YAAAY! I finished this chapter! I know, we've had a lot of tension/drama/relationship issues handled mainly in dialogue, and now we're in full action-war mode again! YAY! This chapter didn't come out as nicely as I wanted it to - it's a little muddy, but it's also really hard to write a battle sequence with Jayfeather...

Chapter 21

Jayfeather

"Jayfeather…." His own name drifted to his brain late as Jayfeather spun in a grey-and-black world. He slowly felt feathers overtake him, and he opened his eyes lazily. Was this to be a real dream, not a nightmare or a warning? StarClan knows he could use one. He knew it was a selfish wish, but Jayfeather didn't care. He needed a break, although it was unlikely that he would get one.

"Get up, mouse-brain." So much for that idea. Jayfeather struggled to his paws, finding Yellowfang in the darkness. "You're in danger."

"I'm always in danger," said Jayfeather crossly. "Have you not noticed the war going on right under the noses of the Clans?"

"Don't be so ignorant," said Yellowfang. "ThunderClan isn't the only Clan who knows about this war. It just happens to have you."

"So what's going on, then?"

"I have a warning for you," said Yellowfang. "But when I'm done giving it, I suggest you run and wake your leader."

"What?" said Jayfeather, but the world around him spun, knocking him off balance and making him fall. Gasping at the pain in one of his paws, Jayfeather tried to look up for Yellowfang. He saw a gleam of yellow eyes against matted grey fur.

"You cannot devote everything to one cat," said Yellowfang. "Your loyalty is to the Clan, not to any cause or symbol. Think in the concrete, Jayfeather, and you may just save someone."

The end of the words faded into nothingness, and Jayfeather was startled by the sudden clarity of waking after a nightmare. His heart pounding, he jumped to his feet and took a deep breath, nearly choking on the scent that overwhelmed him.

"Briarlight!" he yowled, plowing into the shoulder of the dusky brown cat. She murmured a question and a complaint, but he had already jumped over her. "Up!"

Then he felt his own paws taking him up, up, and he burst into Firestar's den, calling desperately.

"WindClan," he panted. "WindClan, they're here. They're coming. They're – "

"WindClan!" He heard a raised cry from Birchfall, on guard, and by that time, the yowls out front signaled chaos. Sandstorm pressed past him, Firestar hard on her heels.

"That was Graystripe," he said, panicked. "Jayfeather, you'd best get prepared." Then he released a howl so powerful it shook the air around Jayfeather's ears. He scrambled down from the Highledge, nearly tripping on his way down, and found himself in the midst of cries of battle.

He pushed back into the medicine den, panting, adrenaline in his veins. Then there was a hiss and a growl, and a hard body shoved him to the floor.

"Abomination!" screeched an unfamiliar voice. Briarlight screamed from back in the den, and Jayfeather kicked desperately, his blood boiling as he thrashed under unfriendly claws. His lunged forward on a guess, and his jaws contacted hard bone, meriting a yowl. Fighting to his feet, Jayfeather slashed out, feeling movement by his ear, and gasped as a paw found its way onto his side, sending him into the side of the wall.

"Move faster, you stupid cat!" hissed a voice, which was followed by a wail. Briarlight. Kicking the dizziness away, Jayfeather struggled to his feet and leaped, hissing, locking his claws into an attacker and rolling clumsily. His shoulder rammed into the side of his den, and water from the pool splashed onto his tail. Herbs went everywhere as his attacker pressed him down again, and Jayfeather let out a strangled yell as a paw slammed into his throat. He tried to place the scent – WindClan, definitely, but who?

"Any last words, half-breed?" spat his attacker. Jayfeather struggled, but he couldn't breathe, and it felt as if the greyness that made up his vision was becoming darker and angrier by the moment. Was this what dying was?

"No!" A sudden weight was lifted, and Jayfeather could breathe. His head spinning, he slowly recovered, finding a familiar scent. Leafpool. "How dare you attack a medicine cat!"

