Hi guys! Sorry for the bit of a long wait but here it is! Hope you all like it, and as always, ENJOY :D

DISCLAIMER: IM NOT THE CREATOR OF THE HUNGER GAMES (le gasp)

Chapter 14

That night I can't sleep. My feet ache from the dancing Gale and I partook in, and my whole body begs my mind to let me rest. But minds can be bitches sometimes.

I go to the star gazing room again, but, it offers me no comfort, so I roam the halls more. I lap the entire train car twice and am just passing by my room, considering whether or not Effie would consider it bad manners to play the piano at this time of night, when I hear the sound of moaning.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I slowly open the door from which the sound is coming from, only to find myself in Gale's room.

He's thrashing wildly in his sleep, sweat on his forehead as he whimpers, "No... No, leave us alone."

A nightmare. He's having a nightmare.

Somehow, I know it's dangerous to startle someone awake during a nightmare, and I bite my lower lip contemplating what I should do when I hear he begin to murmur again. "No. Run… run. Madge, run."

The sound of my name coming from his sleep-induced lips is enough to force my limbs to move once more. I kneel on his bed beside him, shaking his arm softly, "Gale."

He continues to thrash about, turning his head violently from side to side. "Leave her alone. No, please. Let her go."

I shake him harder, and his eyes flutter slightly. But the nightmare prevails, and I can see his face wince and grimace. His voice is pleading and full of fear. "Madge… Madge. Leave her alone. Please… Run, Madge!"

"Gale!" I cry out, shaking him with all my might.

His eyes flash open as he gasps for breath. His eyes are wide and scared, dashing around the room in a frantic motion.

Instinctively I bring both my hands to either side of his face. "It's alright," I tell him as soothingly as I possibly can. "It was just a dream."

"Madge." His eyes search my face, as if he cannot believe I am in front of him. "Madge."

"I'm right here."

"You're okay?"

I nod my head.

"It was a dream."

Another nod.

His face contorts from a look of fear to absolute relief. "It was so real. I thought it was real."

One of his hands comes to rest on top of mine, and he gently leans his face into our clasped hands. My body tenses at the intimate gesture, but he seems not to notice. "I thought you…I thought…"

"It was just a dream," I tell him again, my cheeks burning. Slowly I remove my hands from his face, and my feet are already back on the ground when his hand darts out to grab mine. "Wait."

I look up at him, and I can see from the dazed look and the paleness of his face that the dream has not yet left him. That he thinks that, at any moment, he'll blink and be back in that hell. His grip tightens on my hand, and, even in the dark room, I can see how light his eyes are. "Just.. .wait."

I nod once, and he hesitantly lets go of my hand. Wordlessly, he scoots over on the bed, moving the covers down and placing a pillow on the newly open space.

I shouldn't. He just had a nightmare, and his judgment is clouded. He'll regret it in the morning. He'll look at me with pity in his eyes again, and then all our progress will be for naught.

But, despite my better judgment, I know he needs me right now. Perhaps not in the way I had once wanted, but still, in this momenthe needs me. And no matter how odd our relationship is now, we're still allies. And he would do this for me.

I crawl into the bed, instantly being enveloped in the warmth that his bed and heavy comforter provide. He inches closer to me, hooking my leg around his and pulling me to his chest. My head still fits perfectly there, and I'm reminded of how he would always curl up to me in the sleeping bag in the arena. And, even though it has been half a year since we survived those never-ending nights together, we still fit perfectly in each other's arms.

He sighs into my hair, pulling me tighter, and, for a moment, I remember how many times he did that in the Games. How many times he held me close.

But that wasn't him,I remind myself.That boy, the one who looked at you with stars in his eyes, he never existed. He was only an alter ego created to win the hearts of blotted Capitol citizens. He was never real.

But his arms still feel just as warm, and his heart beat is just as soothing. My body relaxes against his, and I fall asleep almost instantly, my dreams only filled with sunlight and wild flowers.

