Hello everyone! Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed the first chapter of Smoke and Music Notes! Here's the second chapter, Enjoy :D
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE HUNGER GAMES
Chapter 2
I tense at his voice, and I feel Peeta do the same. Without thinking about the consequences, I take two steps forward, just far enough for me to see the figures standing on the back porch of the bakery.
It's been days since I've been this close to him. He has two dead squirrels in his hand, his trademark scowl placed on his face. I feel a stab of pain go through me as I watch the two hunters stand there, invading my sanctuary. She's standing so close to him that her arm is practically touching his. I feel Peeta's hand wrap protectively around mine, holding me or perhaps even himself back.
Barley glances behind him calling for his father. His blue eyes catch mine and Peeta's, giving us a sad look before calling for the baker again.
I glance back to the door and find Gale's eyes skimming over the ovens and trays of rising dough before his gaze lands on me.
His eyes widen in surprise, and I try to force myself to look away first, to turn and walk away as if it were as easy for me to do it as it was for him. But I can't, even as I feel Katniss's own eyes land on me and Peeta, even as Gale watches me with conflicting eyes that hold no love for me in them, that only hold lies and betrayal, I still can't look away.
But he does, turning away from me as Mr. Mellark walks up to them, a loaf and a half of bread in his hands.
Katniss turns away too, her expression as stony as her counterpart as they take the bread and hand over the squirrels, both of them turning away and leaving without a second glance.
The screen door slams against the wood frame of the bakery, and I try to catch my breath. Forcing myself to breathe as I wrap my arms tightly around my middle, I shut my eyes tightly. Peeta rubs my arms, and I open my eyes to see my own pain and desperation mirrored in his face.
Rye clears his throat loudly, "We'll get started on the next batch of lemon bars," he says, clasping Peeta once on the back, his eyes on the screen door with thinly concealed anger in his face.
Barley does the same, patting Peeta's shoulder as he passes us to go to the front counter. I know how much they must hate to see their brother in pain. Rye turns to leave but quickly pulls me into a warm embrace.
I freeze for a moment, caught off guard but then hug him back.
"You know me and Barley wouldn't lay a finger on a girl, but we can beat the shit out of that guy," he stage whispers in my ear, only half joking.
I let out a fragile laugh, shaking my head. "Thank you for the offer but no thanks."
He smiles at me, patting my back as he did with Peeta before going to join his brother and father in the front of the store. Peeta grabs my hand securely in his, leading me up the stairs to their house above the shop.
The steps are narrow, and I have to walk behind Peeta most of the way up. When we reach the top I find myself in the Mellark's living room with a medium size sofa and a television set off to the corner.
Peeta leads me through the living quarters, although I've been here so many times in the last few days that I could probably lead the way. Mrs. Mellark has been out of the house for the last two weeks because her sister was taken ill. And while I would never wish sickness on anyone, at least the bakery is quiet for once.
I follow Peeta up another narrow stairway before he opens the door to the room he shares with Rye. It's really the attic, but there are only two bedrooms in the house, and all three of the boys couldn't possibly fit in such small quarters. But Peeta and Rye have never complained about their shared attic bedroom.
I plop down on Peeta's hard mattress, closing my eyes tightly. Peeta shuts the door gently, sitting down next to me.
"These Seam kids will be the end of us," he says in an attempt at humor, but his voice is laced with the pain he tries so desperately to keep hidden.
I open one eye to peek up at him, the far off look in his eyes so painfully similar to my own.
"I know," I tell him in reply, before sitting up and throwing my arms around him.
Peeta's arms envelope around me, and I hug him tighter, knowing that we share the same agony.
The day the cameras left, the day Gale turned away from me forever, I slunk back to my new home in the Victor's Village feeling utterly alone. I curled up in a ball on the floor of the pristinely clean kitchen, my head in my hands as the silent tears rolled onto my face.
Not an hour had passed before I heard a knock on my door. I didn't bother opening it, knowing it was probably only Haymitch coming to offer me another cryptic message that did nothing to stop the pain. Except, when my guest opened the heavy wood door on their own, I came face to face with my childhood best friend, his hands full with a loaf of fresh raisin bread and two cinnamon rolls.
He placed the baked goods on the counter, walking straight to me and sitting beside me on the floor. I flung myself in his arms, and he held me tight. He asked me if I wanted to talk, but I shook my head no. I couldn't tell him, not yet.
But one question did bubble in my mind, and I forced myself to sit up, to look him in the face when I asked him simply, "Katniss?"
His expression fell, his eyes getting an empty glare to them that was the parallel my own. "It's not a pretty story, Madgie."
"Neither is mine," I told him, leaning my head on his shoulders.
