Bleh, I'm not happy with this chapter... Then again, I'm not happy with any I write. I hope that I portrayed every Black Order character right, the Noah chapter will hopefully written within a week of this posting. And hopefully be acceptable. Until then however, here's this chapter to satisfy you smexy devils.

Warning: Excessive swearing, some blood, more profanity, fourth wall breaks, pop culture refrences, inside jokes between myself only, and horrible horrible horrible humor.

You have been warned.

And, disclaimer. I don't own D. Gray Man, if I did... I'd NEVER update it.

Posted: 2-24-2016 Pacific Standard Time (Two days after actual stated update date... Yes, I am trash...)

"... Okay does anyone have any questions?" Cassandra asked once she turned off the projector. Immediately a gloved hand shot up. God have mercy...

"I have a question!" Ward shouted. "What's the assignments again?"

"Did you- I just- DID YOU PAY ATTENTION AT ALL?!"

"Nope, playing Clash of Clans; this guy keeps raiding me." Ward replied with a smile. Cassandra felt her eye twitch.

"Ward~, Stop playing with your C.O.C in public," Luna sang flirtatiously. Both of them received throwing stars to the forehead, causing them to topple over as a small blood geysers shot out.

"¡Mierde!"

"Shit!"

Most paled at the display. Ace and Renegade were snickering and Nak attempted to hide his approving smile. Cassandra took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Alright, for Ward's stupidity-"

"I-"

"Shut up." Another star was thrown. "I will say the assignments once more. The two new akuma, Luludja and Jessica shall be assigned to Renegade, as per usual with all new Akuma."

Renegade nodded from his spot in the officer rafters. His kohl outlined eyes staring intently at the two female souls intently. They shivered involuntarily, his gaze was way too much for them.

"Alexander," the boy looked up at Cassandra at the mention of his name. "You're innocence is best suited to General Cross' specialty, so you shall be his apprentice."

"Let's hope you last longer than the last Cross apprentice!" Ward called from the side.

"That was your great grandfather, ya winding!" Ace shouted.

"And we all know how he ended up!"

"Shut it!" Throwing stars impaled more foreheads. Clearing her throat, Cassandra looked back at all the exorcists in front of her. "Shizuka Eko," the boy flinched at the mention of his name, "oh for God's sake, I'm just saying your names!"

"Yes ma'am!" He stiffened up at the pure authority that radiated from her voice.

"Good, you'll be under General Kanda's tutelage," she gestured to the women who was "mediating" while Luna placed books atop her head. "Our resident swordswoman a perfect match for your combat style."

"Finders Barthory and Nielson!" The Head Finder roared. The two women snapped to attention as their superior glanced at them. "You shall undergo specialty training under General Springles!"

"Wha- WHY THR FUCK DO I HAVE TO TRAIN FINDERS!" Ace complied as she yanked the throwing star out of her head.

"Language Ace!"

"What the flying f-"

"Woah there Ace," Ward calmly interrupted. "We can't go over our limit of "fucks" in this chapter or else we'll seem childish!"

A brief lapse of silence overlaid Ward's lapse of sanity.

"Who the fuck are you talking to?" Some in the back of the room had called out.

"The readers!"

...

Everybody quickly calmed down and Ace reluctantly sat back down on Viceroy. Ward had a pleasant smile as he sat back in his seat, everyone's eyes wondering if he had truly cracked.

"Okay then." Cassandra brought everyone's attention back centerfold. "Philip Lorenzo-"

"Righta here ma'a-" A book was sent flying into his face. The thrower being the slowly enraged Cassandra. The disabled women smoothed down her hair and cracked her knuckles before glaring at everyone.

"Next person who interrupts gets something worse," she hissed out. They all stood there in silence. "Alright, when Lorenzo wakes up, tell him he's Chike's disciple."

"Aight ma'am."

"Good, now where is Miss Rebecca Xavier?" A tentative hand rose from where thr girl sat. "Alright, you are assigned to General Alvarez... Try not pick up her "habits"."