The next night- after a day of speeches, dancing, and kissing whenever we could- I'm too exhausted for my mind to put up much of a fight. I drift off the moment my head hits the pillow. My dreams are plagued of Careers, chasing after me as I try to make it to the Cornucopia, only to have long-necked pink birds swarm down upon us, their sharp beaks breaking my skin.

I wake up screaming, hot tears rolling down my face as I jerk up into a sitting position. I pull the pillow up from underneath me, trying my best to muffle the hiccuping sobs and screams that continue to come through me.

I don't have long to pull myself together because, not twenty seconds after my scream, my door is thrown up, Gale rushing in to my side. "What happened?"

The heavy crying makes it hard for me to speak, causing me to blubber and hiccup.

Finally, I am able to force out, "The birds."

It's not a very vivid description, but I know he'll understand it. My breathing is still rapid, and I wipe my eyes as I look up at Gale still hovering over me.

He bends down, wiping my cheeks dry as his grey eyes bore into mine. He stands quickly, a determined look on his face as he begins to push down the covers, practically sitting down on my leg when he sinks down into the bed. "Scoot over, will ya?"

I move over some, just enough for him to lie down before I wrap my arms around his waist, burying my head in his chest.

His body relaxes against mine, and his arms wrap tightly around me, his hand gently petting my hair.

"Goodnight, Madge," he says, kissing the top of my head as I drift off again.

After that, we spend every night together. We sleep in his bed since it's bigger and longer, and my prep team scolds me- as well as winks at me- for my unladylike behavior. Soon the entire train knows-or at least thinks- they know what is going on. The truth- that somehow spending the nights with each other seems to relieve the amount of nightmares some and make the ones that do appear more bearable- is not nearly as juicy as what I've heard people whispering to each other.

Effie eventually pulls me aside one morning as I'm being readied for District Six. She tries to scold me, but, I can tell by her face the she does not entirely believe the allegations. She was the one who found me with swollen red eyes and a quivering lip after all. Still, she asks that we be more discreet. I tell her we will be. We don't.

A part of me hopes the little rumor will get back to Snow. But a much larger part of me wishes that, just once, I could have a moment that is mine, untainted by other eyes and gossip. Besides, I doubt President Snow would link sex to love.

After a few days on the Tour some Districts start to strike me as odd. While most greet us with the same veiled disdain present in Twelve, others seem enthusiastic to see us. They don't smile or cheer, but they chant my name in a manner I've never heard. While some districts look at us in boredom, these districts stare up at our faces as if we've spouted wings.

And then there are the districts that stir some unknown feeling inside me. The districts that remind me of a pot of boiling water, threatening to tumble over the rim. These districts yell our names almost like a mantra; they try to snatch at us as we pass them. And, most disturbingly, when the Peacekeepers push them back into line, they push back against them.

I share my observations with Haymitch, talking to him in hushed tones once when we stop for fuel. But, despite my findings, he shrugs it off in a blasé manner, as if we're discussing the weather.

"Every district is different, sweetheart. It's just the way the people are."

"But don't you find it odd?" I ask him again, "These people, they look angry. Maybe angry enough-"

"Now stop there." Haymitch interrupts, his eyes ablaze as he glares at me. "Don't even begin to go down that path. You know what could happen with that kind of talk. You'll get all of us killed over something that will never happen."

I shake my head at him, the small glimmer of hope I had disappearing at once. "But I'm certain it's something, Haymitch. Maybe if you talk to Gale. I'm sure he's seen the same-"

"Don't you dare bring any of this talk up around that boy, you hear? I know his type, hot-headed and ready to jump to conclusions before thinking. It will only put both of you in danger if you put these thoughts in his head."

His expression softens slightly, and he puts a hand on my shoulder as he goes on, "If no one has rebelled in seventy-five years, they won't now. Better to keep your head down, your lips sealed, and concentrate on keeping Snow happy."

I don't know why that strikes such a cord with me, but I march away from him, feeling foolish to thinking that what I've always hoped for has been happening under my very nose.

