~A/N Special thanks to JSam1021 for giving me the song inspiration for this one. Seether's "Breakdown" PM's are welcome for song ideas, since I tend to write twice as fast with a good, relevant song in my ears.

Copyright disclaimer: Twilight and all recognizable characters are sole property of Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 22: Break Me Down

(Pack chat in italics)

Jacob spoke to his pack.

They're heading home, come on. Let's get back to work. I let you see- your mates are fine.

The imprinted ones were driving him nuts to see their mates. None of them had switched back. It had only been a few hours since the massive phase at once. He spent most of the day literally whipping Embry into shape. He was thankful Brady, Seth and Collin took him for a long run to the north. Embry was stronger now. There was no doubt about the blood that ran through his veins, but Jacob was first born son. He was still no match for him. Paul was very much a pain in his ass like he remembered. His wolf thoughts were almost as bad when he ran his mouth.

Oh, yeah, we wanted to see our mates. You're such a liar, Black. You wanted to see her just as much. Why are you still trying to carry out this charade? None of us are buying it. You're a shit actor, stick to designing buildings. I can see why Emb's mad seeing how he has an inappropriate crush on your wife.

Jacob's wolf growled and snapped at Paul, warning him, shut up or pay the price. He didn't know if it was jealousy, it didn't feel like it. He swore he was more angry that some of them would remind him about his wife when he was trying to focus on the task at hand only.

Kaleigh had already left him tons of angry texts and messages. He wouldn't be surprised if she'd already tossed all his belongings in the driveway. He managed one call with her early that morning. She didn't buy his excuse that Seth got sick and only wanted to see his mother, not a real doctor. Then he lied and said some of his other friends had the mysterious illness as well. He used the excuse he wasn't feeling so hot either, so he was just going to stay with his father until it passed. He didn't want to expose her to anything since she had some open houses and closings in the near future.

"But you'll expose that tiny baby? I find that hard to believe."

"Bella is taking care of Ace. He's fine, not around any of it."

"Yeah, I forgot, she's in Forks, not La Push like you, right?"

He was glad she couldn't see him when he lied through his teeth. "Yeah, Charlie's house is in town."

He changed the subject and asked how her bachelorette weekend was going. She said they were about to board the ferry to the San Juan Islands. They were staying over there Saturday and Sunday night. Monday was a holiday, but Jacob knew it still wouldn't be long enough. Kaleigh would be home and wonder why he wasn't. More shit, he'd put off and deal with later.

Quil chimed in, Seriously, bro. Paul's right. Why are you hanging on with Kaleigh? You're not so great hiding your thoughts when you're stressed. We saw. We know how you feel about Bella. It's never gone away, I'd be willing to go out on a limb and say it's stronger.

Tell me about it. I never expected to get turned on by watching a pup feed, but she has a nice wrack.

Jacob snapped and grabbed Paul's tail in between his teeth. He couldn't believe he slipped and showed them that. He couldn't help it, he had all sorts of trouble not thinking about it constantly.

Wonder what would happen to your human ass if I bit your tail off?

Quil said he was worried he was going to have a new fetish.

Jacob was loud and clear. None of you fuckers think about Bella breastfeeding or her boobs ever again. We need to go practice, but if it will help your concentration, I'll tell you this much. I can't leave Kaleigh. It would be too cruel, especially right now. I can't erase an almost four year relationship because Bella decided to come out of hiding. I'm not that flaky.

They wanted to know what he meant by too cruel. He told him about Selene's cancer and how he was already guilty enough for the way he treated his wife. Jacob told them he was about ready to make a tentative decision that didn't exactly mean he was choosing Bella, but that he wouldn't drag Kaleigh along for the craziness any longer when she told him what she was going through and how much she relied on him.

That sucks, but are you sure it's not almost too convenient? Chicks sense when they're about to get dumped.

You honestly think she'd lie about cancer?

The rest of the guys joined in. The quicker they stopped talking about Kaleigh in front of Embry, the better.

However, Embry still asked. Who's lying? Besides Jacob, that is.

Enough Embry.

Jared told Embry what they'd all just learned. He immediately came to Kaleigh's defense. No, way. She wouldn't lie about that. If Kaleigh said Selene's cancer is back, then it his.

Jacob wondered if it was possible for him to roll his wolf eyes. He honestly never knew his brother hung on every word Kaleigh said. The previous fight they had revealed several things to him. He always thought Embry was happy as a bachelor. He never lacked for female companionship, but he took an instant liking to Kay. He really didn't think she was Jacob's type when they were introduced soon after Jacob first met her. He was shocked that they started up something, now Jacob knew the whole truth, Embry was downright disappointed and he'd only gotten more bitter about it when he realized Bella wasn't really dead.