"I'm not even that bad!" The women argued.

"Tell that to half the male population of CUBA DAMMIT!" Cassandra roared. Luna quickly retreated up to her spider's nest and wrapped herself up in the red threads. "I'M STILL PAYING FOR THEIR PHYSCHOLOGICAL THERAPIES!"

I'm going to die aren't I... Rebecca thought to herself in her resigned state of horror.

"Right, where is Mister... Lief von Maelstorm?" Cassandra questioned. Seriously, half these names sound like they came out of a name generator for RPG characters...

"... Here..." A voice muttered out. Everyone's attention turned to a dark corner of the room to see a short teen leaning aloofly in a corner. "Who's my teacher?"

"Marina, raise your hand," Cassandra ordered. The Arabian women's hand slowly rose as she sent the teen a bright smile.

"Hello, I'm Marina Azerbaji, I hope we get along," the women greeted. Lief nodded, his eyes distant and a little apprehensive. Marina only smiled blithe before turning back to Cassandra.

"Alright, then the final… Problem." Everyone's eyes turned to Ward, who was now polishing Gabriel's Horn as it was a M1 Garand. "Ward, you're listening this time?"

"Yeah, get on with it. Who's kid am I looking after?" he replied flippantly. Both Nakarash and Letha looked at their future guarding, one was glaring while the other looked at him confused.

"You actually teach three, Ward," Cassandra answered with a grin. Cassandra ceased his polishing as his singular green eye bore a hole in the smirking women. "You are to teach the exorcist Nakarash Akaradech, Letha Papadopoulos, and Matsumoto Kei."

Nakarash's eyes narrowed as he looked at the General. Letha, who was sitting and swinging her legs, seemed much too captivated by a stray butterfly that flew around the underground base. Kei, who had been napping next to Shizuka, woke up with a snort and a start.

Ward stared with a wide eye. His mismatched face devoid of any emotion as he pulled a cigarette from his pocket and put it in his lips. Lightning it, he let the smoke drift through the room for a bit.

"Stinky," Letha coughed. She waved her hand through the air, trying to push away the smell.

"Th-That's funny Cass, saying I get three brats," Ward laughed deliriously. Taking another puff of his smoke, he let the nicotine mix go through his system before letting it out through the other side of his mouth. "F-Funny, yeah. Y-You're husband must think you're a laugh."

"I'm not joking," Cassandra replied. Nakarash, sick of his "master's" apparent early onset dementia, rushed stalked towards the man.

"I'll not follow anyone weaker than me!" he roared. He swung a face at the still smoking Ward, only for it to be intercepted by a blur. Then he was sent flying by an unknown force, crashing into a wall. Clearing his vision, he stared up at the rather short form of Renegade glaring down at him.

"Do. Not. Touch." The electronic voice of Renegade's recorder echoed out like warning for most, but to Nakarash, it sounded like a challenge.

"Bring it," the man growled before snapping forward towards the impassive Renegade. The winged general was pushed with the force of an elephant, both crashing through the walls of Cassandra's office and through many more afterwards.

"God dammit you people!" Cassandra hissed as she wheeled herself to the hole. "Why are all of you muscle bound fight-a-holics?"

"Because we are in a secret war between a near limitless force of blood thirsty individuals bent on world destruction and world servitude?" Yuna added from the side. Cassandra only whined lowly, "I hate you all".

-D. Gray Man-

Nakarash was finally able to let loose. To finally let both the literal beast and metaphorical beast inside him. The rush of battle, the euphoria of a fight, the adrenaline running through his system.

It could have been perfect he would have landed a fucking punch!

Despite Nakarash pressing forward and Renegade zipping backwards at a pace that kept Nakarash a hairsbreadth from connecting, they were still able to go through walls until they reached a wide open field. (Reminder, the Headquarters is a little more than a mile underneath the surface of London).

