I made a thing! Look at this thing I made!

I'm really getting into Doveheart's relationships with the boys, if you couldn't tell from last chapter and this chapter. Also, this chapter is long! I surprised myself with how long this one is. Other than that, I don't have much to say...enjoy!

Chapter 16

Jayfeather

Jayfeather woke from a short nap to a collection of familiar, but unexpected cat-scents. A little bit alarmed, he hurried from his nest to the main area of the den, where he confirmed what he had expected – Lionblaze and Doveheart were lightly chatting with Cinderheart and Briarlight.

"Good morning, Jayfeather," purred Cinderheart, getting up to welcome him with a touch of her nose. "Have a nice nap?"

He could feel Lionblaze's smugness from across the den, so Jayfeather hastily ruffled his fur as a display of his mood and sent his littermate a glare.

"What do you two want?" he asked crisply, still tasting Lionblaze's amusement overriding any other mild emotions from the others. It was Doveheart that spoke first.

"Just to talk with you," said Doveheart in so sweet a voice that Jayfeather knew instantly what this conversation was about. Had Doveheart and Lionblaze finally put the pieces together on who the fourth of their company was?

"Alright," he agreed casually. "Cinderheart, would you mind taking Briarlight out into the clearing to go through her exercises?"

"Not at all, Jayfeather," said Cinderheart. "Briarlight?"

"I'm coming," said Briarlight. Her tone was slightly exasperated, and Jayfeather took note of similar waves of irritation coming from his den-mate. She couldn't still be jealous of Cinderheart, could she?

"Now, then, what's the matter?" asked Jayfeather.

"We think Rosepetal's in the Dark Forest," Lionblaze said gravely, as if he was delivering news of a cat's death. Jayfeather flicked his tail in acknowledgement.

"Yes, Blossomfall said as much," was his only response. There was a silence, and Jayfeather couldn't help but smirk as he felt their growing anger.

"What, you already knew?" spat Doveheart. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I'm busy," said Jayfeather, lifting his chin.

"Busy sighing over Cinderheart, sure," snapped Doveheart. "If you hadn't – "

"You said Blossomfall told you?" said Lionblaze, blocking Doveheart's growing tirade. "Did you help Blossomfall?"

"Out of the Dark Forest, yes," said Jayfeather with a flick of his tail. "It was easy enough. I had to convince Toadstep to make his move, and all of a sudden, she didn't need StarClan warriors telling her she was special." He shrugged his shoulders, noticing that his story had effectively silenced Doveheart.

"Do you think that would work with Rosepetal?" asked Lionblaze.

"I doubt it," said Jayfeather. "Have you noticed Rosepetal with anyone she could turn to?"

"Have you noticed anything other than tabby she-cats and balls of darkness?" retorted Doveheart in a vitriolic tone. Jayfeather gave her the darkest glare he could muster up, but Doveheart's acute comments were done for the moment.

"Interesting," Lionblaze said. "Next time, please let us know if you hear anything. We'll work on it."

"Not a bad idea," answered Jayfeather. Lionblaze moved away then, but Doveheart lingered tentatively.

"Do you think…do you think that would work with Ivypool?" Her question was oh-so-innocent that it made Jayfeather stop to think. There was so much concern in Doveheart's words, reminding Jayfeather of what it felt like to have a littermate so close but so far out of reach. Somehow, he was reminded of emerald eyes and the scents of stars and dirt and death-berries – Hollyleaf. And for a moment, he was sad.

"I don't know," he admitted honestly. Doveheart's desolation was apparent, so he hastily added, "I'll look into it."

"Thank you, Jay," said Doveheart. She paused, giving Jayfeather an opportunity to adjust to the nickname he only got from Lionblaze. "I…I'm sorry I was rude about Cinderheart. I just don't know if it fits her, being a medicine cat. But you should be happy."

