Hello, dear readers. This chapter is a bit on the melancholy side, as Littlepaw's story is about to get sadder. Yeah, Willowpaw isn't the only one facing a huge internal debate, sadly.

I think there's some stuff in this chapter that you'll enjoy, though ;) Happy reading!

~Elsi

Chapter 14: Confessions

He could hear their whispering perhaps more acutely than even Mountainpaw could. Littlepaw took a deep breath and closed his eyes, feeling rather than hearing his Clan-mates' words.

"Looks like our five apprentices aren't as close as we thought…"

"…Brackenheart run after her?"

"Do you think she'll go far this time?"

"I've always had my doubts about her…"

He hissed, making Skypaw jump.

"I hate it," he said fiercely. "Can't they just mind their own business for once?" He said all of this in a very quiet voice. Skypaw could look around once and read their minds, so she nodded absently.

"Willowpaw brought it upon herself, though," said Skypaw, still sounding bitter. "She has to learn that she can't just go running off. We have a prophecy to deal with and a Clan to protect."

Littlepaw resisted the urge to protest, instead scanning the camp once more. Aside from those of his Clan-mates still insisting that Willowpaw's screaming departure was the most interesting thing to happen in the last moon, there were cats doing all sorts of things. Mountainpaw was relaying the information he had gotten from Willowpaw to Lionstar, Doveheart, and Icecloud. Birdpaw and Jayfeather were talking gently about the implications of Willowpaw's dreams.

Littlepaw knew that there was far more to said dreams than his sister was letting on. It frustrated him immensely that she wouldn't trust him enough to tell him – the horrors in her mind must truly have been devastating. He laughed a little internally at that thought. Not much could scare him, not anymore.

Eventually, Mountainpaw came back, and the rumors died down. When the Clan was calm, so was Littlepaw – there was so much less information to process when things were quiet, and so he preferred it that way. Before the sunset, he knew that things were going to be okay, and he was at ease about ten seconds before Willowpaw trudged into camp herself.

"Willowpaw!" Littlepaw was the first one to her side, but that was possibly because he had known that she would come soon. Doveheart started across camp towards Willowpaw, making the fluffy grey she-cat sigh.

"Look, I'd love to talk, but we've had a long walk, and I'm tired."

Then she was off. Littlepaw looked up at Mouseclaw, internally tired of the games. He knew that something was up and that the two of them hadn't just gone for a walk.

"I don't know if Willowpaw would be comfortable with me telling you what happened…" said Mouseclaw.

"Willowpaw had a nightmare and went storming off to 'confront her fears' and 'find a mysterious voice.'" Littlepaw sighed, noting that Skypaw had materialized to voice her opinion. Mouseclaw was frowning, and Littlepaw could sense the tension becoming more tangible.

"I'm going to protect Willowpaw," said Mouseclaw in a very steady voice, his dark blue eyes nearly threatening. "She'll decide what choices she makes."

"Mouseclaw, explain." Doveheart had arrived. At once, Mouseclaw, Skypaw, and Littlepaw looked up to the deputy, whose face was hard as stone. "Why did you and Willowpaw run off?"

"Willowpaw had something she wished to pursue," said Mouseclaw in a careful, measured tone. "I followed because I'm her mentor, and I wanted her to return safely."

Doveheart considered this excuse for a moment. Skypaw exchanged a look with Littlepaw, who sighed and let his senses reach over to the minds of both older cats.

"How about this – you will both drop the subject and move on," he said tiredly. He held Doveheart with one eye and Mouseclaw with the other. It only took three seconds for the spell to take effect, and then three more seconds for Doveheart to ask Mouseclaw if he would take out a dawn patrol and both warriors to trot away.

"Thank you," said Skypaw. "It's hard enough dealing with Willowpaw without warriors getting involved."

"But they're already involved," said Littlepaw softly. "Doveheart is Willowpaw's guide, and Mouseclaw is…her friend."

