Hi guys! I know this took an entire month and I'm super sorry but here it is! Yay….sorry. Thanks to my beta Mirage Meister for fixing it up to be all nice and pretty for you guys, hope you like. As always ENJOY :D
DISCLAIMER: ENTER CLEVER DISCLAIMER ABOUT HOW I OWN NADA HERE
Chapter 8
I saved Gale's friend. I saved Gale's friend. I saved one of Gale's best friends.
I cringe as I try to push the thought from my head. If only it was anyone else. I don't regret helping Bristle; how could I regret helping anyone?
But this makes things even more difficult than they already are. If, no when, it gets back to Gale I know exactly what he'll do. He'll yell at me for being in the Seam. He'll yell at me for running towards the screaming rather than away from it. He'll rant and yell and lecture, and then he'll thank me and think that he owes me.
I remember how he acted on the roof so many nights ago when he told me he knew I had helped Rory. He didn't react like I expected, maybe the same is true for this? Somehow I doubt that it will be though. My mind goes back to that night, how he told me that he never hated me. How he said he would never hurt me.
A cynical laugh escapes my lips at his promise. Maybe not physical pain, but the emotional scars run deeper anyway.
"You okay?" A voice asks, interrupting my pity party.
I glance up at Peeta, just remembering that he is here. He came by last afternoon while I was out with Darius, and, being the worry wart he is, he came by early this morning to make sure I made it home.
I nod my head once in reply to his question, returning my gaze to the stove where an imperfect circle of batter is cooking. I try to flip it in the pan like Nora used to but end up burning my thumb in the process.
"Want me to finish breakfast?" Peeta asks with that annoying smirk of his as I suck on my burned digit.
"I can make pancakes," I grumble.
Peeta chuckles, swirling around on one of the bar stools that sit in my kitchen. "So you coming to lunch again?"
His question catches me off guard and I stutter out, "Um I-I don't know. Do you really want me to come two days in a row? I don't want you getting sick of me." I say it jokingly but there is a serious concern behind it. I don't want to overstep or overstay my welcome.
Peeta gives me a look that states that he thinks whatever I just said was absurd. "Don't be stupid. I could never get sick of you. Besides, my friends really liked you." He leans forward, and I just know he's going to say something embarrassing. "Especially Jude. I think he really likes you."
Blood rushes to my cheeks and I wave away his comment with my hand. "Jude doesn't even know me."
"He knows you better than you think, Madgie." I'm about to ask him what he means when he jumps out of his seat, rushing over to the stove. "Madge! The pancakes are burning!"
The pancakes did in fact burn, but I've had worse. Though from the expression on Peeta's face I think I may have ruined a beloved breakfast food for him forever. To his everlasting credit, he eats every crumb before he hugs me goodbye and stresses that he would not mind one bit if I came to lunch again.
I wave to him as he walks out the gate, "Have a good day sweetheart!" I call out to him in my best impression of his mother's shrill voice. "Don't talk to any strangers! And don't fall asleep in class!"
He just laughs at my jaunts, waving goodbye before continuing on. I lean on the side of my doorway as I watch him go, recalling all the mornings we walked to school together. It was so much simpler then.
Just then I see the Hawthorne's door open and against better judgment I turn and watch as Vick and Rory Hawthorne bounce out of their house, their mother calling after them much in the way I called out to Peeta. Gale walks out after them, holding the littlest Hawthorne by the hand as his brother run around the yard.
"Madge!" I start as I hear Rory shout out my name, his finger jutted out to me. His face erupts in a grin and he runs out of his yard, dashing past my fence and into my awaiting arms.
I laugh as he clings to me, rubbing my hand over his back soothingly. He pulls back from me, inspecting my face. "How are you feeling?"
I bite my lip as I remember that the last time he saw me I was on my knees screaming. "I'm fine. Much better now."
Much better might be an overstatement but if it makes that scowl disappear from his face then the lie is worth it.
Sure enough his smile returns, "I'm glad. Prim was pretty worried about you."
"Oh, just Prim eh?" I tease him.
