A/N: Hello, everyone! Thank you soooooo much for the reviews I received for last chapter. You really do make my day when you take out a few seconds to leave me your thoughts. I want to say that last chapter went the way it did for good reasons :/ I know it wasn't enjoyable but, trust me, I didn't do it because I liked to. My main goal is stay as in character as possible and keeping in mind it took Katniss over 3 years to realize she loved Peeta… well, she's tough cookie. Only twice in the book did she really feel something while kissing Peeta and afterwards did everything possible to forget about it, even though neither time was as intense as the one in last chapter. Therefore, I realized that this would throw Katniss into defensive mode. She is always trying to protect herself from getting hurt by not attaching herself to Peeta, so feeling the way she felt, made her feel vulnerable, unsafe, not a feeling she enjoys, and her only way to stop feeling so positive is… well… to feel negative about it. And poor sweet Peeta just happened to be in front of her. So she lashed out her anger at herself towards Peeta, trying to blame him for her feelings. Ok, enough rambling, haha. I just wanted to explain for those who might have been confused. And if you ever don't understand why something happened, you can be sure it wasn't to add angst or drama to it. Eeek! I hate unnecessary drama. You can be sure it was done to try to stay in character OK, I'm done now, for real. Enjoy!
Chapter 7
As the sun came down, I stayed under my covers, drowning myself in my own anger, my own immaturity. I knew Peeta was out there somewhere feeling like crap, and as bad as I wanted to change that, I was too afraid to face him. I couldn't face him. It was all because of that stupid kiss!
But… Peeta and I have kissed so many times. It makes no sense why this one is… well, making me so… so uncomfortable! It's because of the stress. I am so stressed out. I must have snapped at poor Peeta out of anxiety for all the things that are going on, all over the country, and here I am, having so much, when I really just want to go home and see Prim and my mother and Gale… wait, no. I don't want to see Gale, actually. I don't want to admit this but I even miss Haymitch a little bit.
Yes, this is making me angry. It all makes sense now. All of this just caught up to me and I have to admit I didn't handle it well. And I was already pretty ticked off at Peeta for making so much noise. He is so loud!
… I am a horrible person… I sigh and uncover myself to see the sun setting behind the mountains and I have to catch my breath. The sunset is strikingly beautiful, precisely that shade of orange I know Peeta favorites. I hope he is watching it. I got to make things right with him. He wants to be here just as little as I do and I have no right to take it out on him. And he is probably alone somewhere searching incessantly through his mind to figure out what he did to anger me so.
And then I feel this sudden urge to sit next to him and watch this sunset with him.
I jump out of bed before I lose what little courage I have and walk out the door. The truth is I have no idea where to look. I don't know this place enough to think of where he might go. I decide to just start walking and looking. I reach the lobby but there is not a soul around except for the receptionist. I look in the dining hall but he isn't there. I go back to the receptionist, now it's a girl, and ask her if she has seen Peeta.
"Have you seen my husband, Peeta? Blond, blue eyes, strong build, dashing smile…" I try describing him.
"Yes, of course, I know who your husband is" she says delighted. Of course, she must know him. I forget sometimes that we are now known by everyone whether they like it or not. It's almost always mandatory to watch when we come on TV. I am surprised there are people who still like us.
"So you've seen him?" I ask, too hopeful.
"Oh, no, I haven't. I am so sorry" she says and she looks heartbroken. And it kind of bothers me a little, I got to admit. Why does she have to be so sorry not have seen Peeta?
Ok, I must seriously be hormonal today. I am getting angry at every body. Poor girl was probably just trying to be sympathetic… well, still… she seemed a little over the top, almost as she wished she had seen him. I'll keep an eye on her.
I walk outside without another word. Could he have gone back to the woods? He wouldn't, right? Not with his prosthetic leg and with no idea where to go. But where else would he go? He is obviously not in the resort. And there is nothing else here!
But if he had gone out, the receptionist would have seen him, right? Unless, she just started her shift. I remember there was a boy when I came back from outside.
Fear envelops me as I realize there is only one place Peeta could be. He must be in the woods. It is almost all dark outside and if night falls completely, he may not find his way back. He could get attacked by whatever beasts roam these woods. A picture of Peeta, lost, hurt, in the dark of the forest comes to mind and my heart starts flapping like a bird's wings in my chest.
I could lose Peeta tonight and it's my entire fault.
I am in sandals and not equipped to fight the night's cold but I don't care. I can't lose another minute. I sprint towards the trees and follow the trail we covered this morning. I fancy Peeta's intelligence to have guided him to stay in the path he knew and I head towards the river we saw earlier. I call his name incessantly until I feel my voice start getting coarse. The air turns icy as the night falls and my teeth chatter in a futile attempt to keep me warm.
When I reach the meadow and realize he isn't there, I collapse on the floor. My nose loses all feeling and my entire body shakes. It is a mix of my muscles contracting to maintain body heat to defend against the merciless cold and a fit of crying.
My mind can't accept it. Where is he? I refuse to accept defeat.
I shiver as I get on my feet again. I run back to the resort to get help. All these expert tour guys must know this forest very well. They can join in the search. We have to find him! We have to!
My feet struggle to keep the rhythm as they lose sensitivity. But I can't stop. Peeta could be anywhere in this immense woodland, freezing to death, or worse, being attacked by a wild animal. I deny considering that it could be too late. My mind wants to scream, to tell him to hold on a second longer. I am almost there.
I burst through the doors and before I can start screaming at the receptionist to get everyone mobilized in a search she smiles and says: "We found him!"
