had your way I'd have found out after you left!' He couldn't help but raise his voice. 'Why Stella?' His eyes probed hers for an answer but she remained guarded.

'As I said in my letter Mac', she spoke slowly, an annoyed tone underlying her words, 'I want new challenges. I've been here twelve years! It's time for a change-to get new blood in. I'm not exactly a young woman anymore.' She hoped her lie was good enough for someone as good an investigator as Mac to believe.

'And you didn't think about coming to me?' Mac reprimanded. 'You could have asked me for different cases...or for a temporary transfer... or a liaison post! You should have talked to me Stella!' He shouted, pointing at her, showing his disappointment in her; something which pierced right through her and this coupled with her heartache at being so close to him yet so far, she snapped.

'That is so rich coming from you, Mac Taylor. You never include anybody in your life and yet you expect to me included in mine?! You're ridiculous! You bottle up all your emotions; never letting anybody else in. Oh it's ok for you just to leave for London or Chicago but the minute someone else does the same you call them into your office for a lecture!' She shouted back at him.

'You've resigned Stella!' Mac snarled. 'You're my second in command; you're supposed to talk to me. You're my employee and I also thought you were my friend! You can't just leave without us finding you a replacement!' He knew his arguments were childish but he was damned if he was going to admit the truth: that he would be beyond heartbroken if she left and that he couldn't cope without her.

Stella, deeply hurt that that was all he thought about, reacted fiercely, 'Oh and that is what this is really about! This has nothing to do with me wanting a change-to you this has everything to do with the fact you're short-staffed and are annoyed you have to deal with the paperwork! You don't care about the fact that I'm leaving all you care about is the precious lab!'

'That's not true Stella and you know it!' He yelled at the top of his voice, clenching his fists in anger at the infuriating woman in front of him.

Now, the entire workforce that was in the lab was silent, listening to their two bosses-the two most well-natured, calmest people they knew, lose it with each other in a hurtful and fiery exchange of words.

'Do I Mac?' Stella demanded fiercely; her eyes glinting passionately and her curls swinging about her face in a manner which-had he not been so angry-would have made him grab her and kiss her fiercely. In that precise moment she looked like some fabled Greek warrior queen about to charge into battle. 'All you care about is the lab! Your whole life revolves around the lab Mac! And what's worse is you make everybody else's life revolve around the lab. I love the lab Mac really I do but I can't continue on like this. I'm sick of always putting my needs second! I want to live. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.'

'You're being ridiculous Stella.' Mac shouted.

'No I am not. I'm sick of this Mac, I'm sick of all of this. I can't keep going on pretending that everything is alright in my life.' She waved her hands about emphasizing her point.

'Sick of what Stella? Being in the lab-yeah I think I got that from this letter.' Mac spoke sarcastically. He pointed directly at her, 'You owe me an explanation, something better than what you are giving me here!'

'What do you want me to say Mac?' Stella yelled at him.

'The truth!' He spat.

'Fine you want the truth?' Her eyes blazed angrily, 'Then here's the truth: I don't want to be around you anymore Mac! I can't be around someone who is constantly emotionally distant, someone who never shows any feelings for anybody else- someone who can't trust in others!'

Stella knew that she was dangerously close to spilling her darkest secret but she no longer cared; Mac had made her angry and she needed to defend herself.

'I can't trust in others!' Mac fumed and then raised his voice further, 'I'm not the one Stella who pursued Sebastian Diakos-which you were warned against doing, with Angell, thus endangering her career too!' He couldn't help but think about the Diakos case, which even now, made his temper flare at the danger Stella had brought on herself and he remembered the fight they had had then, which was nothing in comparison to the one he now was in the midst of.

'You lied to me Stella.' His voice was cold.

'It wasn't my intent.'

'Then why didn't you tell me you found Sebastian Diakos dead? I had to find out from NYPD communications. I gave you a direct order to leave the Diakos investigation to me. You chose to ignore it!'

Stella felt like one of his soldiers being reprimanded, 'I made a decision Mac and frankly I would make the same decision again.' Mac was taken aback by her comment. 'I got a tip he was on the move so I took action.'

'What you did was make it personal.' Mac's voice was low.

'It is personal...he tried to kill me!'

'You've stepped way out of bounds on this one and you know it! You're a detective! And you make an anonymous call alerting the police to Diakos's apparent murder. That's grounds for suspension or at least a desk assignment! Do you have any idea the position you put me in?'

'Oh yes I do. You know what I'm going to make this easier for you.' And Stella slammed her badge down on his desk before striding fiercely off.

The only difference, in his mind, was now Stella really was resigning.

Stella for a moment was stunned into silence before she fiercely retorted, 'That was low Mac, really low! I can't believe you brought the Diakos case back up! What's next huh? Bringing up the complaints on my record...or bringing up what happened with Frankie because I'm sure in your mind that must be my fault too!'

'Don't be so stupid Stella!' Mac snarled.

'Stupid? Is that what you think of me?' The hurt on her face was evident.

'That's enough Stella!' Mac snapped at her.

'Yes your right it is enough Mac. I'm done...I'm finished. I can't deal with you anymore. I can't deal with your emotional distance. I can't deal with you never confiding in me.'

Mac was incensed. 'I don't confide in you? What about you not confiding in me about your HIV scare huh?'

Stella shrieked at him in response, tears now freely running down her tears but Mac didn't care; he was beyond hurt and angry, 'You never confide in me Mac. You confide in all your petty girlfriends- Peyton, Aubrey...but never Stella oh no...Stella isn't good enough to have the confidence of Mac Taylor. Oh no Stella just needs to be kept in the sidelines.'

'I have never put you second Stella-never! I always put you first!' He was shocked by the direction the argument had turned and he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

'Do you Mac? Tell me then, when was the last time you asked me how I was feeling? Or the last time we went out for drinks? Or even the last time you had a spare minute just to talk between cases?'

At Mac's blank stare she just laughed, 'No exactly. You don't have time for me. You have time for everybody else! I'm sick of it Mac! I'm sick of you! And you know what sickens me most...is that you can't even see what's in front of you and you can't even live because you are so heavily influenced...so obsessed with your dead wife!'

The sting of the blow from Mac's hand shocked her into silence. Stella was stunned as she placed her hand upon her cheek which was a bright angry red, feeling the warmth from the blow. With tears rolling down her cheeks she looked to Mac who stood, inches from her, his face a fiery mask of hatred. 'Don't you ever, ever speak about Claire like that again!' His voice was low and harsh, piercing Stella's heart like a thousand knives.

'Get out of my office!'

Stella, still in a daze, looked at him and then spat out her words, 'I hope I never see you again. Goodbye Mac Taylor.' And with the fierce strides he used to so adore, she left his office and, ignoring the many faces which watched her in absolute shock, she walked out of his life.