You guys, you make me feel so guilty! :( Your reviews are so positive and beautiful and full of helpful comments that when it takes me long to update I feel so terrible! I have been so terribly busy to the point that I am barely getting any sleep lately but you guys never leave my mind and I just have to take some time to write. I am so sorry it took me so long to update :( I hope this chapter is of your liking. This is where it really takes off and I hope it comes out good enough. Do tell me honestly what you think at the end, thanks!
Chapter 17
"Katniss! Katniss! Katniss!" I hear vaguely but I am so tired and sleepy I don't want to get up. I feel someone's arms shaking me vigorously and I groan in protest. I just fell asleep after my third nightmare today. But the voice is urgent and persistent. "Katniss!" Peeta keeps calling out to me and shaking me.
Finally I open my eyes out of annoyance. I turn over to face him and his expression makes me forget the insults I was going to direct at him. He looks frightened, or better said, terrorized.
Then something hits me... If he's here... Then who is watching our tributes?
Alarm shakes me awake and I sit up.
"Peeta, what's wrong? What are you doing here?" I ask dreading his answer. He's being here can't be a signal of anything good.
"Katniss, we gotta go!" he tells me. "There is no time to lose! Hurry!" he rushes me and quickly walks over to our closet, grabs a backpack and starts shoving clothes in it.
"Peeta, what's going on?" I ask, desperation and panic tingling in my voice. My head is swirling with possibilities why we would need to leave so quick but none make any sense.
"I'm sorry, Katniss" he tells me compassionately "but there isn't any time to explain" he says and takes my hand and pulls me out the door.
I remember how likely it is this whole building is bugged and I become even more petrified. Do they know we are running right this instant? Are Peacekeepers on their way to come and arrest us? What happened to Azalea and Gerrit? But, more importantly, what are we running from and why?
President Snow. I don't need to ask Peeta to know he has to be the reason we are escaping. But what did we do this time? My last nightmare flashes in my mind again and I see President Snow, blood dripping from his evil grin as he stands over my dead baby surrounded by blood-stained white roses.
Peeta rushes me out of the building now and I look behind me to look for Peacekeepers chasing us but I can't see any.
And where are Haymitch and Effie and Cinna? Are they in danger too by extension?
My lungs battle for oxygen as they try to keep up with the demand my body is making. Are we running the whole way?
People turn and stare as we sprint down the crowded streets of the Capitol. We are making such a scene that if the Peacekeepers were trying to find us they would have no problem.
My heart races in my chest but I just run right behind Peeta. I just hold his hand and follow him. I don't know why but I realize I trust Peeta so completely that I don't doubt that I will thank him for this.
I understand there is no time to explain now and that's all I need to know.
I run.
And I run.
And I run.
Peeta turns here and there and I have no clue where we are. All these streets are beginning to look the same to me. How does Peeta even know where we are right now?
The muscles in my thighs feel like they are beginning to rip and snap like over-stretched rubber and my chest can't contain the wild beating of my struggling heart.
I feel my knees slowly giving in. I turn and I look and I feel like there will be a Peacekeeper in every corner.
Last time I remember running like this was only a few weeks ago and I remember the desperation I felt as I rummaged the woods for Peeta, when I thought he had gotten lost.
And as my body gives up, I realize that, whether I like it or not, regardless of my incessant efforts to avoid it, Peeta has become vital for my existence, and the day he is ripped away from me, my heart is going to break past the point of remedy and there is nothing I can do to stop it anymore.
I brace for the terror that is sure to invade me as this awakening soaks my being but it doesn't come. And for the first time in as long as I can remember, I am immersed in a strange unsettling peace. I am not weak but I am stronger.
How can depending on someone so much give you such security and happiness as I feel right now, even now as I am running for my life?
But this is no time to figure out this new revelation.
New blood rushes through my veins and I hold on to him harder and run stronger and my muscles are revitalized.
And it doesn't seem like such a long time when we reach a lonely street and Peeta bursts in through a door and through the house, all the way to the backyard. Here we find Haymitch standing by a light blue lady, with tattoos covering her neck and the side of her face to shape her complexion like a heart, dressed in elaborate clothes and strange accessories of blue and gold.
At the sight of us Haymitch motions us to follow him and without another word he is off through a door and down a corridor and through another door and many others until we come out into a smoky and filthy area.
