The last chapter wasn't really a letter... whoops!
Dear Robert,
You dipwad, why did you go to America over the summer?! I was starting to worry about the possibility you were having an affair with that woman who has the wide mouth. She used to be our maid, remember? Oh yes, of course. You made love to her many times without my permission. You know, I would've said yes, you dickhead!
Anyway, I was looking through your underwear drawer when I came across some tampons. This only means one thing. You're a girl and you have a fake penis because I would know if you had a vagina. Please stop keeping secrets from me! I am your wife and I should know everything.
So, when you get back, I'm going to pee all over you while you're sleeping. You'll never know until it happens and you get this letter.
Tomorrow is our anniversary and I wanted to spend the day with Thomas, if that's alright.
I just so happen to be the sexiest motherfucker in the universe. And everyone loves me, except for you because you're a dick.
I hope to hear from you soon!
-Cora, AKA, Queen Gaywad