The hours following Stella's awakening had flown by. Mac had quickly, albeit reluctantly, been ushered out of the room to allow the medical team to disconnect her from all but the most vital equipment and to reassure her through her obvious confusion and disorientation. The doctors then would check Stella's wounds, making sure they were healing properly and give her the appropriate pain medication as she would feel the pain stronger than when she had been comatose. Immediately after leaving the room, Mac had made his way to the nearest stairwell and had dialled his cell there, calling all his team to let them know that their hopes and prayers had been answered. Even though they would not be allowed in to visit Stella until the doctors were satisfied with her condition, the team promised to head straight to the hospital, and Mac hung up from each call, smiling.

Never before had he felt such relief as he did in that moment. The woman he loved was alive, and although she had a long road ahead of her to recover from her traumatic ordeal, just now Mac would be thankful for her overcoming what had been near impossible odds of survival. There was no doubt in his mind that Stella was a hero; a hero for surviving the Taunter and a hero for fighting to live. The pride and love in his heart swelled as he relived the moment she had burst from her coma, choking on the breathing apparatus. It had been utterly terrifying and yet a miracle at the same time. He had been so close to losing her and then, suddenly, she was alive again and no longer trapped in a comatose state.

But accompanying these feelings of joy and relief were an anxiety and fear of what was to come. Mac could not help the unwavering guilt that it was his fault that all of this had happened. If only he had been with Stella then she would have never been taken. If only he had never struck her; if only he had persuaded her to stay in the lab then none of this would have happened. But it had happened and Mac would have to live with the fallout for the rest of his life.

Doctor Todd had briefly explained to him that Stella would face a long recovery process with her wounds. There was a high risk of the wounds on her back developing an infection and therefore she had to be closely monitored. At some point in the future she would need skin grafts to cover the disgusting curses and taunts which had been carved into her flesh. The stab wound to her abdomen was the most pressing concern for the moment however. Significant damage had been inflicted upon her muscles and although her organs had been missed, it was still a critical and agonising injury. There was no doubt Stella would have to undergo rigorous rehabilitation.

Finally, after so very long the wait was over and Mac was allowed to see Stella. It felt strange seeing her awake and respondent after so long of her lying still, caught in the darkness as he and the others prayed hour upon hour for her survival. The joy he felt at the sight was undeniable. Stella was sat up in the bed. She was still too pale and looked very tired as she sat, fidgeting with her fingers. Her curls were messily pulled back and she reached up to tuck one which had fallen loose back behind her ear. Hearing him enter, Stella glanced up, a mixture of fear and nervousness present in her eyes which made Mac's heart sink at the thought she was afraid to be near him.

Mac sat down and the partners sat in awkward silence before eventually Stella spoke.

'Mac, the nurses...the nurses said that I've been here for two weeks?' Stella asked quietly, looking somewhat confused.

'That's right.' Mac nodded.

'The nurses also said that you stayed with me the whole time…that you...that you barely left my side. Is that true?'

'Yes it is.' He spoke quietly.

Stella again nodded, almost as though she was trying to digest the information. 'Why?'

Mac frowned. 'What do you mean why?'

'Why did you stay with me Mac?'

'Because Stella...I'm your partner. Because I care about you.' Mac looked her straight in the eyes as he spoke.

'Do you?' Stella bluntly asked.

'Of course!' Mac exclaimed. 'Why would you ask that?'

'Why wouldn't I Mac?' She suddenly cried out and her heart monitor sped up. She flinched slightly as she moved; her wounds hurting even through the industrial-strength pain killers she had been given.

Stella spoke again, more calmly. 'Mac you hate me. And I know I deserve it- I broke protocol when pursuing, the Taunt...' Her voice hitched slightly, 'the suspect. It's my fault I'm here and what he did to me.'

Mac tried to interject to strenuously deny this but Stella held up her hand to continue. 'And because of what I said about Claire too…' She continued, her voice quieter. 'I'm sorry about that and you have every right to hate me for it.'

'Stella I don't hate you!' Mac denied passionately as he sat in the vacant chair by her bedside.

'Yes you do Mac. I can see it.'

'How...tell me why you think I hate you.' Mac spoke heart-brokenly as tears pooled in his eyes. How could Stella ever think he hated her? He could never hate her, he loved her!

Stella took a deep breath before beginning to speak.

'We've known each other for twelve years. We've worked together every single day, solving crimes, ensuring justice and yet after all that time I still feel like an outsider. Like I don't belong in the lab, like I don't belong with you. Being your partner is the best experience of my life and I'll never regret it.' Stella stopped, breathing heavily as she fought to maintain control of her emotions. She needed to speak, to finally tell Mac how she really felt.

As much as Mac wanted to interrupt Stella and tell her the truth about his feelings he knew he had to let her speak. This was her chance now and he would not deny her it.

'Everyone else has moved on with their lives: got married, have partners, had children and I'm still here, still the same, as lonely as ever.'

'You have me.' Mac whispered in shock at Stella's confessions.