We jump up on a platform of some kind and close a door behind us. We haven't got much space in this closed area. There seems to be grease and machinery and boxes all around us.
Peeta delicately leads me to the least filthy spot and before I can stop him lays down his jacket on the floor for me to sit. I do as told but when he tries to let go of my hand I hold it tight so he gives me a puzzled look but says nothing. I scoot over to make some space for him and he takes it. Haymitch raises one eyebrow at me but doesn't comment on it.
As soon as he is besides me I let go of his hand. His confusion unsettles me and I wish I hadn't done that just now.
But I can't think about that now.
"What are we doing in a closed space full of machinery in the middle of the Hunger Games we are supposed to be mentoring?" I ask in utter bewilderment.
My head is dizzy with all the questions that are bombarding me. My first question is answered before Haymitch and Peeta can by the distinct whistle of the train we are on.
"We're on a train?" I ask in puzzlement as I feel the ground I thought I was sitting on start moving.
"On the tessarae train, to be more precise" Haymitch clarifies as he pursues his lips.
This doesn't help at all to ease my mind.
"And why are we hiding here? Why aren't we mentoring right now? Are we fugitives? What did we do now? What about my family? Are they ok?" I fire at both of them with only a few of the questions I have.
Neither one of them answers. What's happened? I freeze in standby. I immediately think the worst and I feel the walls of my heart tumbling down.
They shake their heads. What does that mean?
"We don't know" Haymitch answers.
"Why are we here?! What are we doing here?!" I beg for an answer, any answer. I feel my eyes start to sting as I think of Prim and my mother and Gale. If we are fugitives, what might they do to them to get information on us?
"Katniss, we don't know anything of our families. But right now we don't even know what is going to happen to us, let alone to them" Peeta tries to explain in calmly manner but it isn't calming me.
"No!" I cry out. "Prim! We have to go for them! We have to! We can't leave them. They'll kill them, Haymitch! They'll kill them all because of us!"
"Katniss, calm down for a minute..." Haymitch begins but I interrupt.
"Well, I can't! I was shaken out of bed this morning to be rushed across the Capitol without an explanation and shoved into a train only to be told my family is in danger and we know nothing of them! How do you expect me to calm down!?" I yell as I feel my face turning red from a combination of fear and helplessness.
"Well, you're gonna have to, sweetheart! Cuz we are on a moving train that we have no control of and we can't get off of so there isn't anything any one of us can do right now! So, if you want, you can relax so we can attempt to explain to you what has happened and figure out what we are going to do!" Haymitch yells at me and reality hits me.
He is right.
I am completely useless. I am locked in train where I am hiding and my family could be being slaughtered this very instant and all I can do is sit here. A shaky breath combined with a whimper escapes my throat and I am frozen, unable to accept it all.
So I sit, motionless, holding my knees against my chest as I bite my lip furiously and stare off into the floor in front of me as Peeta and Haymitch take turns explaining to me the events of the last hours.
Azalea and Gerrit are dead. They killed each other in the arena today. At first, this makes no sense as I recall the strong shake and nod of understanding between them on reaping day. But as they continue explaining all the pieces come together.
As, Peeta explains the story, today at around 3 in the afternoon, he noticed they started walking towards each other, though he doesn't understand how they knew where each other were. And around 5 they met. When they saw each other they stopped short. Seconds ticked by as they stared into each other's eyes, motionless. Peeta stared, mouth gaping open, awaiting a movement of some sort. But then he noticed that this wasn't the usual stare down between tributes, where they are both observing what the other's next move will be, to counterattack. It wasn't a look like the ones Peeta and I shared in the Arena, either. He compares it to a look of understanding and I remember seeing it before between them, just briefly on very rare occassions.
Could it be...?
Peeta goes on to tell us that Azalea then gets red-eyed to much of his surprise. Gerrit just tightens his jaw and raises his nose to the sky, then slowly brings it down to complete a resolute nod. Just then you can hear the sound of eagles... dozens and dozens of them, but he can't see them yet. By the sound of them, they are quickly approaching and he guesses they are no normal eagles. Their call sounds freakishly deformed to sound even more monstrous.
But then again, nothing in the arena is ever normal.
