Chapter 3

Three loud knocks on a wooden door filled the hall of the upper level of the tavern. Sira stood at the door that she had just knocked on with her eyes bright and her Death Eater mask in her hands. Her disgust towards herself sat like a rock in her stomach. She still felt angry with the Dark Lord but yet she was grateful for mercy on her. The opposing feelings confused her, making her feel neutral towards him. She pushed away her thought because, right now, all she wanted was Scabior, her fiancé.

It seemed to take forever but the door finally opened. Her eyes gazed at her love fervently as he leaned against the doorway and the look in his eyes made her smile. "'ello, beautiful," he said seductively as his blue-grey eyes studied her. He put his hand in his long hair that was pulled back in a ponytail. He seemed to want to look at her forever. She let out a small giggle as his hand wrapped around her wrist and she stepped into the room. He shut the door behind her with a soft thud and then cupped her face in his hands. He rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs caressingly as she moved into him, her eyes full of desire.

She still couldn't believe how happy he made her, how stable and solid he made her. She felt like her old self when she was with him. "So 'ow was the meeting, lovely?" he asked softly, his voice rich and a little raspy. "I want to know everything that was talked 'bout." Of course he wanted to know; he wanted to be a Death Eater but was never allowed.

So she told him everything that was discussed at the meeting. He listened intently, his eyes full of his curiosity as he held her near. She knew he thirsted for the knowledge of what the Death Eaters were doing just as he longed for power and he desired for her, but his wanting didn't make him an evil man to her. He was actually very understanding, a gentleman. As she finished telling him, he pushed a strand of her shimmering, dark-brown hair out of her face. "That's interesting, beautiful," he whispered as she flashed him a little playful smile. "So, 'ow much are you going to 'ave to do with all of this?" She tilted her head a little.

"Probably quite a bit of it, Scabior," she breathed as her blue eyes glittered in the dim light, "but once the Ministry falls, I'll be free. I won't have to hide anymore, none of the Death Eaters will and, maybe, I can actually move to a place of my own." He shot her a baffled look; it showed more in his eyes than in his face.

"What do you mean?" he questioned quietly. "I thought that you loved living with Cal."

"Yeah, I do," she sighed, "but it's strange now since Lark is there all the time, I just feel so out of place."

"Where will you go then, Sira?" he asked and she shrugged.

"Probably back to my parent's house," she answered flatly. "I have nowhere else to go." An idea glowed in his eyes, growing brighter as she spoke.

"I'll go with you. I'll go wherever you go," he stated proudly. She shook her head at him.

"You don't have to, Scabior," she explained softly as she gazed at him. "Besides, I haven't even been in that house for over a year now. No one's living there so its condition is going to be bad."

"I don't care what the place look like 'cause I'm coming, no matter what." She laughed a little, unable to change his mind and knowing that she never would.

"Okay, let's go soon then," she whispered. "We can get my things from Cal's house later." He smiled at her as he released her from his arms and started to collect his things.

The air was warm even in the coolness of the morning. They had stayed at the tavern the night before for Sira was exhausted after the Death Eater meeting. Scabior seemed eager to leave his tavern room for good and she was glad to have him with her because she didn't know if she would be able to live with the memories that the house caused her to relive. He would make it easier for her. Sira pulled down the hood of her traveling cloak farther over her face as she scanned the surrounding of her front yard. There was nothing but trees, grass, and the house.

The grass of the yard was tall and unkempt, paint chipped off the sides of the house, and a shutter hung limply on its broken hinges. The house was mid-sized and looked as it had been uninhabited for many years. Her eyes gazed at the house sadly. "Scabior," she said softly as she turned to him, "can you put up some protective enchantments?" He nodded and walked a large circle through the grass and the weeds. As she treaded up to the doorstep of her house, she drew her wand from her hip. She didn't know if anyone was in the house and it was better to be safe than sorry.

Her hand found the door knob and she threw the door open. The slam of the door against the wall filled the long-silent house with a sudden sound as her wand aimed straight ahead of her and into the entryway. Ever so slowly, she stepped into the house.

Everything was untouched and exactly the way she left it, all except for the covering of dust that seemed to coat the entire house. "The enchantments are done," Scabior stated proudly as he walked up behind her. He examined the house rapidly. "Nice place," he breathed, trying to hide the sarcasm in his voice but it was still present.

"All it needs is a little care," she laughed as she lowered her wand, "and then it'll be perfect." She headed down the hall and opened a closet up. "Lumos," she stated and her wand lit up the dark, dusty closet. One by one, she pulled out multiple sweeping brooms, feather dusters, and rags. He cocked his head to the side a bit and she threw a feather duster at him. He caught it and let out a low chuckle.

"You think I'm going to clean, don't you?" he asked playfully. She flashed him a sweet smile as she rolled her eyes.

"Now why would we clean when we can use magic?" she asked back as she flicked her wand at the brooms and they sprang to life and started to sweep the floor. "Come on, just help me," she whispered as she moved closer to him.

"Alright, anything for my lovely," he murmured and her smile turned seductive. He turned away from her and went to work as she did the same. When they had finished the entryway, they moved to the dining room, then to the kitchen, and then to the living room. Scabior picked up an old picture in a frame and wiped it off with a rag. The picture was off a little girl that never seemed to suffer once in her life. He gazed at it for a long while and then looked to Sira. "Is this you, beautiful?" he asked as she stopped working and turned to him, her eyes puzzled. He showed her the picture and she gazed into his blue-grey eyes.