His cheeks instantly turn pink as he admits, "Well, I was too."
"Rory," Gale's voice calls from behind my fence, "we need to leave or you'll be late."
Rory makes an annoyed sound, giving me another hug before he jumps off my steps, running back over to his siblings. Vick smiles and waves at me, and I'm quick to rerun his gestures.
Gale, on the other hand, continues to stand still, looking at me but not making any move towards me. I pull my thin robe tighter around me, thinking how ridiculous I must look in my old satin night gown and my pale pink robe. At least from his lack of yelling I can assume he hasn't heard about Bristel. Yet.
Posy tugs on his hand, looking up at her big brother with an exasperated expression.
Gale clears his throat, his eyes meeting mine as he grunts out a rough, "Good morning."
A tiny smile seeps onto my face as I say, "Good morning," before I go back into my house, closing the door behind me.
The rest of the morning goes by relevantly fast. I take a shower, throwing on another sun dress I have grown to love so much. My thoughts drift off to my father, how I haven't seen him much at all since I've been back. I know logically it's not his fault, but still it stings a little that he has made no effort to come and visit me at least.
Finally I decide that I'll go visit him at the Justice Building. His days are usually quite busy but since it's still relevantly early I doubt he'd be too overwhelmed. I slip on a pair of sandals as well as grabbing my brown satchel bag. Maybe I'll have some time to pick up some things from Town before lunch with Peeta.
I hum to myself as I walk to the Justice Building. I often used to visit my father at work when I was younger, sometimes on weekends I would bring him lunch and we would have a picnic in his office. However as the years have gone by, the amount of stress on his shoulders grew ,and he no longer had time for picnics with his daughter. Hopefully today he'll be able to make a little time for me.
Walking up the steps I'm bombarded with images of the last time I walked up them. Trying hard not cry, fear in my stomach, Maysilee's encouraging words in my ears. I didn't think I was coming back here, ever. Maybe I shouldn't have.
I shake my head to rid myself of these dark thoughts as I come up to my father's secretary's desk. It's been the same woman since I can remember and she always thought my name was Mary rather than Madge or even Margaret.
"Hello Janice," I tell her, giving her a polite smile.
Her blonde head looks up from her desk and she squeals as jumps up from her seat. "Well if it isn't Madge Undersee! Long time no see darling." She then grabs me into a crushing hug before releasing me quickly. "Hold on, I'll go see if your father is busy."
"You called me Madge" I say, my eyes wide in surprise.
"Of course I did! That's your name right?" She winks at me, laughing at her own joke as she walks down the hall to my father's office.
That woman has known me all my life, and it took me going into the Hunger Games for her to learn my name. Unbelievable.
Janice reappears, telling me that my father can see me now. I smile politely at her, walking swiftly away from the overbearing stench of her perfume. It's worse than Effie Trinket's.
My father's office is the last door in the long hallway, and I feel my steps grow progressively slower as I get closer to his office. I swallow thickly, wiping my hands on the skirt of my dress before I knock timidly on his door.
The door swings open, and I freeze, startled by the sudden movement. I stand awkwardly in the doorway as my father stands in front of me, his eyes burning into me as I stare at the ground.
The few moments we've spent together since I've been home have been mostly filled with silence and painful looks, with very few words spoken by either of us. I've always been close with my father; when my mother's headaches got worse and worse, it often left me and him to band together.
I know when his brow furrows down as he watches the Games or reads the Capitol newspaper that something is bothers him greatly. I know when he watches the small skinny children of the Seam with his eyes narrowed and his mouth twisted in a grimace that it means he wishes there is more he could do. And when his eyes gloss over and he smiles that same forced smile as he talks to Capitol visitors or watches the mandatory viewing that he is mentally setting the Capitol aflame.
What I do not know is what he is thinking now. Is he picturing me throwing that dagger into Marvel's abdomen, is he watching me mourn Ronan's death, is he seeing his little girl become one of the Victors we've always pitied?
I move forward hesitantly, pulling on the tips of my hair as I clear my throat. "Hi, Daddy."
