Chapter 18

"Sira," Fenrir said in a low growl, "may I have a word with you?" She nodded as she stood from her chair as Scabior gave her a concerned look, fearing what would happen if she was alone with the werewolf. It had been a few weeks since her first Snatch and she'd become fairly familiar with the process and she had also formed a few alliances with the other Snatchers in their gang. Every day over that period of time had been normal; the only thing she did was Snatch and hang out with the Snatchers. She hadn't heard anything from the Death Eaters, or from the Malfoy's, or from Cal. She did wonder when she would finally hear from them.

All the Snatchers watched her as she walked over to Fenrir, her eyes never left him though. Once she was close, he turned so she was at his side. They started to make their way away from the camp, away from the others. Her eyes searched her surroundings as they walked in silence. The day was cold and everything was still, nothing moved. It seemed like winter was coming early.

"How are you liking being a Snatcher, Sira?" he asked when he felt that they were finally far enough away not to be overheard.

"It's different from being a Death Eater, that's for sure," she replied with a tiny smile and an unintended playfulness in her tone. "I thought this would be easy and it's not, but at least, it is becoming easier. It doesn't give me as much emotional strain as it once did." A sigh escaped her chest as she shook her head. "It's so much different than being a Death Eater."

"Speaking of Death Eaters," he said quickly, "did you know that there's supposed to be a meeting tonight?"

"No, I didn't know that," she breathed as she looked down at her feet, her eyes becoming dull. "I'm not told anything anymore when it concerns the Death Eaters." His gaze fixed on her, questioning, overpowering, and yet gentle. It confused her; it was like he was toying with her to get her into a false sense of security just before he made his attack.

"What did you do, girly, to get yourself so low in the Dark Lord's favor?" he questioned, his words in a low growl.

"I wanted out, I wanted to leave," she sighed as she rubbed her face with her hands, "and I was tortured for my desire and stripped of my rank to set an example for all the others, an example of what would happen if they did what I did." He moved behind her as she stopped, causing her skin to rise with goose bumps. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck. It was so warm but it chilled her. "I was betrayed, he shouldn't have ever known what I longed for but I don't regret the betrayal. It actually helped me get what I wanted."

"You wanted this?" he asked directly into her ear, barely whispering the words, as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her into him.

"At the time, I didn't know that I wanted this," her voice was soft but serious. "I didn't think I wanted this." His hands glided down her sides, his touch foreign to her. It sent shivers down her spine as her heart pounded hard in her chest. She feared him, he was powerful, but she knew he wouldn't harm her. He longed for her too much to hurt her.

"What did you think was going to happen if you received what you desired?" he questioned, his lips brushing against the side of her neck.

"I don't know," she admitted as longing flickered in the depths of her heart. He made her skin crawl, he made her afraid, but something within her wanted her to fear him. His touch prickled the skin under her clothes. He let out a sound as his mouth continued to kiss her neck. It was a laugh, but it was also a growl, dangerous and voracious. It made her heart flutter with excitement and terror.

Suddenly, she came to her senses, causing her to snarl. She slapped his hands off her, breaking away from him. "Fenrir, no," she stated strongly as she turned to look at him. "Never." Disgust covered his face, twisting it as he gazed at her viciously. She knew she shouldn't have done that, she should have just let him continue, but she knew better than that.

"How dare you, girl," he growled as he approached her, his whole body livid with his fury. "How dare you disobey me?" She backed away from him, her eyes locked on his.

"I didn't do anything," she breathed quickly. "You didn't tell me to do anything." He never slowed his approach on her, not even when she backed into a tree. Anger drove him to her, he wanted her to suffer.

"That's what you think," he barked as his hands forced her shoulders back against the tree, "the orders were there, and you didn't obey." Her heart hammered with her terror as his face came just a few inches away from hers. She was trapped with no escape. "You're going to pay for that." Her whole body stiffened under his tight grip as her eyes widened and she let out a strangled yelp.

"Please," she exhaled as her face filled with her plea, "please don't." A snarl warped his face, sending a chill through her.

"I order you to go to the Death Eater meeting," he said in a hiss, "to be mocked and ridiculed." The color drained from her face. She wished he would just try to rip her apart instead of that. She would gladly take anything other than that. He moved away from her, walking back towards the camp as her body slid down the tree. She would have to face Voldemort again, face all of them, and face their cruel jokes about her. If he hadn't broken her enough already, he was surely going to shatter her even more.

She let herself into the Malfoy Manor, trying to be as quiet as possible but the clunkiness of her black combat boots made that next to impossible. She almost wished she hadn't worn them but they had become a standard for her. They had excellent traction and were easy to run in, perfect for a Snatcher. When she reached the drawing room, she pushed the door open and all eyes were on her instantly. The gazes held surprise, shock, and three held concern, telling her she shouldn't have come. "Ah, Volkov," Voldemort said, an air of eagerness in his cold voice, "I did not believe you were joining us tonight. What a treat." His red eyes stared into her blue ones, causing her to shiver a little. An evil smile formed on his face as his hand waved her to a chair next to Lucius. She took it quickly but Lucius couldn't stop looking at her, she didn't know why he couldn't.

