Kazuma's POV:-
I turned and sat on my bed . There was no reason that I shouldn't be comfortable , right . Ayano simply stood there as if waiting for me to speak .
"Well... What do wanna chat about , princess?"
She seemed surprised , then annoyed , then angry and finally finished with releasing a huge sigh and rubbing her temples . Then she let out looked up with an expression clearly saying 'let's just get this over with'.
"So...you don't have anything to ask me?..."
She asked , undoubtedly choosing her words carefully , though for what purpose , I still didn't know.
"Well, I am curious about some things , but nothing specific so..."
It was a split second change . The second I said that her face went from annoyance and worry to purely uncaring , as if I had just blown my one chance to explain myself. She reminded me of the time we fought against Misao . When I said that I still wanted her alive , she turned off all her emotions and began to relentlessly attack the dragon-like creature . Only this time , I was the enemy. I admit , that stung a bit. She spoke , but her voice was hollow .
"*heh* so you don't have anything to ask ?..."
My eyes narrowed but I stuck through with my poker-face.
"Nope ..."
Normally , I would have stopped with that . I would have listened to my head and pushed her away , just like I always had . But...now that she was pushing me away , my heart , which had grown desperate after four years , managed to force the words out of my mouth when I saw the flash of hidden pain pass through her seemingly dead eyes.
"...after all , I don't want you to tell me anything you don't want to."
I watched her as her face turned from neutral to shocked , a faint blush forming on her cheek . But I almost lost it when I saw her next reaction . She smiled... Not in the 'I'm happy ' way but in the ' this is enough for me' way. It was almost as if she was saying ' you don't want to know , good. Then I don't have to tell you '. She turned and headed to the door . My entire body wanted to launch forward and grab her . I felt like letting her go now meant loosing her . But... I stayed put as she reached the door and just before she left , she said .
"You know , next time you help lead me to someone who wants to fight me , try to find someone stronger "
I don't know what happened . One second I was on the bed and the next , I had reached Ayano and turning her to face me , I closed the door behind her and pinned her hands against it . Her face showed a bright red blush and she froze . No struggle , no threats , no fire , just...froze almost as if ...from ..fear...
"I only helped him because I wanted to be there if things got messy."
Clear-cut but at the same time...unnecessary . 4 years ago , if something like this were to occur , I would deny any possible reasoning that indicates that she was important to me . I would do my best to push her away but now it's like I'm scared to loose her..., ironic , isn't it? . But at that moment ,I didn't care if I seemed nice or out-of-character . I spend the last 2 years wondering how I would face her and I came to a decision .Whether I get hurt or not didn't matter , I wasn't going to let the past keep hold me down anymore . Ayano was in shock , that much was evident on her face , her lips parted and her eyes widened. She stared at me for a while . Her gaze never leaving mine , then a strange reaction occurred ,her expression softened for two seconds before her head shot up in fear and a gasp left her lips . It was a split-second thing , but I saw it . Something flashed across her eyes , something that kept her from giving in to me . A memory , an idea , an assumption , I didn't have any idea what , something was holding her back .She began to struggle but I held my grip firmly .
"...Let...let me go."
She said in a shaky voice , no longer filled with confidence, just desperation . I almost complied.
"Why?"
It may have been arrogant or even hypocritical to ask that but we both knew that it was a valid question ,...( why can't you accept this? What's holding you back? What's happened ? ...these were just a few variants )...at least it was to me . She seemed to consider her words , something not normally done by her . She clenched her teeth and I immediately knew that anything she would say would be nothing but a lie . She looked me straight in the eye , her eyes held pure determination ,as if this was a life or death matter, and ...anger.
"You think you can just waltz back here and expect me to pretend that you didn't ditch me ..."
My resolve was weakening . You can't demand answers you don't deserve to know...and she knew that.
"...you know that I would have Never asked You for help unless it was something big but you were too busy with a Slut to Even Say Goodbye. WHY THE HECK DO I HAVE TO EVEN ANSWER THAT QUESTION ?..."
It was simple . I had betrayed her trust and she was hurt and angry . It was simple and it was true but...it was not the reason. ...there...was something else.
I released her hands but I kept my eyes on hers , the person who looked away was Ayano as she walked towards the door but just as she reached it , she said.
"I've changed , Kazuma . I'm no longer the innocent , little , hot-headed...prin...cess anymore . It's ...it's best if...you...stay away from me "
I noticed her hesitation at 'princess' . At that moment , I could never have imagined the real reason behind it.
"That girl you saw me with was a contact and I was only getting information from her ..."
Ayano didn't move , she didn't even turn to face me . She just stood there.
"...you don't have to..."
She began
"I want to..."
And she was silent again
"...She sent me a photo of lapis standing near the remnants of the place where Tsu-ling and I lived ..."
She flinched but didn't make a move .
"...the last train to the place was to depart that night , so I had to leave immediately ...and Ayano , it's true that I wrote some stupid letters for you and Ren but I was still going to say goodbye ..."
Her head snapped up , but she still didn't turn . I heard her inhale sharply.
"...I wanted to , but ...you had seen me with my contact and was probably not in the best condition to hear that I was leaving ..."
I walked closer to her till I was right behind her .
"...heck, you even started talking trash about I was sick of having you as my partner...though that's still not any excuse..."
I wrapped my arm over her eyes . I could feel her tears through the fabric . I knew that she didn't want me to see her right then. I lowered my lips to her ear and said two words that I have Never ever spoken with seriousness before.
"...all I can say is ' I'm sorry.'"
Her hands grabbed my arm and she turned to face me tears ...evaporated from her face , but all I could focus on was the immense confusion and worry in her eyes .
"Why?..."
She asked as if she just couldn't believe something so horrible could happen ...well , that was a bit insulting.
"...WHY NOW?..."
My eyes widened . Why now? Why not before? Why not when I didn't have to push you away? Her words seemed to form the same question I had asked so many times before , but the answers just wouldn't come to my mind. Why ...not?.
".. STAY...STAY...PLEASE ..."
It was almost as if she was begging me . I just wanted to hold her , but I knew that wouldn't help . After all , I caused this . And I had a feeling that she wasn't asking me to stay .
"...please just...just stay ...away from me..."
She was shaking but all I saw was concern ...for me . She was pushing me away...for my sake . But...why?.
".. I'm glad you left ..."
what?
"...and... I understand that you had to ..I just...if you get involved in this craziness , you ..your going to be hurt in the end and I don't mean physically..."
It was obvious that she knew that I had feelings for her , though not as obvious as her feelings for me had been . I knew she had changed but her reactions showed that those feelings were still there . So I said something that made it very clear that I was serious .
"Right now , the only people who could would me in that manner are Ren ...and you"
Her eyes showed a happiness which was clouded with sorrow and worry .
"I know..."
It was faint but I heard it . She knew I would.
"...that's why I'm telling to to stay away . You'll only get hurt ...please, Please , for once in your life,PLEASE JUST LISTEN."
She then clamped her mouth as if she had crossed some line , looked at me with tears at the edge of her eyes and then ...she ran. She ran while I just stood there wondering what the heck I should do . Giving up on her was something I had tried , staying away from her for 4 years , I had realised that that was not an option . Heck , that was when I even realised how much I needed her...but.
She had looked at me with such desperation that I felt compelled to listen . I felt that if it meant easing her pain even in the slightest , then it would be something I could do . But unfortunately ..., I was much too selfish for that.