It's been a week since I told Lincoln; I made him promise not to tell anyone until I have told Bellamy. Telling Bellamy doesn't scare me anywhere near as much as telling Lincoln did. I just need to pick the right time to bring it up. Dark grey clouds loom over Arkadia and a subtle drizzle of rain dampens my hair as I sit by the gate waiting for Bellamy to go on his break. Unlike Lincoln I know exactly how he is going to react. At first he will be angry, will probably shout at me for being careless. Next he will go after Lincoln and make threats, be intimidating. Then finally he will come round to the idea and will turn into protective mode, not letting me do anything or go anywhere in case something happens.
I see Bellamy hand over his gun to a guard as he comes of patrol. A gentle but cool breeze blows through his curly hair and makes the loose fabric of his t-shirt snap in the wind. He faces the floor as he walks every limb heavy and tired. Although he denies it, losing Clarke changed him. After she left it was like all of his problems were suddenly ten times harder and the hope he had for peace was dissipating. He sluggishly walks past without noticing me so I grab his arm and pull him back. "What do you want O?" he asks tiredly. "I need to tell you something that I know you're not going to like" I bite my lip expecting the worst. His back straightens at my words his eyes seem more alive but filled with suspicion. "What?" he says slowly, studying my face. "Just promise me you won't freak out, god knows I'm freaking out enough myself right now and I don't need you to as well" I say. Bellamy says nothing and just eyes me up cautiously. "A week or so ago I found out I was pregnant" saying it now feels completely different from when I told Lincoln. When I told Lincoln and Raven the words felt strange and unfamiliar but now they feel more natural. Bellamy's whole face scrunches up and I swear that smoke poured from his ears. "What?" He says in a voice so low and gravely it sounded like it was from hell. "I already know what I'm doing with it and I don't need your help, I just thought I ought to tell you"
"O, how could you be so irresponsible? Do you really want a kid?" his ferocity is starting make me twitch with anger. I already hate myself; I don't need him making me feel worse. "Of course I don't but it's not like I'm keeping it" I say my voice laced with irritation. "God O you are so stupid! Have you learnt nothing from Mom!" He practically yells. Now I get really mad. He has the nerve to bring mom into this after everything that happened. "Are you kidding? This isn't the Ark Bell!" I scream, throwing my hands in the air for emphasis. The rain starts falling in bigger drops now and a shiver runs through me. "I'm not exactly going to hide the kid under the floor for sixteen years!" Bellamy practically shakes with rage. "Octavia you are not ready to have a child" his voice is quieter but is still heavy with fury. "Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?" I spit the words at him "Besides I'm not even gonna keep the thing"
With that I turn to the side and begin marching away from him, my hands balled into fists and trembling with anger. I hear Bellamy's plodding footsteps as he jogs to catch up with me and calls out "Octavia wait-" but before he can finish I spin around and thrust the sharp bit of my elbow into his abdomen. He gasps and clutches his stomach with his hand. "You've said enough" I growl and I walk away leaving him standing alone in the rain grasping injury.
A few hours later I sit around a large camp fire with Lincoln next me. The sun has just finished setting and the inky sky makes the rain look invisible. The wood from the fire crackles and hisses and a mouth-watering smell of roasting hog drifts through the air. Despite the dark, most people still bustle around outside, either working or eating dinner. "Are you really okay with this?" I say to Lincoln as I stretch my arms out to warm my hands by the fire. "Admittedly it isn't the best situation to be in right now but we can figure it out" he says. He gives a small smile and I push my lips to his. I don't understand how he can be so calm about this; to me it feels like the world is collapsing all around me. As I pull away from the kiss I look to see Lincoln looking at something behind me. I turn around to find my brother still fully dressed in his guard's uniform, 32 inch rifle in hand. "Can we talk?" he says. I look away from him without answering. "I'll see you later" says Lincoln slowly, he gets up from his seat and backs away from me and Bellamy before going inside. I'm not surprised Lincoln didn't want to be around when me and my brother fight, he and Bellamy are friends and it would make things awkward. I shuffle over as my brother perches on a seat next to me.
"What do you want?" I say. I keep my eyes fixated on the glowing fire, not wanting to really acknowledge Bellamy. "I'm sorry about earlier, okay?"
"So you should be"
"What do you want me to say O? I know I reacted badly but you can't blame me" he practically begs with me.
"I have been torturing myself about this for days; I hardly think I need you to torture me too"
"When did you find out?" his voice is more relaxed now, less accusing.
"A week and three days ago," I gulp "I'm about three weeks along" My brother is an idiot sometimes but I hate arguing with him, he's the only family I've got.
"How did Lincoln react?" he asks.
"He took it surprisingly well considering how much pressure he is under right now"
"You know when that thing comes out, I'm gonna be the first uncle from the ark in 97 years" he half smiles and I do to. I hadn't thought about it like that before.
The stars twinkle with intense brightness that can be seen through the cloudy sky. "I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes but" he pauses and I actually turn to look him in the eyes this time "I love you O" Despite everything I put my arm around his shoulder and we sit there for a moment in the dark with the fire crackling away.