Jared had an idea. He remembered when he first phased and Kim made him visit the nursing home since her grandfather was bad off. I smelled the death. He was clearly sick. He died three days later.

Yeah, Kay's mom is not much of a fan. She doesn't even do the family hug thing with me. I don't see myself getting a good sniff anytime soon.

He didn't admit that he tried at dinner. He wasn't completely oblivious to how irrational Kaleigh was being lately. He already wondered if she'd stoop so low. With all the family, food and the loads of wine being consumed, he couldn't smell much more than vino when got close to Selene, so his fears turned up inconclusive. He'd trust his wolf nose a whole lot more, but again, that was even less likely to happen.

They obviously didn't go around scenting ever single illness, blemish or defect. That would be painful and exhausting. He needed more time, but he still wanted to think the best of his wife. Jacob tended to agree with Embry for once, she wouldn't lie about something life or death.

Jacob was thankful Seth had a firm grip on the wolf. He worked with one group, Jake worked with the rest. He had Sam and Paul phasing back before nightfall. Once he replayed memories of how their former pack was, reminded them of their imprints, normal things, like children and family, it didn't take too long. He asked Sam to head back to the house with them. He figured there'd be some food by then. They weren't going inside, but hopefully he'd get a glimpse of Bella in the process. He's missed seeing her and he really missed holding Ace.

Jacob told Sam just before they got back home, that he couldn't abandon his life in Seattle. "Man, I can't quit this job. I'm going to need a second in command to be in charge of the res when I can't be here. It goes without saying who's best suited for the position."

"I'm honored and I'll help, but I can't be your beta."

Jacob originally thought Sam must be holding some type of old grudge since he was the original alpha. He thought they were past anything petty like that.

"But you have the most experience and the guys respect you. You're the man, the wolf for the job."

"Jake, if you order me, I'll do it, but the beta of this revived pack is someone else. I think you know who I'm referring to. Ephraim's grandsons should lead and the rest of us will follow."

"Hell to the loudest no. I can barely stand him right now and he practically hates me. Our friendship is shredded."

"No, it's not. You two keep each other in check. You need him and he gets you like no other."

Man, oh man. Sam was smarter than Jacob remembered because Jake knew what he was saying was true. As pissed as they were at each other, he would still put his life in Embry's hands without question. Jacob probably trusted Embry more than he trusted him currently. He dreaded another fight, but it was inevitable. When he told Embry he was beta, he'd probably start shit and Jacob would have to whip him into submission. Damn, it was going to be a long night.

Emily and Rachel brought out a large box of food. Emily asked permission as she eyed her husband off in the distance. Jacob trusted Sam if he trusted himself. He met her halfway, grabbed his wife and took her to the side of the house for a few minutes of privacy.

Rachel was pouty, "When can I see my husband?"

"Soon, Rach. He's doing really good except for that big mouth of his."

"That's my man. He's not taking shit off you, right?"

"Whatever, um... " he tried to look around her through the open door.

Rachel noticed. "She's bathing Atticus, then she said she was going to turn in early. She wanted to go to Charlie's but then again, she didn't. It's obvious she's torn and whose fault is that? Do you want to go in for a minute?"

He knew what Rach was saying was true, but how could he even begin to explain what was happening with the emergence of the pack. "Naw, I need to get back with this grub. They're starving. No one wants to hunt for food and Quil said he's ready to eat tree bark. Thanks. Tell her I said hey."

"Wait. Bella's really fitting in well. I'm sure you noticed and I think she senses something. I mean it, brother. You can still repair some of the damage. Why don't you tell her everything?"

"I've got to go, bye sis."

"Dammit, Jake. Stop being so hard headed. You're only hurting yourself, Bella and subsequently your son."

He trotted off behind the house as fast as he could carrying the armful of food. He wished he could forget what his sister said. He wished a lot of other things he couldn't change.

He whistled for Sam before he got too far. The two of them took off to feed the others. Once Jacob scarfed down his food, he went off to the side to make a few important calls. He had to plan ahead for the next week. Collin already asked if he would allow Bella to open his clinic up Tuesday, but he didn't feel comfortable going back for a few more days. She was going to need added protection. There was also another problem Bella kept from him, but he saw a place on Ace's arm when Bella was feeding him early that morning. His son had been the victim of assault at that over crowded daycare. He knew it was bullshit his area had kids all the way up to fifteen months. One of those rabid kids bit his son. He was sure of it. He couldn't wait to hear her excuse. There was no way he was going back to the daycare. That meant she needed someone they could trust to watch him.