He makes a noise that sounds close to a whimper before he lunges forward, enveloping me in his arms. "Madge, oh my sweet little darling."
My arms wrap around my father and tears springing to my eyes. "I've missed you, Dad."
"I've missed you too. I'm so sorry I haven't visited- I just... didn't know if you wanted to see me."
No, he knew I would want to see him. I lean away from him, looking at him quizzically. He gestures around the room, his lips forming the word without making a sound. Bugs. Of course.
His office has always been monitored, and now that I'm a Victor there is no doubt that they have amped up surveillance.
"Do you have time for a walk?" I ask, making my voice sound lighter than I feel.
He unfortunately shakes his head, a sad expression on his face. "I have an important call to make soon." He doesn't tell me who the call is with, and I don't inquire to whom it may be. Some things are better left unknown.
His face shifts as his land on the long chain I wear on my neck with Rue's single star dangling from it. He wraps one of his hands around the pendant. "I'm sorry, Madge."
Sorry? Sorry for what? For me going into the Games? For watching me lose people that I would have called my friends? For knowing I got my heart broken and was made a fool of? Looking at my father I can see the sincerity in his statement, and I realize that he's sorry for all of it. Most simply put, he is sorry that his daughter is in pain.
"It's getting better," I tell him, but it sounds false even to my ears. "I'm still listening to Haymitch, like you told me to do."
"Good." He lowers his head down to whisper in my ear, "Keep with him, Madge. He's smarter than he looks."
Haymitch looks about as smart as a dung beetle, but I nod my head at my father, a small smile on my lips. A shrill ringing makes me jump and my father sighs, hugging me tightly. I hug him back, knowing that I have to leave now. He can't keep them waiting.
"I love you, Madge," he tells me.
"I love you too, Dad."
He smiles at me, kissing the top of my head before he releases me. I turn away, moving to close the door behind me as I hear my father answer the call, the person's face appearing above his desk. I stop for a moment as I glance at the holographic image.
She's an older woman, probably in her fifties with grey hair that falls in an unbroken sheet to her shoulders. But what really puzzles me is that there isn't a shred of color anywhere on her, so much unlike the Capitol peacocks that my father usually has to take these calls from. It looks as if her whole body was coated in a shade of grey. Her face is grim and unwelcoming, and she instantly leaves a bad feeling in my stomach.
I leave his office, closing the door complete behind me and trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling that woman's face gave me. I smooth over the skirt of my dress, tucking a stray hair behind my ear when I smell the overwhelming scent of peppermint.
My head whips up, and that's when I see her. She is as radiant and glowing as the last time I saw her, in the same white dress as always.
Maysilee gives me a small smile as I watch her in disbelief. She walks slowly walks up to me, reaching one hand out to me, almost touching my face. Tears well in my eyes as I stare at my aunt, the aunt I've missed so much.
Her expression grows serious as she leans her head forward, her lips right next to my ear when her melodic voice says, "Don't trust her."
"Who?" my voice croaks and I jerk back to look at her, but she just shakes her head again. "Who May?"
"Madge! Who are you talking to?" Janice pokes her head around the corner, her lips pursed.
I blink rapidly, looking around the now empty room. She was here. It wasn't a flashback. She was here.
"I think it's time you go, Miss Undersee." Her expression is sour as she looks at me, the same look she used to give me whenever she caught me playing hide and seek with the Peacekeepers.
I mumble a response to her as I walk passed her, too preoccupied with my thoughts to notice her narrow her eyes at my retreating figure. Don't trust her? Don't trust who? Janice? She's an annoying twit, but she has about as much malice as a mouse.
Perhaps it's the familiarity of the walk, or maybe it's the fact that I just saw Maysilee when I thought I never would again. Or maybe my feet just knew that I needed some comfort and familiarity, because one way or another I find myself knocking on my old house's front door without a clue as to how I got there.
Nora opens the door to me with her bright smile on her face. I make idle small talk with her for a moment before asking, "Is my mother awake?"
