Hello my fellow HG fans! :D Thank you for all the encouragement and all the suggestions. I love to see you guys as excited as I am for the development of this fanfic. And it is so nice to see Katniss develop and grow as she goes through experiences that she never did in the books and explore how these new ones affect her and teach her and change the outcome. Enjoy!

Chapter 20

A thousand thoughts rush through my mind but all I can think is Peeta is here. Just a few hours before I thought I would never see him again, never see that shine in his eyes that tell me that things can be good again.

And the fear comes back and I am paranoid that in the few steps that it could take me to get to him something might get in the way and I will lose my chance again.

And this fear acts on its own and takes over my mind and I am out of the bed rushing past Gale and running into Peeta's arms.

And my stomach feels sick because I know while I am doing this I am confirming Gale his suspicions but at this moment, as much as I wish to take his opinion into account, I can't because my arms are locked around Peeta's torso and they refuse to let go. I am too happy to see him again.

Peeta is asking me a million questions. How could I leave him? How could I scare him so? Did I know how he had felt these past hours, thinking I had been captured or dead? I can't answer. I am immobile. All I can do is hold on to him, convincing myself he really is in my arms, and it is so very strange to feel this way but I can't stop it.

I hold him close. It is so very comforting to feel his chest under my cheek once again.

It's funny how thinking you could lose someone makes you appreciate them.

And then it happens.

Before I can stop it, the words are out.

I see it happen in slow motion yet I am powerless.

"Is the baby OK?" he asks.

My heart stops and I am snapped into reality.

And I become conscious of what his question will make everyone around us think.

I turn around but Gale is already slamming the door behind him.

I imagine how betrayed he must feel, as if I had been lying to him just seconds ago. Except that I didn't. He doesn't know… I have to explain.

I let go of Peeta and I am out of his embrace and running after Gale.

I walk out into the dark cold night and start searching but everything is still. I look hard but it is too dark to see. My eyes struggle to find his tall figure in the darkness but with grief I realize it is fruitless.

There is no sign of him.

I want to scream out to him, to call his name, to come back and let me explain that I wasn't lying.

To yell that it isn't what he thinks in the hopes he will hear me.

I have taken a few steps when I stop myself. I can't run out into the darkness.

I am looked for by every single Peacekeeper in this District. I am in danger enough already just being outside at all.

And even if I could go and find him I know that at this point, there is nothing I can say to change his mind. How can I convince him now? He already believes I chose Peeta over him and now that he thinks I am pregnant… it only confirms to him that I was lying. Now he must really think our marriage is real.

I hear steps coming out to me but I stay looking out into the darkness, wishing I could reach out into it and pull him back out.

This is a disaster. I sit on the ground and seize my head between my hands and squeeze it as I grit my teeth. The Capitol has taken my best friend away from me and for that they will pay. I will make sure of it.

I feel a strong grip take hold of my arm and I know it is Haymitch by his typical roughness.

I let him stand me up and lead me away from the house to I don't know where.

We start walking into the darkness now and I wonder where Haymitch is taking me. Soon I hear Peeta join us and we all walk in silence. We travel between the trees and the tall grass and Haymitch still holds a strong grip on arm.

I wait for him to begin yelling at me and I am preparing my retorts but I have no need for them. He never takes the initiative. So I do.

"What did you find out about Mother and Prim?" I ask.

"They're safe" Haymitch replies with emphasis "as I said you they would be".

"How do you know?" I ask. "Did you check on them? Have you seen them?"

"No. But I left instructions to take your family to District 13 if things got ugly. As I had hoped the friends I told you about took care of it as soon as they saw the way they staged Azalea and Gerrit's death and saw no interview of you guys" he replies.

"So District 13 does exist?" I ask thinking of the encounter in the forest with the girls from District 8.

"Yeah. That's where we are going too. They have been surviving underground all this time" he informs me and I am awed.

"Thank you, Haymitch" I say and I wish I could thank him in some more significant way but can't think of one. I think this is enough for him though.

"What about Peeta's family?" I ask.

"They are safe, too, though still in the District. They didn't want to leave" he explains.

"But why not? It's only a matter of time before they take them away and try to torture them into telling about Peeta's location" I state in confusion.

I look at Peeta but he seems unworried.

"They will be fine" he says but I am unconvinced. Why are they so sure? "They already came to them but saw they really knew nothing and let them be" he says.

I am relieved to hear that but it doesn't seem right.

I look around me and wonder where we could be.

We are taking a long route surrounding the town but never entering it.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Mayor's house" Peeta answers. He sees my confusion and continues. "Yeah, I know, I was surprised too. He is part of the rebellion" he explains and I am glad. I think of the Mayor who always looked so miserable at the Reapings and of Madge, and the mockingjay pin she gave me. I am glad to know we are on the same side now.