He sighs just once before he began.
Peeta told me about how after I made him promise to tell Katniss about his true feelings for her, how he almost immediately set out to fulfill the task. He sat next to her in class and during lunch at school, ignoring her annoyed scowl and when asked about his actions, his simply explanation was, "We both have friends in the Games, you don't have to do this alone."
And after much pestering and stubborn hard-headness from Peeta's part, it looked like she was finally coming around to the idea of allowing him to help her. She finally was able to thank him for saving her life all those years ago, when he burnt two loaves of bread on purpose so that he could give them to her, saving her as well as her family from starvation. He told her that he would do it again in an heartbeat.
She introduced him to Prim, who immediately welcomed him with open arms. She allowed him to stand next to her in the square during viewings, even holding his hand tightly through most of it.
When I declared my love for Gale, Peeta was the one that calmed her down, convinced her that it was not an attempt to make Gale look weak, that it would help in both our favors.
The first time Gale kissed me was the same day Katniss kissed Peeta. She had run off after the cameras zoomed into our seemingly loving embrace, leaving Peeta running after her. He caught up with her on the outskirts of town, and he began to rabble on about how there was no reason to be upset, that I would never hurt Gale, that the Capitol supporting our budding romance was a good thing.
When he gently grabbed her arm to turn her around to face him she slammed her lips against his, cutting off his words. It was not the last time their lips would meet.
After that, it seemed as if she was unfazed by our interactions, not bothered by the embraces and kisses.
The final day of the Games, he met the Everdeen sisters walking to the square. Prim ran off in front of them in search of her friends, and Peeta chuckled lightly as her hair bounced off her back, the braided pigtails hitting the younger girl's back.
"She looks so much like you," he told Katniss.
She scoffed at him, waving away his comment. "She looks nothing like me, Peeta."
"Sure she does, especially with her hair like that. That's how you wore it the first time I saw you."
And finally, a decade later, he told her. About how his father pointed her out as the daughter of the girl he once wished to marry, how the girl ran off with a coal miner because his voice made even the birds stop to listen. How when a young Katniss stood in front of the class and sang the Valley Song, she unknowingly captured the heart of the baker's youngest son. Just like Peeta's father was with Katniss' mother, he was smitten.
His confession ended when they were already in the middle of the square, the television screens hanging over them. He willed her to say something, anything, but she avoided his gaze, staring down at her shoes. "Katniss?" he asked, more than slightly fearful of her reply.
But then the anthem began, and her head snapped up to attention, her eyes fixed to the screen. People aren't supposed to talk during the viewing, but many do, whispering a comment here and there or giving their support to someone with a loved one in the Games. This was usually how the viewings went for Katniss and Peeta, their hands held tight as they whispered reassurance to one another.
But as they stood there, it was only silence between them.
It's not till they send the pink birds that Peeta breaks the tension, a strangled gasp coming from his lips. Katniss turned her head to look at him, a question in her eyes.
"The birds, that's how Maysilee died."
Maysilee, my aunt who was killed in the 50th Hunger Games. The commentators were sure to go over her tragic back-story while Gale and I were in the Games, emphasizing her graphic demise.
Katniss grabbed Peeta's hand, giving him support in the only way she knows how as they faced the screen again.
They are not the only ones to remain silent as the finale progressed. The killing of Cato and then Thresh left them all breathless. When the canon sounded, signifying the death of the remaining tribute other than us, the square erupted in cheers and shouts of victory.
But Peeta and Katniss did not join in on the celebration.
"Something's not right," Peeta said, his body rigid as he watched us on the screen.
The girl from the Seam did not reply, but the daggers in her eyes were enough to reveal that she held the same sentiment.
When the announcement revoking the rule change was made, they were the only ones not to react. While others were screaming, or crying, or shouting foul language, they remained motionless, as if they had expected it all along.
"She can't kill him; she doesn't have it in her." Peeta choked out, his whole body shaking without him knowing it.
"Neither does he. He won't kill her." Katniss said, the acid dripping from her voice.
"Won't kill her, not can't. There's a big difference, Katniss."
This time the she had no words for her reply, and they stare at the screen. Neither move until I opened my hand to reveal the berries.
"Nightlock," Katniss said, her voice in sync with mine.
And then the counting begins.
"No! No!" she screamed, covering her lips with her hand as a sob escaped her mouth.
Her knees gave out as she clashed to the floor, and Peeta fell down beside her, his arms around her as he watched his best friend place the berries that would end her life in her mouth.
But then Claudius voice rang through the speakers into District Twelve, announcing us the joint victors of the 74th Hunger Games.
And then the cheers are louder than they were before, and everyone is laughing and crying with excitement. And the huntress launched herself into the arms of the baker, and he held her tight, swinging her around as they both cried in joy.
