~A/N I should have gotten this to you yesterday. I'm so sorry. I loved the pleading guest reviews. You rock! I used the Meghan Trainor/John Legend song for chapter inspiration, "Like I'm Gonna Lose You". I highly recommend you listen to it for vibes. I probably listened at least a hundred times to finish this chapter.

Chapter 5: Like I'm Gonna Lose You

The trek upstairs was all a blur, the third glass of wine was hardly touched. Bella was pulled into the darkened room without hesitation. The only light he had on was from the cracked bathroom door and partially opened drapes. So far, down in the bar and the entire elevator ride up, only touches and a general closeness had occurred. Bella was relieved when the other couple got off on the 9th floor. Jacob pulled her closer to his body and buried his nose in hair. She was greatly anticipating the kiss that was about to be delivered. Bella could already taste his sweet breath laced with bourbon and mystery. How had he convinced her to come up to his room without even asking? He merely took her hand and led the way. She would've followed him anywhere at that point. It wasn't just the wine, she was sobering up rapidly. She'd been dying for him to kiss her, since he walked into the cafe that afternoon. Maybe, she'd been craving his kisses ever since the mountain top and that's why any substitute always fell flat.

She tried to say something poignant, but he touched her mouth with his fingertip. "No talking." She grabbed one quick breath before he pressed his mouth against hers and ignited her into flames. It was a kiss that would change everything.

He pressed her hard against the wall. They hadn't broken the initial kiss before Jacob hoisted her up, holding tight to her ass. The skirt rode up high on her legs for her to accommodate his body. Lips and hands were everywhere. It was reckless and sloppy and so completely thrilling, she couldn't contain her excitement that it was finally happening with him.

Speaking of hard. Something quite solid and impressive was pushing against her. If he'd ever been so aroused with her before, she never knew it. Teenage boys had trouble with such things and they'd been close before, but never this close. Bella figured out quickly he was well portioned. He was big all over and the excitement trickled into those sexy black panties.

He groaned. "Fuck, you smell good."

She wasn't sure how good his sense of smell still was. Maybe he meant her shampoo or her body spray, but it was strange how he said that at the exact time, her arousal peaked. Bella's life hadn't gone as planned when she was younger. She finally felt like she was making sound decisions during the years she'd been in California. She knew Jacob would never tell her about Kaleigh if it weren't true. She knew what staying with him tonight meant. They were about to become cheaters, but once they started, there was no turning back. The force of them together was too powerful. Maybe this is the way it absolutely had to be. They had to get it out of their systems and then they'd able to live their lives in peace. It would be a special parting memory. Mistake never even crossed her mind once she tasted his lips.

He walked them to the bed where he ceremoniously dropped her. Jacob reached for her uncomfortable shoes. She purred at the feel of his fingers massaging over her arches. He must have known she was in misery in those things. His hands slowly journeyed up her legs. He paused and pulled back. She panicked a few seconds, thinking he might have come to his senses but when she saw him loosen his belt, she knew he was committed. Her fingers nimbly worked the buttons of her top, because she couldn't trust him to be as delicate with her nicest blouse. Bella and Jacob watched each other undress in front of each other's eyes. He pulled everything off in a matter of seconds. She kept her bra and panties on hoping he'd want to remove those with his hands or teeth. She wasn't picky. He moved over the bed when the light caught his silhouette perfectly. She saw him clearly. Holy shit. He was a masterpiece.

He touched her bra covered breast with one hand and reached underneath her with the other. He was going to take the rest off and she was so glad she left it for him. The feel of him unsnapping the back was so worth it. The next thing he did was just shy of paradise. He took her nipple in between his teeth and he worked her flesh until she was begging for something extra. She needed attention between her legs, the place where he made her tingle. It was more like a deep aching throb now.

"Please Jake." She jutted her hips forward. He nudged her back down to the mattress. She trusted he was getting there, but she was almost desperate. He took possession of her mouth again. She'd never been kissed like that. It was purely primal and intoxicating.

Bella might have slightly bragged in the car that she was no longer a virgin, but she left out the total truth. She failed miserably with a couple of guys she met soon after moving to LA. One was a frat kid out for an easy lay. Why he picked a head case virgin was beyond her, but needless to say it lasted all of five minutes and Bella was really let down that was what the hype was about. The next man she met was a little older and actually took her on a few dates. She was proud of herself that she actually slept with him twice and didn't even cry afterwards the second time, but he stopped calling abruptly. That was it. That was her sexual history. It was as sad as sad could be. Freaking Monica bought her a new vibrator every year. They were getting better and more lifelike each time. Bella swore she was one step from buying her a life-size man doll because she and Barry thought she was hopeless.

No wonder they'd been so eager to turn her over to Jake. They didn't even know him and they abandoned her at the hotel like it was the plan all along. Barry had threatened to fix her up with the mailman before. They constantly told her she needed to get laid by a man that didn't make her cry from disappointment. They existed. They swore it to her.