"Dove – " But she was gone. You should be happy, too. Swallowing the thought before it could leave his tongue, Jayfeather lingered in place, blind eyes directed perfectly towards the exit of the den. Maybe Doveheart was more important to him than he had realized.

XXXXXX

A strange kindness had settled into Jayfeather's heart by the time Briarlight and Cinderheart had occurred, most likely triggered from the way Doveheart had finally said something to him that was caring. He was beginning to look at her in a new way, as she had finally become something other than the warm and precocious apprentice tailing Lionblaze and whining over the most un-necessary of things. She was still kit-like, but there was a maturity in her that Jayfeather was beginning to see. He wondered if that was necessarily a good thing.

Anyways, Cinderheart and Briarlight returned panting and giggling like two apprentices playing in the snow, but Jayfeather found that he didn't mind.

"Mousekit is so sweet," gushed Briarlight. "He wanted to come play with us, isn't that adorable?"

"He's energetic," admitted Jayfeather. His ears perked up, as he had yet to hear Cinderheart make a comment. "I hope he'll be a good warrior."

"He has the right attitude for it," said Cinderheart quietly. "So excited about everything around him, and he doesn't hold back. He just goes and goes and goes. And he's already excited to be an apprentice – at two moons, Jayfeather! I can't imagine what Ferncloud must feel like, watching him grow up so fast."

There was a terrifyingly wistful tone to her voice, and Jayfeather wished that his eyes could convey the sudden adoration he felt towards her. There were two things in life that Cinderheart obviously yearned for – and one of them was to have kits.

"Speaking of Mousekit," Jayfeather said suddenly, as his stomach churned. "I need to go check in on him. Ask Ferncloud how he's doing, make sure he's growing up healthy."

"Oh, can I?" asked Cinderheart eagerly. "No offence, Jayfeather, but you do tend to scare kits." She purred to lessen the slander, but Jayfeather didn't mind. It secretly relieved him to see her joking around – as if she had accepted the lack of kits she would have. Not that he could give them to her anyways, as she would certainly never return his feelings.

Not the time, Jayfeather told himself sharply, and he gave Cinderheart clearance to go. Briarlight gave an exaggerated yawn, and murmured something about wanting to sleep. He was faced with the prospect of being by himself for a little bit, but that seemed rather drab.

"Actually, Briarlight, if you aren't too tired…" As soon as he said her name, Briarlight brightened. "How much of Ivypool have you seen lately?"

Jayfeather wasn't entirely sure why Ivypool was the first cat he wanted to ask about, but pleasing Doveheart seemed like a priority. Maybe it was just that Doveheart was losing Ivypool like Jayfeather had undoubtedly lost Hollyleaf. That was a sad thought, so Jayfeather pushed it out of his mind with one of more resolve: that he would never lose Ivypool. Especially as she was the fourth, and he needed her on their side. He wasn't sure what it was, but Ivypool had a power. She had to have one.

"Ivypool?" asked Briarlight, a purr rumbling through the name. "She's been rather reclusive lately, hasn't she? All duty, no relax time, wouldn't you say?"

"That's what I noticed, too," said Jayfeather, knowing that Briarlight would take his meaning. "You know as well as I do that Blossomfall was like this only a moon ago, but now she seems much happier. I was hoping to find something that could do the same for Ivypool as Toadstep did for Blossomfall."

"Were you?" Briarlight's enthusiasm suddenly blossomed like quickly approaching new-leaf. "You know, Bumblestripe seems to be infatuated with her."

"With Ivypool?" Jayfeather's disbelief was suspended for several seconds, and Briarlight let out an indulgent giggle. He leaned forward, unbelieving but desperate for details.

"I know, she's been terribly grouchy lately," said Briarlight warmly. "But he's taken to her. I think Bumblestripe has a hero-complex; he's always been like that, trying to reach out to others and make them feel happy. He's noticed that Ivypool isn't happy and is trying to work a truth out of her."