I pant, trying to catch my breath as my head wraps around what she just said.
Peeta is here! Peeta is safe! My mind keeps repeating the words over and over and I start articulating the words, too.
"He's safe! Oh, he's safe! Peeta, you're safe!" I say between pants as my knees give in to the pressure and I drop to the floor.
I hold my head between my hands and focus my eyes on the floor, letting it all sink in. Relief floods through me and l can't help when a nervous laugh escapes my lips.
But desperation sets back in. I got to see him! I have to see it with my own eyes to believe it; I have to hold him to make sure he really is ok.
As if reading my thoughts, she motions for me to follow her and we go past a door with "Employees only" written on it. We walk through hallways and doors until a wave of heat hits my icy cold body and we are inside the kitchen. I search desperately until my eyes set on a face too young to be in here, white, covered in flour, his arms, his face, his hair slightly sprinkled by it. My stomach drops and I run towards him. I knock over someone who was carrying a tray of something but I don't stop.
His eyes finally see me sprinting towards him and they open wide in shock.
"Katniss…" he begins but I knock his breath out when I crash into him in an asphyxiating embrace. He is even more shocked now, as it takes him a few seconds to realize I am not assaulting him, and he hesitantly hugs me back.
"Oh thank god, you're ok!" I say, pathetically relieved. Everyone must think I am a psycho but I don't care. They don't know how afraid I was.
I break away and my emotions get the better of me.
"What were you thinking?!" I yell at him. "I thought you might be dead!" I say on the verge of crying as I recall the horror of the last hours. "I couldn't find you and I thought you had gone in the forest, and then it got dark, and cold, and… and… And don't ever do that to me again!" I point my finger right in his face menacingly.
"I'm sorry, Katniss, I… I didn't think… I just wanted to bake" he tries to explain in confusion. "You're so cold" he states worried, as he feels my hand in his.
"What do you think?! I was looking for you through the woods like a mad woman!" I yell just to prove my point that I am, in fact, crazy.
I can't take him looking at me like that and just hug him again, for double measure, to make sure I am really here with him and this isn't an illusion.
"Don't you ever scare me like that" I say, eyes closed, heart racing. He is here. He is okay.
"I'm sorry. I won't" he whispers in my ear as he caresses my hair and my back.
I awkwardly release him as I realize everyone is watching us in awe, mouths open.
I swallow hard and start walking out of the kitchen as inconspicuously as possible even though I know after my little show back there, it would take for me to turn invisible for them to not to notice my every move now.
I am relieved as I hear Peeta thanking who I think must be the head chef for allowing him to accompany them and the other man just thanks him for the new recipe and I hear Peeta's steps behind me. But not before he tells him, jokingly: "I better go now. You know, gotta fulfill my marital responsibilities" and I can almost imagine him smiling and winking before the whole kitchen cracks up. Color rises in my cheeks as I understand the implication and I have to remind myself not slap Peeta for embarrassing me like that. I have to be nice; I have been disagreeable enough for today.
We quietly walk back to the elevators and to our room and I can't find the words to begin. Peeta seems to be in an equally uncomfortable mode as his eyebrows are furrowed in hesitation, though why, I don't know.
We walk in and he slouches on the bed, looking down, almost like a child who expects to be scolded.
"Katniss, I'm so…" he begins but I cut him before he can begin apologizing and make me feel guiltier than I already feel.
"Don't you dare start apologizing!" I say menacingly. He closes his mouth instantly. God, it seems like all I can do today is yell, even when I am trying my hardest to be nice. I take a deep breath and begin again.
"I am sorry. I have been very… unfair to you today" I test the waters with that then examine his expression. It is a mix of confusion and shock. "I have been acting in a way you don't deserve, and that goes to all my actions today" I say and take a deep breath for the grand finale. "I hope you can forgive me" and I swallow hard one more time.
He opens his mouth to say something but thinks better of it. I resist demanding he tell me what he was going to say. You are on thin ice here, I remind myself. I am trying to redeem myself.
He bites his entire lower lip and nods.
"Uh, that's ok… I am sorry, too. I shouldn't have k… ahh… disappeared like that" he says and regains his composure. Now this is a sight to be seen! Peeta is struggling to say the right thing.
There are so many other things I want to say but fear stops me. This whole apologizing has gotten personal and too emotional for my comfort. This whole day has.
So the rest of my words go unspoken and I bite my lips for the rest of the night to hold all these confessions inside. Peeta seems to be on the same boat. He is tense the whole night and barely speaks to me at all that night, except to ask me what I would like for room service to bring me for dinner. I catch him several times staring at me in that confused, hesitant look I hadn't seen in him since we were in the cave, back in the games. His features never relax throughout the night and I wonder what thoughts are torturing him so. But I don't ask and he doesn't tell me.
This day has been an emotional rollercoaster and as we watch yesterday's summary of the wedding on TV by mandatory demand, it seems like it was such a long time ago. They announce that starting tomorrow they will have summaries of our days as well every day and I get nervous thinking of what they might show of today. I am thankful when the program is over and I get in Peeta's green sweatshirt and hop in bed as subtly as possible. Since yesterday, this sweatshirt has gotten emotional value somehow and I feel a strange satisfaction being in it.
I feel even more grateful as Peeta's arms grab me and pull me close to him in an impossibly warm and cozy embrace and a grin pops on my lips. After today's events it feels surreal to be in his arms and I fall asleep, no longer being able to push away from my mind the undeniable fact that, whether I like it or not, I would be lost without my boy with the bread.
A/N: Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeease leave me your toughts! I really want to know what anyone reading this thinks about it