(A/N: WOW, thanks for all the reviews! You guys are so great. Please keep reviewing it helps motivate me to write.)
He would not get angry, he thought to himself. He would not lash out. He would have patience. This would take patience. This would take a gentle touch. He had tried the gentler tactic first, but maybe he hadn't tried it long enough. He paused at her door, before placing his hand to the key. Hopefully she would come to understand.
The door whooshed open to reveal her looking out her window. Starlight shone down on her face, and even though he could feel her tense up of him releasing the scanner pad her face remained the same. He saw even this as promise of potential, but how could he let her know that this was genuine? He worried for her and her fate if they could not work together. In fact, he worried for the fate of the galaxy. Kylo stepped into the room, allowing the door to be shut.
"Rey, I-"
She turned on him, and the anger hit him like an AT-AT. "What are you doing here? I have the nights to myself. You promised me that."
Kylo had to choke back his own anger, something he had hardly ever done before. It was difficult, anger was what gave him his power, and when she acted like this towards him it only made it worse. He stayed quiet for a few seconds rather than letting himself erupt. Patience, a gentle touch. "I wanted to talk to you. Just talk. Not another lesson."
He had confused her. Confusion was better than anger, though, so he forged ahead. "I'm worried about you. You haven't eaten really..."
Rey's green eyes narrowed."How did you know that? I took out the cameras days ago."
And so she had. In a tantrum to rival one of his own all four cameras had been smashed, her small table had lost a leg, and the chair...well, the pieces of it had since been removed. But it was true. Rey had sent empty trays back to kitchen. Kylo only knew because he had felt the hunger gnawing at her, and had observed how faint she'd been feeling.
He clasped his hands behind his back and began to walk further into the room. He realized with suppressed panic that he'd left his weapon back in his own quarters. No matter, if things went according to plan it would not be needed. He began to cross to the other side of the bed where she stood and stopped suddenly. He could feel her nerves spike, and so he slowly bent over the bed and pulled the mattress corner up. There sat a pile of crumbs from one of her portions.
He pinched a few into his gloved hands and stood up again, "Ah. Now I see." He had to smile. It seemed like something he would have done in his childhood.
"You didn't answer my question," she reminded him. Her voice was surprisingly gentle. Progress.
He looked at her, trying to soften his own expression. "Yes. I sensed it. A residual effect from when we read each others' minds." And then a strange feeling washed over him. Discovery, realization, call it what you will but she was putting something together.
Rey actually approached him. Something she had not done since their fight in the snow. "So...you feel it too, then. I mean, that's you in there. I mean, I thought it was only one way."
Kylo had too, in fact but there was no point in telling her that now. Wasn't he the teacher still? He should have known that she was feeling things too. Still, he did not want to lie to her when so much positive progress was being made. Instead he said nothing.
"I thought I was going crazy," half of a laugh erupted from her. He felt the relief spread down his limbs like water. She looked over her shoulder out the window for a few moments breathing in the serenity. He basked in it as well, a sort of peace he had not felt in many, many years. Then she looked at him again, "If that's true then, you, Kylo Ren, are much more complicated than I thought."
He balked at how smug she was. Not anger or fear or relief or even loneliness, these were her typical rotation of feelings, but something just as strong. Her smile was growing, he took a few breaths to stay calm. He knew then that she'd felt all of his doubt and insecurity over the past few days. He could no longer be this unflappable enigma of a teacher. Instead he was...
She finished his thought though he wasn't sure it was on purpose, her smile as wide as it could be without showing her teeth, "You're human."
She was right, but he didn't like it. He had donned the mask and suit long ago so that he could be something above human. He wanted to be a dark mystery that people ran from, and here was this girl who could ruin everything that he had worked for and he felt...Nothing. He wasn't angry. He'd expected to feel angry, betrayed even.
It occurred to him that perhaps her own demeanor was somehow affecting his own. She was happy enough that his normal bout of rage could not kick in. Her rush of adrenaline and endorphins was clouding his normal reaction. It felt strange. Did he even truly want to fly off the handle? Then again, it was possible that it wasn't her emotions at all. Perhaps he was feeling this relief, this rush. Rey's discovery had made him feel vulnerable, and typically he would have lashed out but not today. Usually, he would compensate by releasing his power thus reminding himself that he still had it. He was still in control. Kylo Ren could not afford to not be in control. But Rey's sudden insight into his psyche did not feel like a ploy for power.