"Today's District Four." Gale whispers in my ear, the sun barely beginning to rise. "Will you be alright?"

I bury my head in his chest, and I feel him begin to play with the ends of my hair. "Yes, I'll be fine. I don't want to face his little brother, but I can do it."

His arms tighten around me. "I'll be right next to you the whole time."

District Four is a different kind of warmth than Eleven. It's completely unfair that District Twelve is currently in the blistering cold, while Four feels like a brisk spring day.

Cinna dresses me in a long, flowy sundress that I would feel comfortable wearing back home. I tuck my necklace away like always, pinning my mockingjay pin to my bodice before Gale and I step out.

The Capitol speech goes by too quickly, my eyes never leaving the families standing so close to us. I allow myself to look at Ronan's family, who I know now consist only of his little brother Kelby. The little brother he volunteered for, the one he saved.

Mr. Mermaid who loved to swim and whose favorite animal was a dolphin.

Marina's family is easier to face, but only slightly. I can't stop hearing her screaming for Ronan to run, how she looked up at me in distrust when she let us escape that night. Was she right? Were their chances better with the Careers? Would they have lived longer?

One thing's for sure: both of their deaths are on my hands.

The square goes silent, and I realize now is the time for my speech. I clear my throat, gripping my note cards that Effie made me promise to read verbatim in my hands. The words blur before my eyes, and I realize that tears have sprung to my eyes.

Now is not the time to grieve. This is about them, their families, and their sacrifices. Don't you dare start crying and making this about you.

I look back at their families, and, seeing Kelby standing there all alone, seeing Marina's mother sobbing into her husband's shirt, is enough for me to lose the ability to read.

"I-I-" I stutter, trying to think of the words I wrote down days ago. "Ronan…Marina…they-he was…I…I"

I look up into the crowd, utterly at a lost when I feel the familiar sensation of pressure on my hand. I glance over at Gale, and a small reassuring smile graces his lips, letting me know it's okay, that I'm not alone. I squeeze his hand back, feeling the tension instantly leaving my body at the movement.

I glance down at the note cards before looking up and starting again. "I did not know Marina very well. The only time I spoke to her was long enough for her to allow Ronan and me to leave the Careers. But I know that she was kind, and caring. She cared for Ronan, just as he did for her. And she was loyal… she was so very loyal. Even- even in the end, she tried to protect Ronan. And I will always admire her for that."

Marina's mother gazes up at me with her eyes still wet with her tears, but I can see the glimmer of pride in her eyes. Pride towards her daughter for staying herself, pride that her sacrifice did not go unmentioned.

I take a deep breath, readying myself for the hard one. "I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for Ronan. He was my first ally, the first person to help me, but not the last. He didn't play the games on anyone's terms except his own. He went against the strongest alliance because he knew that wasn't how he wanted to win."

I look down at his brother once more and somehow the rest of the districts slips awayas I concentrate on him. "Your brother was an amazing person and while he may be gone, he will always stay with us. He will always be with you Kelby."

The moment my speech is over there is an uproar. The entire district applauds, and I hear my name being screamed by men women and children alike. The amount of enthusiasm startles me and I hardly pay attention as Gale and I are handed our plagues and flowers.

Hours later it still puzzles me, the way they yelled my name like a threat. Like a war chant.

Cinna comes in, wrapping me in a hug before getting me dolled up yet again. Tonight, it is a flowing floor length halter dress in a chocolate brown color. My hair is pulled up into a low messy bun at the nape of my neck, and my makeup is kept to a minimum. As I twirl for Cinna in front of the mirror, I can't help but wonder if Gale will like the color on me.

"How are you holding up?" Cinna asks me as he pulls strands out to frame my face.

"I'm alright," I tell him, not meeting his knowing eyes. It's been getting to me recently, the stress of it all. Having to make sure everyone in the Capitol is satisfied with our love story.

I've been losing weight; my appetite has been getting smaller and smaller. Gale has become even snappier, losing his temper at random times. Some days I don't say a word unless I have to, staring off into space for minutes on end, lost in my own world.

