Props to the reader who got the Twenty One Pilots ref!

Bellamy paced his room as his heart pounded loudly in his chest, of course the nightmares were back. Clarke wasn't in his bed, the one person who eased them, was gone. It was hard to believe that just less than 24 hours ago she was in his bed, wrapped around him. Silently he cursed himself for having hope, that maybe someone would love him so much, it'd make him want to love himself too.

Every time he laid on his bed it all hit him again. Clarke closing her eyes, his mind screaming for her to just look at him, just once. Bellamy had no idea how long he'd stood staring at the door, waiting. Waiting for what? He knew she wasn't coming back.

Eventually Octavia had come in, a look of pity on her face that made Bellamy wanted to spit. Of course Clarke had already told her. Octavia moved towards him and he felt himself tense. Please, don't hug me. I will break. And he was right, the moment her arms created a cage around his body he let himself go. Bellamy had sworn he'd been at rock bottom before.

It was right after his mother died, and he was only 17, his sister 14. They had no distant relative to go live with, as far as they were concerned they didn't exist. After so much pain, he couldn't have Octavia taken for him. They would become the systems property, and no one wanted a rebellious teenage boy. So instead of attending their mother's funeral they'd fled, and they hadn't looked back since.

But this felt like a totally different rock bottom. When his mother died, he knew he still had Octavia to lean on. Someone who felt the loss just as he did. Now there was no one. No one made him feel the way Clarke did, and he didn't think it was likely anyone ever would, no one knew the pain inside of him.

"It was for the best, Bell. I know you're in pain, but I actually agree with Clarke. Finn's a psycho path and he wants her back, seeing her in love with someone else. Well he could become murderous. I won't lose you."

He'd laughed a bitter laugh. The one time he'd needed his sister the most, she was against him. Bellamy left her standing in the same spot Clarke had left him.

When did Bellamy Blake become the guy who got his heart broken and went to the place he works on his days off? When and why did he let himself fall in love? Not knowing he'd been talking aloud he was startled when a familiar voice responded.

"Son, you don't let yourself fall in love. It just happens."

For a slight moment Bellamy felt his lips twitch up in a smile as he turned around, pulling the man before him into a tight embrace.

"Kane, what's with the surprise visit?" He breathed.

"Well, Clarke called Abigail in some distress and I figured I'd let them have a girls weekend to catch up and I'd come visit the college, and you and Octavia, see how you're doing and well from the looks of it, not too good."

Bellamy felt a slight stab in the stomach. Kane had been the only father figure he'd ever known. When he and Octavia had left their old life behind they had 100 dollars in cash and a train ticket to Chicago, by mere possibility they'd bumped into Kane. They made small talk, and it was easy to tell that they were both underage and on the run. Kane never asked questions, only helped and when Bellamy was finally ready to talk, he was ready to listen.

Kane had been a guidance counselor at the college, widowed and no kids. He took them in and treated them as though they were his own flesh and blood, and he never asked for anything in return. Bellamy owed his life to him. Kane eventually began seeing someone and when it had took a serious turn, he'd introduced him to her.

Abigail Griffin, widowed doctor, one daughter. They'd just finished dinner when Kane pulled Bellamy and Octavia aside explaining that Abby's daughter Clarke would be a freshmen this year at the college along with O, and that it'd mean the world to him if they ever met her they'd help her if she needed it.

A week into school Bellamy had met Clarke, when Octavia brought her back to the house. He remembered being surprised at how different and so alike she was to her mother at the same time. Abigail was reserved, and a silent, but strong force. Clarke gave her opinion whenever she could, she made herself heard every chance she got. Like her mother, she was undeniably smart.

"So you're in love, with whom? If I may ask." Kane said, sliding onto the bar stool next to him.

"Clarke Griffin." His voice sounded surprisingly strong, and confident.

Kane gave a thoughtful nod. He already knows, of course he does.

"How long has that been going on?"

"I tell myself not until recently, but I think I've loved her since our very first stupid argument."

Kane called out to an unfamiliar bartender. Must be new. Kane ordered a drink and then turned towards him, their knees brushing.

"This is a milestone in your life, Bellamy. You can do what you've always done, you can deny yourself the right that you so much deserve to be happy and sit here at this bar, getting plastered and then taking some girl whose name you do not know home, have mediocre sex and wake up with a hangover. Or you can order a glass of water, sober up and then I will drive you to Clarke, and you can spill your heart out to her and she could either reject you and you can leave and do exactly what you were doing, or she can say I love you too, and you can both be happy, together."

Bellamy had felt his heart begin picking up towards the ending, when Kane said she could say I love you too. Why were those words so hard to believe? That he could be loved, that he could be loved by her. The memory of her closing the door behind her, leaving him, floods his mind.

"When she walked out of my apartment today she made it perfectly clear, that she doesn't love me and we can't be happy together." He replied, before chugging down his beer and turning around, walking over to a girl in a tight red dress on the dance floor.

As much as he wanted, he couldn't bare to turn around and look at Kane's face. The disappointment that surely covered it would kill him. Approaching the girl, she looked up and gave him a knowing grin, which he returned.

Two hours later he let out a loud breath before rolling off of Kat? In one swift move he'd stood up pulling his sweatpants on.

"Want me to walk you out?"

The girl gave him a look of disbelief and a small shake of her head.

"I forgive you for this, because the moment I saw you in the bar, I knew."

Bellamy looked at her as he felt guilt seep into his body. "Knew what?"

"That you have had your heart broken, and from the feel of it, it's the first time."

With no response coming to mind, Bellamy took a pen off the nightstand, ripping a piece of paper from his notebook, quickly jotting down his number.

"I'm sorry, I've had a rough day. Call me some time, we can go for a cup of coffee."

"I'm more of a tea kind of person, but I'll take you up on that."

Bellamy felt a twinge of pain in his chest. Clarke is a tea person too. When Bellamy had looked up again, the women he'd shared his bed with was gone. Letting out a loud sigh he fell back onto his bed staring up at the ceiling and finally accepted that she would not be leaving his mind any time soon.

Not even in his dreams could he escape her. With her golden hair pulled into a messy bun, a pencil tucked behind her ear, her lips slightly parted as she sketched whilst sitting on his couch. Bellamy wished he would have known then how special those moments were. Clarke was in her most vulnerable state when she was lost in her drawing, and god when she was, it was beautiful.