The girl was concentrating on him now. Hard. He didn't like the way her laser sharp eyes were burning into him. He guessed that she was trying to regain access to his thoughts, but she did not have the training to actually break through without a pre-established link. Kylo Ren smirked, reassured by this proof of his own strength. And he hadn't had to break anything to feel like this either.
"It's not such an easy thing," he said softly. Her eyes widened and he knew that his guess had been right. She had been trying to force her way into his thoughts. "Now do you see why I wanted to train you?"
Rey let her concentration go then. She was silent for a few seconds. A few beads of sweat dripped down her cheek. "Yes and no. So there is potential in me." It was a statement, but she said it as if she were expecting an answer.
"Yes."
"But if I have so much potential, when I finally have training aren't you worried-" she trailed off, unwilling to actually finish the sentence. Her eyes searched the steel floor at her feet.
Kylo Ren gave her a few moments in case she changed her mind and decided to finish her sentence.
She did not, so he spoke. "I am, but the potential in you," he reached his right hand out towards her face. He did not touch her, he sensed she would not allow it, but he traced the shape of her jaw in the air, "Is worth it. I have the force, and the power in you calls out to the power in me. That is the way of things. It begs me to develop it and bring it forth. I cannot ignore it."
She looked shocked. She could sense his determination, his honestly. She was finally understanding his pull towards her.
"I am dark, Rey, but I am not evil. You need me, and not just as a teacher. The only way to win this war is for you and I, dark side and light side, to fight together."
"I will never work for Snoke. He's murdered billions of-"
Kylo cut her off with a meaningful glance. "I said we must work together. It doesn't matter who we work for."
Rey's mouth formed a perfect circle, "Oh," she breathed the word. "But how?" Her voice was low and her eyes shifted as if they could be seen or overhead. He could also sense that she wanted to ask another question, maybe a stream of questions, but was refraining lest he change his mind.
This was the part Kylo had not figured out yet. It had not been part of his plan. Snoke discharging that weapon so soon had not occurred to him. Now it was evident to even him that he had to get out. Yes, he had to give himself to the dark side, but he had avoided reality in order to keep that commitment. He had been able to sit in the ship while the Storm Troopers did most of the dirty work on various planets. He'd been able to send resistance fighters to jail after some minor probing for information. Few had died, and most had only died when he'd lost control of himself. The exceptions to this were rare...like his father. That had been necessary. He had to remind himself of how necessary it had been.
But back to the matter at hand... He could not stay here if he wished to remain with the dark side of the force. He could no longer ally himself with Snoke. What Snoke had done could fuel the dark side within him for millenea. He had only to think of the flash of those poor planets as they had disappeared to access his fear and his rage, but also brought out emotions like compassion and sorrow...he could not hold onto the dark side if he had to confront those feelings much more. He had to go. Soon.
The root of the problem was that it had brought out a rage that was against his master. He could not fight for his master, fueled by anger created by him. The idea made his head spin. Snoke had been neglecting him for months before the use of the Star Killer, though. Their lessons had ceased, and his infrequent face-to-face meetings with the supreme leader had more often than not ended with him being "tested", Snoke's word for torture. Why did he have to be loyal to anyone? Wouldn't it be better to have a following for himself? Even if it was just one person.
Still, how would he be allowed to leave with Rey in tow? He could not think of a way out, and they were on their way to Snoke even as he floundered around looking for a plan. He sat on the bed heavily and ran a hand through his thick hair.
"I have no idea, but we should begin your training. At least that will ensure that Snoke will want you alive." Rey balked a bit. Apparently she hadn't been paying attention when he'd said that her life was at stake. The girl was stupidly stubborn. "Also, it'll be easier to fight our way out if you know what you're doing." She took another step back. Kylo met her eyes, trying to appear calm, trying to feel serene so that serenity could wash over her as well. "If it comes to that."