A/N: Sirius's POV, this chapter is dedicated to faithful fan BritishBeauty x. I hope the updates are improving your day!

-C

"Who is this guy, anyway?" I asked James, shivering slightly. "What's the big deal about him?"

"He's a Death Eater," James said grimly. "That's the big deal. Sirius, why aren't you with Amy?"

"Why aren't you with Lily?" I countered, trying to keep my teeth from chattering.

James sighed.

He was going to tell me twins were different than just one child on the way, but he was wrong. Amy had Aludra if something happened to me. She had diversion and comfort. Lily was sitting home alone, pregnant, anxious, every time James left for an Order mission.

"Amy's magic is misfiring, Sirius," James said softly. "Lily's isn't." I shushed him, but he frowned at me. "Sirius, you can't just pretend it's not happening."

"Shut up, James," I hissed. "They're coming."

I could see the dark-haired man we were tailing as he walked forward through the snow.

We didn't have orders on what to do with him, exactly, other than make sure he didn't hurt anyone and report back to Dumbledore. My preferred way of making sure he didn't hurt anyone, though, was killing him.

"We should get Frank," James whispered. "Frank can arrest him. It would be perfect."

"If you send a Patronus now he'll see it and we'll be screwed," I warned.

James frowned.

"I know what you're thinking, Padfoot, but we can't."

I growled slightly.

"Think of what he's done, James."

"Ten seconds ago, you were complaining that you didn't know who he was."

"Ten seconds ago I was freezing and pouting," I snarled. "I know what he's done, even if I can't remember his name. Blowing up an entire Muggle family. The Ministry worker he killed and gutted last week had a family, James. And the woman he killed yesterday? She was pregnant, Lily told me." I swallowed a mouthful of cold air. "It could have been…."

"It wasn't Amy, Sirius," James said sympathetically. "And it wasn't Lily either."

"But it could have been."

"Sirius, you can't go around taking every death personally. You'll drive yourself mad! Look, let's just wait until he turns the corner, then you tail him – don't attack him, for Merlin's sake! – and I'll send a message to Frank. We'll make sure he suffers, Sirius. Death is too quick an end for a man like him. Let the dementors take care of his pain."

James was right, of course, so I nodded, swallowing another mouthful of the icy air and watching as the man turned the corner.

"Go," James hissed.

It had been so long since I'd last moved that it hadn't occurred to me that moving again might be difficult. I did as bid, slinking forward in the darkness. I could hear James murmuring the messenger Patronus onward into the night as I kept the Death Eater in sight. Frank would want this man to suffer too.

Frank would think of Alice, as I had thought of Amy and James had thought of Lily. We'd become a trio of fathers, the three of us. We saw the world in much the same way, anymore.

The man stayed in my sight, stopping to light a cigarette between his gloved fingers. Those were dragonhide gloves, which was a bit ridiculously over-zealous for everyday use. That is, unless you were lighting up cigarettes on every other street corner. I felt James come up behind me, smelling the scent that told me for certain it was him. Animal instincts were a life and time saver in this environment of constant war.

"Frank is on his way. Should we Stun him? You remember Dolohov. It would be nice if they had it easy, for a change."

I considered this for a moment. If we Stunned him while he was just standing there, smoking, in the middle of the street…

"Let's move in closer, first," I muttered. "Don't want to alarm the Muggles. Let's make it look like he's fainted or something."

"Right," James said, sliding his wand back up his sleeve. I did the same, pulling my scarf over my face. If he saw us approaching and recognized us, he'd have time to Disapparate.

He was facing the other way, though, and when I was about six paces from reaching him, James muttered the spell.

I managed to move forward quickly enough to catch the man as he fell and put out his cigarette in the snow. A few Muggles stopped and looked in alarm and I uncovered my face and used the scarf to fake fan him.

"It's all right," I said. "I'm a H-doctor. He's just fainted. Probably the cold. Come on, James, let's get him warmed up."

When the people seemed satisfied and went about their business, James gave me a small smirk.

"Nice cover," he muttered. We heard the crack of Apparition and Frank and his partner walked around the corner a moment later.

"That's Karkaroff, alright," Frank said with a tight grin. "He's not…?"

"Just Stunned," James said with a similar tight smile. "We'll leave him in your capable hands, gentlemen."

"How did you know where he was?" Frank's partner asked. "Or that we were looking for him?"

I snorted.

"We were out for pastries, mate," I said disparagingly. "Our wives are pregnant. They get cravings. And we knew you wanted him because we read the papers like everybody else. Good to know our safety is in your capable hands."

"Piss off, Sirius," Frank said, rolling his eyes. "Give my best to Amy. Alice has started misfiring too, so I know how you feel."

