Chapter 5
Shortly after Tali departed, the comm buzzed again. Shepard's physical therapist, no doubt. She let out a small moan of protest, then answered the comm. Miranda's face appeared. What the hell?
"Miranda? What are you-?" she started, but Miranda cut her off.
"I'm much more qualified to be your physical therapist than the idiot the salarian doctors recommended. And trust me, you'll like me better."
"How are you more qualified . . .?" Shepard asked, bemused.
"Shepard, I'm the one who made it possible for you to walk after you died."
"Oh right. I see your point." Shepard opened the door for Miranda with her omni-tool. "I'm upstairs."
A minute later Miranda came bustling into the room. She was carrying a med bag, but what really caught her eye was the fact that Miranda was wearing a different outfit. She was wearing jeans and an N7 T-shirt. Shepard blinked.
"Okay who are you and what have you done with Miranda . . .?"
"Very funny, Shepard," she said, sitting next to Shepard, all business. "Do you have any feeling in your legs yet?"
"Nope. Why are people so easily getting their hands on elite-squadron merchandise?"
"A store opened at the Silversun Strip. Its proceeds go to the Palaven relief fund. I'm going to reactivate a couple of your implants."
"Oh I see. For the relief fund. Okay."
Miranda sucked in a deep sigh. "Okay look. You know I don't like all this sentimental talk, so I'll only say this once. I bought this in honor of you, Shepard. I want to show the galaxy one T-shirt at a time that you're a damn hero. And I won't let them forget. Not in my lifetime. Satisfied?"
"Yeah," Shepard said with an amused grin. Then, to relieve Miranda's tension, "You said something about implants?"
"Right. The electrical burst your body received from direct contact with Harbinger must have shut down some of your implants. I ran diagnostics on them, but couldn't risk activating them while you were in a coma. It's safer to do it while you're awake so you can tell me if something feels wrong or off."
"Okay . . .," Shepard wasn't sure what that meant, but she didn't question. Miranda had more than proved herself trustworthy.
Miranda rolled up Shepard's N7 sweatpants to Shepard's knees then fiddled with her omni-tool.
"You keep my implant activation codes in your omni-tool?" Shepard asked in disbelief.
"For as much as you fall into fire, you should be thanking me."
Shepard didn't say anything, just waited for something to happen. At first, nothing did. Then, "Shit!" Shepard hissed as seering pain shot up both legs.
"Damn!" Miranda cursed. "I was afraid of that. You're going to need surgery. I need to manually repair your implants."
"Great," Shepard said, slumping back on the bed.
"The good news is, we can at least get some feeling back in your legs today. I'll warn you, however, when I sync it up to the nerves in your legs, it will be excruciating. At least, that's what other patients have told me."
Shepard actually perked up at the news. Having any feeling in her legs was better than nothing. "Pain I can deal with."
"Believe me, I know," Miranda said quietly.
Without further warning, she activated a couple of the implants. Shepard's back spasmed into an arch, and she was unable to stop a cry of pain from escaping her lips. She bit down on her tongue to silence herself.
"Shit!" Miranda cursed again and shut it back off. "I'm sorry, Shepard."
"Don't be," Shepard gasped, collecting herself after a moment. "Just a little warning this time."
"Okay," Miranda said hesitantly. "Here goes."
Shepard was prepared for it, but it didn't seem to matter. It felt sort of like someone had poured gasoline and acid all over her legs then lit them on fire. If possible, it hurt worse than the first time. After a few more seconds of this Miranda put a stop to it, leaving Shepard gasping for air again. In a rare show of tenderness, Miranda began softly massaging Shepard's legs.
"I think there may be more nerve damage than I originally thought," she said after a few minutes.
Shepard's head rolled back in relief from Miranda's massaging hands. She could be cold as ice, but the woman had amazing hands. It was probably what hooked Jack. She smiled at the thought.
"So be honest with me, Miranda. What's really going on between you and Jack?"
Miranda's hands stopped and her eyes widened in what Shepard could only describe as horror.