"Why. Can't. I. Hit. YOU!" he roared as he tried to land a hit. Renegade stared impassively, his form seemingly flickering, before he shot upwards. Nakarash growled lowly as he stared at the emotionless kohl eyes.

"You really shouldn't play with the new meat, Renegade," Ward's voice filtered to Nakarash's side. His auburn and white head poked through the hole they had made and were giving them lopsided smirks. "And you, Nakardach-"

"Nakarash!" he roared back indignantly. Ward waved him off.

"Yeah, whatever. You should go full out. You won't be able to touch Renegade if you don't." Nakarash's eyes widened slightly. "Or not, either or." Then he ruffled through his pocket to pull out some wafers to munch on.

"Dodge." A cold voice clipped next to Nakarash's ear before he was suddenly pushed into the gut by the force of a racecar. He was sent flying up into the sky and landed with a thud. The jingling of Renegade's chain being the only thing he was able to hear clearly over the ringing in his own ears.

Renegade now stood over him. His white wings fluttering behind him, casting off bits of green onto the ground. Nakarash growled and let his anger cloud his vision and he shot up, intending to get Renegade, even if it killed him.

"Ooh, the fun part is about to begin!" Ward clapped excitedly as he munched on his wafers. Next to him, Yuna sat in the seiza position as she took some of the wafers. Letha, the child, was sitting in her lap, nibbling on a wafer. Everyone else were simply standing or sitting as they watched Nakarash try to even touch the general.

"Mister Walker-" Philip had started, but a pointed glare from the general ceased his words.

"Call me General Walker, General Ward, Ward or Ward Joseph Marian Yu Bartholomew Vash Don Quiero Mana Neah Arthur Walker. Either or." Ward announced theatrically. Behind him, Renegade's voice recorder shouted out "lame!" before he avoided another punch from Nakarash.

Philip blinked.

"Um, General Ward, shouldn't you stop this fight?"

"Na ah," he protested. "That kid Nakarash is more wound up than a high schooler during finals week, he needs a stress reliever."

"… Understandable…" Lief noted as he stood near a seated Marina.

"See, tall dark and smelling like blood agrees with me!"

"Shut up Aniki," Yuna chastised.

"Kanda-sensei," Shizuka called out in Japanese. The swordswomen turned to her disciple whom stood awkwardly. "Are you… related to Ward-san in any way?"

"She's my darling little sister!" Ward gushed brightly, in Japanese. Shizuka's eyes widened considerably as he saw Ward hug the women, before Mugen's pommel crashed up into his chin. "Ow!"

"Shut up Aniki," Yuna sighed. Then she turned to a still shocked Shizuka. "Ward is not my literal older brother, but we are related, so he is technically a familial older brother. I hope that answers your question, Seion-kun." She sent him a knowing smile.

"H-Hai!"

"What are they saying?" Rebecca asked as she turned to Luludja and Jessica. Both shrugged, amazed the American were speaking to them. They had heard about her… Incident, regarding an akuma factory and felt a little awkward to be near her.

"Don't know Japanese, sorry," Jessica stated in a clipped tone.

"I learned a little Japanese from Mister Cross," Luludja offered. "I think they said something about how General Walker is related to Miss Kanda."

"Really!"

"Wow, that kid is really going at it," Chike chuckled.

"Zzz… Zzz…" That was the sound of Ace's snoring. The finder's under her "tutelage" stood on either side of Viceroy while the young general stored on the creature's back.

"Uh, Miss Springles, maybe you should wake up?" Evelyn pressed as she went to nudge the women.

"I wouldn't advise touching a sleeping Ace," Marina added. The women gave them warm smiles.

"Why not? She shouldn't be asleep in a combat situation," Hana scoffed. The smile turned a little tense.

"Ace is a little… Physical when someone touches her while she's asleep." Marina laughed awkwardly as her eyes slid sideways. Hana scoffed once more, and tried to nudge Ace awake. The moment her shoulder went to touch the side of Ace, a food swung by and kicked her away.