Cinna doesn't push the issue, instead giving me a soft kiss on the forehead and wishing me luck.

The dinner is the same as all the ones before it: the food is delicious, the music is divine, and the people are all smiling. Gale and I never let go of each other's hands. While we dance, I can hear the ocean bellowing behind us.

We had a small tour of the beach early today, as is customary in some districts. The factories in Eight, forest in Six, all of them paled to the beauty I found here. It wasn't a very long tour, and we hardly had any time to enjoy ourselves before we were herded to get ready for dinner. Still, I long to get back out there, to feel the sand beneath my toes one last time before I go back on the train.

Where we are now is some sort of deck, overlooking the waves with a staircase in the back leading down to the beach. And when it comes time for Gale and I to try to causally slip away from the party for a long time, I head right to the stairs.

Usually we only pretend to sneak off, but, this time, I continue on, leading us down off the deck and onto the white sand of the beach. During the tour Effie was jabbering on and on so much that I hardly could enjoy the sounds of the waves crashing. Now I could though.

I slip out of my sandals, holding them in my hands as the sand sinks in between my toes.

Gale follows my lead, taking off his socks and shoes, as well as rolling up his dress pants a few inches. "Portia would kill me if I ruined them," is his explanation at my sideways glance.

We link our hands together, and I lean into him as we stare off into the ocean. He doesn't ask why we actually snuck away this time, instead looping his arm around my shoulder and beginning to lead me down the beach.

The wind is colder than I anticipated, and I shiver underneath Gale's warm arm. Wordlessly he takes off his suit jacket, ignoring my objections as he puts it one me. "I'm not letting you freeze to death out here, Madge."

It's hardly cold at all compared to how it is back home, but I allow him this act of chivalry, thanking him quietly as we continue walking.

I constantly pick up every seashell we pass, checking them before putting them inside Gale's coat pocket.

"What are you doing?" he asks me after the fifth shell I place in the pocket.

"I'm looking for pearls," I tell him, blushing as I say the ludicrous idea aloud. "My mom had a pearl necklace that she would always wear when I was younger. My dad gave it to her as a wedding gift. I used to look at it when I was a kid. I loved how smooth and cool it felt. My name- my nickname- means pearl. I've always wanted to find one; my dad told me that they come from shells. I don't know how to look for them, but I figure there no harm in trying."

He says nothing for a moment, and, just when I'm sure he's going to make a snarky remark on how a single pearl could feed a family for weeks, he picks up a shell from the ground, turning it around in his hands before handing it to me. "Empty."

We continue our stroll, picking up seashells as we find them. I look out over the ocean, sighing once at the vast open space. "If only we could just get a boat and go. Just sail off and never come back."

"Impossible," he says besides me, a teasing tone in his voice. "You can't swim."

I scoff at him, "That's what the boat is for. And I know the basics. We had a big tub, I can float.

He laughs at me, shaking his head, "There's a lake in the woods. It's a long hike, but maybe I'll take you to it one day."

The thought of Gale sharing his sanctuary with me warms me in a way that I can't explain, but, before I can respond, Effie's shrill voice cuts through the air like a dagger. "What are you two doing out there?!"

I flinch, and Gale squeezes my hand tightly. I return the gesture, and he smirks down at me, muttering under his voice, "I've missed that."

Effie calls to us again, and he pulls me along. "Come on, let's go before she bursts."

The last three districts blur together. In Districts One and Two I can't even look up from the ground as I say the Capitol's words. All four of their tributes were killed by us. Gale and Thresh killed Clove, who had tried to kill me. I killed Cato, who had killed Ronan. Gale killed Glimmer, who had tried to kill him. I killed Marvel, who killed Rue.

So much death, so much killing. I barely find it in me to smile.

The night before our departure to the Capitol, my stomach is doing odd flip-flops. After we had gotten back on the train from One, Haymitch calls Gale and I into his quarters.

His room is nearly as messy as his house, and I marvel over how one man can create such mess after little more than a week.