Jayfeather regarded his crippled den-mate for a few seconds, surprised by her acute observation skills. He had discounted her ability to take note of her Clan-mates, and in that, his own abilities had slipped. How had he ignored Briarlight's keen eye for problems and other cats?

"You seem to be interested in the pair of them," he noted.

"Well, I want my brother to stop shifting from paw to paw like an overgrown kit," said Briarlight haughtily, although in Jayfeather's mind she wasn't much better. "Although…no, I shouldn't say anything."

"Go on," Jayfeather encouraged. "I want to hear."

It took a few seconds, but finally Briarlight sighed and relented, "I'm worried that Ivypool isn't the cat for Bumblestripe. He's so sweet and excitable, and she's anything but. She doesn't seem to be interested, either."

"I wouldn't discount it," said Jayfeather, a hum beginning in his chest as he considered such an easy way of rescuing Ivypool. "Love works in mysterious ways."

Briarlight took a deep yawn, revealing that she actually was tired.

"So I've seen," she said simply. "Well, it was good to talk to you, Jayfeather. I've missed you."

Missed me? Jayfeather turned to Briarlight, perplexed, only to see the last of her dragging hind legs passing into the back towards her nest. But I've been here the whole – Leafpool.

And sure enough, his mother was sitting in the front of his den, just waiting. She had obviously just come in, for he would have caught her scent earlier. Once again, his paws tingled as a flash of emerald and black surged through his imagination. Hollyleaf. Sad.

"You always seem so startled to see me," said Leafpool, a little hurt. "It's as if you can feel me coming and do your best to avoid me."

"That's not – " Jayfeather started to complain, but he didn't want to lie, so he dropped his attempts at rationalization. Honestly, talking to Leafpool was stressful. Couldn't Cinderheart walk back in? How long did it take to run a few tests on their only kit?

"I saw Cinderheart playing with Cherrypaw and Molepaw and figured you were alone," Leafpool surmised, her tone obviously bitter despite her best attempt to hide it. "How long is this going to go on?"

Jayfeather found his heart unmoved. "I've tried to explain to you before. Cinderheart made the decision to stay with me. She can leave whenever she would like. She chooses to be here. With me."

Those last two words were tacked on for no reason, but they made his face burn. After so many moons of working alongside her, he was unable to hold back how he felt before Leafpool. She made him feel like a kit again.

"She may be choosing to be here, but I don't think that's what she wants." Those words were like rocks on Jayfeather's back, pressing him into the earth. "Come on, Jayfeather. Have you honestly not figured it out yet?"

"There's nothing to figure out," snapped Jayfeather. A flare of Leafpool's anger was his reply, so he involuntarily cringed.

"I hate to do this to you, but I will. Why did Cinderheart come here?"

"She wanted my advice."

"I'm very aware of what she wanted, and you are, too. Cinderheart didn't want to deal with Lionblaze anymore, not when he was mooning over Icecloud. She thought he loved her, which you know very well."

"Lionblaze…I don't want to talk about – "

"Get out of your fantasies, Jayfeather, and start thinking like a medicine cat. Cinderheart came to you for healing, because that's what cats do. What was your diagnosis?"

Feeling very much like an apprentice, Jayfeather took a step away from her. The answer was screaming in his head, the pounding of a drum, and Leafpool angrily approached.

"The diagnosis, Jayfeather."

"Broken heart." The words were off his tongue before he could stop them, and he cringed as they wove into the air and lingered instead of dissipating. "So?"

"So you treated her, because that's your job," said Leafpool. "You told her the truth. You offered her the easy way out."

"Cinderheart chose to stay and work as a medicine cat," said Jayfeather stubbornly.

"Is that what Cinderheart really wants?" asked Leafpool. "Think back to all of those times. When we put her through leg exercise after leg exercise. When you taught her to swim. Do you remember all of that, Jayfeather? Do you remember how badly she fought to go back to her warrior life? Do you really think she could be happy doing anything else?"