Hana cried out as she fell onto her face. Turning around vehemently, she glared at her trainer, only to see her still snoring away.

Really?!

"Rah! Rah! Rah!" Nakarash flew into a rapid combination of low kicks and round house kicks, intent on using the reach of his legs to catch Renegade. It was not effective, and instead only served to tire Nakarash.

"Go all out, man!" Ward called out from the side. "Let loose! Use that anger thingy the author talks about!"

"Shut up!" Nakarash roared before his anger at the situation finally taken ahold of his psyche. Before everyone's very eyes, the Thai man began to change.

He let out a cry as his body hunched over as a pained and anguish filled cry erupted from his throat. Black fur began to cover his body. His size doubled, as the claws already long on his normal human hands, grew proportionate to his new form.

"Oh my God, he's a furry!" Ward screamed. Yuna slammed her pommel once more on his chin.

"Ragh!" Nakarash roared. Renegade stared at him, shock evident in his eyes before a flash of black fur rushed up towards his floating form. For once, he was too slow in avoiding the dangerous claws of Nakarash and four long deep gouges appeared on the General.

"Interesting," Renegade's recorder droned. His pale fingers went to the gouges on his chest, pulling them a part just enough for a single drop of blood to fall and splatter on Nakarash's snout. Seeing his shirt was more or less unusable, he took it off, to reveal a lean and muscular torso covered entirely in tattoos. The gouges doing little to disguise what the tattoos were.

"I can't see!" Letha complained as Yuna put her hands over her eyes.

"Alright Renegade, you can end it now!" Ward shouted from his position on the floor. Nakarash turned towards the sound of his voice, and his ears perked up as he snarled. Turning on his haunches, the creature began to rush towards the group of other exorcists and staff. "Or, maybe not…"

Many of the younger exorcist scrambled to ready their innocence, only for a snort from Ward stopped them.

"Heel," a cold and authoritative voice ordered. A single shot rang out from a Mosin Nagant. The bullet sped towards the bounding Nakarash, a faint white speck rushing at a normal bullet's speed.

When it connected to Nakarash's shoulder however, the arm was completely blown off. The creature continued to rush forward, until a white blur crossed his legs. Nakarash collapsed as everything below his knees were cut up into ribbons. His single armed body sliding towards a standing Ward.

Blood leaked purfously from the wounds, but to everyone's amazement, began to heal. Limbs began to regrow from where they were missing, starting with layers of the internal skeleton, working its way up. Ward cracked a grin as he stared at the jaw trying to snap at his foot. The arm and legs were now flimsy skeletal bones without muscle to move them, yet he was still trying to kill him.

Cute…

"I said heel!" Ward roared. Immediately a shock of power ran through the area, and Nakarash let out a howl of pain. Before everyone's eyes, Nakarash ceases moving and his body began to shrink back to its normal size. His claws retracting back to his hand, as the black fur returned back to tanned muscular skin.

Now the man lay comatose as Ward placed the barrel of Gabriel's Horn on his head. Renegade floated down, his heavy boots connecting to the ground with a low thump. The younger generation stared at the two, eyes wide as saucers at their apparent apathy. One of them was a joker not ten minutes ago, and the other had four long strips of flesh missing from his body.

"Someone get a doctor… Or Bach from where he is," Ward called out, looking at the finders. "Make sure the brat wakes up with all his limbs intact… Or as intact as they were prior to be blown off."

"You heard the man!" Ace's voice rang out suddenly. Her fingers turned to her, her face still holding the vestiges of dried drool on her cheek. "Find 'em!" The two rushed off to look for either Bach or a doctor while everyone else stood rooted to the spotted.

"So… Who's hungry?" Chike asked, smiling brightly at everyone.

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Hate me? Tell me! I endeavor to improve! But until then, I'll be writing the Noah's chapter. Toodle loo

EDIT 2-25-16: Apologies to Frozen Field for forgetting their character, Matsumoto Kei. Too many character for me to remember normally, and I appreciate you for reminding me.