He watched Ludwig hug his brother before his red eyes flicked up to him. They didn't linger, however, and then he turned sharply and walked out the door without saying anything more. He seemed to leave with the same intensity that he had arrived with, and the room suddenly felt as though it had lost several people instead of just one.
"Well, shit." Mathias summed up for everyone.
Berwald rubbed his face. "Need to pack,"
"Emil said we didn't have to—" Tino began but when he looked at him, he silenced.
"We should get started as soon as we can," Mathias supported him.
Lukas still stood in the entrance to the kitchen, his arms folded loosely across his lower chest. He didn't speak, so it was safe to assume he agreed. Ludwig's out-of-place expression of being lost was beginning to fade, and he nodded determinedly to Berwald when he looked at him. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped his chest. He didn't like change, and he had lived in his home for a long time.
"We'll go back and pack up, then." Mathias spoke again, looking slightly smaller.
Situations like this brought out strange things in people.
Berwald nodded while Lukas moved to the door. He looked shameful. He knew he blamed himself, even though he also knew that Lukas always did his best when preparing any dealings or meetings. That's why it was his job, after all. But, he supposed that's what they got for playing with fire. They all knew the risks, though.
"Be careful," he called to them as they filed out the door.
Lukas met his eyes, but looked away while he nodded and Mathias just sort of shrugged in acknowledgement, but then Tino met his eyes full on. He trembled a bit, but then offered a timid smile. It hurt to look at, but he nodded at him. Then, Ludwig shifted next to him, and must have sent a rather intense stare, because Tino's eyes moved to him, and he squeaked before quickly following after the others out the door.
He looked down at Ludwig, but he was already on his way to shut the door. When he turned and looked at him, he only shrugged a little, and then Berwald rubbed his face again.
"Should we begin packing?" Ludwig asked.
He shook his head and went into the kitchen. "Breakfast first."
Breakfast was quite, but his thoughts were loud enough to drown out anything they would have said to each other anyway. He had tried to get out of this, but even back then, he knew he would never really get away. He had always known, he had just allowed himself to hope.
Shaking those thoughts off, he ran through several lists of what needed to be packed and prepared. It would be a lot since there was always a chance of never coming back. He just really liked this house. Either way, he figured that he could have them packed and ready to go by noon, and the house set to be left before nightfall. They would move in the dark to Gothenburg, and by the time the sun rose, they could get to the boat. From there, they would go to fucking Iceland. Again. He hated Iceland.
They cleaned up from breakfast and then Berwald led the way down the hall. As they passed the bedroom he saw that the blankets on the bed were still in a jumbled mess, and blushed. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of blood rushing passed his ears while he felt a strange mix of extreme happiness and excitement flood his stomach, but then he took a deep breath to calm himself and cleared his throat. That did lead him on to realize that it would probably be a while before he would be able to touch Ludwig again the way he had the night before. And in the shower.
He cursed under his breath and Ludwig looked up at him immediately.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
They reached the end of the hall and he opened the door before he spoke, thinking it out first. Or trying to.
"Won't be able to touch much," he grumbled, still blushing as he went and opened the curtains to let more light into the unused room.
He looked confused for a moment, but then his eyes opened in understanding before he began trying to hide a look of disappointment.
"We'll find time," he said, sounding surprisingly determined.
Berwald felt himself wanting to smile, but he blushed harder instead, so he coughed into his hand and looked away. "Should start packin',"
He could feel Ludwig smiling at him as he turned away, and then tried to take deep breaths until the blush faded. He felt strangely light. Maybe there was too much blood in his brain. Or not enough. Either way.
Shaking his head a bit to ground himself, he looked around the simple room before going to work gathering all of the items he had hidden there. Admittedly, they were mostly weapons, and there was a lot. Even by his standards. He watched Ludwig's eyes get wider and wider until he was just sitting in shock as Berwald pulled guns from under the floorboards, within the walls, the closets, and even from the ceiling above them. His favorite was his Karabiner 98k. Ironically enough, it was German made. The bolt-action rifle that had been obtained after one of his first mission with Lukas and Mathias.
Since then, he had taken the utmost care of it, and cleaned it more often than any of the others. If he could, he would die with that gun. It was one of the few he actually considered to be his. The rest were simply obtained to be sold and traded. That was what they did; he only kept this particular stock as a sort of backup in case they ever needed more. Mathias and Lukas kept their stock at their house, as Berwald had helped build places for them to be stored.