"He's a disgrace!" spat the cat, and Jayfeather finally placed the voice and the scent. Antpelt. He had never liked Antpelt. "And so are you!"

Leafpool's scent was joined by Brightheart's, and then there were yelps coming from Antpelt. Jayfeather reeled, reaching for the herbs and trying to sort them without much sense at all. It was as if everything – his hearing, his scent – had gone out like a light.

"Jayfeather!" Just as he stumbled, Brightheart was at his side to catch him. "Are you alright?"

"Briarlight," coughed Jayfeather. "Is she alright?"

"I'm fine," Briarlight came forward, but her voice revealed her pain.

"I'll stand guard," said Brightheart. "Leafpool, help him."

Then suddenly Jayfeather was leaning on his mother's shoulder, and for once, the scent soothed him.

"Antpelt and Furzepaw," said Leafpool in disgust. "Are you alright?"

His world was clearing up, so Jayfeather nodded before disconnecting from the most familiar feeling of all and dashing forward. He touched his tail to Briarlight's back, finding the tension there.

"Jayfeather, I'm fine," said Briarlight weakly. "There's nothing you can do. Go help your Clan-mates."

Nodding, Jayfeather pushed past her and struggled to the front of the den, just as the scents of blood wafted in along with the lightest and most innocent wails he had ever heard.

"Jayfeather!" Icecloud's voice was sharp, frantic. "Please, Crouchpaw!"

And it was Crouchpaw indeed. Jayfeather knelt by the side of the youngest apprentice and was able to locate the wound instantly – a deep gash running up her belly.

"StarClan, no…" said Brightheart in horror. For once, Jayfeather was glad he couldn't see what this poor cat looked like.

"Cobwebs," said Jayfeather. "Cobwebs, horsetail, anything you have. I don't care. We have to stop the bleeding."

Crouchpaw's wails grew intensity as Jayfeather paced.

"Jayfeather, please," Icecloud was sobbing. "You have to do something!"

His mind working in overdrive, Jayfeather accepted the marigold and horsetail being pawed over and began layering it over the wound. He winced as his paws felt Crouchpaw's innards as they seeped through the wound. Gritting his teeth, he let her screams work over him as he did his best to stop it all. There was too much blood.

Another scream met his ears, this one deeper and more horrific, and the den was invaded once more.

"I've got this," said Leafpool. "Brightheart, help Jayfeather. Icecloud, stand guard."

The words didn't even process, as Jayfeather kept going, demanding nearly everything from Brightheart.

"Jayfeather, we don't have any more cobwebs," said Brightheart

"Then find some!" he roared. "I don't care where, but this apprentice will die if I don't have them!" He turned away as Brightheart rushed off again, and Jayfeather turned back to the wound. His paws were sticky with blood, and Crouchpaw's cries were now reduced to whimpers as she bled her life away. He could still stop this, so long as he had something to help him stop it all. But he kept shoving everything he had to the wound, and still, there was blood. Still, there was crying from the new apprentice.

"Jayfeather," said Leafpool suddenly. "Jayfeather, there are other cats that need you."

"I can save her," said Jayfeather furiously. And he would. He would save Crouchpaw. "I will save her!"

"And let your other Clan-mates die?" spat Leafpool. "I can't do this without you!"

"I won't lose her," said Jayfeather. "She came to us for help, and she was out-casted and hated. That's not something worth giving your life for."

"Jayfeather…" said Briarlight. "Jayfeather, if you don't do something now, my father is going to lose his leg."

A chill went up Jayfeather's spine at those words, and he revolved on a dime, staring to the other side where Leafpool was desperately begging Graystripe to hold still. He glanced down at whimpering, crying Crouchpaw.

"The bleeding isn't stopping," he said. "Why won't it stop?" He reached down to Crouchpaw's wound, but the blood was still coming, past his bandages, and Crouchpaw's whimpering had died down as she lost consciousness. Jayfeather knew he could still save her. But he knew it would take all of his attention, and all of his time, and there were more cats that needed him. Either he would sacrifice Crouchpaw, the most innocent and noble kit he had ever met, or he would save her and possibly lose others.