I nodded. It wasn't that I didn't want to go back to my wife, but I was going to miss the rush of being on a mission. Still, James and I parted once Karkaroff was dragged off and I Disapparated back home, where Amy was rocking a dozing Aludra.

It stung, maybe a bit more than it should have, that my little girl didn't stay up to all hours of the night for me to tuck her in anymore.

Every fight got just a bit harder, on some of us more than others. Mad-Eye had already given chunks of his body to the cause, including an eye and a leg. He'd nearly given the other eye, and I wondered if someday I might not end up like that as well, but I didn't want to think like I wasn't invincible, because it was a reminder of how greatly I could fail Amy.

Amy and the girls.

I was already starting to think of the twins by the names Amy had chosen, although she'd not chosen middle names yet. We hadn't even agreed which name would be for the older one. I was still a bit in denial that there would be an older one, and that they wouldn't just both come out at once. In some ways, it would be so much easier that way.

"What are you going to do," James asked me while we had an Order lunch at headquarters after a meeting, "if you can't tell them apart? What if they literally look identical?"

"I'll figure out something," I said with a shrug. "And Amy's pretty clever I expect she's already got some kind of plan."

There was an alarm and we all looked around.

Raid.

"C'mon," I said, dropping my fork and grapping my cloak. "Let's go."

James, Remus, Peter and I arrived at the raid just as Frank was thrown back into some crates.

"Check on him, Pete!" James cried, rolling up his sleeves and heading into the mess.

"Keep your eyes sharp, Sirius," Mad-Eye called at me. "We've only got two of them, but they're Disillusioned!"

I growled.

It wasn't as effective as James's Invisibility Cloak, of course, but Disillusionment would stay on in a battle when a cloak wouldn't.

"Duck!" Remus roared.

It was good to have a werewolf and Mad-Eye on your side in fights like this. The Muggle warehouse was already a terrible place to have a wizarding battle, but when only subtle shifts in the air around you would indicate the position of your attacker, the keen hearing and sharp sight of Remus was an immeasurable asset.

Still, Mad-Eye got hit with a nasty curse in the face, and it took another twenty minutes of him fighting while bleeding before we finally apprehended and made again visible Wilkes and Rosier. I kicked Rosier for good measure, knowing Frank wouldn't let me do more.

"C'mon," I said, watching as Frank Disapparated with the two Death Eaters. I had Mad-Eye by the arm. "Let's see how much of your face my wife can save."

"Bless her," Mad-Eye growled before we Disapparated and I let us in to the house, where Amy was not to be seen I could hear her bathing Aludra.

"Amy!" I called. "I'll take over with Aludra! Moody needs Healing out here!"

She hurried out with her wand in hand, a wet patch down her front, and I siphoned dirt off my clothes as I rushed into the bathroom to bathe my daughter in her mother's absence.

"Hey, there, princess!" I said to my puzzled daughter, who was looking around the bathroom like she didn't know what to do with her soap water and bath toys. "What do we have here?" I picked up the plastic floating boat, tapped it with my wand, and set it back in the water. It began to move around her and she giggled with delight, trying to catch it, like me when I chased my tail except biting the boat might help with her teething more than it would hurt. When I bit my tail, it wasn't a pleasant feeling, and yet I kept chasing it. It was strange, how dog reflexes could overcome my human thoughts at times.

"Sirius," Amy called from the front room, "can you put Aludra to bed and come back out here, please? I'm going to need a hand."

"Yes, love!" I turned back to Aludra, who was splashing and babbling as she tried to get the boat. "C'mon, princess. Time for sleep. Let's dry you off, darling."

I drained the tub and pulled her tiny body out of it, drying her off as she giggled. I dressed her in her pajamas and put her in bed, kissing her forehead before hurrying back out to Amy, who was still trying to stay the bleeding.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Did you hear what the curse was?" she demanded. "I can't…can't…"

"All right, let's calm down," I said, touching her shoulder. She was shaking. "Amy, calm down. We just need to stop the bleeding, right?"

"I can't!" she cried. "I don't know what to do, Sirius!"

"Here," I sighed, "I'll focus on cleaning on the blood. You focus on figuring out the rest, all right?" She nodded, but her hand was still shaking.

"Breathe, Black," Mad-Eye rasped. Amy took a deep breath and I began siphoning off the blood carefully so that she could get a better look at the wound. After about fifteen minutes, we managed to stop the bleeding, and then she set about Healing the wound as best she could.

"I'm afraid quite a lot of the nose is gone," Amy said.

I had to admit, if Mad-Eye had looked grim before, he was terrifying with so much of his face gone. Mad-Eye patted Amy's shoulder comfortingly.

"As I've said, Black. No need to look pretty. I'll leave that to you and your daughters."

Amy gave a shaky, watery laugh and wiped her tear-filled eyes.

"Amy," I said gently, but it was Mad-Eye who comforted her.