"I planned for this to be a short meeting and to only go over the essentials but," he hissed as his eyes fixed on her, holding no mercy, "I have a better idea." Her eyes locked with his again, she knew what he was going to do next. "I see you have let yourself go, Volkov, now that you are a Snatcher." Most started to murmur with laughter, Bellatrix laughing the loudest of all of them, Sira glared at her.

"What is that supposed to mean, my Lord?" she asked slowly as her attention returned to him. The cruel smile grew wider.

"Your attire," he stated and she looked down at herself. She didn't see what was wrong with her clothes; she just looked like a Snatcher with her boots, her tight-fitting jeans, her long-sleeve shirt, and her black jacket. Also, her hair was tied back in a messy bun, but nothing was wrong with that. "You look like your fiancé." She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as some laughed louder. Lucius was no longer looking at her.

"Speaking of your fiancé," Voldemort hissed slowly as everyone fell silent, "do you still love him or are you in love with a half breed?" Her eyes filled with confusion as she glared at him, everyone's eyes focused on her again, totally baffled. "You know who I am speaking of, wolf, Fenrir Greyback." All watched her, astonished and perplexed. She tightened her jaw, willing herself not to speak, but she desperately wanted to. She felt Lucius' gaze on her the strongest.

"I hear he desires for you," he said slowly and a few people covered their mouths to hide the laughter that covered their faces. "I think you should consider marrying him, a half breed and a halfblood together seems perfect."

"That's what you think," she spat cruelly. Her words caused him to let out a chilling laugh.

"Wolf has some bark to match her bite," he said as he continued to laugh at her. "I am certain Greyback would enjoy that." Only Cal, Lucius, and Narcissa were able to contain themselves, the laughter filled Sira, and caused her to become even more agitated. "Are you going to mother some pups too?" She let out a snarl of disgust as a victorious gleam entered Voldemort's eyes, he lived on her anger.

"I'd rather have his pups than take orders from you," she barked murderously as her whole body stiffened and everyone fell suddenly silent, looking at her with horror.

"Will I ever win with you, little wolf?" he asked, not noticing anyone else in the room. "At first, I would correct you when you made a mistake and you would stay where I asked you to be. But soon, you started to test your boundaries, you started to test me. We started a war between us. I would allow you an inch and you would take a mile, I would hold you back and then you would fight my grip. Will you ever know your place?"

"Never," she growled as the smile wiped off of his face for just a second, but it soon reformed.

"So you will never know your place, just like you will never keep your promises not to drink." He tilted his head a little to the side.

"What?" she asked, yelling the word. "Those two things aren't related!"

"I am calling you an alcoholic, along with someone who breaks their promises, and someone who refuses to listen to orders," he stated and she slammed her hands down on the table, standing as she did so. She couldn't take any more of it. She turned away and stormed out of the room, leaving the people in the room behind with shocked looks on their faces. She threw the door closed behind her and stood in the hall, waiting for the meeting to be over so she could speak to Cal, Lucius, or Narcissa.

She sat on the floor across from the door to the drawing room, her knees drawn up to her chest and her chin resting on them. Her blue eyes started blankly at the door, still irritated with what had happened. She just wanted to rip out someone's throat for it.

Soon, the door opened and the Death Eaters filed out, all of them pretending not to notice her, as if she wasn't even there. She didn't bother to attract their attention anyways. They all seemed stressed, overwhelmed with their burdens, she wondered why they didn't just snap under all of the pressure. She sure as well did, so why haven't they?

Then, someone caught her attention, causing her eyes to come into focus. "Cal," Sira breathed as she scrambled to her feet, her friend smiled at her. As she went to her, she threw her arms around her, completely happy to finally see someone who actually cared about her. She pulled away from her friend, gazing at her kindly. "How are you doing?"

"Good," she stated with a warm glint in her eyes, "but how are you? Lark told me that he saw you at the tavern and told me everything you said. I couldn't believe it, it was just too bizarre. You know, Fenrir wanting you." A shudder trembled her body as she closed her eyes for a moment. "That's just repulsive."

"I know it is, Cal," Sira exhaled as she dropped her eyes from her friends, "but there's nothing I can do."

"I guess you're right. How's Scabior?" Confusion flickered in Sira's eyes just for a brief moment. She cared about him?

"He's fine." She looked at Cal's belly, finally noticing it was a bit larder, not much, but just a little. She was showing. "He's just his normal self." Cal nodded slowly.

"That's good," she whispered and then her eyes flashed with sudden remembrance. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll see you again soon." With that, she left her alone in the hallway, her footsteps heavier than they were before. A sigh broke from her chest, was there anyone who didn't act strange around her anymore? It seemed like everybody did.

"I need to speak with you, Sira," Lucius drawled as he exited the drawing room, "now." She turned to face him, his hand catching hers and pulling her down further into the hall. His touch held his urgency, his disbelief, and his concern. Once he reached a point he thought no one would hear them, he stopped and pushes her against the wall.

