AUTHOR'S NOTE: Err it's a little crude/explicit language and imagery in this chapter.

Paint Our Love

Chapter Five: I Just Want To

When they arrived at 11 they were both struck dumb- this was a district that had fully, and successfully, run the Peacekeepers out. They were lead to the Unity Building, which the rebellion had commandeered, and as they followed the 11 leader Naisie, Johanna turned to Finnick and said, not at all quietly, "How have these guys not been bombed yet?"

Naisie heard her- clearly Johanna's intention, and spun to face them both, "The Capitol can't afford to be that open yet- if they give us too much attention people will realise this rebellion is real. Besides," she grinned without humour, "We're more underground than they think. This runs deep."

Finnick and Johanna exchanged a look, but said nothing and entered the Justice Building to find a meeting was in place. There was a large screen at the head of the long table in the meeting room- once the dining hall of Peacekeepers- and stretched wide across it was the face of Commander Paylor, from district 8. She was in the middle of a sentence but her speech faltered when she saw Finnick and Johanna.

"Gosh, we're so famous." Finnick drawled in his old Capitol voice, as all heads turned to them. Johanna grinned wickedly- though it looked more like she was baring her teeth- and sat down in the nearest seat. Finnick sat in the spare next to her and grinned wider, "My apologies, don't pause on our account. We're here to help."

A few heads turned back to the screen as Paylor cleared her throat, but many more remained locked on Finnick and Johanna. Johanna glared back at them fiercely and soon most of them had looked away entirely.

"Well I'd like to extend my thanks to you both for the work you have done so far in spreading the word and giving us intel. Haymitch and Boggs kindly donated you here in order to support our counter-attack plans. We are in contact with many others in the other districts, but we do believe some more familiar faces might be persuasive too. We also would like any further information you have on the Capitol's security systems and any news you might hear about the capture of Coin, from 13, following the bombing there." Paylor had a strong, clear voice and something noble in her eyes that Finnick liked- evidently Johanna saw something worthy there too.

"We've got nothing on Coin at the moment but we have left behind most of our contacts- your best bet is going to be anyone you have from costume design, they hear a lot." Johanna's voice was surprisingly, unusually, polite and she was no longer scowling so deeply as everyone stared her way. "And if you want more help on technology and security you're talking to the wrong Victors."

She said nothing more so Paylor patiently asked, "Who?"

Johanna shared a look with Finnick, who kept eye contact with her even as he replied, "Beetee."

It was the same day at lunch that the whipping news reached them and Haymitch had already been in contact to share the district 12 rebellions' fears- the Capitol would be coming for them.

Granter Jobe, Rue's father, had been sat with Finnick and Johanna at the time and had clutched his food tray so hard it shook and the gravy from his lunch dripped onto his shoe. He barely noticed as he watched the footage and Finnick could sense the man's concern as he saw no sign of his tiny girl in the mad crowd. "She'll be ok," Finnick said softly, his voice low as he took the man's tray and placed it down on the table for him, "Haymitch has said she's safe and they're getting ready to evacuate to here now."

Granter turned dark eyes to him, "She's coming home?"

Finnick felt Johanna stiffen next to him, they weren't supposed to be sharing that information, but she elbowed him subtly to continue nonetheless and Finnick replied, "Yes. Keep it quiet. They don't want everyone to know Katniss is coming here yet."

Granter nodded- he had no spare concern for Katniss Everdeen right now, "My girl." His voice trembled and one round tear slid down his face. "I'll see her again."

Finnick said nothing and glanced sideways towards Johanna, who had her olive stare fixed firmly ahead. He knew she was thinking of her own family- of all of them that she had lost- and he moved his hand under the table to take hers; but both her hands were clenched into fists on her thighs. He moved his fingers over her fist carefully, still studying her face and noticing no difference, so he begun to withdraw, but her left hand suddenly opened and latched onto his fiercely. He looked down at it and back up and her eyes- dark, olive and intense- were on his. He wanted to smile but his mouth would not move at all; there was something different in her gaze; something he wasn't sure he had seen before. He was just managing to open his mouth to ask, or perhaps to lean forward and kiss her, when Naisie clapped him on the back suddenly from behind and said, "You guys are needed in control."