"I'm sorry, Crouchpaw," he whispered, and he tore away from the apprentice, lunging across the den and shoving Leafpool to the next cat coming in.

"Jayfeather, you're – " Graystripe gasped the words. "That's Crouchpaw's."

"Hold still," said Jayfeather, and he wrapped the cobwebs Leafpool had left tighter than before. Graystripe groaned in the pain as Jayfeather tugged and pulled on his cut leg. He could feel the wound going all the way to the bone, and he knew right then what would happen here. Still, Jayfeather pulled, and a scream escaped the former deputy.

"I'm sorry," said Jayfeather. "But this way, it will heal better." His words were cold, and he was suddenly emotionless. How could he be, when Crouchpaw was still alive and dying across the den? He had left her. "There. Now don't you dare move!"

The rest was blood, was weak cats taking refuge in the den, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He heard the screeches outside of the den, but those didn't matter. For a moment, he imagined Lionblaze and Cinderheart out there, putting their lives on the line. Cinderheart…if it was Cinderheart instead of Crouchpaw, would he have left her?

He let Berrynose lean on Brightheart and returned to the other side of the den, where Briarlight was hovering over Crouchpaw.

"I tried to stop the bleeding myself, but there was nothing to be done," said Briarlight quietly. "She's gone, Jayfeather."

He hovered there, above the dead apprentice, for several seconds. Then he nodded briskly and turned back to the rest of the den.

"You made the right choice, Jayfeather," said Briarlight quietly. "I know the others may have a hard time coming to terms with this, but you saved other lives today."

"This battle isn't over yet," said Jayfeather. He was empty.

There was more blood, more wailing, and Jayfeather handled everything in relative silence. No one spoke, except to ask a patient to hold still, or to ask for more marigold. And then, just as soon as it had begun, it was all over. Jayfeather heard the noise fade away, heard ThunderClan cheers that ended in a sullen silence. Then Firestar pushed into the den.

"How is…?" He broke off suddenly, and Jayfeather turned away.

"Crouchpaw is dead," he said. "And I worry about Graystripe's leg. The others will be fine."

"I'm sure you did all you could," said Firestar quietly. Jayfeather was silent.

"I'll prepare the herbs for her burial," said Briarlight quietly.

"Jayfeather?" asked a voice. Jayfeather looked down upon Molepaw, whose shoulder had been wrenched pretty painfully. "Can I sit with her? We weren't den mates for very long, but…" He broke off.

"Yes," said Jayfeather. "And that goes for all of you. She deserves her friends."

He was half expecting someone to scoff that Crouchpaw had no friends, but there was no voice of concern. Graystripe let out a soft and sullen mew of grief.

"She never even got to catch her first mouse," he said. "She would have been such a good warrior."

"Yes," said Firestar softly. "But she was a very brave apprentice."

Jayfeather couldn't bear to think of it any more, but the blood on his paws stood as a reminder. Crouchpaw could have lived, and she had died. And that was his fault.

XXXX

It took two days for all but Graystripe to get clearance to at least return to a moderate version of their duties. Briarlight had spent all of her free time talking to her father or ridding the den of the bloodstains that still lingered on the ground. Jayfeather stepped over the remaining bloody sand, but occasionally, his paw would slip, and the damp ground would remind him of the choice he had made.

Crouchpaw was just a cat, that was true, but she was also one of the biggest divisors in the Clan, and that made her symbolic. And Jayfeather knew what Yellowfang was telling him before the battle – to sacrifice her. He knew he had made the right choice for the Clan, but that didn't make it any easier to hold on his shoulders. It was hard, too, to not hear Bouncepaw's voice in the clearing anymore. She was loud; she had always been loud, from the first days of her joining the Clan. It was a defense mechanism against the Clan that secretly hated her. But her sister's death left Bouncepaw with both no one to protect and no one to protect her.