"Friends," huffed Skypaw, her eyes focused on nothing in particular. Littlepaw knew the look in his sister's eyes: she wasn't going to give up on the idea rooted in her mind. And it wasn't a very positive idea, either. "We don't have time for friends. Not in the manner Willowpaw wants, anyways."

"Just let her have this one," said Littlepaw, weary of it all. Skypaw shot him a dark look, and he sighed. Skypaw was hiding something, too – they all were. Willowpaw had filed the truth of her journey away, and also the nature of her dream. Skypaw was paranoid, which meant that she was afraid of something. Mountainpaw, too, had something on his mind that he wasn't sharing, and it perhaps had to do with his ventures into the Dark Forest. And then there was Birdpaw, and Littlepaw had been feeling uneasy around his medically inclined littermate for some time. A power was developing within her, and he couldn't place it.

He liked to believe that he was hiding nothing, that he was a role model in the matter of not keeping secrets from the cats he was irrevocably bound to. But that was frankly an untrue sentiment.

"It would be nice if we could all have an honest conversation with one another," he said to Skypaw. The words came out as a snap, but Littlepaw didn't care. Right now, he didn't want to listen to Skypaw's complaints about Willowpaw and her newfound adoration of her mentor. There were more pressing things to deal with where Willowpaw was involved.

He filtered into the apprentices' den, finding his sister alone.

"Hey," said Littlepaw. There was no reply. "Look, I know you're pretending to sleep so you don't have to talk about where you went. That's okay. You can deal with it. Take as much time as you need."

No response. Littlepaw figured that he was on the right track, though, so he pressed on.

"I'm going to ask you to tell us eventually," he said. "And I would really appreciate it if you would tell us the truth. I don't want to say that I don't trust you, but none of us are being completely honest right now, and to be quite frank it's interfering with the job that we need to do."

He watched his littermate for a few seconds in the darkness, and when Willowpaw didn't reply, he figured that he had made his point. She had heard him; that was certain. He took a huffing breath and then turned back into the late twilight, nearly running into Lionstar in the process.

"Oh, Littlepaw." Littlepaw paused, glancing up at his father. Lionstar's amber eyes were troubled. "Is Willowpaw alright?"

"She's sleeping," said Littlepaw. "She seems stressed. Mountainpaw told you what happened, right?" Lionstar nodded. "Well, Willowpaw was lying about all of that anyways, and Mountainpaw was probably giving us all more credit than we deserved. Skypaw was being a real jerk to Willowpaw."

"Littlepaw…" said Lionstar. "Is everything alright?"

Littlepaw stared up at his leader and his father, resisting the urge to laugh. He felt horrified, disgusted almost, at what was happening within his own family. Lionstar knew far more than he was letting on, too. Perhaps Lionstar even knew more than Skypaw and the rest of his littermates did. It wasn't fair for them all to keep secrets, but then again, what could he do about it? He was keeping secrets, too.

"Oh, everything's perfect," he said with just a touch too much cruelty. His relaxed look falling into a cranky and irritated face, Littlepaw tried to move past Lionstar, but the leader just blocked his way.

"You're acting far too irrational, and you're never anything less than perfectly logical," said Lionstar. "Please tell me what's going on, Littlepaw."

"Why?" demanded Littlepaw, glaring daggers up at his father. "No one else will tell me what's going on. I have to figure it out all for myself."

Which wasn't too difficult. He huffed at Lionstar's hurt expression and marched towards the exit of camp. Right now there were too many stressors, too many things to think about. His head was pounding as if there was no room left for his own emotions. The thought produced a barking laugh out of Littlepaw, who looked around the forest as if it was brand new to him.

The sun was casting its last rays onto the ground, which meant that for the most part, the forest was composed of shadows. Thin golden-orange beams of light managed to sneak through and splash onto his paws and clumps of ferns in his path, but otherwise, he stalked through darkness. His nose was telling him that Willowpaw and Mouseclaw had gone towards WindClan, which wasn't surprising at all. She wanted to head towards her fears – he had no doubt that her fears would mean those rogues with which she stayed.

