Welcome to the Final Chapter of Text Me Skullish. Set after LSODM.

Stephanie Skulduggery

Hey what r we doing today?

We're hunting Darquesse as usual.

Oh yh u told me yesterday :D

Today is not a day for smiles, Stephanie.

What? Why?

it has been exactly one year since ghastly and Anton's death and erskine's demotion as my friend.

oh. I forgot it was today. I thought it was next week. I'm very sorry, Skulduggery, I miss them too.

No you don't. You never knew them.

Through Valkyrie's memories I did

Darquesse's memories, there is no Valkyrie anymore

Skulduggery

Yes?

Never mind. Let's go Hunt Darquesse.

China Skulduggery

Skulduggery Pleasant! Where have you been? Only Stephanie came to the sanctuary briefing this morning and I know it's the anniversary of your friends deaths but I would like to have someone I fully trust in the meeting as Stephanie isn't one that one would trust.

Sorry

Skulduggery I expect more than one word. I wouldn't even mind if you replied in the atrocious 'text talk' of this generation as long as you just TALK to me. I don't want us to become distant.

I'll be back at work tomorrow

Not good enough, Detective, there are three hour gaps between I sending my messages and you reluctantly, I gather, replying. where are you? Stephanie has been here all day, prowling through our filing cabinets. I don't know if that is what she is supposed to be doing or not. Anyway, I don't like that someone who tried to murder Valkyrie and succeeded in murdering her cousin is looking at the Sanctuary's personal papers.

She's meant to be doing that

Aren't you supervising her? What happened to the iron fist Skulduggery Pleasant kept over his friends? To make sure they didn't get hurt?

Look what happened to Ghastly and Anton, that didn't work, did it? And Larrikin and Hopeless.

And Valkyrie.

Skulduggery, I wouldn't have thought that you'd turn into an egotistical self-centred mopy bastard who only cares about what he couldn't do, not what he could achieve.

I wasn't egotistical and self-centred before?

I presume so but as you blanked me out for a couple of years I can't remember. It'd be better if you spoke to me so I could judge you again and make sarcastic comments.

She's gone, China.

Who has?

Don't play dumb. Valkyrie. She has gone. And she's not coming back. Darquesse's good mood swings now.

Don't be so incredibly stupid. She is coming back. You know why? Because we have a new 'weapon' against Darquesse. Doctor Nye has been working with souls for a while now. He experiments and he practices. Yesterday, I received a call from Roarhaven Prison. That Nye had made a breakthrough with his work.

What are you trying to say?

At this very moment, Doctor Nye is experimenting on a captured Tanith Low, with Billy-Ray Sanguine in a jail cell under constant supervision. How does it feel that Ghastly's hopes and dreams have finally been accomplished?

They haven't been accomplished until Sanguine is dead and buried and Tanith is married to Ghastly.

We have made Sanguine sign a treaty, he promises that we can murder him if and only if he commits a crime or goes against us. Other than that, he is treated as one of us. He is now a Sanctuary agent, Detective.

That son of a bitch does not deserve that title.

Yet he has got it. We are on low supplies of agents and operatives as the lifespan seems to be getting lower for any Sanctuary worker. Look at all those killed in Davina's blast or in the Siege of Roarhaven.

Skulduggery, I don't want this. I don't want him there. But let him, okay? Let him be part of this.

Skulduggery? Stephanie has told me that you had a rather brash argument with her last night. Are you coming in today?

Stephanie's rather upset. You said hurtful things and its not that I don't dispute them, it's that you need to work together to defeat Darquesse.

Ok

Tanith Skulduggery

I'm here. It's me. Oh my god. Skulduggery. I can't believe this. The last couple of years are a big blank hole in my memory. Guess that's what it was like for Ghastly as a statue. I remember Valkyrie being possessed then oh my god I woke up with Nye hanging over my head. I heard. About Ghastly. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. You knew him longer and better but my heart. Is. Breaking. I can't. Deal with this. It's too hard. I can't do this anymore. I was told about how he. Died. And I.

I'm sorry. Skulduggery. About Ravel and Shudder and. Ghastly. Ghastly.

Ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly.

I guess I'm rambling and repeating myself. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Nye and the nice doctor woman told me that I'm in shock. Shock. Shock. It's like a shock. To my heart I mean. And I can't handle shock. I never was good with bad news. That's when bad news didn't affect me. That much. Now. It. Affects me. Everyone. Everything in my life. Changed. Shock. Shock. Shock. God. God. oh my god. Ghastly.

Valkyrie. Darquesse. I can't believe she didn't. Tell me. More shock. Shock. I heard all the stories. Dead men tales. Legends now. The war. How did I. Do in the war. Apparently I was trying to save. Darquesse. Valkyrie. I don't know. Anything anymore. Shock shock shock. Valkyrie Valkyrie Valkyrie. Darquesse. Three words for three deaths. Shudder Valkyrie ghastly.

Ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly. Oh my god. Ghastly.

Ghastly.

Skulduggery Stephanie

Stephanie please come to my house at 10pm. Me and Tanith shall be there. Waiting for you.

Uh sure? I guess I'll sneak out. Or I'll tell mum that I'm sleeping at Hannah's. Should I come earlier?

No.

just 10pm. Would be perfect.

Thank. You.

Tanith Sanguine

Have you done it yet?

No. Are you sure that she knows, darlin'?

Don't call me darling. And yes she knows. She told someone she knows. Saracen knows she knows.

And if this doesn't work?

then we think of plan B.

Tanith China

China, we have Valkyrie.

Excuse me?

We have her. We got Darquesse and we made her let Valkyrie go.

How?

You don't believe him. Huh. Uh well the reflection Stephanie knew how to let Valkyrie go.

And why didn't Stephanie tell us this before?

we killed her. the reflection. stephanie. skulduggery shot her. twice. in the head.

I guessed, Miss Low. How?

The reflection shot her with the sceptre and it turns out that Darquesse wasn't a descendant. I mean she was because Valkyrie was but she wasn't true. She wasn't Valkyrie. Because she had found her true name, she wasn't Valkyrie anymore. She was a separate entity. you know different personalities and all that.

And then Darquesse faded away. She disappeared like she'd teleported. Then she was back and she collapsed and she had these glowing eyes. then her eyes turned back and Valkyrie was there. Darquesse turned into nothing and Valkyrie emerged from that nothing.

Like a phoenix emerging from the dust of it's former self.

Less poetic. There was a lot of coughing and swearing and hugging and kissing.

Kissing?

Fletcher was there.

Oh. Well. Tell Valkyrie that I love her and that I'll see her tomorrow? I'll come visit.

Valkyrie China

Hi.

Valkyrie! See you've recovered your old phone.

Yep.

So.

You're back?

Yes.

I'm on my way now in a taxi to Haggard. I presume that's where you are?

Yes, Grand Mage.

You heard?

Yep.

I'm entering haggard now.

And you said you'd never make me a house visit when I was ill.

Skulduggery Valkyrie

Wake up you lazy woman, we've got a case to solve.

Jesus Christ Skul I have been Valkyrie again for A WEEK AND ALREADY YOU HAVE PUT US ON A CASE

Uh yeah?

Let's go, you annoying skeleton.

Let's go, you annoying girl.

Mr Pleasant, you're still a cynical man.

Well, Miss Cain, we still do live in cynical times.

I had to include my favourite Valduggery quote in here. Well, thanks for reading and hopefully the last book will turn out something like that.

Farewell, minions. XX