Shepard laughed, then grimaced as her ribs protested. "Oh don't be embarrassed," she assured Miranda. "Don't ever be ashamed of finding love, even if it's in an unexpected place. Do you care about her?"
She saw a moment of indecision pass over Miranda's face, but it passed and she gave in. "I suppose one could say we've been bonded by trauma and maybe that's not the most healthy way to begin a relationship . . . but yes. Somehow . . . what you said at the party . . . I mean I know you were just being a smartass, but there was truth in it. I don't know how you saw it because we certainly didn't, but when Jack came to my room that night . . .," she trailed off as her mind delved into the (obviously pleasant) memory.
"You're welcome," Shepard said in the most cheeky voice she could muster.
Miranda shook herself from her memory and shot daggers at Shepard.
"Yeah, yeah, you can get even when you activate my damn implants again," Shepard said with a dry smile.
Miranda glanced down at Shepard's legs, then gave her a scolding look. "Not funny, Shepard."
"I know. I have terrible comic timing. Let's just get it over with."
Miranda nodded and activated the implants once again. If possible, it was getting worse, not better. If Miranda decided to torture Shepard for information, this would be the way to do it. Uncontrolled tears of pain forced their way from Shepard's eyes as she growled out in pain in order to control the scream that was trying to escape her lips. Why the hell wasn't it getting easier? When Miranda deactivated it again, Shepard collapsed back on the bed, sweating and panting like she's just run a 50k marathon. In her haze, she heard the patter of feet running and Liara suddenly appeared in the doorway.
"Shepard! Your vital signs spiked, are you-?" she stopped when she saw Miranda. "Miranda . . .? What are you doing?"
Miranda stood and straightened herself. "I was trying to reactivate the implants in her legs, but it appears she'll need surgery. I'll make the arrangements right now." Miranda activated her comm as she walked from the room to give them privacy.
Liara lightly touched Miranda's arm in thanks, then crossed to Shepard's side. Shepard still lacked the strength to sit up so instead offered up a weak smile.
"Goddess, Shepard," Liara whispered, gently wiping sweat from Shepard's brow. "What happened?"
"We were trying to get feeling back in my legs, but the implants were damaged," she replied, rubbing her face in frustration.
"Does it still hurt?" Liara asked, removing her gloves.
"Like a bitch," Shepard replied honestly. She lacked the will at the moment to pull her usual "I'm fine."
Liara sat on the edge of the bed and began massaging her legs. Whatever talent Miranda had with her hands, she had nothing on Liara. Shepard's eyes drifted shut as she basked in the feel of her lover's gentle hands. The pain in her legs at last subsided after a few minutes of this.
"Goddess I miss you," Shepard confessed. She hadn't really meant to say it aloud, but it couldn't be helped. It was true.
Liara leaned down and softly kissed Shepard's legs. "My sweet Commander," she said softly. "I miss you too."
"Seven weeks to go. Goddess, I don't think I can last that long. I . . . I need you, Liara," Shepard said, carefully avoiding eye contact. She didn't know why she was still talking. Why the hell had she said that? It was of course true, but the last thing she wanted was for Liara to feel pressured or burdened.
"Shepard . . .," Liara started, but Miranda chose to come back in at that moment.
"I called Huerta Memorial. Your surgery is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. I'm sorry I couldn't do more, Shepard," Miranda said with regret in her voice.
"You've done more than I could have hoped for, Miranda. Don't be sorry. Thanks for all your help," Shepard said.
Miranda shifted in discomfort. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"And Miranda?" Shepard said, nodding to Miranda's N7 T-shirt. "Thanks."
Miranda nodded to them both by way of goodbye then made her leave. Shepard shifted uncomfortably.
"Liara, about what I said . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-," she started but the asari silenced her with a look.
"Don't," she gently reprimanded her lover. "Don't ever apologize for wanting me. Or needing me. I want you to want me. I want you to need me as I need you."
"You . . . need me?" Shepard asked, placing a hand softly on Liara's cheek. Liara covered it with her own hand.