I know from the way her shoulders slump that the answer is no, but Nora tells me anyway. "She had a bad night, we had to give her double doses just to make her stop screaming. I doubt if she'll be awake by supper time."
I try to hold back my disappointment as much as I can, but Nora knows me too well to be fooled. She shoos me into the house and up to my old room. I'm shocked to find that nothing has changed. Except for the small possessions I took with me when I moved to the Victors Village, it looks exactly as I left it before the Reaping.
Is this how it would be if I had died? Would they have left everything how it lay? Forever preserved in a personal shrine?
Nora plops me down in front of my vanity set, pulling a hairbrush out of the drawer. I stay quiet, allowing her to fawn over me for a while in a way that was reminiscent of- but not nearly as annoying- as the hours I had to listen to my prep team discuss the color of my hair.
Nora is much gentler, and her cool fingers feel lovely against my scalp. She brushes the hair off my face, pulling and twisting it into some miraculous twist style that she learned from her sisters when she was younger. Nora always did my hair for the Reapings, spending minute after grueling minute forcing my wavy hair to cooperate.
Except for the last Reaping of course. How ironic that the one time I decide to leave my hair in a simply ponytail would be the day I end up on every television in the country.
When it's almost time for me to leave for the school, I poke my head inside my mother's room.
Like Nora said she's fast asleep, too far gone to even hear me if I stomped around with a marching band.
I brush my fingers through her thin hair, sitting down on the side of her bed.
"I saw Mays today, mama." I keep my voice quiet, pretending she could wake up if I'm too loud. "I saw her. And it wasn't like the others who left me…it wasn't a flashback. It was real. I miss her mom."
A tear leaks out of my eyes, falling daintily on my mother's cheek. I quickly wipe it away, stroking her sleeping face. "I miss you too. So much."
Her forehead is cold as I press my lips against it, and it rattles me in a way I cannot explain. Looking at her perfectly still body, her hand is freezing cold in mine. The only way I know she hasn't completely left me is the steady rise and fall of her chest. I stay, staring at my mother's sleeping form until it begins to morph into a little girl with flowers decorating every inch of her. I practically run out of the room then.
If I get any looks on my way to lunch I don't notice. My head is too stuck in the clouds, the image of my mother's still body overlapping with Maysilee's words.
Don't trust her. Don't trust her. Don't trust her. I trusted you Mays, and look where that got me.
"Hi again!" I nearly jump out of my skin as I whirl around to find Jude smiling down at me.
"Don't do that!" I yell out, pushing him hard in the arm.
His smile is still perfectly intact as he asks, "What'd I do?"
"You-you startled me," I say lamely, a warm blush creeping up my cheeks. "Why are you always lurking around the halls right before lunch?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "My teacher lets us out early."
"It's probably because she can't stand to look at that mug of yours for another second."
"Ouch! Your words wound me, Miss Undersee."
I roll my eyes at him as he pretends to pout at me. He peers down at my bag, his smiling returning instantly. "Bring us any more salt laced treats?"
I wonder how long I'm going to have to wait to live that down. "No, I did not. I was thinking of picking some things up from Town but I was, um, sidetracked."
The lunch bell rings, and I flinch as students pour out of the classrooms. A group of girls glare daggers at me as they walk by and I instinctively slink into the wall. Only, instead of finding the wall, I find myself cowering against Jude's chest.
"Sorry," I say quickly, jerking myself away as my face grows progressively warmer.
His smile is gentle now as he shakes his head. "Don't worry about people like that, Madge. They don't know you."
I'm about to remind him that he also doesn't know me, but the words stick to my throat as his green eyes catch mine. No one has eyes like that.
We walk to the cafeteria in silence; although when another group of students glowers at me, Jude places his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him as if to protect me from the hurtful glares of my peers. The unforeseen contact is a bit of a shock to me, but my body slowly relaxes and I can't help but feel warm and even safe as we walk down the halls.
Peeta, as well as Emma and Grayson, is already waiting for us at the table, and Emma quickly pulls me into a hug. "It's so great to see you again, Madge!"