This sends determination into Azalea's expression rather than fear or surprise. And without another second's thought she pulls out a knife and sends it flying into Gerrit's chest with impressive aim. It lands just above his heart though and doesn't kill him. Gerrit shows no disappointment, no sadness, no feeling of treason or betrayal. He barely stands as he starts walking towards Azalea. She doesn't make a move but bites her lip as her eyes get red again as she watches Gerrit struggle to get to her. He's made it about a third of the way when she summons the valor to pull out another knife that goes in his leg, and he collapses to the ground with a loud painful groan and a thump. He knees on the ground struggling to breath, his chest rocking back and forth trying to get air into his surrendering lungs.
Just then Azalea takes off towards him and Peeta thinks she is willing to finish the job once and for all. Just then she takes out the knife in his leg. Peeta thinks she'll use it to keep stabbing him.
But he is confused. Why hasn't Gerrit defended himself? Why has he allowed her to kill him when she obviously was having doubts and remorse the whole time and he is much stronger? Why did he not even flinch when she sent the first knife though he could have easily avoided it? And if Azalea is so knowledgeable about knifes, more than she ever let on, why didn't she pull out the one closest to his heart so he could bleed to death faster?
As if it could get any more disconcerting, Azalea hands the bloody knife to Gerrit, who takes it and for the first time, shows a sign of emotion- comradeship. And just then, as it unravels before his eyes, it all makes sense to Peeta.
As blood drips down Gerrit's lips and neck, he struggles to speak, but when he does, his voice is strong and clear and loud. He looks up into the sky, as Azalea helps him stay upright and yells something that sends goose bumps all over Peeta's body.
"You can kill our children! You can kill our leader's children calling it chance and tessarae numbers! But you cannot control a nation! And you cannot make this fire die out!" and he turns around to Azalea as he starts stabbing her.
She moans out in horrifying howls but she manages to scream out.
"Country of Panem! Look at your Capitol and what they do to you! If we can play by our own rules so can you! Fight them and burn them to a crisp! The fire has already caught, you just need to fuel it!" and then she pulls out the second knife out of Gerrit's chest and with her last bit of strength she waits for Gerrit to speak for one last time as the knife flies into his heart.
"AVENGE US!" Gerrit growls with his last will as he ends Azalea's torture by targeting her heart and they both take one last shallow breath and collapse, lifeless in the grass, mouths gaping open and eyes staring into the sky, as if awaiting to be taken back.
But Peeta doesn't wait to watch. He runs out of there as quick as lightning and runs into Haymitch just down the hall.
"We have to get out of here, he whispers in alarm to Haymitch who understands instantly and gives him directions of where to run to once he gets me.
Terror has completely taken control of me and I am crying "No!" over and over again.
"My family! We must get them! We have to! We can't leave them! They'll kill them!" I scream at both of them, trying to appeal to their humanity.
"And if we go to them, then we will all die! Don't you think that's the first place they will look, Katniss?" Haymitch asks me brutally.
"I can't just hide away like a coward and leave my family to their mercy!" I cry.
"And if you go to them, they will die for sure" Haymitch says more calmly and sighs. "Look, that's all they have against you right now. And it is their only hope of getting to you. If they kill them then they won't have a way to find you, nothing to keep you from fighting" he states.
"Keep me from fighting? What do you mean?" I ask perplexed.
"Weren't you listening, Katniss? Fire has caught and there is no stopping it" Haymitch replies.
"So you mean...?" I ask but he answers before I can finish articulating my question.
"Yes, I do mean. Azalea's and Gerrit's grandfathers were strong leaders in District Twelve during the first rebellion that started the Hunger Games. They weren't chosen on tessarae. Gerrit could have been, maybe, were that the true way the tributes were chosen but Azalea? Never. She was a town girl, she had never taken out tessarae in her life, I guarantee it" he says completely sure of himself and Peeta nods. He would know. It was rare when a kid from town took out tessarae. "They were arranged to be picked out, based on the circumstances..."
"What circumstances?" I interrupt.
