Thank you so much everyone who reviewed last chapter! 3 I am so glad you guys enjoyed it and I hope you enjoy this one. Before anything I want to clarify that my story remains a T rated story though for some this chapter may be cutting close so if anyone gets uncomfortable at any point just skip over this. It isn't my intention to get close to the line just for entertainment but it's necessary to include these certain details for characterization otherwise it would get confusing and certain things wouldn't make sense. Well, this author note has gotten too long. Enjoy!

Chapter 15

Peeta helps me up the bathroom floor once I have accepted my future. My head has argued through every possibility and it is inevitable. We will have to go through this. But now I am determined to not let Snow do to my child what he did with me- turn me into entertainment and control my future like a puppet. I don't know what I will do but I will rescue him/her from all of this some way or another. And it's a great relief to know Peeta will be by side supporting me through all this since he is of the same mind.

But as we enter our bedroom I realize I have overlooked a very essential detail in all of this. While I was worrying over the baby's future I forgot this baby still needs to be... well, he is still needs to be made.

I carefully look over at Peeta who is helping me sit on the bed and I wonder if he has given any thought to this. Though we are married the thought seems so wrong. And now the kiss of a few hours earlier comes to mind. That kiss and Haymitch's drunken words replay over in my mind... and then other memories I had forgotten about... like the kiss from the meadow, the kiss from the arena, my desperation when I thought Peeta was hurt and lost in the woods, and even the way I have felt when girls have demonstrated a preference for him. But specially Haymithc's words...

"You are a horrible actress and you would never pull that look off in a million years. And second, you can't live without that boy, and you know it, and I know it because I've been seeing it and tonight proved it, you're just too much of a coward to admit it!"

"You love this boy. And when I say love, I mean real love"

I know he was drunk but then why do I feel this sickening tumbling in my stomach and a certain fear that he could possibly be in some way right?

I couldn't have... I promised I wouldn't! No, I can't allow it and I won't! And to prove it I am going to have this baby and feel nothing different. I will get this stupid sex out of the way and it's going to mean nothing. It's going to mean nothing because it is nothing and will remain nothing!

I look over at Peeta and he is looking at me concerned.

"Are you better?" he asks.

"Yeah" I say coolly. "Well, are we gonna do this or what?" I ask bluntly.

I have caught him by surprise. He is startled and his face becomes red as I feel him tense up beside me and get uncomfortable.

"What? Tonight?" he asks still taken aback.

"Yeah. Well it has to be tonight. Tomorrow the games begin and we will be alternating sleeping schedules all the time to keep watch on our tributes so we won't even be together at all and you heard President's Snow urgency. Besides, what are we gonna put this off for?" I ask and he flinches so very slightly. Wow, I was harsh, I think. I didn't mean it to sound so much like a burden.

"Oh, alright" he says and looks away from me and forward, staring into nothing.

It occurs to me that I don't really know how to go about all this. I never planned to sleep with a boy so I never was interested in the subject. And now I realize I am clueless.

I take a careful sideways look at Peeta and I wonder if he has ever been with a girl. He probably has. I heard girls whisper his name a couple of times and I know he's had girlfriends.

Well, good, if he knows what he's doing this will be over sooner.

I take a deep breath and look at him expectantly.

"Alright, so?"

He turns to look at me and stares coolly into my eyes. My confidence drops a bit and I tense up for no reason at all. I am just nervous because this is all so new for me.

Peeta leans forward and kisses me. This isn't a kiss for the camera so I feel awkward and I feel like I have forgotten all about how to kiss. He pulls away when he sees my lack of reaction and I don't know what he sees in my face but one of his eyebrows furrows slightly as if trying to figure out why I didn't return the kiss.

"Katniss, you need to relax a little bit" he says sympathetically. I huff and look away in annoyance. "If you don't, then it isn't going to happen" he says matter-of-factly.

I scowl at him and grit my teeth. I realize I don't like him telling me what to do.

"I'm sorry, Katniss, but it can't happen otherwise" he states.

It can't happen? What does he mean? He sees my confusion and answers my mental question.

"If you can't relax you won't enjoy it" he says without meeting my eyes. "And if you don't... then it might hurt".

Now this was something I hadn't even considered. So I have to be into it? But I don't want to! I don't want to sleep with, Peeta or anyone, ever, let alone 'enjoy' it!

"Look, Katniss, people have meaningless sex all the time and nothing happens" he says to try to ease my mind but for some reason his last statement bothers me.

"Oh, really? Well, you seem like quite the expert, aren't you?" I ask with more attitude than I mean to use and raise one of my eyebrows.

He gives me a small smile and I am taken aback? He wouldn't mean...

"I have two older brothers, that's all" he says with a small chuckle. "And we all share a room so..." he says and hunches his shoulders in a helpless manner.

I feel relief flood through me. Thank God he isn't the one who went around having 'meaningless sex', as he calls it. I mean, I just don't want to catch something bad. At least, I know that much.

"Oh" I say stupidly. "You're right. Who cares?" I say and tell myself there's no other way to go about this then. Just how? How do I tell myself to enjoy this when the idea makes me so uncomfortable?

"Just shut off your mind" Peeta suggests.

"How?" I ask. I have never shut off my mind. It makes people do stupid stuff like fall in love and get married. If I had ever shut off my mind before I may not have been able to save my family. It's because I always use my mind that I am alive today.