Grayson eyes my bag warily and asks suspiciously, "Bring us any more salt laced-"
"I already said that joke, Gray," Jude tells him, laughing as his friends face instantly falls.
"What! But I told you that joke! You suck."
Peeta laughs along with his friends, pulling the chair next to him out. "You think the cookies were bad? You should have seen the pancakes she made-"
"Hi Madge."
My head looks up so fast I'm sure I tweaked something as I stare at the sight of Bristel standing before me. She's not alone either; a boy who is also clearly from the Seam stands next to her, his hand wrapped tightly around hers. "I just wanted to thank you again from helping me last night."
I blink rapidly, knowing fully well that my shock is plain as day. "Y-you're welcome. It was no big deal."
"No big deal?" the boy exclaims, his eyes widening as if he can't believe I just said something so idiotic. "If you hadn't shown up, those guys were going to…"
His face hardens, and Bristel quickly jumps in. "Who knows what they could have done to me? Or to you for that matter, if your bluff didn't work."
"Madge, what is she talking about?" Peeta asks me, clearly confused.
"She didn't tell you?" the boy questions, his grey eyes still hard as stone.
"There was no need to tell anyone anything," I respond quickly. The last thing I need is him thinking I was ashamed of helping Bristel or some other ridiculous thing. Seam kids tend to jump to conclusions like that fairly quickly. "Anyone else would have done the same."
The boy's face relaxes as he shakes his head in disagreement. "No, most people would have ignored it, or maybe would have reported it to a Peacekeeper. But running over when only armed with a hair stick? I doubt there are many people who would have done that."
The entire table is staring at me, and I look down as my cheeks turn a vibrant red color. I never was very good with praise.
Peeta seems to recover from his shock before anyone else and he smiles sincerely at Bristel and her friend. "I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"
"Bristel, and this is my boyfriend Thom."
"Oh wait, you helped with Ms. Benison's fall recital didn't you?" Emma asks, her face lighting up with recognition. "You helped me paint the trees."
"Oh right! We kept having to make more leaves because the younger kids kept playing in them." Emma nods enthusiastically, recalling another time that Ms. Benison's head was nearly taken off by one of the curtains. Bristel laughs at the story, and she quickly goes into a tale of her own about a mishap with one of the props.
"Here, sit down," Emma offers, scooting her chair over for extra room. "There's a few spare chairs over there."
Both of the Seam kids seem taken back by the offer, and Bristel looks up at Thom as if to ask what he thinks.
He shrugs, smiling slightly at her. They quickly pull up two chairs from a neighboring table, and we all scoot down to make room for them.
"Well, this will cause rumors," Thom says jokingly, nudging Bristel with his shoulder. Although by the glares coming from both people from the Seam and Town I doubt if he's wrong.
I recognize Thom as one of Gale's friends as well, but, as he and Bristel begin to talk and open up more, I start to wonder how in the world he has such open minded and nonjudgmental friends if he is usually so cold.
Lunch ends just as Thom starts telling a hilarious story of how he once got locked inside the boy's locker room, and he had to break his way out of it.
"Well, I guess I have to tell you more about my miraculous escape another time," he says graciously, pushing his chair away from the table as he stands.
"It was good seeing you again, Emma," Bristel says. "And it was nice meeting all of you."
"Nice meeting you too," Grayson tells her. "Maybe we can go on a double date some time."
"Oh yeah, I know a place with great stew," Thom replies, and I have to repress a giggle.
I can only imagine him and Emma trying to figure out what kind of meat Sae's chopped up in that pot of hers.
I say my goodbyes to everyone, earning an unexpected hug from both Bristel and Thom.
"You aren't half the spoiled brat everyone thought you were," Thom tells me as he releases me from the embrace.
"I shall take that as a compliment," I respond, smiling up at him.
He laughs loudly and the sound of it reminds me of another dark haired giant who was always grinning and making jokes. Maybe it isn't that far off that Gale would be friends with Thom.
Oh goodness I miss you, Thresh.
My thoughts are in the clouds as I walk home. Thom responded so welcomingly and graciously to me about helping Bristel, but I doubt if Gale will be so gracious. I wonder if I asked them not to say anything, will they?