Her accusation stared him in the face, launching Jayfeather into involuntary memories of playing at the lake with Cinderheart, throwing water at her until she dragged him into the waves with him and swam in circles around him, taunting him every moment. But he didn't mind, because it was exhilarating. And he remembered climbing out of the water dripping wet and remember that when he wasn't with her, he was back to being the grumpy medicine cat. She had seen that, and she had promised him without words that he was the most special grumpy medicine cat there was, and that she valued him more than anything else. Then she would tell him stories of warrior training, envisioning the days that she would become a warrior.

His paws tingled as he remembered clearly the day Cinderheart received her warrior name with Hollyleaf and Lionblaze. He hadn't been able to see the look on her face – pity that – but he had felt it, and in his mental theatre, she had glowed like the sun. She was a warrior.

"She chose me," he found himself stubbornly repeating, and every fiber of his being willed for that to be true more than anything else.

"No, Jayfeather," said Leafpool, half-disappointed. "You chose you." There was a long pause, and Leafpool sighed again. "You hate when I visit you, so I'll go."

Half of him wanted to reach out for his birth mother, and he remembered that Lionblaze considered her and Squirrelflight forgiven. Then he shrunk back, afraid, knowing that with Leafpool came waves of sadness he could not file away.

"I thought I taught you better than this," said Leafpool; her voice was so wispy that it was possible Jayfeather could have made up the words. "You're so much like I was, Jayfeather. I wanted you to be braver than I was. I wanted you to prioritize her."

Then he was alone with his thoughts.

XXXXXXXX

The action of pulling himself into the evening sunlight and crossing the clearing to where Cinderheart was idly chatting with Poppyfrost about Cherrypaw's latest catch was the hardest he had made all day. Cinderheart had always been able to sense him coming just as well as he could her, so she was turned and waiting for him by the time he arrived.

"Do you need me for anything?" she asked pleasantly. Jayfeather shook his head, asking an arbitrary question about Poppyfrost's post-queen status (to which there was a typically polite but condescending response).

"Well, I wanted to talk to you, if you have the time," said Jayfeather.

"This must be important, because Jayfeather's being polite," said Poppyfrost – Jayfeather questioned silently what he had done wrong – and she purred a farewell to her sister before trotting across the clearing to find her mate. All smiles, Cinderheart gave Jayfeather her full attention.

"What is it, Jayfeather?" she asked with a purr in her voice. Jayfeather searched for the words that he had rehearsed, but they seemed better back in the den than now.

Just then, he was spared from asking a vulnerable and potentially hurtful question when Lionblaze and Icecloud passed nearby.

"And then Dove and I were accosted by ShadowClan cats! I hate ShadowClan cats, Ice. You know I do." Lionblaze's words were loud enough to attract Cinderheart's attention, and the cold in his heart was brought down by a torrent of icy wind.

"He calls her Dove, he calls her Ice, he calls you Jay," said Cinderheart, barely audible. "Why don't I get a nickname?"

"Would you prefer Cin or Cinder?"

Cinderheart turned to regard Jayfeather, shocked, and Jayfeather realized what he just said. He stammered out something that hopefully lightened the mood, but Cinderheart laughed a little forcibly.

"I guess Cinderheart is alright, then," she laughed, making Jayfeather's pelt burn. Why did he say such stupid things? It didn't matter, though, because her comments had confirmed all his fears. No, he hadn't missed it before. Cinderheart wasn't over Lionblaze.

Which made Leafpool correct – becoming a medicine cat was Cinderheart's way of avoiding Lionblaze until she was over him.

"Cinderheart," he said, forcing his heart to ossify in order to deliver these words. "Hasn't this gone on long enough?"

"What?"

"Hasn't…" He groped for words. "I know that helping me is just a way for you to…get over all the things you're feeling. But it's been too long."