"They won! They won!" Peeta yelled, a grin on his face as he stared down at the girl he has loved since childhood. "They're coming home."
And that is where Peeta made his fatal mistake. His lips crashed against hers, but, for the first time, they were unmoving against his.
When he pulled back to look at her, he was met with tears that no longer held joy, the grey orbs of her eyes overwhelmed with guilt. "I should go."
"Katniss, wait-"
But being a girl from the Seam, she would not listen to the plea from a baker's son, and she took off running away, her braid trailing behind her.
The day of the recap, she stood by him again in the square. Not touching and not speaking, they stood there with a valley between them that Peeta would do anything to cross. She did not say good bye or even good night when she walked away. She simply left without a word.
The next day, the day of the final interview, they stood side by side once again.
"Katniss, what's going on? Please just talk to me." Peeta whispered to her in desperation as they watched Caesar prattle on to us, asking meaningless questions.
"I don't want to talk now, Peeta."
"Please, I just want to know what I did wrong."
"You did nothing wro-" Her words were cut short as she whipped her head back to face the screen when Caesar asked, "When do you think you realized you were really in love with her?"
Peeta stared at the girl in front of him as he heard Gale say the words: "I'd have to say when I found her passed out in the forest. There was so much blood, and she was so still that I thought I may have lost her… and I just never felt so lost, so hopeless."
He stared at her, watching her face as the newly crowned victor said the words that sound too rehearsed to be true.
For the first time, he sees the cracks in the girl's dismissive demeanor. For the first time, he sees how she watches the boy on screen. How different it is from how she watches him. How she cringes as the boy's lips touched mine.
And how when the boy says, "I couldn't live without her... I can't live without her", she all but wilted right there in the middle of the square.
The interview ended, and everyone is dismissed, people running around rapidly to prepare the celebration of the victors' homecoming.
Soon there were only two figures still standing in the middle of the square: one facing the blacked out screen with her hair flowing gently behind her, and the other staring at the girl with his piercing blue eyes that silently begged her to say something, anything. But, once again, it was him that first breaks the silence.
"You love him."
Katniss' eyes shut tightly, "Peeta, it's not what you think."
He waited for her to continue, for her to explain what it is then, for her to give him the explanation he deserves, but no words are forthcoming.
"So that's why yesterday, when I told you that I…that I love you-"
"I never asked for you to love me, Peeta," she said quickly, her eyes avoiding his.
They stood for a moment in silence again as her words ate at him more then she could ever know.
"I was just someone you could distract yourself with. I was simply a stand in for Gale then."
While Peeta's words should be laced with anger and fury, there was only hurt in his voice.
"No, not like that. I would never…you weren't…I'm just so confused."
"Was any of it real?"
"Yes," she answers automatically, her eyes flicking to his for a brief moment before looking down. "Some of it was."
"Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what going to be left when they get home?"
"I don't know. I'm just so confused," Katniss repeated, her arms wrapped protectively around her.
Peeta stood his ground, waiting for further explanation that he would not receive. "Well, let me know when you work it out."
He waited a moment longer, perhaps thinking that she'll have a revelation of clarity, or even hoping against all odds that she'd throw herself in his arms and claim she was his forever.
But neither of those two things happened. She simply turned away from him, walking briskly across the square back to the Seam.
Peeta ended his story, his tears beginning to mix with mine as me head rested on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Peeta," I said, knowing exactly how little those words help.
But he still nodded his head, "At least I told her… at least I know where we stand."
He went back to stroking my hair, and I knew what he wanted. He told his story; it's time I told mine. The words poured out of my mouth as I explained it all to him. How it was all an act, and how, like a fool, I fell for it.
I didn't hold anything back, did not leave not one thing unsaid. Even about Maysilee. The secret I had been guarding since childhood now was out in the open to my best friend.
I knew what the possible consequences were: being shipped off to the Capitol, where they would run tests on me like they did with that Annie Cresta, the girl who had went mad after she won the Games years ago. But I couldn't find it in myself to care. If Peeta turned me into the Peacekeepers for being insane, then at least I wouldn't have to pretend I'm alright anymore. I could be as broken as I liked.
And once I was done telling him everything he held me even tighter than before. "I'm so sorry, Madge... for everything. You don't deserve any of this. To lose so much all at once… it's not right."
I looked cautiously up at him, "Then you believe me?"
He nodded his head, a small smile on his lips. "It's not like this is the first time I've heard of her."
I blinked rapidly, my head spinning. Not the first he heard of Maysilee?