"Will you let me finish? I'll get to that, one thing at a time. Now, don't you remember reaping day? Did you see shock on any of these kids' faces? No. Despair, perhaps, but no shock. Most thought it was because of their amount of tessarae they would have known they had high chances. But that wasn't the case. Azalea started crying because, even though she knew these reapings were most probably arranged, she held some hope it would be actually based on tessarae and she would be spared. Gerrit, on the other hand, knew that, from the very beginning, he was to fight in these Hunger Games. That's why he walked proud and resigned to the stage. And once Azalea realized her fate, she regained peace and was able to share that look of understanding with Gerrit. They had prepared for this. That's how they knew how to pull that off that genius stunt today" he admits.
"So why were they hostile towards us?" I ask.
"To keep anyone from guessing anything. And also because they held contempt against you for going along with the Capitol's charade when you should have been standing up for your people. That's what they thought" he explains.
"How do you know all this?" Peeta asks.
"The rebellion has been forming since your game last year. They have been organizing but they have been more careful. The Capitol knows it's there but they don't know who has been leading it. So they took their more likely suspects' children and sent them to die, to hopefully get them to get intimidated and stop. District 12 has little to no one taking part in it. Only me and a couple more men. But we haven't been discovered. So they took Azalea and Gerrit because of their grandparents, thinking if anyone would be in it, it would be their families. And they were damn right. But they knew that was coming before they even made the announcement for Quarter Quell. So Azalea and Gerrit and a couple more kids in risk planned out what they would do in the arena if they got chosen. They decided they would die on their own terms. And by killing each other they could plan it out perfectly. So they slowly killed each other while accusing the Capitol and encouraging the country to avenge them, them and the hundreds of children this government has taken away. They were hoping that by saying these carefully planned out short speeches while murdering each other, the Capitol would have no choice but to play it or otherwise they would have no way to excuse their disappearance from the games. It was the best they could do but it wasn't good enough. The Capitol would never play that in a million years. They'd figure out a way to stage it somehow. Their last attempt at it was to send the eagle mutts to kill them once they saw they were planning something when they met. But the eagles didn't get there fast enough. Therefore, I had planted a recording device on your observation room on the day I trained Peeta to catch this when it happened and I went to get it once Peeta warned me something bad had happened..."
"So you knew all of this all along and didn't tell us anything?!" I interrupt Haymitch, not able to hold back anymore.
"Look, sweetheart, you better quit interrupting me! I was doing all of this to protect the plan! You really think you could have handled this when you and Peeta couldn't even handle your own personal issues?!" he replies angrily.
My mouth falls open.
"So it was better to keep me in the dark? So my family could be killed without a warning?" I accuse.
"You better watch that pretty little mouth, because you don't even know anything yet, so you better stop accusing people who all they have done is try to keep you alive! You may be mentors now but you don't know a thing about it! And here I am still saving the both of you while a nation is preparing for war and you two can't even see it happen around you because you have your heads too wrapped up in your little drama. Now the two of you need to cut it out! It's no time to act like kids! Figure out your issues and get on with it so we can try to rescue your lives and your families!" he says directing himself at both of us.
I am embarrassed and insulted.
"Maybe if you had told us what was going on...!" I begin but Haymitch cuts me off with force.
"I did what was best for you so you better shut up and be grateful, little girl! Your family and you are going to be ok, thanks to me! So you better stop questioning my judgment and get on with it because so far, it's been right!"he says and takes one deep breath and sighs loudly. He massages his temples to alleviate the headache he always has due to his drinking and now due to the screaming, as well. "Now, we are gonna go to the Resistance headquarters to give them the recording and I will make sure they get to your families and bring them to safety. But for now, all we can do is sit and wait till we get off this train and by the time we do, I expect you two will have figured this out because we will need your heads focused from now on, you hear me?" he asks and looks between us two. Peeta stares at the ground in embarrassment and I look right back at Haymitch with all the pride I can muster. And then he wobbly jumps over some boxes and some machinery and disappears behind them, probably trying to get away from the noise and from us.
Guilt invades me as I realize he was right. Peeta and I have been acting like kids and we haven't noticed what's been going on right in front of our noses. And Haymitch was right to do everything he did. And I was just rude and ungrateful when I owe him my life once more.
I decide this is going to end.
Peeta and I will work this out and move on so we can be of help.
But now I have no clue how to do it.
Haymitch's words hang in the air and the tension between us, now on our own, is palpable.
But I know there is no avoiding the conversation we are about to have anymore.
Do tell me what you think please! :) This took sooo much work and I would love to know your thoughts on it!