Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.

I've reviewed and re-written this chapter as well as the previous two. Tell me what you think. There's some silliness in this chapter but its just to lighten the mood. Expect more romance to come.

Settings are on anonymous reviews. so you can say anything you'd like whether you have an account or not.

Important! Those of you who have played BLEACH: The Shattered Blade will recognize my new antagonist. If you haven't he is not an OC. NOT and OC! He is an actual character from the BLEACH story line. I'll Give him a bit of a background as I go for the people who aren't as familiar with him.

Summary: Summary doesn't matter anymore. You are three chapters in. Deal with it.

Chapter 3: "Got Gaydar?" -Nenwen

And So Orihime's twisted game continued, and she found herself daydreaming in her alone time. Her mind constantly active, formulating plots and evil ideas. While trying to devise a plan to annoy Ulquiorra, Orihime recalled other times she'd gotten reactions from him. One such event occurred when she asked him to brush her hair and accidentally on purpose dropped a hair tie down his clothes. The look he'd given her then was a cross between curious and agitated. She giggled to herself quietly at the memory.

"Hello Orihime," The red-head whirled around to find Gin Ichimaru standing in the door frame of her cell his signature grin enveloped the bottom half of his face giving him a cheshire appearance. She sported a worried look in response. "Ulquiorra is in a meeting with Aizen right at the moment, so I've brought you food." Gin rolled forth a cart set with the normal platters of food. Gin studied her face, and reaction to his presence. She was frozen in shock, her facial features alight with fear. Interesting "I'm quite busy at the moment other wise I'd love to stay and chat. It's such a shame I've got to go. Another time then, shall we?" The eternally smiling ex-reaper left with a wave leaving Orihime by herself to eat. "Bye-bye." He called, in a sing-song way.

As usual Orihime proceeded to dispose of the food as soon as the man was gone. No way was she going to eat that nasty stuff, no matter who delivered it.

Meanwhile in the hallway outside of the prisoner's cell a figure lurked in the shadows, waiting for the ex-reaper to get close enough. When Gin was in ear shot of a whisper, the figure spoke, giving away his presence.

"Is it how you predicted?"

"Worse." replied Gin, unphased by the presence of the arrancar. "She probably hasn't eaten since she was brought here. Ulquiorra is loyal, but he's certainly not perceptive." Gin's famous grin shrank slightly. "Keep an eye on her... Szayel."

-Somewhere in the Hueco Mundo-

With lurching jaws a massive garganta spewed its occupant into the desolate white sands. Howls of both wind and Hollows' voices sprang up in response like a tormented orchestra. His presence, no... his existence, was as unwelcome here as it was on any plain, soul society, or human realm. It had been a long time... a very long time indeed since he'd stepped foot in this world; eons since his cloth clad feet had ever graced these sands with their touch. To be trapped for so long in the metaphorical ass end of central 46, locked away from everything in the world and now he was back. He let out a chuckle as the relief washed over him. His freedom was all thanks to that foolish orange-maned soul reaper and the sokyoku. And to think they actually thought they'd killed him after his escape. Repugnant. He had never been one to give up so easily. If he couldn't have Soul Society under his thumb then he'd focus his attentions elsewhere. After restoring his powers he vowed to invade the soul society again, he would rise above all the Reapers and crush them under his foot. But first he had to figure out why it seemed all the strongest hollows in Hueco Mundo appeared to be congregated in one spot so far off.

"Why?"

In her cell Orihime entertained herself with other tricks and questions asked of her warden. She picked her brain for anyway to force a reaction out of the stoic arrancar. And she even looked back and smiled on some of her earlier encounters.

Flash back:

"Ulquiorra, where do babies come from?"

The quiet espada mentally flinched at the sudden question assault upon entering the room. He wasn't quite prepared for this one but decided the best course was to respond as blunt as possible. His emotionless unfeeling gaze fell upon the woman, her form curled up on the couch, feet tucked away beneath her. Her games were grating, and annoying, her laughter and her voice haunted him, and yet she persisted with these inane scenarios.

"To produce offspring," The fourth Espada began explaining in a bored monotone. "A male and female must engage in a physical relationship that involves sexual intercourse. The Male's reproductive organ must release its sperm inside the female"s reproductive organ. If the women is fertile during the time of copulation, than there is a possibility she will become impregnated with a child. After nine months without mishaps the woman will give birth to a child" Ulquiorra fixed Orihime with an icy glare. "Are you in need of a more thorough explanation or does that satisfy you?"

Orihime met his piercing frozen glare with the straightest face she could conjure. In truth she wanted to glower at him, Or make a face. She was sure this question would have broken past the arrancar's rock hard exterior. But she'd been wrong, he had deflected the awkwardness with logic and his serious manner. "That was fine... um, thank you?"

"If you do not require anything else, I'll take my leave." When Orihime looked away with defeat covering her face, the espada seized the opportunity to let his emerald eyes wash over her body. He turned on his heel and headed to the door there was a slight grin of triumph behind his eyes, but he never let it grace his features.

-End of flash back

At some point or another Orihime had managed to talk Ulquiorra into giving her a writing utensil and with new vigor the completion of a more complex plan drew ever closer.