Littlepaw let his paws guide him in that direction, and he tried to picture himself as his sister, slipping afraid and upset through the undergrowth in an attempt to find answers. Mouseclaw had joined her after a while, judging from how he could pick up Mouseclaw's scent intercepting hers. He could taste Brackenheart's scent, too, but the golden tom had been rejected and had gone back dejected. Littlepaw hadn't been paying too much attention following Willowpaw's departure, but he was alert to when Brackenheart had re-entered camp, angry, and retreated to the warrior's den without saying a word.

He stood on the bank of the river separating ThunderClan from WindClan, staring up over the moor in hopes that he would see the destination of his sister. It wasn't too far. He could keep tracing her steps if he so chose, and find out exactly where she had gone. A part of him already knew, but Littlepaw was filing that information back into his mind as far as it would go. Willowpaw needed to tell him the truth before he would know for sure. Maybe that was the key. She needed to trust him.

"Littlepaw?" The voice was shocking, but beautiful, and Littlepaw turned his head to meet the dark green eyes of none other than Ivypaw. He felt his heart beat faster and his paws tingle inexplicably. "What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story," said Littlepaw. He crossed so that he was sitting directly in front of her, with only the river as a barrier. "What about you?"

"Fresh air, some thoughts," said Ivypaw. She shrugged. "It's hard being in camp all the time. With Lizardpaw gone, Thrushpaw is even more protective than usual."

They were silent for a few moments, unable to meet the other's eyes. Littlepaw tried to find the words to say something to her, but everything in his body was just yearning to be closer to her. He wanted their words to intermingle with their pelts as they talked into the night and watched the stars, as they did when they were kits together on the journey. He would like to say that their meeting tonight was chance, but things were so rarely chance that he simply had to attribute this conversation as being pre-determined.

"I'm sorry," said Ivypaw. "I should probably go."

"No, please don't," said Littlepaw before his mind had time to formulate a proper response. Ivypaw hadn't moved, though, so he wondered if she was even planning on leaving. "Can we talk?"

"What do you want to talk about?" asked Ivypaw. Littlepaw flexed his muscles before lying down and placing his head on his paws.

"I don't know," he said to her reflection. "I just…I want to hear your voice. Tell me about anything."

"That's a silly request," said Ivypaw, but there was no giggle as there would have been a moon ago. A moon ago – that was when they had last seen each other. Such a long time. His heart was aching just for thinking of the absence. "Okay, um…my training is almost done."

"Already?" Littlepaw raised his head off his paws, looking her straight in the eye. Ivypaw couldn't meet his gaze after a moment or two.

"I don't know," said Ivypaw. "Onestar seems to want to make our warrior training go faster."

"What for?" asked Littlepaw. Ivypaw didn't reply to this question. "I'm sorry. Speak, please."

"What about?" said Ivypaw. "There's not much to say."

"I don't care," said Littlepaw. "I just…" How could he express himself? He wasn't even sure he knew the words. "I need to hear your voice. I need to know what's happened to you in the last moon. I need to know…Ivypaw…"

"Littlepaw, are you alright?" said Ivypaw. "You're being irrational."

"Oh, I'm entirely irrational," said Littlepaw straight to her. He stood up, his entire body shaking. "It's irrational for me to be mad at my siblings. It's irrational for me to be in love with you. It's irrational for me to have so many thoughts running through my head, but it's so hard to be rational, and I – "

"What?" Ivypaw hadn't been listening to his real complaint, so Littlepaw forced himself to stop talking and stare at her. "What did you say?"

"That it's hard to be rational," said Littlepaw quietly.

"No, before that. Before the thoughts-running-through-your-head bit."

"Oh."

A terrible silence extended between them, and Littlepaw tried once more to string his thoughts into words. It was impossible to explain to her the feelings, the raw and passionate feelings that had been absent until she was around.

"I feel…so much," said Littlepaw in staggered breaths. "When you have so many thoughts and feelings, you have to prioritize. Figure out which ones are the most important. And I've decided, or fate has decided for me, that you are the most important thought or feeling I know."