Now he was sitting in the medicine den with Briarlight, Firestar, and Millie. The conversation topic, of course, was Graystripe, who appeared to be snoozing in his nest as if nothing of importance was going on. Jayfeather hated to say more difficult things like this, but he knew that at least this one didn't require much of a choice.

"Graystripe won't lose the leg," he said. "It's healing, but it won't ever fully recover."

"What do you mean?" said Millie, a waver in his voice.

"I mean that he won't be able to fight like he used to," said Jayfeather.

"What's that?" Jayfeather's heart sank at the sound of Graystripe's voice. "Don't think you can talk about what happens to me without me! Ungrateful mouse-brain."

Jayfeather opened his mouth to retort, but Graystripe went on through a yawn.

"If I can't fight again, it's just as well," he said. "I'm getting too old to keep up with the young warriors these days."

There was a sad tone to his voice, so Jayfeather couldn't tell if the joke was made in defense of his pride or not.

"What are you talking about?" said Firestar indignantly. "You're still the best fighter I've ever met."

"Oh, come on," said Graystripe tiredly. "I'm old, Firestar. If I hadn't been this slow, I wouldn't have gotten this injury." He got to his paws with a soft grunt. "I'm going to the elders den either way, so I might as well go willingly."

"Are you sure?" asked Firestar.

"Firestar," said Graystripe. "Jayfeather knows what he's talking about, and if he says I can't fight again, I can't fight again. Let it be."

"I…" Firestar seemed hesitant, but then he sighed. "Fine. I'll call a Clan Meeting and make the announcement at sun-down."

"Graystripe…" As Millie and Briarlight closed in on their family member, Jayfeather pursued Firestar outside of the den.

"I know you're frustrated," said Jayfeather. "But Graystripe…er…has a point. Neither of you are as young as you used to be."

"Are you calling me old, Jayfeather?" snapped Firestar. "What, then? Should I join the elders as well?"

"No," said Jayfeather crossly. "I'm simply reminding you that you can't take as many risks as you used to."

Firestar's anger was nearly tangible, so Jayfeather took a deep breath and willed himself to remain calm.

"Things aren't how they have been in the past, and you know that very well," he said crossly. "And that means that the Clans are changing, not just your body."

"No kidding," said Firestar. "WindClan has never attacked, not like this. I can't believe…Onestar…" He shook his head. "I sent Cherrypaw to ask help of Blackstar, and he refused. We're supposed to be allies in this."

"Not against WindClan, against the shadows," said Jayfeather quietly. "You can't blame Blackstar. Blackstar and Mistystar standing up for you at the last Gathering is what provoked this attack."

"I will head for RiverClan right away," said Firestar. "Mistystar may help me confront Onestar about this, even if Blackstar is too much of a coward."

"Mistystar will tell you the same," said Jayfeather. "You really think you can calm Onestar by teaming up on him with the other leaders?"

"So what then?" asked Firestar. "If you have all the answers, tell me what."

"Speak to Onestar directly," said Jayfeather calmly. "Explain to him that the alliance with RiverClan and ShadowClan is a formality. Extend an invitation to him. I do not think that this attack was his idea."

"What do you mean?" asked Firestar. Jayfeather was silent for a moment. "Jayfeather."

"Some cats were out to kill," said Jayfeather. "They killed Crouchpaw, and they tried very hard to kill Graystripe." He paused, and then decided that his pride was worth nothing at this point. "And they tried to kill Briarlight and I as well. They very nearly succeeded."

"I see." Firestar was quiet. "Isn't that all the more reason to confront WindClan immediately?"

"No," said Jayfeather. "This wasn't WindClan's fight. This was an act of war from the Place of No Stars."

Firestar was quiet. And then he sighed.

"I knew that this war was coming," he said. "Are you sure? Has StarClan told you anything?"

"The shadow cats, the hostility towards Bouncepaw and Crouchpaw?" said Jayfeather in a low voice. "You've heard the dissent. This is another step."