'Do I?' She bluntly asked. 'Because I'm not so sure Mac. You've been moving on too- and that's good and I'm pleased you're finally trying to rebuild and live a little, date and find romance. I'm happy for you, really I am but I can't help it Mac! I can't help but feel jealous because I don't have that. Yes I've dated but it's never worked out- they've either been losers or I just haven't been interested. But I think it's not worked out because they're not you.' Stella stopped, flinching slightly in pain but determinedly she carried on.

'Because the truth is I wish it was you I was dating and I wish that it was me in place of the women you've dated. I wish you are in love with me.'

Heavy silence followed this confession.

Stella kept her gaze anywhere except on Mac- afraid and ashamed to see the revulsion that was undoubtedly on his face. A man like him would never love her. He was worth a million of her. Mac however was in shock. A part of him had not believed Flack when he had told him Stella loved him. He had thought it was impossible for Stella to feel the same way but now hearing it from her own lips, it made it all so very clear that she too loved him. He glanced to Stella and his heart clenched painfully as he saw the tears running down her face and the pained expression she wore.

'I'm sorry Mac for putting you in this position. I'm sorry for all that I've done- hurting you using Claire, leaving, and going after the Taunter on my own. I deserve all of this pain I know.'

'No!' Mac cried in horror. 'None of this is your fault.'

'Isn't it?' Stella asked plainly.

'No it's not. If anything it's mine...'

Stella shook her head forcefully, 'Please don't Mac. I can't deal with this just now.'

Mac nodded mutely, unable to bare the pain on Stella's face.

'You have no idea what that does to me Mac: you blaming yourself. You have no idea how hard it is to hear the person you love doing that.'

Mac blanched in shock at Stella's words. Had he heard her right?

'Did you just say...?'

'Yes I did Mac. I did just say it. I love you Mac Taylor. I've loved you for a very long time and it's ok.' She spoke bitterly, seeing the shock on his face, 'I know you don't feel the same way. It's just me being typically stupid.' She finished quietly, tears beginning to seep from her eyes.

Seeing the woman he loved in so much despair, Mac put aside his cowardice. 'I love you too Stella.'

The woman glanced up, surprise on her face and almost a hint of hope as his words sunk in. But then as soon as the hope had arrived, it vanished and was replaced with scepticism and despair.

'You're just saying that because of what's happened.'

'No I'm not Stell. Why can't you see it's the truth! I love you Stella.'

'How am I supposed to believe that Mac? Look at me! How can I possibly believe that you love me?'

'Because I do Stella! It's the truth! I know it's hard to believe me after all that's happened but please, I do love you Stella.' Mac pleaded with her.

Tears now poured from Stella's eyes. 'I'm so confused Mac.'

'It's ok.' He reassured, grasping her hand in comfort as he watched broken-heartedly as the woman he loved just did not believe what he said. 'You need time to recover. I understand Stella. But what I'm saying is the truth. I do love you. I've loved you for years and I know my behaviour at times hasn't suggested that but it's the truth. Please believe me Stella.' Stella had never heard Mac beg before. It felt so strange and so very wrong.

'I just Mac...I can't believe it just now.' She flinched and then cried out in pain as she noticed a growing bloodstain on her nightgown over her stab wound.

'Mac...'

'I'll get a nurse!' He immediately confirmed and rushed out of the room, seconds later returning accompanied by a nurse and Doctor Todd.

'It's alright Stella, we'll sort this straight away.'

Mac stepped outside to allow Stella some privacy as the medics worked on stopping the bleeding and cleaning her up. His mind was awash with so many thoughts and emotions. Why could Stella not believe him? How could she not see what she meant to him? A part of Mac was looking for a happy ending but he knew there was still so much to work through. He had caused her so much pain and now with her needing to focus on her immediate recovery, it just was not the time to confront such things. Stella needed space and he would give it to her if she so desired.

Eventually Doctor Todd vacated the room, explaining that the bleeding had stopped and although she was very tired, Stella had asked to see him again.

He walked in the room cautiously, his eyes connecting with Stella's exhausted ones.

'I'm sorry Mac.' She apologised.

'No Stella...it's not your fault.'

The air in the room was now different- neither seemed willing to return to their previous conversation and Mac could see that Stella was quickly tiring.

'Mac...I heard what you said but I don't know what to do. I would like time if that's ok?' Her eyes stared directly into his, pleading for a chance to breathe.

'That's ok. I understand.' Mac spoke quietly. 'When you're ready we can talk then.'

'Thank you.' Stella whispered, a lone tear snaking itself down her cheeks.

Leaving Stella in that hospital room was one of the hardest things he had ever done but Mac knew it was the right course of action. Stella needed space to breathe; space to think of her future and decide what it was that she wanted and needed. It was true what she had said about always putting others first, she had and now it was time for Stella to put herself first. As hard as he found this waiting to be, Mac would do it for Stella the woman he loved. They both needed a chance to breathe.

Apologies for the length of time for an update and for the poor quality of this chapter. Only one more chapter left. Reviews as always are greatly appreciated.