Then I remember how Hazelle kept me helping Rory a secret for so long, but it did eventually come out. I guess secrets are made to reveal themselves.
I see Gale before I'm even at my front gate. He's in his yard, bent over a pile of bushes. I walk into my yard, stopping by the fence to watch him for a moment. Either he hasn't noticed me or is ignoring me. I hope it's the former.
Maybe if he hears it from me first he won't be so angry? There's probably logic there, and I clear my throat loudly before I can lose my courage.
His head snaps up to look at me, and I feel so small under his gaze. "Hi."
"Hi," he says back, wiping dirt from his pants as he stands up.
"Doing some gardening?"
His hand rubs the back of his neck, "I guess so. My sister keeps asking for me to plant flowers in the front yard so I figured, why not do it today?"
I bite on my lip to keep myself from telling him that he doesn't have to address Posy as 'my sister'. I know her name. "So did you order some from the Capitol?"
His expression instantly sours, and I want to take back ever wanting to talk to him. "No, I got them from the woods."
The woods. I cringe at the mere mention of it, the place I went to feel free and the place I got my heart broken. Again. Suddenly my desire to come clean to him vanishes.
When was he ever honest with me? It took him weeks to tell me how he felt, and he hasn't once brought up the fact that he kissed a girl I once called my friend. Why should I be honest to him about anything?
I feel my face close off as I nod once. "Right, well…you have a good day, Gale."
Something flickers in his face as his eyes turn a lighter shade of grey. "You too, Madge."
I nod again, before forcing myself to walk up my porch and into my house. "Why is it that every exchange between us has to be so painful?" I ask aloud to the empty house.
The only reply I get is the sound of the wind blowing in through the open window.
I sigh loudly, going over to my piano. I run my finger gently over the ivory keys, plopping down on the cushioned bench. I pull a song at random from the sheet music littered around me. It's an easy tune, something I probably learned my first year of playing.
My fingers don't still when the song ends, instead the dance quickly around the keyboard, the music swelling and subsiding all at once. I close my eyes gently, allowing the music to calm my nerves and take away all the exhaustion and confusion from the day.
Why was Maysilee here? The music takes it away. What was she trying to tell me? The music takes it away. Why is my mother in such constant pain? Why only now are Peeta's friends being so friendly to me? Why do people that don't even know me hate me? Why are Bristel and Thom so kind to me, but Gale is hardly civil? The music takes it away.
Warm hands shake my shoulders, and I fall clear off the bench as I jerk away from the unseen threat. My eyes search frantically for anything to protect myself with when I feel the unfamiliar hand pull me up by my arm.
"Madge! I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to make you fall."
I blow the hair out of my face and finally see the unknown assailant is actually just Jude. My relief is quickly outlived by my anger, and I shove him away from me, pulling myself up from the floor.
"Why are you always doing that?!" I yell at him, pushing him yet again.
He raises his hands up in a form of surrender. "Doing what?"
"Startling me! Haven't you heard of knocking?"
"I did knock! I don't think you heard me over the piano, and your door was unlocked so I let myself in. I really am sorry, Madge." His face is sincere as he look down at me, and my breath nearly catches in my throat as I look into his clear eyes.
I tear my gaze away, wrapping my arms protectively around myself, embarrassment for lashing out at him beginning to eat at me.
"Why are you here?" I ask him, making sure I keep my eyes on the floor.
"You forgot this on the table." I look up and see him holding up my satchel an apologetic look still on his face. "Everyone else had gone by the time I noticed it, and I was planning on just giving it to Peeta after school. I couldn't find him so I thought I would just bring it to your house for you."
"Thank you," I tell him, taking the bag from his hand. "You didn't have to do that."
"Sure I did. We're friends right?"
His normal smile has returned, and something snaps inside me as I coldly tell him, "No, we aren't friends."
I walk briskly into the kitchen, anywhere to get away from those green eyes. I open the pantry door, pretending to look from something even though I'm just trying not to look at his face.