"Don't you like me working with you?" asked Cinderheart, sounding wounded.

"I do," said Jayfeather, unable to lie. "I swear, I do. But you're a warrior. You always have been a warrior."

"I chose this," Cinderheart insisted. "You showed me the truth. I'm Cinderpelt. I'm a medicine cat. That's who I am."

"You're a warrior," said Jayfeather without hesitation. "Cinderpelt was sent back here – as you – to do that. You can't let down StarClan by taking the easy way out."

"The…the easy way?" Cinderheart looked appalled, so Jayfeather just plowed on. It didn't matter if this hurt her now. She needed to hear it.

"How long do you think you can go on avoiding Lionblaze?" he said under his breath, and sure enough, Cinderheart flinched. "I'm honored to have worked with you. But you must go back to your duties."

There was a long silence, and the gravity of what he was doing pressed Jayfeather to the ground. Honestly, it felt like he had been bitten by a shadow cat, and was now forced to handle the pain and misery spreading through him like sticky black tentacles. He had to choke back tears, remembering Leafpool's words. He was prioritizing Cinderheart. He was doing what was best for her.

"I see," said Cinderheart, a touch sadly. "I…I'll inform Firestar."

"Good," said Jayfeather. She pushed past him then, leaving him standing all alone. For a moment, her scent lingered on, as if she had left it instead of a goodbye in order to torture him just a little bit more. Jayfeather waited there, unable to move, until the last of her sweetness had faded from his nose.

He walked back to his den with labored paces, knowing that when he went to sleep this time, Cinderheart would not be there to call good morning and inform him on the patients she had taken care of while he slept. It would just be him and Briarlight in a big musty den again. The useless cats, sitting together.

Briarlight was waiting for him outside the den, but she followed him inside. Jayfeather didn't know what she would say, but he knew now how observant Briarlight was. It wasn't that he had to say anything about his encounter with Cinderheart – Briarlight already knew.

"I'm sorry," she said instead. Jayfeather shook his head, forcing himself to believe the words he said next – that there was nothing to be sorry about. For a few moments, Briarlight let the matter drop, and Jayfeather dared to hope that it would not come back up.

"You loved her, didn't you?" Briarlight voiced her inner concerns. Though he could not see her face, he could feel her waves of pity. That was ridiculous – he didn't want her pity. This was a decision he had made for Cinderheart. He had chosen this…so why did it make him so sad? Not knowing why he should even bother to keep a secret from Briarlight, he gave a stiff nod.

"Then I'm even more sorry," said Briarlight honestly. Another silence. "But…if it helps, Jayfeather, I love you, too. Not like you loved her, but enough, I hope."

It may not have been everything he had hoped for, but it sufficed. Jayfeather watched Briarlight sightlessly, hoping that his face was capable of displaying the emotions that rocked him. If she saw how grateful he was, Briarlight didn't show it.

The illusion was over, but that was okay. Jayfeather had always had Lionblaze and Doveheart to lean against in times of trouble. And there was Briarlight. No, he didn't love Briarlight like he loved Cinderheart – which was a lot – but it was comforting to receive her love even so. Yes, Jayfeather had lost two mothers, two fathers, and a sister. But he had kept Lionblaze. He would always have Lionblaze, and in Hollyleaf's place, he could start to see two sisters. One a fluffy oversized kit growing into a wonderful warrior, and the other, the observant, crippled companion he valued more than anything else his job offered.

Oh, a couple of notes. The Jayfeather pairing for this story IS the Cinderheart one. Nothing with Briarlight, I'm afraid. This story makes me really fond of them as friends, too. Secondly, I'm starting to figure out Hollyleaf's interaction with the story - something I hadn't really dealt with, and it seemed awkward to completely exclude her. Anyways, you'll see what happens with Hollyleaf ;)

The next chapter goes back to Lionblaze - and Doveheart and Icecloud and Rosepetal, of course! See you soon!

~Elsi