"Yes, it's me," she said softly. "Why do you ask?"

"You just look so 'appy and carefree," he sighed as he looked down at the picture again. "It's like I'm looking at a different person."

"I've been through a lot since then," she stated, "because I was six in that picture." She went over to another frame and dusted it off and took it to him. "Here's me at age four with my parents." He studied the picture, the woman in the photo looked almost precisely like Sira.

"Your mother looks exactly like you, beautiful," he uttered as she gazed at the picture. "Do you miss 'em?"

The question seemed to startle her; it caught her off-guard. Her eyes filled with her fear, he had never seen them look so child-like, so innocent. It was like she was supposed to be a different person then who she actually was. "Yeah, I miss them," she panted as she hugged the picture to her chest. "I barely got to know them and then they were gone from my life forever. They loved me so much, Scabior, and they never got to see me go to Hogwarts, they never got to help me on the train for the new school year, and they never got to welcome me back for the summer. They never got to help me choose a career, they never got to guide me through troubled times and they never got to see me grow and learn from my mistakes. They missed so much and they didn't have much time to be my parents and I didn't have much time to be their daughter." She strode away from him silently and placed the frame back its original position. He turned from her and set her picture down as he heard her footsteps leave the room.

As she climbed the staircase to the second floor, her fingers pulled a letter out of her pocket. Her memories weren't consuming her but all she felt was numbness. She needed to be alone. She reached the door to her parents' old bedroom and opened it. When she was little, she came here for comfort and, right now, she needed comforting. The door closed softly behind her as she went over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Dust covered everything in the room, just like the rest of the house. Her eyes gazed down at the old letter as she opened it and read it again for the first time since losing her first love.

Dear Sira,

I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I will always forgive you, no matter what you do, because you do everything with a reason. You never do anything for your own personal gain. You live to please, you live to love. You are with my life, Sira, and it's impossible to be angry with you. You are extraordinary and I hope you feel the same way about me.

Forever yours,
Sirius

P.S. Turn around.

Tears rolled down her face as she thought of him, but mostly of how he wasn't there. She couldn't turn around and see him there standing, smiling at her. He wouldn't be there, he couldn't be there. Whenever she thought about him, she hurt with her guilt. She had hurt him so much and she had caused him so much pain that she would never forgive herself for it. Her body sank down on the bed, curling itself up into fetal position as her thoughts swirled in her head. Slowly, the memories wore her down, causing her eyes lids to grow heavy with her strain.

Grief, along with guilt and disgust, had worn her out, had made her feel so much older than what she actually was. She was only twenty-four and yet she experienced much more than anyone else she knew in the same amount of time. Her experiences had aged her, had changed her. Her blue eyes slowly grew duller as she stared at the wall across from her. She felt completely empty as she drew in a long breath. "Sirius," she sighed as a fresh wave of tears rolled off of her cheeks, "I miss you."

"Sira, are you alright, beautiful?" Scabior asked softly as he entered the room silently. His blue-grey eyes held his concern as he crossed the room to where she lay on the large bed. Her body lay there stiffly, as if she had been in the same position for hours. The sun had set, causing the room to darken.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she whispered as she wiped the tears from her eyes and sat up. He knew she was lying for he had heard her sobs earlier but what had concerned him was what she had said. He sat down on the edge beside her and gazed into her eyes, they were so fearful and unsure. Something had caught his attention, a letter sitting on the small nightstand beside the bed.

"You know you can tell me anything, my lovely," he breathed as she moved into his chest, her body telling her emotions.

"I know I can, Scabior," she exhaled softly, "but I just don't want to, right now." He ran his fingers through her hair as she rubbed her face on his shirt.

"I'll never force you to tell me," he whispered as she pulled back and he caressed her face with his hand. Her eyes seemed to grow more certain as they brightened. "You know that I'd never do something like that." She nodded a little and glanced at his eyes but quickly looked away. He could see her guilt; it was obvious and was causing her to become uncomfortable. He moved in close, waiting for her to be sure of herself as he gazed into her clear, blue eyes. Her mouth met his in a sweet kiss as her emotions that plagued her faded away.

"I know," she stated as she pulled away from her again. "I know you wouldn't." she stood and slowly walked out of the room, still hurting. He hated seeing her like this, in so much pain and so unsure. He had helped her through so much but there was still much that affected her, he never thought that she would be completely happy ever again.

His eyes found that letter again and he reached for it. He read it word for word, taking it all in and a storm of feelings flooded his mind. He thought that he would never be as good as Sirius was to her for it was obvious that she loved Sirius more than she loved him at times, but he wasn't angry with her. Sirius was a better man than what he could ever be. He loved her and he would forgive her for anything. He was there to support her when she fell and she was happy when she was with him. Scabior remembered her memories and he couldn't match Sirius, Sira could never love him as she had Sirius. She deserved better than him.

Sira, he whispered in his mind, I know you need me but you need better, you can do so much better. I know you love me and I know your past still 'urts you, just as my past pains me sometimes, but you need to move on. I'll be okay if you go, I'll be okay if you leave. All I want is for you to be 'appy and to be with a man that deserves someone was wonderful as you. You've made some mistakes but that doesn't change who you are deep within. Sirius saw who you are and so do I. I still love you but I don't want to 'old you back, I don't want it keep you from being 'appy, even if it means that I will suffer. I love you, Sira, and I will always love you.