Jacob was kissing her everywhere now. Just when she got used to his lips one place, he moved to another. This was why no other guy really mattered to her. She knew that had been her main problem... he existed and she imagined they would fit together so perfectly. Bella lifted her hips, so he could slide down her panties. His mouth was so close. He whispered how beautiful she was against her inner thigh. She knew he would never make her cry with disappointment even though they were only getting started. Jacob would make her cry for an altogether different reasons, but she shoved all the dark thoughts aside and let herself enjoy their moment.

He swiped over her dripping slit with his thumb first. "You're so wet for me, Bells."

She wasn't embarrassed at all. She felt somewhat pleased with herself that he was seeing for the first time the true reactions he caused in her body. He kissed her in all the places that were so close to her pulsing center, but not close enough. Jacob said one last thing, "You should've never let anyone else touch you."

That was such a primitive, possibly sexist statement, but when he clamped his mouth over her sex, she knew without a doubt, truer words were never spoken. He knew her body even though she'd never bared it to him. Was he acting purely on instinct? If Jacob hinted to being a one woman man, how could he be so quickly adept at knowing what was best for her?

The first time he brought her to orgasm with his skilled mouth and fingers, she knew all those battery powered boyfriends were going in the trash the following day. Nothing she ever tried alone felt like this. He slid up her body in predatory fashion. Edward had scared the life out of her the time they tried, but Jacob preparing to love her body brought her back to life. Dead Bella no longer existed. He kissed her again. The taste of herself mixed with him was an added turn on. They weren't saying much but they didn't have to. She knew how to speak to Jacob without words and he was responding accordingly. He adjusted her legs wider to prepare her for what was next. She anticipated something slow but deliberate. Instead, he entered her without hesitation but when she gasped, he paused. It was too much all at once. He stilled and waited on her cues.

He voiced what she was already thinking. "Mmmm, you feel so good." More like Jacob felt so good. She'd never been so stretched and filled. It was overwhelming but such a delicious ache.

She needed his hot mouth on her again, but she spoke the obvious first, "Like I was made for you."

He found her mouth and she completely submitted the moment he started to move, proving she was right for once. Bella was made for Jake. They were mismatched in size and personality and plenty of other ways. He was like a bright light, she surrounded herself with darkness. He was brutally honest, she was a cowardly liar. Jacob always did the right thing, Bella always took the easy way out. Despite all those misgivings and the terribly bad timing, their union was nothing short of holy.

Bella knew he wasn't over what she'd done to him. He probably never would be, but for some reason he'd pushed all that aside and was giving her body the most pleasure it could conjure up. Every move, each thrust proved to her just how much he'd loved her all these years. She wasn't expecting him to say it. He didn't have to. Bella felt it and she hoped she was doing an adequate job of conveying that she loved him just as much. She did what felt good. He went faster, she pulled her legs higher and grabbed his ass tighter. When they approached the end, she tried to figure out how to stall it, but the build-up inside her was already too powerful. She was going to come so hard and he'd know it. She was pretty sure he'd follow her. He'd already whispered a few things about how it felt when she clinched her internal walls around his cock.

If she got this once in a lifetime sexual experience with him, she would be grateful. She swore no goofy tears or shameful begging.

Bella screamed his name.

"Fuck Bells." He made a bunch of noises that weren't real words.

There was at least a full minute they held each other without moving or speaking. Bella felt warmth all over, inside and out. Could they stay like that forever? Eventually, he pulled out of her and she felt like he withdrew a piece of her soul that he'd never give back. Jacob fell onto his back, breathing heavily but quiet otherwise. She wasn't sure what her next move should be. She hesitated. She held still next to him for at least five silent minutes hoping he'd give her a clue. Maybe she should visit the bathroom to give herself time to think. She made one slight move to get off the bed when she was grabbed from behind.

"Oh, no you don't. I'm not done with you. Not by a long shot."

He pulled her tight against him. Either Jacob didn't soften up afterwards like he was supposed to or he had a mega fast recovery time. He didn't give her a second to dwell on it. He slid in from behind like he'd always belonged there and before she could say we shouldn't have done that, they were doing it again.

Bella was in a room, a cold, damp archaic place. She swore it was a dungeon, but who had a dungeon in LA? She felt around a hard cement floor in absolute darkness and realized she was completely alone, isolated. She recognized it might possibly be a dream unless Aro had gotten put out with her for some new reason and made her his prisoner. Her mind sought her last conscious memory. Jake! She'd been with Jacob. What if something happened to him? She would never forgive herself for sucking by in to her world. She fought the emptiness of that dark prison cell and cried for him. She had to know Jacob was okay. Bella wouldn't survive if she brought danger to him.

A warm hand brushed across her bare stomach. "Shh, honey. I've got you."

Bella realized she was still in his bed in his hotel room. She turned over. "You're still here."

"Yeah, more like you're still here. It's my room"

"Oh," She had no idea what time it was but they'd managed three rounds of the most intense sex she'd ever experienced. She still had trouble grasping the concept that he could go three times in such a short amount of time. She had trouble even believing she could keep up, but she did. For him, she'd do just about anything. "Sorry, I fell asleep. I can call a cab."