"So what do we do?" asked Firestar. "I don't know how to keep tabs on our warriors that are among their number."

"We can't do anything directly," said Jayfeather carefully. "The Dark Forest is testing us, waiting for us to strike first. We can't. We have to show them…show them that this is not enough to hurt us."

"That will provoke much more trouble," said Firestar. "It's best just to get this over with now."

"We're not ready now," said Jayfeather. "If we form an alliance with Onestar, if the leaders come together to discuss this…it will at least buy us some time."

Firestar nodded stiffly.

"Very well," he said. "I will send a representative to ShadowClan and RiverClan to ask them if they agree to ally with WindClan as well. Then we will speak with Onestar."

XXXX

"Be careful," said Jayfeather. He didn't need eyes to recognize Lionblaze's side-eye. "I'm serious. There are shadow cats out there."

"I'll be fine," said Lionblaze. "Stop worrying."

"WindClan warriors killed Crouchpaw," said Jayfeather. "Or are you forgetting?"

"No," said Lionblaze quietly. "I can't forget so easily. And I don't think you will, either."

There was silence between the two brothers. Awkwardly, Lionblaze pulled back without saying another word and trotted over to meet the rest of the WindClan reconnaissance party.

"Jayfeather?" Jayfeather turned, his heart rising, to meet Cinderheart. "Are you alright?"

He nodded stiffly, and Cinderheart sat next to him as he "watched" the party leaving camp. For a moment, they were silent.

"I'm sorry about Crouchpaw," she said. "I know you did everything you could."

"No," whispered Jayfeather. "I didn't." Silence from Cinderheart. "I had to let her go in order to save someone else."

"Then you made the right choice," said Cinderheart insistently. Jayfeather didn't – couldn't – reply to that. His gut kept telling him that he had made the right choice, but there was still regret. He may have been able to save them all. "I may be a warrior now, but I have the memories of an entire life of medicine." Her words were clipped. "Don't think I didn't make that choice, too. Don't think I didn't watch cats die."

Jayfeather didn't speak, and Cinderheart made a soft noise, almost like a purr, but sadder, in the back of her throat.

"I know it isn't easy," said Cinderheart. "And I can't make it easier for you. But I want you to know that I think you made the right choice. If my opinion means anything to you."

"It does," said Jayfeather, because it did mean a lot to him. He wanted to give in to all of the kit-like desires in him; he wanted to abandon his pride and just turn to Cinderheart for support. But he restrained himself. She could never love a cat like him, not just because he was a medicine cat. "Thank you."

"And thank you," said Cinderheart. "I know you needed the extra help in the medicine den, but you did the right thing in sending me back to my duties. I just couldn't see it at the time."

"I'm glad you aren't angry," said Jayfeather. Cinderheart tentatively touched her nose to his ear before stepping away.

"I'm a warrior," she said, as if she was still convincing herself of that fact. "But I can still be a friend to you. You need friends."

Jayfeather mused softly on this topic, not really knowing what to say. He opened his mouth to speak and thank her again, but Cinderheart cleared her throat and backed away before he could. Alone, he sighed. At least there would be no fight today, and Firestar was with a patrol seeking an alliance with WindClan. Tigerstar was testing them, dividing them. Well, it wouldn't work, and this move would show that.

Your turn, Tigerstar, he thought bitterly. Sighing once more, Jayfeather turned back to wage war from the safety of his own den.

Battle battle death death battle death battle death! I really wish Crouchpaw had been around for longer so I could make her death sadder...but I mean she's really just Bouncepaw's tragic backstory so whatever. I also wish I could get into Bounce more in this book...we'll see.

So, what now? What will Onestar say? What will the Dark Forest do next? Will the Clans really be able to hold off this threat? HEHEH we will see. Next chapter is Ivypool and OH JEEZ I'm in for a bunch of continuity errors soon...we'll see what I can do to fix that...heh...

~Elsi