I can see the lights of the house as we approach the back. I remember doing this many times when Gale and I came to sell them strawberries.

I am impatient to see Madge and be somewhere I can feel safe and find out more about my family.

We are ushered inside and into a small parlor. The house is poorly lit and especially the room we occupy. It is particularly dark. I can only admire the Mayor for taking us in when we are so looked for.

We aren't there for very long before the Mayor and Madge join us. She comes over to me and hugs me. It is so nice to see people from home. She reminds of the times when things were a little more normal, when we were struggling to eat but there were no worries of being bugged or taken away by Peacekeepers.

The Mayor informs us that things have become extremely dangerous. The rebels had introduced themselves in the Capitol by the time that Azalea and Gerrit died and they captured their deaths before the Capitol could dispose of it and they managed to hack into the TV networks and broadcast it in full detail before it could be taken down. By the time the Capitol was back in control it was too late. The whole country had seen it. And it had the desired result.

This sent uproar in some of the Districts with the most rebels and ignited the ones who had been laying low. The Capitol has slowly been losing control of the situation and with us on the loose too they have had too much on their hands. The rebels are gaining strength but there have been many deaths and massacres, even in the Capitol as they kill off the possible suspects who could have intruded and gotten the video. Thankfully we still have some informers.

The Peacekeepers raided our houses, though, all three of them in search of us and mother and Prim but found nothing. They did find Peeta's family going about their lives as usual and couldn't get anything out of them and, as soon as they saw they really were clueless, they let them be.

I see Peeta look down. I know he is thinking that his family couldn't care less and the Peacekeepers saw that and didn't waste their time. My heart breaks for Peeta. I couldn't imagine not having anyone worrying about me, anyone to welcome me into District 13. I look at him but he doesn't meet my gaze. He is looking at his hands deep in thought.

But then the most pressing matter of the night arises.

We must be taken out of District 12 as soon as possible.

The Mayor is a suspect but because of his position and there being no proof he has been spared. But things are getting worse by the minute and all that could change at any moment. As it is they cannot run as that would only confirm to the Capitol that he is part of the rebellion. And they need some of us to be here and keep District 13 informed. So they must stay here, no matter what happens. But we cannot.

It is very late so we leave it there for now. We will discuss details more tomorrow and observe when it will be the best time to escape as things are very complex, there are Peacekeepers everywhere at all times and the fence has been reinforced.

I wish I could talk to Peeta tonight but Madge takes me away to her room that we will share for these days while Haymitch and Peeta will share a guest room.

I give him one last look before we part and I hope it is reassuring enough.

Madge and I talk for a little bit. She tells me a little more of how things have been for her in particular lately, which hasn't been easy. But soon sleep conquers us and I fall into a restless sleep where I keep dreaming I am giving birth but things aren't going well. Finally I wake up and notice why I had those dreams. There is a sharp pain in my lower stomach and my heart stops as I recognize the familiar cramp. I rush to the bathroom only to have confirmed that I was never pregnant.

And I am so disappointed. I had been so certain that I was… Even though it is a good thing since we don't have to worry about pleasing President Snow anymore. That was the whole point of trying to be pregnant, wasn't it? So I should be relieved that I won't be bringing a poor unfortunate soul into this horrible world to suffer… but yet I am so very sad…

I spend hours tossing and turning in bed thinking about this baby I never had. It is so strange to think of myself as one alone again.

This does make it easy for me, right? There is nothing that forces me to be anything anymore. There is no need to pretend that Peeta and I are the lovers that the Capitol believed, no more reason to keep going with this pretend marriage. Peeta and I are free to be what we want, so to speak.

And it feels liberating and scary all at the same time. I am relieved to finally be able to choose for myself but… there is a part of me that is afraid of having that choice. Because after so long… after being so used to having Peeta there for me at all times I can't imagine how I will face my life alone, how I will sleep at night without his arms around me to keep the nightmares away and to shush them away when I wake up from them.

I feel so disoriented…

But it isn't fair to hold Peeta to those responsibilities anymore. He deserves to get away from me and forget me and move on.

I never thought about what the ending of this fake marriage would mean and now I wish it hadn't.

As these thoughts roam my mind I fall back asleep only to keep having nightmares.

The sun wakes me up and I find Madge is up and ready. She lets me know I need to stay in her room during the day so I am not discovered and once night falls we will get together again and be able to discuss more of what we will be doing next.

And I am not to leave the room under any circumstances.

I already feel myself going crazy in these four walls with my thoughts and my questions and the answers I can't find

And there it is! : ) tell me what you think, guys! I can't wait to start on the new chapter but I gotta know you guys are liking it, so let me know what you thought!