Jacob spent a good hour on the phone making necessary calls. He sent Kaleigh a text and hoped that would satisfy her. She seemed to be enjoying her night out with her friends that she was over being mad at him for the time being or so it seemed until her drunk texts started flooding his phone. None of them were flattering or civil, but he kinda deserved it.

Jacob was happy to store his phone with the clothes. Emily came to the rescue after the beach and left them all a big box of shorts in the old spot. She even added everyone's cell phones so they could keep in contact with their wives since it was way too soon to go home.

The pack trained for hours until they were all dead on their feet. Jake decided to head inside about five in the morning. The guys bitched and moaned about why did he get the comfort of a shower and a real bed.

"Because I'm the boss and I've been doing this shit for over a year. Signal if there's any problems." Embry never made eye contact, but Jacob was talking directly to him. He was the beta and he was right when he told Sam that his brother would have issues with it. When he finished up training, Jacob gave him the news and Embry didn't take the order with ease. They'd just had another round in the ring. He couldn't wait to wash the stink, dried blood and earth off his skin.

The couch was free this time, but there was only one place he wanted to sleep after a twenty-one hour day. He checked on their son first. He was sleeping like an angel in the baby bed in the corner of the room. Bella was out of it this time. She didn't move from her spot in the middle of the bed. Jacob slid in between the sheets, scooting her over in the process, but then she was too far away once she rolled over. He moved in behind her. He leaned into her to smell that mark. Now that the guys all phased again, his days were limited with that being a secret. He specifically told Sam he didn't mark her. He truly believed he didn't, but the wolf scrambled his brains and he didn't realize what he was actually doing.

At least, that's what he kept telling himself, but Jacob felt a sort of satisfaction ever since he discovered it. He wrapped his arm tight across her stomach. She stirred slightly, "Rest, Bells. I've got to sleep a little bit." She mumbled and drifted right back to sleep.

Jacob opened his eyes and felt in front of him. The bed was empty. He sat up, wiping his eyes. She was right there in the chair staring at him. She'd changed into clothes and her hair was wet. How'd he sleep through all that? He looked to the other side of the room.

"He's already been up and back to bed."

"Really."

Bella told him being off schedule caught up with him and that Ace barely slept last night. Jacob didn't understand how being extra tired made him cranky, but she said that's how babies were. His son kept her up and when he came to bed, she hadn't even been sound asleep an hour.

"Then come back to bed."

"I should go help Rachel."

"She's used to running the house here and I bet she got a lot more sleep than you. It's okay." He patted the bed.

Bella climbed onto the bed but didn't get under the covers with him. She stayed sitting with her legs crossed in front of her. "Embry's not out there."

"I know."

"The couch was open."

"Yeah, but I prefer being in here."

"I don't think you should be." He knew he shouldn't be either, but he merely shrugged and didn't respond. "What was all that yesterday? What the hell happened to Embry? Is he really this mad about phasing again? I thought you were best friends."

Jacob was sitting all the way up with the sheet pooled in his lap. It didn't escape his attention Bella was forcing herself not to look at him. He told her he needed to tell her something important.

"I figured."

"Embry's my brother."

"They all are."

"No, Bells, not in the brotherhood sense because of the pack. He's actually my flesh and blood half brother, Billy Black's other son."

She covered her mouth.

"Yeah, it was a shocker to us as well."

"How long have you known?"

Jacob told her how senior year of high school, his dad got to drinking with Charlie and Old Quil and got all sentimental about his sons.

"He knew the whole time?"

Jacob told her his father was feeling lonely, so he stormed out of the house one night and ended up drinking with Tiffany Call. His mother was a few months pregnant. "Apparently, it wasn't an easy pregnancy and she couldn't... you know, take care of his needs or something like that. She worried a few times she was miscarrying. I don't know all the details, but that's what I meant the day I said he wasn't a saint. It's pretty crappy to cheat on your pregnant wife. It was a huge mess when we all found out."

"I can imagine. Did Sarah ever know?"

"I don't think so and he never wanted her family to know after she passed. He didn't want to bring shame to any of us. I think he was protecting his own ass if you ask me, but when he realized Embry existed, he helped support him financially in return for her silence."

Jacob and Bella talked about how that was only a portion of being a father.

"Not that I didn't get it before, but I think I understand even better your need to be so involved with Atticus."

"Bells, he's everything. I love him so much. He'll never question that."

Of course, Embry had the right to be resentful. He had his own resentments. It wasn't Embry's fault, but Jacob had a tough childhood too. He hated his mother had been treated that way, but damn, if he didn't screw around on his wife as well. She wasn't technically his wife that night, but practically so.