"You're Peeta's friend, not mine. You don't even know me. You never even made any attempt to know me before the Games. Why would you want to know me know?"
"Wait a second." I feel his warm hand on my arm again but instead of jerking away I allow him to turn me around, my eyes glued to the floor. "Do you honestly think that I want to know you now because you're a famous rich Victor?"
He says it as if the mere idea is laughable, but to me it's a genuine concern. "Well, now all of a sudden, you, Emma, and Grayson want to meet me and to have lunch and be friendly when before all this, none of you ever gave me the time of day."
"That's because we didn't know you! In class you always kept to yourself or with Katniss Everdeen. Can you blame anyone for being a little intimidated by that? And yes, us wanting to meet you may have something to do with you being in the Games, but it's not what you think," Jude assures me, pausing for a moment.
He continues, "When you were gone, you were all Peeta talked about. Well, you and Katniss, but mostly you. And it wasn't how great you looked at Opening Ceremonies or what a good score you got. He told us stories of you guys as kids, that you play the piano and love marshmallows. He missed you, and he kept telling us all these amazing things about you so, naturally, when you got back we were curious if any of it was true. If the girl we all took to be this shy introvert was actually as funny and amazing as Peeta claimed. And she is."
I can feel my cheeks burning as Jude looks down at me, brushing a stray strand of hair out of my face. "And believe it or not, you and I have a lot in common, much more in common than you can even guess."
"Peeta told me the same thing," I say, looking up cautiously at him. "But what could we possibly have in common?"
Jude takes a step away from me, running a hand through his hair nervously. "You don't know my last name do you, Madge?"
I shake my head once, wondering where he could be going with this.
"I didn't think so. My name is Jude Ajax Keres."
My eyes widen, and I can't help but gasp at the suddenly familiar name.
"You recognize it don't you? My father was Head Peacekeeper before your father came into office. Ajax Keres was brutal, awful. He got a kick out of seeing people be hurt, and even more so if he was the one that hurt them. He retired when he got ill, and he married my mother when she was only sixteen. He was nearly fifty. He died the day my little sister was born and my mother says that she received two blessings that day."
He pauses again, his eyes peering into mine before he says, "People see my last name, they see my green eyes, and they judge. They think I am just like my father and that I am cruel without a conscious or a heart. People my age- most of them have no idea who Keres was- but they see the hatred in their parent's eyes and the anger etches itself onto them. And they claim their anger is justified because of who my father was, what he stood for. They blame me for my father's sins. Do they not do the same to you? Your father is a good man-anyone with eyes can see that- but they still blame him for the horrors of the Capitol and then they blame you for being his daughter."
He leans back against the tabletop as if explaining his backstory as physically drained him. "My mother works at her family shop as a seamstress, we live a better life than most. But when I see my sister being teased because of things out of our control, it drives me insane at the hypocrisy of it all. I think if anyone else could understand that it'd be you."
A hush falls over the room as I struggle to find something to say. "I'm sorry." It's not the right words but I feel like I have to say them anyway. "I didn't know."
A small smile returns to his lips as he tells me, "Of course you didn't. You don't know me, Madge, and I know that I don't know you either. All I'm asking is a chance to change that."
The words are stuck in my throat again as he stands awkwardly in the middle of my kitchen with his hands in his pockets.
Finally, when the silence is so tense I think I might burst, I spit out, "I haven't been honest with you."
He raises his eyebrow in confusion, and I wring my hands together as I go on. "I haven't been honest with any of you. How I act when I'm around all of you, the joking and talking: it's a mask. I'm not as put together as I seem. I'm broken and scarred; I have nightmares and flashbacks. There's days that I can't get out of bed, and other times when I have to force myself to blink. I'm-I'm trying to be normal again, to go back to just being me. But it's hard, and I'm scared that one day the mask will slip and…you'll all see what I really am."
"A mask? Madge, I understand more than anyone how it looks when someone wears a mask. When you were being interviewed by Caesar, or when you had to stand next to your father and smile while meeting Capitol visitors, that's when I saw the mask. But you can't tell me that all of this hasn't been you?"