"Just... just focus on what your body feels and don't ask why, just do what feels right" he tells me. It feels dangerous to do that and I don't want to. But if there is no other way it will have to be so, just for tonight, so we can make President Snow happy and he doesn't hurt anyone I love.

At least, for now.

So I close my eyes and try to do as he says. I try to picture disconnecting my brain and as I am doing so I feel Peeta's lips on me.

Don't think.

Just feel.

Just feel.

I kiss him back. His lips feel warm and soft and he brushes them softly on my top lip then my lower and an exhilarating rush runs through my body.

An alarm goes off in my mind and tells me to get up and run. You're feeling too much!

I try ignore it. I need to do this.

Don't think.

Feel.

Just feel.

I feel he is too far. My hands ask for permission to reach for him and even though I want to say no, I say yes, because they want to.

Let your body do what it wants and don't ask why.

Don't ask why.

I give my hands to permission to act without asking and they reach for his neck. They circle it and lock behind it and pull him closer.

The alarm in my mind is growing dangerously loud and urgent so my lips hesitate for a second and pull away but I keep my eyes closed. I can't see Peeta. I don't know why I just know that I can't.

With more strength I push far away the blaring sounds my mind is making in my head.

We are married, this isn't wrong in any way. Except I know it is because... Why? Something to do with Peeta's feelings but my mind is fuzzy and doesn't recall why.

Good, I am not supposed to be thinking.

Just in time I feel Peeta's lips on me again except that they kiss my neck. He drops a kiss here and there and brushes his lips softly as he moves along, covering every inch of my neck and shoulders.

Involuntarily, my mouth opens and takes one quick loud breath. On my skin, I feel Peeta's lips form into a smile and this encourages him because, when he kisses my neck again, I feel his tongue too, and my mind goes off, again. It's telling me to stop, telling me I will regret it, begging me not to do this for my own good but I shove it away further.

'I have to do this, I have no other choice!' I want to yell back. My resolution grows stronger.

Stop thinking.

Feel.

Feel more!

You need to feel if you want to do this, if you want to save your loved ones!

I focus on my body. What is it feeling?

It's feeling Peeta's lips as they rise along my jaw and my neck falls back to allow him more space.

Restlessness takes over me and my body wants to do something, anything. But at the same time it's feeling so good... I don't want to move and stop this feeling.

So very far away I feel as if I am forgetting something. Wasn't I thinking of something important before. It feels like it was urgent but... It's so hard to remember because as much as I try all my attention is grabbed by the rush seething through my veins.

My eyes are still closed when Peeta comes up and begins to kiss my face and even though I think I wasn't supposed to open my eyes, I can't remember why, either. Maybe it wasn't so important.

No, it must not have been because otherwise I am sure I would not have forgotten. Besides, my eyes scream that they want to look at who is giving me such foreign yet so thrilling feelings at the same time.

I open my eyes just as Peeta kisses the tip of my nose and I look into a boy's eyes who I have never seen before. They carry such an expression of wildness and something else I can't put a name on. They seem so focused and almost possessed by... desire, that's it!

And I don't why the sight of this sets my skin on fire and my eyes lower to examine his torso.

He's shirtless still from before and I notice where each muscle ends and meets a new one and I recall wanting to trace those lines before with my fingers.

My hands caress his shoulders as they slide down to his arms and they feel bumps of his muscles. I hadn't realized how bad I had wanted to feel them before as I do now. They feel strong and hard under my palms and I squeeze them and I don't want to let them go but then his stomach catches my eye, too. It is lean as well and my hands fall down his chest and feels his abdomen. It is so exciting to discover all these things from Peeta's body and my hands want to be everywhere all at once.

I look over at Peeta's face again and notice how labored he is breathing and how close his face is to mine.

And once again, I tell my body to do as it pleases. Whatever feels right.

My lips crush his and his hands start to wander towards my body as well and it wants to flinch away but I kiss him harder to make myself forget that I am scared of him doing so.

And when his hands grab at my waist with strength I let out a small laugh because they feel so right where they are that I can't imagine why I was ever afraid before. His hands seem to fit perfectly around my waist and they slide just a bit to feel my waist under the clothes.

Where he touches, I catch fire. But this fire feels unbelievably satisfying and it makes me wonder how I ever lived without it before.

I want to feel more of it, everywhere.

I look at Peeta as we kiss and wow, he is so very... attractive.

And now I know what the other girls meant when they said 'irresistible'.

Because I can't resist the want for more.

I feel a heat spread through my body and my heart beats so fast I can hear it. Or is that his?

And I want more. I want more Peeta.

This want feels vaguely familiar and an image of us in the cave pops in my head then another of us kissing in the meadows and it all makes sense.

I need Peeta and I want him too.

This feeling is so intoxicating and so addicting that I struggle to keep up with the demand.

So any remains of resistance from my mind vanishes because even my mind has succumbed to this spell Peeta has cast on me.

My hands travel to his back and try to attach to his skin, so they never let go, never let him go far from me again.

I pull his body close to me until there isn't an inch between us but it doesn't feel close enough yet.

I realize my nails have dug into his back as I hear a low grunt come out of his lips and I pant a needy 'sorry' and I have never heard my voice sound that way.

But then again I have never heard Peeta sound so seductive as he does when smiles and tells me 'it's okay' and lays me down on the bed.

Oh people please tell me what you think!

Review, pretty please! :)