"Littlepaw…" said Ivypaw, startled. She stayed silent for a few seconds. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." He shrugged, watching in a detached state as Ivypaw grew angry. "But the last time we met, you said you were choosing your Clan over me. You said it was ThunderClan and WindClan, and that Littlepaw and Ivypaw were only vessels."

"This is bigger than the Clans," said Littlepaw quietly. Ivypaw shook her head.

"No, it's not," she said. "Don't lie."

Littlepaw was taken by surprise, so he stared at her for a few seconds. Ivypaw stared into the water, her tail brushing softly against the grass. He wanted to go to her and be beside her. He wanted not to have to go another moon without her, not to have to go another day without her.

"I tried," he began. "I tried to choose ThunderClan. But I need you."

"Don't I get to choose?" said Ivypaw painfully. "You made me choose between you and WindClan, and I chose WindClan."

"If that's what you want," said Littlepaw. They met each other's eyes, amber-turquoise on green. Littlepaw was almost afraid to meet the eyes of other cats now, because he was always hypnotizing them in some way. He didn't have to command Ivypaw, and he wouldn't. He could look at her with honest eyes, and that was all new.

"Come here, Littlepaw."

Her words were heavy but sweet, as if she had taken the weight off of Littlepaw's shoulders and was now promising to share it with him. It took Littlepaw a little while to react, but then he nodded emphatically and slipped into the stream. The water refreshed him on his way out. He shook once to dry himself completely, and pressed his muzzle into the soft fur at Ivypaw's neck. He heard a startled purr from her.

"I missed you," said Ivypaw meditatively. "Do you have to go back?"

"No," said Littlepaw right away. "I'm on your schedule." Ivypaw giggled, her nose touching Littlepaw's ear and making him twitch. He stepped away from her to take a good look at her.

"Then you wouldn't mind if we just stayed out here for a while?" said Ivypaw. "I needed a breath away from the rest of the Clan."

"Gladly," said Littlepaw.

At some point, they stopped talking about each other and placed themselves on the ground side by side, just looking up at the stars and talking in mingling quiet voices. Littlepaw lost track of what they were talking about, but he knew that it was important. No one had ever bothered to talk to him about what was important. They talked about life, and death, and fate, and love, and their Clans, and their families, and what the stars meant. Ivypaw wasn't like the others. She didn't care why a cat had gone out for too long or which fresh-kill tasted the best. She didn't care about keeping arbitrary secrets and who was in love with whom. They talked about what it all meant, and not what it all was.

"I don't know if I ever want to leave this place," said Ivypaw. "The stars are beautiful."

"You're beautiful," said Littlepaw softly. "And you can have all your stars. They're wonderful, but I would trade them all to be with you."

He knew that it couldn't be. That's why he had to keep talking and making her see what he meant. There was one thing he couldn't afford to give up, and that was ThunderClan. Ivypaw was special, more special than all the stars, but he couldn't trade her for his prophecy. His time was coming, and she couldn't be in the picture then. What could he do? She would be in the picture whichever way he cropped it.

"Littlepaw…" said Ivypaw. Her voice was broken, as if she was just now feeling the conflict that had been brewing inside of Littlepaw's heart for moons. "I wish this could be real."

"It is real," said Littlepaw, but they both knew that it wasn't. "You're far more real than the rest of the world going on around me."

"We'll have to go back eventually," said Ivypaw, partly ignoring his last statement. "Duty and all of that."

Littlepaw laughed bitterly. Duty and all of that. She had no idea, but that was okay. No one needed to know what was going on inside of him – no one needed to understand his internal battle. It was all becoming so…so difficult. Sighing, Littlepaw turned to nestle into Ivypaw's fur, breathed in her scent, and let himself forget that there was sunrise, and that there was an end.

Oh, but there is always an end. So sad. So cute. So sad.

Things have got to get worse before they get better, folks. It's a sad but true fact.

If you didn't get an obnoxious follow email, I posted a lot of Elemental stuff recently - I even started this compilation of one-shots which currently just has...one one-shot. But hey! It'll be nice if I ever get around to it.

Please favorite/follow/review! I love you all!

~Elsi