So much rested on Jake's shoulders at a young age. He helped his father in every way, even doing odd jobs before he could legally be employed. His father was trying to provide for two families when he didn't make that much in the first place. Then there was Embry, without a father at all, so it seemed.

"So you and Embry have been at odds all this time?"

"Nope, not at all. We all got through it, were closer than ever, accepted each other as family. As you know, Embry lives here now. We've all come a long way, even our relationships with Dad. Rach and Becca are close to Emb now. However, this past year, when he found out you were alive and I still married Kaleigh, he and I drifted apart again."

"Because of me."

"Jeez, woman, how many times you going to take credit for every problem on earth? It's more me than you, plus it doesn't help that Embry has a little crush on Kay."

"Really? That seems ironic since you all suffered emotional harm by Billy's infidelity."

"Well, I don't suspect he'd act on it. He doesn't approve how I'm handling things because he genuinely cares about her, but that doesn't give him an excuse to talk to you the way he did. I hate the way he piled on all that stress right in front of the kids, my son included. He was way out of line. That was all shit we needed to hammer out in private."

Bella came closer, he grabbed her hand. "Everyone's been through a lot, so did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Fix things with your brother."

"We have an understanding." Bella frowned. She didn't like being in the dark. He could tell.

Jacob really should confess a few more secrets, but he just wanted to spend those last few minutes of the morning staring a her, feeling close to her. He liked when they could be together and not speak, but still understand each other. As soon as he walked out of the house, he'd be bombarded again with questions and various other challenges. Maybe she would lie down and just be still with him.

"You fought with him as a wolf too."

"I fought with him all damn day, it felt like." Jacob turned his head.

Bella reached out and touched his neck. "My gosh that's brutal. Why hasn't it healed?"

"It has a bunch. You should have seen it before I got in the shower earlier? Take my word for it, the other guy looks much worse."

"Don't hurt him."

"I won't... not permanently. The damage we inflict on each other always take the longest to heal from. Good thing, we usually aren't fighting one another." He couldn't take another second of being separated from her. Being back in La Push, phasing in with the pack, watching her assume her role as the alpha female was drawing him closer to his imprint. Jacob needed her in order to obtain the strength he needed for another tiresome day.

He pulled Bella closer, she stiffened. "Come on, Bells. Get a little more rest. You don't have to push yourself so much. Think of this as a vacation."

He fell back to the bed and pulled her down with him. "Jake, please don't."

That wasn't what he wanted to hear. He really needed to get up anyway. "I'm sorry. I just needed to hold you for a minute."

Bella squirmed until he loosened his grip. "Why? Barry's right, we're a walking talking contradiction." Jacob stared at her. He was pretty sure he knew what she meant. "I can't stand you most of the time anymore, but then we have moments like yesterday and I never want to be away from you. I can't do this anymore, Jake. It makes my head hurt."

"Bells... "

She wiped at her face and reminded him they hadn't talked about that night one single time. If it wasn't for the baby napping on the other side of the room, she would have thought it didn't actually happen, but was her vivid imagination. "What was that, huh? You wanted to test me out, prove a point, break my heart like I broke yours?"

Jacob felt a renewed sense of shame and regret. "No, it was none of those things to me, just the opposite, it was the purest, most perfect night of my life." He brushed the few tears that followed that statement from her face. They were spread out on Embry's bed together. Embry, who he would have to fight like hell to earn respect back from would know if one single discrepancy occurred in that room. Jacob was walking a thin line.

Bella didn't look convinced by his declaration. "Then what was the morning after?"

"The worst decision I ever made, no wait, let me clarify, it was the second worst. I told you, I regretted what I said. I know now, I didn't mean it. I have tons of regrets actually."

She stopped pushing him away at arm's length and he gradually made his way towards her. Bella halted him from getting his mouth too close with her hand on his chest. She shook her head side to side. "I can't. I won't be your other woman, your side chick, a mistress, the baby Momma with benefits. You said you were committed to your marriage."

Baby Momma, was she serious? He'd never think that with regards to her. Jacob, honestly didn't know what else to do, but shut his eyes, so he couldn't see the pain in her eyes, pain he'd put there. He took a few deep breaths, and let her scent, along with their son's scent move through him for one more second of tranquility. Then Jacob did the only thing he should do, he let go of her and he left them.

~Thanks for reading.

Whew, you don't know how tough this was for me. I was so close to almost getting sappy, but I reigned it in. If you're like me and you hate yourself for loving that tender moment between them when Bella fed Atticus, then you should understand why she had to push him away this time.

Obviously, this is a hectic week. I can't make any promises for posting, but I'll try not to leave you hanging too long.