Within seconds Johanna's hand had slipped from his and she was up on her feet striding after Naisie. Finnick turned to Granter briefly and said only, "Soon." before following the others out.

"What the fuck do you think?" Johanna's question was blunt, her voice hard, as they exited the dining hall/meeting room and made their way back through the courtyard to their assigned house.

Finnick couldn't contain a grin at her obvious displeasure, "I think it's good to be useful. We can either go back as spies- which we both know is suicide-"

"Or we can train these farmers and go to war, which we both know is suicide." Johanna interrupted, her eyes flashing angrily as she practically stomped down the courtyard steps.

"They've fought here enough Johanna, they're not just farmers anymore." Finnick said measuredly. He was actually impressed with the plan- they, her and Johanna, were to be trainers. They knew Capitol weapons better than most, they were stronger and far more skilled than any rebellion army general, and it stopped them from having to return to the Capitol to whore themselves out for secrets; which frightened Finnick. He thought back to Seneca Crane's desperate interest in Johanna and knew, logically, that it made sense to manipulate that. Crane was one of Snow's top secret keepers. But the thought of Johanna having to… of him touching her… Finnick scowled. He wouldn't accept that.

"They're not soldiers either." Johanna shot back eventually, turning as she walked to face him. "We can't train them for war in only a few weeks."

"Why not?" Finnick asked, his mind's torturous images of Johanna and Crane angering him, "We trained ourselves for it in less."

"This isn't the Games Finnick. For fucks sake," she scowled at him and turned back away to walk ahead, "we should go back and get some useful information. I could-"

"No." The firmness, the anger in his voice, stopped her in her tracks. She turned back to him again, her face cool but her eyes burning.

"No." he said it again, not backing down, his emerald eyes bright on her. "Don't do that to yourself Johanna. Not now."

She glared back, "I want Snow dead. I want them all to suffer. I want it done quicker than this."

Finnick moved forward to grab her arms but she stepped out of his reach, "It's not your fault." He reached for her again but this time she shoved him away hard.

"It IS my fault! Don't you fucking get it? I might as well have slaughtered them myself! I need Snow dead. This rebellion isn't going to get fucking anywhere unless he is dead. I want to sink my axe into his skull and watch him die Finnick." Her voice was a volcano- it burst out of her fiery and burning and then cooled dangerously as her eyes filled with tears. She would do it, he knew, if she got the chance. But he knew what she'd have to do to get that chance.

"You can't. Not yet. Not through him." He could hear his voice pleading her, his eyes too wide on her. He was giving himself away here, giving away his feelings.

"Him? Crane?" she had lost her fury in her confusion. "He's been begging for me for months now Finnick, he'd tell me anything the minute I…"

"Don't! Don't Johanna." He couldn't bear it- to hear the end of that sentence, to have to visualise her wrapping her mouth around Crane's cock, or see her splayed out for him. He shuddered and she scowled at him.

"What the fuck? Why not?! You used to do it all the time!" she jabbed at him hard with a pointed finger.

He tried to grab the hand but she pulled it back and started to stride away even as he spoke, "Not like this! Not now. I didn't, before, I…"

"Before what Finnick? Everyone I love is dead now! I should have done it and I didn't, but now's too late? Now- now I could do something fucking useful after sucking his cock, now you're telling me to stay here and teach teenage farmers to die quickly?!" she was yelling now, still stalking away, but he had caught her up and flinched at her words. She went to push him back but he grabbed her arms and pulled her forcibly to him. He knew she could probably out-wrestle him, her hand-to-hand combat was incredible- but he held her tight and let her struggle against him again. "Please Johanna."

She sagged then, quite suddenly, and lifted her head to his, millimetres away. Her eyes, dark now, met his. She was uncertain and angry and…

"Please." He whispered this time, loosening his grip on his arms and holding her softly, like he had for the 3 days where her heart broke.

She stared up at him silently, her brow furrowed, her mouth parted slightly and she leaned into him a little, her breath ghosting his face and he felt like she could see in his mind his abject fear of that scene with Crane, of that scene of her and any other man, of losing her and of wanting her so badly for himself…

And with a suddenness Finnick could barely process she was out of his arms and stalking silently away.

He didn't shout after her and he didn't chase her this time. He just watched.