Haymitch sighs loudly, pouring himself a glass of liquor before turning to face us. "So you want to tell her or should I have the honors?"

My eyebrows shoot up as I look at Gale, his eyes on the floor and his hands balled in fists. He had been quiet all day, but I had suspected that it was just nerves from being so close to the final test of the trip. It seems I was wrong.

He brings his head up, his grey eyes hard as they meet mine. "We're going to have to get married. This charade- it won't end after the Tour. It won't ever end."

The words are harsh but said without malice, without any emotion at all.

"I know," I tell him, my voice small.

"He didn't figure it out till this morning," Haymitch supplies, taking a long sip out of his glass. "Early as hell too. Next time you have an epiphany, make it wait till sunrise."

That's why he wasn't in bed when I woke up.

"I thought…I thought you already knew." I say to him, feeling obligated to make it clear I was not intending to keep this from him.

"It doesn't matter. I do now. And if we're going to convince Snow that we are- without a doubt- in love we should do it now. Why bother waiting till he forces it?"

"What are you saying?" I ask, not quite comprehending what he's getting at.

"We get engaged. In the Capitol, on live television, during the interview with Casear."

It's not just how anticlimactic his words are, how emotionless and cold his voice is. It's also the look in his eyes, the helpless anger that breaks me like I didn't think he still could.

"Okay," I tell him, because there is nothing else I can say.

He's right, a marriage is inevitable and a proposal is the best course of action. But his anger, his pain at finally understanding what I've known for months- that he will forever be linked to me- is more painful than I dreamed it would be.

I excuse myself, walking down the hall in a daze. It's so nostalgic of how I ran from Gale after the Games that it leaves me gasping for breath.

I hear Haymitch tell Gale to let me be and, though I hear his deep voice say something back, I can't distinguish the words. I'm vaguely certain that I'm glad that I can't anyway.

I go to my room instead of Gale's, preferring to face the nightmares alone than with his beautiful, angry face.

I've never had very strong feelings one way or another about marriage. I wasn't like the Town girls who gushed about their crushes and boyfriends and picked out the cake before he even asked them out. Or like Katniss who insisted it would never happen to her, that she would never let it happen to her. I had always thought that if it happens great, if not, oh well. Life goes on.

But the one thing I hadn't anticipated was being married to someone who didn't love me. Not only doesn't love me, but loves another.

I listen carefully as I hear Gale's door squeak open, and I can make out him calling my name out in surprise at my absence. I bury myself deeper under my covers, and a second later, I hear him knock at my door. "Madge?"

I shut my eyes tighter, holding my blanket up to my nose. "Madge? Are you alright?"

Why doesn't he get it? How can he not understand?

He knocks again, louder this time. "Madge?" Still I don't answer, and, for a moment, I think he may have gotten the hint. But then I hear his voice again, so soft I have to strain to listen. "Madge, please. Just… just tell me you're alright."

There's something about how he says that, how his words are filled with worry that I can't help but answer. I can't help but lie. "Yes. I'm fine."

He doesn't ask to come in, he doesn't wish me goodnight, and the only way I know he's gone is when I hear his door close shut.

I need sleep, I need to be alert and focused tomorrow. But sleep won't come. Instead, I'm bombarded with thoughts.

Will Snow make us have kids? What is my father going to think when he sees us tomorrow? He's already so worried. And Peeta, poor Peeta. I hope he has the sense not to try to comfort Katniss. I don't need his heart to be broken again. What will he think about all this? What will Bristel or Greyson or Jude-

Jude.

The loving, perfect boy who took the shattered pieces of me and glued me back together. He told me to do what I have to, that he'd be there when I got back. But everyone has their limits.

Jude, kind, funny Jude who has done nothing but try to help me. He doesn't deserve this. Hell, none of us do.

By the time my prep team comes barging in, I haven't slept a wink. They give me cream for the bags under my eyes and coffee is placed in my hand even though I don't ask for it. Their constant chatter is so rapid today that I'm positive it's in a different frequency. What sill the parties be like, who will wear what, who will be there with who. It's all very exciting for them.