"You did what you could, Black," he said, standing. "I'll live. That's the important thing."

He clapped me on the shoulder and left to file his paperwork at the Ministry.

"He's going to be okay," Amy said, shivering as I sat on the couch and pulled her onto my lap. "He's going to be fine. Right?"

"Right, darling," I said, putting my hand on her abdomen, kissing her neck. "Everything's going to be fine."

I related the incident to James over drinks at his place while Lily and Amy had a night to themselves with Aludra.

"It's bound to happen from time to time, mate," James said with a sad shrug. "It's good that these things bother her still. The rest of us, we've all become so…callous to it. We see so much death and suffering."

"Too much," I agreed, nodding, looking down at my drink. "I just hate to think how hard it's going to be when there are three girls for her to look after when I'm on missions."

James quirked an eyebrow at me and poured more drinks as I finished mine.

"You know," he said softly, "it doesn't have to be that way. You know the offer Dumbledore's going to give you. I mean, he gave it when Aludra was born, but you know he'll give it again. Amy would like to have you there, mate."

"The war needs me," I said shaking my head.

Yes, Dumbledore could offer protection and we could go into hiding. Perhaps we would be safe, or safer. It was such a risk, but how could I forgive myself if something happened to the others because I hid?

"Pads, the war is going to go on with or without you fighting. What would you do if you lost her, lost all of them?"

"You think I don't think about that every day?" I asked, clenching my hand around the glass. I thought of it many times a day. I couldn't even handle Mr. Potter's death without Amy to hold me, to be with me. If I lost her….

"I'm just saying, it's something you should strongly consider," James pressed. "You know it's only a matter of time before they come for you."

With a snort, I shot back my drink and felt the firewhisky burn my throat. I cleared my throat slightly.

It was strange that they hadn't come for me yet. Lucius Malfoy had sent me a letter, but I'd burned it without opening it, mostly because I hadn't had time to read it and I didn't want Amy to find it. I didn't know what it might say, but it couldn't be anything good.

"Have you or the Longbottoms heard anything more?" I asked.

"No," James sighed, running his fingers through his hair, something he'd stopped doing when we left school except when he was exceptionally nervous. "No, the protections have either been very effective, or Voldemort really is waiting to see when our children are born. I'm not sure which thought bothers me more, to be honest."

I nodded.

At school, the war had seemed exciting, something that our joining could be brought to a swift and prosperous close. I would aid the downfall of Voldemort and Amy and I would live happily ever after with a dozen children and a duck called Cyril. Or maybe without the duck. I really didn't mind either way.

"Where do you think Caradoc is?" I finally asked. "I mean, he's dead. I know he is. But do you think they did something with his body?"

"I know they didn't bury him, whatever they did," James said darkly. "You can't just think of Caradoc all the time, you know. He was great, but he gave his life to the cause. Don't follow him, Sirius. He would want you to learn from his mistakes."

Caradoc's mistakes…. Losing his love and their unborn child, and then recklessly throwing himself into Order work to deal with his grief and his pain. James was trying to point out that I hadn't made those mistakes yet, but that if I didn't hide away, they would be my mistakes as well. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should at least more strongly consider going into hiding.

"Tell you what," I said with a smile, "if Voldemort or Bellatrix or someone equally awful approaches me, or if we have another kid, I'll go into hiding. Okay?"

James frowned, hesitating.

"Why are you working this out with me?" he asked. "I mean, I'm glad you're thinking about it and talking about it and everything, but…shouldn't this be something you talk out with Amy?"

I outwardly ignored the question, grabbing the firewhisky bottle and pouring myself another drink. To me, at this point, talking it out with Amy was out of the question. I wasn't sure if she was in any more danger, not knowing, but I didn't want her knowing just how bad the war had gotten. I wanted her to believe that we were either winning, or had some chance to win. Some days, I believed it too, like the day we took in Wilkes and Rosier.

Except then I looked at Mad-Eye's face, or all the empty seats at the table at headquarters. I was in no position to say exactly that we were losing. Only Dumbledore could really judge the situation on that level.

But I could tell we weren't winning. I knew we weren't winning, and yet I let Amy believe we were when she could. I told myself most days that it was for her health, for the babies, but that was only part of it. If Amy believed we were winning, then when I came home and it was just us, I could almost believe it too.

What would I have left to believe if we were in hiding?

I decided James was right, though, as I poured us both more drinks. To not put hiding on the table, just in case, and to write it off completely was foolish. I couldn't afford to be Caradoc. I had so much more to lose. Amy, three children soon.

If I lost them, if I lost her, I would probably kill myself. What would it matter, then, if the war was won or lost? Everything would be lost to me, without her.

"Cheers, mate," James said, grinning at me.

"Cheers," I muttered, throwing the drink back and downing it in one.