Songs that inspired this chapter: Here It Goes Again by OK Go

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Jace POV

It's been a week since the teacher's lounge. I wish I could say that the teenage feelings I held for Ms. Fray expired a long time ago, but truthfully they just took a pause. The boy I used to be had no idea what these feelings even were. When I met my first real girlfriend, Aline, at college, I thought that was what I had been looking for with Clary.

I loved Aline, but when she left last year, my feelings left with her. I was sad, but I was fine. When Clary left me all alone last week, I was anything but fine. Everything Izzy was going through, was exactly what I was feeling every second I wasn't in my classroom, teaching alongside my favorite redhead.

This situation was eerily similar to years ago when I first was infatuated with Ms. Fray, or better yet Ms. Morgenstern, for that is what she went by back then.

I cannot believe I'm doing this. Nothing has ever gotten me so intrigued like this one girl. Just a red headed, tiny little girl. She was young, way too young for me to be interested in her. Yet, here I am, standing in the middle of her living room.

The huge, tan room had barely any pictures hanging on the walls. Jonathan had said before that his mom wasn't around anymore, but this house feels empty. I wanted nothing more then to go back home, but I was on a mission. It won't take long, just a couple of weeks of hanging out with a piece of shit, and learning to hold my tongue around him. These next few weeks would most likely use up all of my self-control.

Girls have never been a problem for me. I can just show up somewhere and there's a girl waiting for me. When I actually come to school, there's always a group of them waiting for me by my locker. Senior year was a joke; all of my classes were pointless. Well except for my painting class. The teacher doesn't force me to participate since it's an elective, so I spend the whole time staring at Clary, watching her work her magic. How a freshman was able to get into a senior class, I will never know, but I'm so glad she did.

If she saw me right now, I'd be titled a stalker with good reason. I was currently staring at one of her grade school pictures. She didn't have any front teeth and her hair was in pigtails with huge blue bows. What I loved most about it were her freckles, they were scattered and covered most of her face. Her emerald eyes were sparkling and I realized just how pretty she actually was.

This wasn't just a conquest anymore. I want her and I don't know how long I can stand not having her. I forced myself away from the picture and met Jonathan in the kitchen. He was scarfing down a sandwich when I walked in, but he grunted a greeting to me. I decided to play dumb and ask some questions I already knew the answers to.

"Who's that girl in those pictures?" I was attempting to mask my interest, but it was harder than I expected.

It took him a while to answer, because he still had food in his mouth but when he was finished he said, "Just my little sister, don't worry she's not here. She hates it here."

"I take it you two don't get along too well then?" I mean I hate it here too; I don't blame her at all. How could anyone live in a place that is so cold?

He smirked a little, but it looked forced. "Oh, you know how it is with siblings. We hate each other most of the time and love each other sometimes too." Apparently I didn't know how it was with siblings, because we never hated each other. I can recall a million times where I was pissed at Izzy, but I would die for her. I can't imagine Jonathan being very protective of Clary.

I didn't want the conversation to end this quickly, so I asked another stupid question, "How old is she?"

He didn't answer at first; it was like he didn't know. "She's fifteen, but we haven't gotten along since mom left. I swear she is just a replica of that vile woman. My father tries really hard to spend time with her, but it's really hard for him, even though he'd never admit it. I know that as soon as she graduates, she's gone, but my father will do everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen," he explained. Jonathan then got up and left the room. I followed him realizing this was the end of the conversation.

Jonathan didn't seem to know much about his sister, and it almost seemed that he didn't even care about what happened to her. I couldn't imagine that happening with Izzy and me. We were practically best friends, and I don't know what I would do without her.

I followed Jonathan to his room and played video games with him for a while, but I lied and said I needed to go to the bathroom. I left his room and walked to the nearest bedroom and opened the door. It was completely cliché of me, but I couldn't resist.

Art covered the walls to the point where I couldn't even tell what color the walls actually were. The big purple bed was unmade and clothes were all over the floor. There were a few posters with the paintings and drawings. The vanity was covered in makeup, nail polish, and art supplies.

The bookcase on the right side of the bed held what looked like a thousand books. Some of the spines were old and made of leather, but others were paperback and from this millennium. I brushed my fingertips across them, as I continued my walk through her room. There was a piece of folded up paper on the floor in front of the bookshelf. As I bent down to pick it up, I noticed it was addressed to Clary in barely-legible handwriting and the date said a few weeks ago.

Inside the note read: I wish I could've thought of a better way to get your attention. You seem to be the most complicated girl I have ever wanted to know. Before I make a complete fool of myself, I'm going to leave this note in your locker. The homecoming dance is next week and I know the only way I would ever go, is if you'd be there right next to me. If you want to go with me, tape this to your locker, so I know where I stand with you. Simon.

Too late kid, you made a very big fool of yourself. Talk about the most boring way to ask someone to a dance. If I had done all of this a month ago, I may have saved her the torment of spending quality time with this wimp.

If I were him, I would've waited until after school and left a fake candle in her locker with a note that read, "You may need this. Follow the candles to our destiny." At every hallway corner, I would have a lighted candle waiting until it reached the library, where the word homecoming would be spelled out in books surrounded by a plethora of lighted candles. She'd come in and see it, and I'd be right behind her with a bouquet of red roses, waiting for her to say yes.

I've spent way too long stalking through Clary's room; I know her brother will say something when I get back. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and it's a text from Alec. Dude, you better get home. Izzy's in trouble.

I quickly made my way back to Jonathan's room. He was in the same position as when I left.

"Hey man, I gotta go. My mom's freaking out. I'll see you tomorrow at practice," I tried to sound chill, but I'm worried about Isabelle. She does this shit all the time. Always trying to be a rebel and finding a new way to break rules. She's been good since she started dating Sebastian, but I guess that streak has ended.

When I get to my black Mercedes outside, I call Alec. His voicemail picks it up the first time, and the second and third. I finally get him the fourth time, "Jace, it's bad. Izzy was in a car accident."

"What? Holy shit, is she alright?"

"Yeah she's fine, b–bu–but Max was with her…" his voice breaks and I know it's bad.

"Where are you?"

"The hospital. Dad's working on him. Please, hurry," he says before he hangs up and I'm left with a storm in my heart and rage on my mind.

Looking at her now, as she lectures her way around my classroom, makes me wonder how much better off I would have been if she had been with me during that period of my life. I remember feeling so helpless I wanted to hurt myself, but I realized how stupid that would have been.

Those few hours when Max wasn't going to make it, were the hardest I have ever lived through. I did everything I possibly could to get my thoughts together. I got drunk, raged to God about how unfair he is, and called my birth father to scream at him for putting me through this. If he 'd kept me, I would never have to go through that much pain.

That was the worst mistake I have ever made. I should never have let my birth parents find out I knew about them. If I could go back in time, I'd go back and change it all. I'd go back and slap my adolescent self in the face for never interacting with Clary, because I have wasted so much time tiptoeing around her. I should be there every morning kissing her and showing her that she is everything good in the world.

I open my desk drawer and look at the rose I bought for her this morning. She'd never know what it meant, but to me this was a step in the right direction to being with the girl of my dreams. Not many people get a second chance like the one I have gotten, and I think it's about time I start taking advantage of the moment. Seizing the day and all that shit.