He looked at her and Bella saw the room was brighter. She'd really stayed all night. Barry and Monica would be so proud. If Jacob was finally ready to admit something to her, now was the time. She saw a flicker in his eye, like a real flash of something. Was the light hitting it somehow? She was about to elaborate on some of her new thoughts when he curled around her body again. Every rational thought went out the window with the prospect of a fourth time. They quickly got swept away in the kisses and the caresses and the way their bodies fit together perfectly.

She climbed over him. She wanted to have some of the control but most importantly she wanted him to watch her in the new light of day. It felt so sexy and sensual if he could see what being with him did to her. She knew her love for him would be written all over her face. They did exactly what she imagined they would. Their eyes stayed connected the entire time. His hands were in all the right places and she quickly realized he was still very much in control. When she rode out an intense orgasm on top of him, she felt sure he'd follow her over the edge, then maybe they'd share some sort of reflection about what the night meant. She was prepared to take back all her stupid decisions. She had to finish the last semester of school after this summer session, but then whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted her to go, she'd change all her plans to be with him like this everyday and night.

Jacob lifted her up. Surprisingly, he was still going. He positioned her like he wanted, hands and knees. He was back inside of her before she even caught her breath. He'd been an urgent, yet gentle lover the other times. Bella felt a little timid, so exposed this way to him. He was obviously a tad more aggressive the minute he pushed into her this way. He grabbed her long hair and tugged her head to the side, not enough to hurt but enough to show her she was his. Her body was fully his and under his control. He started up a forceful rhythm that tinkered at the edge of pain. Just when she thought, he might be a little too rough, he'd pull back just enough that she was moaning with ecstasy. He had her exactly where he wanted her. He was fucking her just like she needed, apparently like they both needed it for a long time.

She screamed his name a half a dozen times. "Jake, yes more... harder." Every corner of the surrounding rooms had to know a guy named Jake was staying there. She'd lost count how ridiculously loud she'd called out his name.

"You sure about that? Harder?" Her whole body shook with the answer to his question. "I'll fuck you so hard you won't walk straight for a week. Is that what you want from me, Bells?"

"Yes," she wasn't sure it was, but hearing him put it that way, she was pretty damn sure she'd be willing to see if that was possible. Walking would have to take a backseat because the experience he was giving her was worth the risk. He reached around her body and pinched her clit between his fingers, all the while maintaining sharp, furious strokes within her. "You better come with me. I'm almost there and I want you to come on my cock. I'll never get tired of that after dreaming about it forever, you owe me that."

She was all over the place, worried her legs were about to give out. Bella wasn't even able to verbally admit there was no problem fulfilling his request. She'd do just as he asked. Once she felt the twinge in her belly followed by the strong buildup deep inside her core, she knew she'd never break a promise to him ever again. She squeezed and spasmed, he shot another load of warmth inside her coating her thoroughly. For a few seconds, when he was still inside her body, she felt him brush his mouth over and over one particular spot at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. She wasn't sure where it came from, but another aftershock of an orgasm gripped him again just by that slight nuzzle into her skin.

He pulled out with sort of a huff. Bella had only one regret, that it was over, at least for now since he had his meetings in an hour. They spent the better part of his morning enjoying the mutual pleasure their bodies gave. Bella was just about to tell him she was free all day, so they could make some sort of tentative plans before his flight, hopefully.

Jacob moved across the bed to sit facing the window instead of her. She was primed to scoot across the bed and cling to his back for a few more minutes of closeness. She really was going to miss being away from him for even a few hours.

He finally spoke, "You need to leave."

He was probably exhausted, they hadn't even slept barely two hours. He didn't mean to sound so gruff, she imagined.

"Oh yeah, sure. I know you have a meeting, but..."

He cut her off. "Just go Bells and fuck your secret. I'm telling Charlie first chance I get. I won't live with that on my conscience." She didn't move or speak. He got up and walked around the room completely naked digging for his clothes, but he still wouldn't look at her.

Bella started scrambling around the room next to gather up her clothing. She grabbed the throw blanket that she discovered on the floor for coverage. All of the sudden, she felt exposed and not in a good way, but in a very dirty, nasty way. She felt used.

She tried to tell him they needed to talk. She wasn't completely opposed to coming clean to her father, but she needed some input, needed to make a plan. "Jake, look at me. Don't do this."

"Bye Bella."

She dressed in fast motion and walked to the door, all the while hoping he'd stop acting this way or tell her it was a joke. They couldn't be ending the most perfect night of her life so harshly. She turned around to give him a chance to reconsider.

He finally faced her straight on. "Oh and just so we're clear."

"Yeah," her voice was frail and weak.

"I don't ever want to see you again."

~Thanks for reading.

I warned you. Choo choo, this is an angst train and I'm the conductor.

I can't make any promises on quick updates for a couple of weeks. I have lots of personal stuff going on, but I'll try to keep up with some postings. Feel free to beg, bribe or PM. I respond positively to everything but hate. As always, love hearing predictions on what readers think might happen next couple of chapters.