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

The Capitol is different from the other districts. Instead of a short speech and dinner, there are endless appearances around the city all day. My outfit, while still beautiful, is too gaudy to be my taste, and the sapphire choker around my neck makes it hard for me to breathe.

Gale does not speak to me as we leave the train, nor when we have a moment to ourselves before the interview. We sit awkwardly in the living room of our old quarters in the Training Center. I remember sitting on the floor of this very room, watching our fiery debut as the Boy and Girl on Fire.

The silence becomes too much for me to bear, and I get up and go to my old room, closing the door as the sobs overpower me once more. I put my hand over my mouth, trying to stifle the horrendous sounds, but I'm sure Gale can hear them. He leaves me alone.

Soon it's night, and I'm back on that stage next to Gale laughing along with Caesar's jokes. It's like nothing changed. And, when Caesar asks us about the future, without a pause, Gale is down on one knee, and I brace myself as the lies begin.

"Madge, you are the love of my life. You are my light in a dark cave, and I cannot survive a day without hearing your voice. I know I'm not worthy of you, but I promise you that I will love you for the rest of my life, and there is no one who loves you like I do. Someone who knows you, understands you, who knows what you're thinking without having to say it. I love you, Madge. Will you marry me?"

My smile hurts my face as I try to convey how ecstatic I am. There's a ringing in my ear at the loudness of the crowds screams, and I feel the tears begin to roll silently across my face. I can hear the entire stadium sigh at the sight of my tears of joy. But even though my smile is brighter than it's ever been, I can tell from Gale's eyes that he can see past it. That he knows these are not tears of joy. His eyes darken, his grip on my hand tightening.

You haven't accepted yet you fool. I scold myself.

I open my mouth to accept, but, feeling a sob coming on, and I quickly clap my hand over my mouth. I catch a glimpse of myself on the screen hanging above us. I look elated, besides myself in happiness. I'm a better actress than I thought I was.

I need to respond, I need to say yes, now. But still, I fear if I remove my hand everything will come pouring out of me. So I nod my head as enthusiastically as I can, carefully removing my hand to choke out, "Yes. Yes, of course."

And the crowd is screaming hysterically now, jumping up and down and shaking people next to them.

Gale scoops me up in his arms, kissing me as sweetly and softly as he can manage an apology on his lips. But I don't want his apology, and I kiss him back enthusiastically as I can.

As we come apart, I can't help but look out into the crowd, to see if we've done our job, convinced the Capitol of our love. But as I'm looking at their faces- most crying and yelling our names in joy- confusion washes over me. These people don't look hesitant; they are as gullible as children. They believe in our love as whole heartedly as if it was their own.

Even before the proposal, when Gale and I toured around the city, they flocked to us, screaming at every kiss and sighing at every touch.

They believe. They've believed along. Then why-

Trumpets blare, and I jump out of my skin as President Snow himself walk on stage. My blood cools as he slaps Gale good-naturedly on the back before pulling me into an embrace and placing a puffy lipped kiss to my cheek. I'm certain that it will burn long after this.

My smile is still in place, my mask is still on, but beneath it, I'm whirling. What was all of this for? Everyone I care about was threatened; they're all in danger, and I don't even know from whom!

But the answer is in front of me. Snow. They are in danger from Snow. And so, in my confusion and ignorance and with my mind already spiraling out of control, I find the bravery to just ever so slightly tilt my head to the side.

It's a questioning gesture, one that says Was it enough? Are you happy now? Whatever game you are playing, are we finally done?

And, just as subtly, he shakes his head. No. No, we are not done. We have barely just begun.

He wraps his arm around my shoulder in a half hug, moving us to face the crowd again as he looks out into the sea of his people and grins.

No, we have just begun.

Okay what do you think? Lots of Gadge moments in here and so many feels! As always please REVIEW! Kisses to all from Gale/Madge/Effie/Haymitch/Cinna/Portia!