"More than you could ever know," Liara replied. "Goddess, sometimes it frightens me how much I need you. When you were lying in the hospital bed and your vital signs started failing while you were in the coma . . . And when you died? Goddess, I died that day. When you walked into my office on Illium . . . I felt like I could breathe again after existing with no air for two years. You have no idea how much self-control it took to keep myself together in front of your teammates. I just wanted to hold you forever and never let you go. But I didn't know how you felt about me, I didn't know if you still loved me or if there was someone else, or if you even remembered me. I mean it didn't stop me from kissing you, but I just couldn't . . . I couldn't . . ."
Shepard moved her hand behind Liara's neck and pulled her lover in close. Sapphire locked with violet as their eyes met on a battlefield of emotion. Shepard felt Liara's pulse quickening and heard a slight increase in the speed of her breathing.
"Can I show you something?" Shepard requested softly.
Curiosity rippled through Liara's eyes and she acquiesced. Shepard focused on the mind meld and on relaying her thoughts.
'Liara. My love. My light. Words have never been easy for me. They always feel like speeches that one gives to her crew before a battle. You mean so much more to me than words could ever say. Words are empty, one dimensional. When I woke up at the Cerberus base, you were the first thought in my head. When the Illusive Man told me to assemble a team, you were the first person I wanted to see, even though he tried to shoot the idea down. When I found out you were on Illium, I was giddy at the thought of seeing you again. I put everything else on hold just so I could see you again, hear the sound of your voice, touch you . . .
'When I was in a coma, I almost gave up. My body wanted so much to just give in, to just rest. Then somewhere in the darkness, I heard you. You saved my life. Again. Like always. Like my guardian angel, you're always there, my light to follow, to cherish, to love. There are no words in my language that can express what I feel for you, Liara T'Soni. In Japan they say aishiteru yo, which is the closest words can come to what I feel. You are my reason to live, Liara. Before I met you, I was but a weapon. I was the one who was going to defeat the reapers. But when I met you, I became something so much more. I became a person. I became a woman. When first we melded . . . Goddess. It was paradise. I was convinced I had died and you were heaven. You are. You are my heaven. My angel. My love, my light, my everything.'
'My Commander. My sweet Commander, Liara sent back. Goddess, I love you.'
Shepard felt Liara's emotions seep into her own and melted into it. She felt like she'd been allowed water after weeks of dehydration. It may have been just a simple mind-meld, but it filled Shepard with a new vitality. It also left her aching for more. She could feel Liara sensing her desire and smiled a little bashfully. She opened her eyes to see tears glistening in Liara's eyes.
"You make it very difficult to follow certain salarian doctor's orders," Shepard said, gently brushing Liara's tears away.
Liara surprised her by suddenly climbing on top of her with a forceful kiss. The asari was careful to avoid putting pressure on her body, but it didn't make her advance any less agressive. Shepard was breathless immediately, panting and silently begging for more. Liara deepened the kiss, forcing Shepard's lips apart with her tongue. She laced their fingers and moved Shepard's arms above her head, further demanding Shepard's surrender. Shepard groaned into the kiss, encouraging Liara by circling her tongue around her lover's (which she happened to know drove Liara crazy).
Liara's hands tightened around Shepard's, and the kiss slowed. Shepard could feel Liara forcefully reigning herself in and heard her breath slow. Shepard moaned softly in protest when Liara ended the kiss and buried her face in the pillow beneath Shepard's head. Liara's ragged breath in her ear did little to calm Shepard's arousal.
"I'm sorry," Liara said after another minute of collecting herself.
If it weren't for Shepard's aching ribs from having breathed so damn hard, she would have taken Liara right then and there. And then done it again. And probably a couple more times for good measure.
"Don't be," Shepard purred. "I may need a cold shower and bag of ice, but I have no regrets."
Liara offered a weak laugh and lifted her head to look at her lover. Her eyes were at least five shades darker and it was obvious she still hadn't fully gained control. She released Shepard's arms and settled on the bed next to her in a tender, albeit resigned, embrace.
"Plus," Shepard continued, "it's good to know I'm not the only one."
Liara lifted her head and gave Shepard such a seductive look it made think more seriously about that bag of ice. It was going to be a very long seven weeks.