I bite my lip, looking down at my feet as I try to come up with the right words. "Maybe mask is the wrong phrasing. I guess I'm just… pretending. Pretending that what happened never happened. I'm trying to erase everything since the Reaping, pretend it never happened."
The corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk, "Aren't you a little old to be playing pretend?"
"There are much worse games to play," I tell him, looking down at my hands and even now being able to see the red stains that will never wash off.
"No one blames you for anything that happened in there, Madge. No decent person does at least. Everyone knows who the real killer of those children is. There just too cowardly to say it aloud."
My eyes widen in surprise at his treacherous words. His smile grows as he watches my shocked face.
"You showed people something when you won, Madge. You didn't sell your soul like every other Victor did. You stayed true to yourself: you showed compassion and heart to everyone you encountered. You showed that a good hearted person could win against the Capitol, if you have the brains." He leans in closer to me, his face animated as he says, "Using their own need for a Victor against them, it was absolutely brilliant, Madge. Winning the Game without playing by any of their rules. It's amazing to say the least."
Jude's smile fades, but his expression is strong and full of fire. "You have no idea how many people you've inspired, how many you've given hope to."
I'm stunned into silence, staring into his seemingly innocent face. The things he's saying, the punishment would be worse than death. And for things that aren't even true! I haven't given any hope to anyone, and my soul was sold long before I stepped into the arena. I've been playing by their rules since I could walk.
His words remind me of the things my father would often say after a mine cave-in or an unexpected visitor from the Capitol. Hopeful, dangerous, speaking of things that could bring destruction down on everyone we know. But even knowing this, I can't help but look up at Jude with new admiration. I thought I saw a rebellious spark in him.
"I guess we do have a lot in common," I say, my words hardly more than a whisper.
"More than you know."
"Anything else you're inclined to share?" I ask him, a blush creeping onto my face once again.
He grins down at me, "Nah, I wouldn't want to give away all my secrets so soon." I smirk at him, opening my mouth to reply when he cuts me off. "I should get going. My mom will worry if I didn't get home soon."
"You could call her?" I offer, gesturing to the hanging landline on the wall.
He shakes his head. "No, it's fine, she hardly ever answers the phone anyway."
I feel a small pang of disappointment as I lead him out, biting my lip as I reluctantly watch him walk down my porch stairs.
"Hey, Madge?" he calls to me from the gate, "You know, you don't always have to pretend. If you ever need to anyone to talk to, you know where to find me."
He turns away then, walking swiftly away towards Town.
If you ever need anyone.
I've always been in need of someone.
My parents have been absent for so much of my life, and while Nora is lovely, she has her own life. Peeta and Darius... well they've known me forever, especially Peeta. But he has so much emotional turmoil going on himself, perhaps I have been trying to pull away from him lately.
If you ever need anyone.
I smile to myself as I lock the heavy wooden door. It would be nice to have someone.
So what do you think? I know this took way longer than originally thought but hey at least it wasn't a whole season again haha..ha…sorry. OK so just to clear up something's because I don't want any misconception, Madge doesn't regret trusting Maysilee she's just feeling really abandoned right now. Same thing goes for Gale, she doesn't hate him (total opposite) but she feels uber hurt and abandoned.
Also, I know sometimes us shippers(the crazy people like myself who throw objects at anyone who come in the way of our Gadge) hate anyone one who shows interest in our lovely characters BUT, give Jude a chance guys common he's nice and he's pretty eyes, isn't that all that matters? Lol. OKAY before this gets longer than my chapter, PLEASE REVIEW! Tell me if you liked the addition of Bristel and Thom, or if you hated it that's cool too, if you like/hate/indifferent to Jude, just ANYTHING you wanna say! Kisses and COOKIES(oh yeah I brought cookies) for all you lovely people I promise I won't take uber long again! Love you guy!
P.S. : I know I promised a one shot for being late, and that will be up shortly, I just have to type it, which I suck at. So keep an eye-out for it and continue to send in requests for one-shots, since once again I owe you one for being late haha