The next time food was delivered to her room it was by her usual warden Ulquiorra. Her eyes danced when she saw him, and she felt an over-whelming sense of relief, it washed over her like the clear clean water of an untouched spring. He entered wordless as always but there was something about his expression that seemed almost... grim. Even his movements seemed too calculated, too purposeful. what was so wrong that would have Ulquiorra on edge. The air seemed to bristle at his presence alone.

"I hope you don't plan on carrying out the usual farce. I don't have the patience for your foolishness today." His emerald eyes were piercing and serious.

Right away her elation faded, and concern dumped over her like a bucket of hot coals."What happened?" Orihime's voice cracked on the second word.

Faster than the human mind could conceive Szayel appeared behind Ulquiorra. His features, though carrying a smile, also sported tension and foreboding. The pink haired Espada took the metaphorical conversation baton as he explained the situation. "There seems to be an anomaly out in the Hueco Mundo. It appeared there the other day and has gained the attention of our intruders. The problem is... whatever is out there isn't ours." The 8th espada paused for effect. "Our numbers have already been accounted for, and the ones that aren't couldn't produce the spiritual pressure that has Lord Aizen on edge. It seems all the hollows in that area have evacuated the vicinity. And reports tell us that it isn't a soul reaper, or a vizard. ...On the brighter note," Said Szayel suddenly cheerful, his woeful seriousness evaporated like a spray of water on a tin roof in a hot summer day. "Since the intruders backed off to reassess the situation it means you'll be staying here awhile longer. Doesn't that just make you happy?!" The pink-haired Espada giggled in excitement. "I'll come by and visit you later. Gin wants me to check up on you."

"Since when is Gin calling the shots?" Ulquiorra cut in venomously. "I have strict orders from Lord Aizen to limit association between the Arrancar and the human girl. Last I checked you fall under that jurisdiction."

"We'll see about that now won't we?" He let his smirk widen. "Besides, our prisoner needs to interact." He wiggled his fingers at Orihime.

Ulquiorra watched with disgust as Szayel left as quickly as he'd come. Then he turned his attention back to the woman in the room. She was staring off into space with a forlorn expression. Maybe for once she didn't have any ridiculous plan to carry forth. "I'll return to collect your dishes."

"A-hem!" Orihime cleared her throat in an overly exaggerated way, purposefully drawing his attention back to her.

"Was there something you needed?" his voice was flat as ever, but there was a hint of disgust there as well.

Time for plan code name: Preparation H!

"He's my best friend best of all best friends-" Orihime started singing.

Szayel was suddenly by her side with a rush of sonido. "Do you have a best friend too?" He joined. He bent his head and looked down at her, a finger pointing closely to her chest.

"It tickles in my tummy. He's so yummy yummy." They both looked at Ulquiorrra simultaneously. "Hey, you should get a best friend too!" Their grins made a total mockery of the 4th's attitude.

Ulquiorra's expression was disgusted as he watched the two dance to the song as well. "The maturity level in this room has fallen several degrees." The taste in his mouth became foul, and he proceeded to spit on the ground. Then muttered under his breath, "I don't deserve this."

As the fourth espada exited into the corridor, Szayel raced after him continuing the song. "Ooh Ha! Ooh Ha!" He thrust his skinny hips back and forth, while making pulling motions with his arms.

"Don't make me silence you." Warned the fourth as he shut the door to the cell. Cutting Orihime off from the rest of the conversation.

Orihime basked in the victory of her scheme for several hours. But then she began to notice that Ulquiorra was late in returning to retrieve her dishes. Where was he? Why wasn't he coming. It was not a usual habit for Ulqiorra to be late even though he'd been once before.

Oh no, thought Orihime. Maybe I over did it and he isn't coming back. This thought depressed her and she sunk into her couch. The visits from Ulquiorra were her only joy in this place. Without him, there'd be no form of entertainment.

She had almost given up hope when she heard voices from the hallway; her hope was crushed just as quickly when she realized neither voice belonged to her dark caretaker. These new voices were unrecognizable so she assumed she had not met them yet. Moments passed and she could finally discern what they were saying.

"So they keep the human pet in here?"

"Yeeessssss. Ssssshheeeesss quiite beeautiiful fooor a huuman." Answered the second voice in what sounded like a hiss/lisp.

"Shall we check on her to make sure she's still there?" The first one asked finishing with a perverted snicker.

"Aiizsssen woouldn't aaaprooove."

"He won't know unless someone tells. It's not like i'm going to eat her. I just want to have a little fun."

They can't get in, Ulquiorra always locks the door. He does it every time he leaves. The steps outside stopped at the door of her cell. The was silence for awhile and it felt like eternity. Then the sound of the door opening became the prelude to her worst nightmare. Cold hard fear became her only companion in the room without any other exits. Ulquiorra left the door unlocked during the confusion with Szayel.

R&R please. Thanks to all my readers who have supported this story over the last 4 years, and to all the readers who have just started reading this story. I'm glad to be able to update and re-work a new chapter. Been trying hard to take this story up a couple notches. Let's hope i can get to re-working the rest of the chapters.

Song used was, "Best Friend" by Toybox. Because it's so annoyingly fun it can make your ears bleed. And because watching Spock and Kirk sing that song on You-tube is strangely entertaining. XD

I've removed the silly comments inserted with brackets. in hopes that it improves the fic. If you think it doesn't feel free to say so. But i probably won't put them back.