Aside from the Karabiner, he also had a Lahti L-35, which was a small, semi-automatic pistol of Finish make. He might die with his rifle in his arms, but this gun was glued to his hip whenever he went out. Mathias had laughed the first time he saw him clasping the small gun in his large hand, but when he had shattered his target from a distance far enough to have been a hard shot for a rifle, he stopped laughing. He liked that pistol.
Then, he found the German Luger P08 he had taken from Ludwig when he had first found him.
"Suppose yer gonna want this back," he said softly as he turned, offering his pistol back.
He grasped the gun tightly. "I…I thought I had lost it when I jumped off the train,"
Berwald grunted, but couldn't bring himself to say anything, still able to clearly see him lying in the snow, bleeding.
"Thank you." he muttered quietly before he suddenly leaned over and pressed a kiss against his cheek.
He must have looked as surprised as he felt because Ludwig laughed when he looked at him, and gave him a second kiss on his other cheek. Berwald finally returned the cheek kiss, and then blushed and mumbled at Ludwig's smug look. Then, he realized that if he got everything packed and set before Lukas, Mathias, and Tino did, he and Ludwig would have time to just be together before they had to go. He didn't explain why he was suddenly moving twice as fast, and left Ludwig looking confused.
Packing up the guns first, he separated them into what was to be sold and what was to be kept. Most of them were going, but a few were to be kept. For safety. Next, he dealt with the other weapons, such as the knives, the two machetes he had, and the three hatchets. He figured to sell these, too. Then he left the room and gathered up all the tools he had that were mostly spread around the house from Mathias and Lukas borrowing them and not putting them back where they belonged. He had things ranging from lock-picks to code keys to equipment used for making grenades and sticks of dynamite. All of that was probably coming along. It was illegal to have most of it, but, he figured they were illegal just being themselves at this point.
After that came the less interesting items. He packed his clothes, a sewing kit so he could hem them for Ludwig if he needed to, a few blankets, soap, toothbrushes, and towels. He always remembered towels. He also packed a few things of canned food, just in case. Lastly, he took a small, locked box. Only Lukas knew what was inside, and he didn't like to talk about it nor open it, but, it was important to him. He hid it between the folds of one of the blankets.
When he had finished, he checked the time and grunted. He still had more to do, but, it was getting done fast. He then began to do things for his small house such as seal up the fireplace and block the windows. There was no telling how long they would be away; it could be a few months or years. He just hoped he would have something to come back to. Building this place had been hard, even with Lukas' help. As he worked, Ludwig tried to help as much as he could, but Berwald just wanted him to rest. Traveling was always harder on injured people and he wanted him prepared in case anything went wrong.
After he had finally finished, he began systematically locking all of the doors until everything was ready, and the cold house began to feel abandoned already. Now, his heart felt heavy. He sat on the couch with Ludwig, but they didn't speak or touch. Instead, he sat forward and set his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands out in front of him and stared at them hard.
They waited like that for a bit before Ludwig broke the silence.
"Ber?"
"Hm?" he asked, without looking away, still wrestling with the feeling of change that was devouring his sense of comfort.
Ludwig made a few noises like he was trying to speak, but just as Berwald went to look at him, he felt warm lips press a kiss to his temple.
"I love you."
He sat back at that, turning and putting his hand on the side of Ludwig's face as they held eye-contact.
"Love ya too," he muttered. "Always."
Ludwig reached up and put his hand on the back of his neck, pulling them closer and bowing his head slightly so their foreheads were pressed together. He closed his eyes and they stayed like that for a while, just breathing and feeling each other's presence. Their other hands that were resting on the couch slowly found their way to each other and they laced fingers gently. He considered it a perfect moment.
Slowly, the desire to touch and kiss Ludwig's beautiful body and lips returned to him, and he began to pull away. The fingers around the back of his neck began to loosen, but instead of pulling away fully he leaned back only a little and then tilted the German's chin up by cupping his thumb under his sharp jaw. Then, he kissed him.
The kiss was soft, and even when it deepened it remained an utterly tender touch. His lips were elegant and statuesque, fitting to his in a way that made him feel completely humbled by their perfection. Perhaps everything about Ludwig wasn't perfect, but because of the love that was swelling in his chest, everything about the German was perfect to him.
They didn't part, not even to move closer. Berwald simply wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him so their legs touched and their chests brushed together. Still, the kiss didn't become heated, it simply remained warm. That didn't make it any less, though. Slowly, their hands parted, but it was only to wind around the other's body. They held each other as though they could have stayed like that for the rest of time.
In all honesty, Berwald had trouble reminding himself why they couldn't.