Peeta must have sensed my confusion because he quickly said, "You told me about her as kids. That you see her, that she kept you company. You only said it once when we were about six, I think… but I remembered it because I thought you were lying. That you were making it up for attention or something."
I nodded my head slowly, my mind slightly recalling the incident. We were sitting on my backporch, swapping our biggest secrets. He told me he was inlove with a Seam girl. And I told him about Maysilee. He didn't call me a lair or even a freak, he just sat there quietly looking at me. But I knew he didn't believe me, not really. From then on, I hadn't bothered to tell anyone else about Maysilee. And when Mays found out that I told Peeta, she made me promise not to tell anyone else about her. She told me to keep her a secret. She had been my little secret.
"But then I began to watch you when you were alone, and I began to see you interact with her. Nothing major or anything; it was usually very subtle, like a rolling of the eyes, scoffing, or trying to hold back a smile. As if you were reacting to something someone had just said. At first I thought it was just an imaginary friend, especially since you never brought it up again. And as we got older, and I saw you less and less, well… I suppose I thought you grew out of it. But then, during the Games, I could tell she was still with you."
He doesn't say how he could tell but I'm too speechless to ask. He knew all along, and he didn't think I was mad or insane.
"I guess we have no more secrets from each other now," he said looking at me with a kind smile.
I smiled back at him, a small smile and the first genuine one I've had in days. "I guess we don't."
After that he came every day, the same routine: he would knock lightly on the front door, and, if I didn't answer, he would take the liberty of inviting himself in. He brought Rye and Barley with him once or twice, but he usually showed up alone, his arms full of fresh bread. We'd spend the day together, enjoying each other's company and all the free time we have… for now at least.
The thought brings me back to the present, where I still lay in Peeta's warm arms.
I sigh, pulling myself away from him to wipe my tears away. I glance at the small rickety desk that sits by the windowsill. The used schoolbooks that sit atop it mock me with their wrinkled paper and broken leather covers.
The days of sitting around my big empty house or frolicking around the bakery are numbered. It is customary for the district of the winning victor to allow for a two week holiday in which all the schools are closed down to celebrate. The schools reopen the day after tomorrow, and Peeta will be expected to be there.
"You could come with me, you know?" Peeta says gently, already knowing my worried thoughts without me having to voice them.
I scoff at him, rolling my eyes, "Victors aren't allowed to go to school, Peeta."
"I know that, Madge, but you could come eat lunch with us."
Us, as in him and his friends.
"They're all dying to meet you."
No one is dying to meet me, except for maybe the idiotic Capitol citizens who look at Victors as forms of celebrities.
Peeta sighs lightly, "Just think about it, alright? Besides, we still have tomorrow- the last Sunday before we have to go back to our dreary lives."
It's meant as a joke, something to take the sadness from my eyes, but it doesn't work. I'd give anything to go back to my dreary life as the Mayor's daughter, before all of this. Before the thought of spending the whole day completely alone nearly sent me into a panic.
Peeta throws his head back against his pillow, covering his eyes with his arm. "Think about visiting us at lunch, okay, Madge?"
I nod my head even though he can't see me do it, moving away from him to sit on the windowsill overlooking the Square.
The butcher Rooba, a stocky woman close to my mother's age, is standing by the side door of her shop. From my vantage point I can barely see the two Seam hunters talking to her, looking so alike from their boots to their dark hair.
What will I do if I see them walking by me, and I don't have Peeta by my side to help me? How can I keep my sanity with the sounds of laughter that echo into my empty home from my next door neighbor's?
"Will you think about it?"
"Yes," I say quietly as I watch the pair of hunters walk back towards the Seam. "I'll think about it."
Peeta laughs lightly, coming up from behind to pat my shoulder. "You're an awful liar, Madgie."
I freeze at his words, imagining a different boy telling me that, his voice full of sarcasm and a scowl on his face. It was when he came back into the cave the day after he found me passed out in the woods. My fever had been burning up, and my head was killing me. He asked me how I was feeling, and I had lied, telling him that I was feeling alright.
"I know," I say, my voice hollow and empty as I think back to the days in the cave, where I fell even deeper in love with a boy who never even existed. A boy that was just a softer version of the real one… a boy who was thought up as a way to manipulate sponsors and dim-witted Capitol citizens.
I watch as the hunters hand over the kills to the butcher, making their way back to the Seam.
It's fine, I tell myself as I watch them walk side by side. I don't need him. I never needed him. I'm perfectly fine on my own.
Tears leak from my eyes as I throw my head back and laugh, a mad, vicious, and self-loathing laugh.
I really am an awful liar.
Okay, thoughts? I know it's going a little slow right now but it will pick up pace soon. Love it? Hate it? Please review! Kisses from Gale/Peeta/Rye/Barley