"What were you thinking coming here?" he asked in a hiss as his eyes filled with worry, but also coldness. "You could've gotten yourself killed, and your behavior didn't help the situation at all. What you did tonight was just plain idiotic. It's like you were asking him to make you suffer."

"Lucius, I didn't want to come tonight," she stated, defending herself as his hands tightened on her shoulders. "I didn't even know that there was a meeting until Fenrir told me. And Fenrir ordered me to come here." He scoffed as he rolled his eyes.

"What? Was it a punishment?" he asked in a growl as fury sparkled in his eyes.

"Yes it was," she snapped, agitation covering her face, "and I can take care of this myself. Thank you very much." He fought the urge to snarl at her as his mind raced back to something the Dark Lord said, something about her and Fenrir that concerned him very much.

"Are you courting Fenrir?" he asked and shock covered her face. She couldn't believe he asked that.

"No!" she barked as she leaned into his grip. "Why would I do that?!" She longed to slap him. It was not his business and yet he felt like it was. "I don't love him!"

"Then what was the Dark Lord referring to when he asked if you were going to mother pups?"

"Lucius! He was referring to Fenrir's desire for me! Nothing else!" she snarled rapidly as some of the worry left his eyes.

"So you're not-?"

"No!" he backed away from her, removing his hands from her shoulders, looking relieved. All anger and irritation left his face as he turned away from her. She could tell that he was struggling. He stayed silent for the longest time, not making a sound.

"I apologize for accusing you of loving him, Sira," he whispered, still not looking at her. "It's just that so much has changed, so many ties have been broken, and my family can't afford to lose another one, the one that is the most important one to us." Slowly, he shook his head and his grey eyes found her face. They were broken, empty. "You're the only person that trusts us and we can't lose you. We can never lose you." Hope flickered briefly in his eyes, just to be doused by the pain. "I never meant to be angry with you; your friendship means too much to me to cast it aside like it's nothing. I just don't want the distance that has been forced between us to ruin us. You mean so much to me; you mean so much to my family."

His hands wrapped around hers as his eyes fixed on her blue ones, filling with fear. "I've made so many mistakes with you, I've caused you so many troubles, I've done so much harm to you, and all I wish is to correct them, to remove the scars I've made from you. I want to change, I'm trying to change, and yet I still make mistakes. Can you forgive me, Sira, for everything I've ever done to you? Even though I'm a man and I make mistakes that cause the ones around me harm?" His touch held the same seriousness that shone in his eyes, causing all emotion to drain from her.

Her mind raced back through everything he had done, starting from the very beginning. The look he gave her in the clearing after she was promised her Mark, the hunger in his eyes as they were in the Malfoy Manor's entryway as he pushed her up against the wall, saying how beautiful she was just before he tried to kiss her. Her guilt right after, that sleepless night, his agitation the next morning all lead up to him trying to bestow a kiss on her again in the Ministry of Magic, and he walked away successful, just to be later slapped in the face by her. Then, the stress that came after flashed in her mind, the stress that she gave to Sirius when she told him what happened. Her guilt as she agreed to his proposition and took him to her house, her satisfaction then disgust afterward hammered in her heart. Her rage towards him and her saying that she loved him brought back the pain of her and Sirius' separating to sort out their feelings. When he promised to protect her before that night in the Department of Mysteries, he sealed it with a kiss and stayed true to his word, holding her back when she so desperately wanted to run after Sirius into that veil. Then his disbelief in her afterwards, his distrust, caused her to be punished by the Dark Lord, for he found out what side she was truly on, and who she really loved.

This was only the first few months of them knowing each other though and yet so much had happened in the time. The next time she saw him, his eyes were filled with a dull hope as he watched her be drug into her cell in Azkaban and she fought to break away from the guards. Then his anger towards her, his hate as he accused her of being a traitor filled her mind, followed by the remembrance of what changed between them when they stopped fighting and had to be forced away from each other caused her to remember the next time, the time where he called her crazy, never to see her again until they were both free.

All of this led up to what had happened between them in the last few months, him and her being forced together through a lack of trust. He had affected her so much; she wondered how she was able to go through all of it. "Sira," he exhaled as her attention returned to him, finally realizing that she had been silent for an awfully long time, "do you forgive me?"

"Lucius," she breathed, "we've both made plenty of mistakes in our lives and all we can do now is forgive each other, so yes, I forgive you. All I ask is you to forgive me as well."

"Thank you," he said rapidly. "I greatly appreciate it, but may I ask you to do something?"

"Sure," she stated as a little smile flashed on his lips for just a moment.

"Could you come over and visit every couple of weeks? Just so we stay in contact?"

"That sounds nice," she said as a tiny smile brightened her face. "It'd be good for me to have some idea of what is going on within the Death Eaters." She felt relieved, that he actually cared about her and wanted her to stay in touch. "Well, I'll see you, Lucius. I need to be getting back." She started to walk down the hall, just to hear him following her.

"Wait, Sira," he said as he caught up to her, "could I escort you back to the Snatchers?" She nodded and he walked beside her. She didn't need him to come along, but she didn't mind if he did. Anyway, they were just friends, no more, no less.