Chapter 25

The twins looked at Sira in disbelief, their eyes also scintillating with fear. They couldn't believe it, first that she was telling them about the Death Eater's plans and second, that the war was coming now. Both of them knew it was possible, but they thought it would be a few years later, not now. They wondered what He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would do, yet they knew exactly what he would do. He would go after Harry. He would try to murder him. They had to tell the others, the Order of the Phoenix, but they didn't trust Sira's word, since she had lied and cheated them before. How could they be sure she had changed her ways? How could they be sure her word was true and that there was going to be a war? The truth was that they couldn't, not without the Order's help.

"We must inform the Order," Sira said weakly, whimpering slightly as the pain throbbed through her left arm. "Quickly."

"We will," George stated, glancing at his brother, "but you'll need to come with us."

"Why?"

"We aren't certain you are telling the truth, but the Order will be able to find out if you are." She nodded in agreement.

"Fine with me," she said as she looked at Ivan, before returning her gaze to the twins, "but I need to go home first and collect some things." The twins eyed her suspiciously.

"Alright," George said.

"But we have to come with you," Fred added. Sira gave them another nod. Ivan took her wrist as Sira took George's, who took Fred's. Sira's stomach gave a sickening lurch as she went lightheaded. Moments later, they all disappeared.

At her house, she found a not form Scabior saying that he was "called to help the cause" and the he'd "be home soon." The note concerned her deeply, but she'd be there too, just on the other side. Rapidly, she gather her Death Eater robe and mask, said goodbye to Ivan since he wouldn't be coming to the battle, and left with Fred and George, who were both anxious to get to Hogwarts.

"Are you sure that the Order will forgive you easily?" George asked as the three of them walked into Hogwarts castle, through the entrance to the Room of Requirements in the Hog's Head. Their pace was fast and Sira's heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. Fear ate at her, along with nerves. The twins seemed to share her feelings. She shook her head.

Scabior, please be safe out there.

Soon, they stepped out of the passageway, gazing at the other Order members who were already there. All eyes locked on Sira, glaring at her viciously, as if she was filth compared to them. Or at least that's what she felt she was.

She dropped her eyes to the floor, feeling awful that she even came. She knew most of them faces that stared at hear. Lupin, Kingsley, the Weasley's. She didn't know what to say really.

"Sira Volkov, in the flesh, standing before us for the first time in a long time," Kingsley stated flatly. "Charming." She felt the tears well up in her eyes as her body started to quiver slightly.

I deserve this.

"Why have you come?" Lupin asked, glaring at her a bit. "You know you are not welcome here. Not after what you have done."

"I came to possibly get forgiveness," she said softly, looking up at them. "I want to help."

"And you think we're just going to give that to you?" Mrs. Weasley asked in a whisper. The silence was heavy in the air, pressing down firmly on everyone, and causing Sira's anxiety to worsen.

"No, I don't think that. If I were you, I wouldn't even forgive myself. I've done too much wrong and not enough right. I've hurt so many and most of the time I didn't even mean to. I've hurt myself far worse than I've ever imagined." She took in a slow breath, searching for the right words. "I feel so dirty, I feel so used. All I've ever tried to do is to do the right thing for everyone else, but what happens when you finally realize that the 'right' thing has been wrong all along? You're left with nobody but yourself, beaten and broken. You have no friends because you forced them away and the ones you thought would help you turn their backs on you. You're reduced to nobody, just a name and face without a soul to support it.

"And that's what I am. I'm Sira Volkov, a cold-blooded killer who no one cares about, who no one feels sorry for, and I'm tired of being that way. Used and abused, that's all I am. Two years ago, I was a completely different person. Active in the Order, a good friend, soon to be married to the love of my life, and a good person. But then I made a mistake after that, after Sirius died." Everyone watched her, a bit shocked that she mentioned Sirius' death. "I pushed everyone I love and cared about away, which I shouldn't have ever done. I should've stayed with you, my family, and you could've helped me through my grief, but I decided to do the childish thing and run away. Turns out, I chose the worst possible thing for me and I regret it every day of my life.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I should've never left and once I did, I felt too dirty to return. I'm sorry for causing all of you so much pain and so many problems. I never wanted to hurt anyone." She shifted the mask in her hands. "I regret all these things I've done, all of the people I've cause to suffer, and I'm sorry. I want to do the right thing, and I know that this, right here, is it. This is home; this is the place where I belong." She took her robe and her mask and placed them in the fireplace, where they started to burn.

"I forgive you."

The words were said by a new voice, which got everyone's attention. It was the one and only Harry Potter. His eyes were fixed on her for a while, before looking at the other. "She wants to change her ways, so allow her to."

"Thank you," she whispered and he gave her a small nod. Relief washed over her. Words couldn't describe how thankful she felt towards him and a simple thank you didn't feel like enough. He was the first person in a long time who had given her a chance.

"Harry, what's happening?" Lupin asked as he met him by the stairs.

"Voldemort's on his way, they're barricading the school," he stated, "Snape's on the run- What are you doing here? How did you know?"

"We sent messages to the rest of Dumbledore's Army," Fred said confidently. "You couldn't expect everyone to miss the fun, Harry, and the D.A. let the Order of the Phoenix know, and it all kind of snowballed."

"What first, Harry? What's going on?" George asked, calling over everyone.

"They're evacuating the younger kids and everyone's meeting in the Great Hall to get organized," he stated. "We're fighting."

At that, many people left the room and went up the stairs. Everyone had their wands drawn as they headed up to the main castle. Soon, only a few people remained in the room, including Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, Fred, George, Bill, Fleur, Harry and Lupin. Sira stayed away from them, hanging around by one of the far walls, but that didn't mean she couldn't hear what was being said, because heard loud and clear.

Slowly, she headed towards the staircase, trying not to interrupt the argument that was ensuing between Mrs. Weasley and her daughter. Bill, Fred, George, and Percy, who had just arrived moments ago, headed up the stairs before her. She started to climb the stairs just before Lupin, Arthur and Molly. She felt their eyes on her back, but their gaze didn't seem as disgusted. No, their gazes seemed more concerned.

"Sira," Lupin said on a light breath, "are you- are you pregnant?"

With a small sigh, she nodded as she reached the top of the staircase.

"And you're going to fight?" Mrs. Weasley asked, sounding a bit stunned.

"I plan on it," Sira replied as she turned to look at them. They all looked shocked.

"But that's not good for the baby-."

"Who's the father?" Lupin asked softly and she bit her lip.

"Fenrir Greyback," she breathed as they walked towards the Great Hall. She felt him tense beside her, his gaze on her growing increasingly concerned.

"Sira-."

"I know what he did to you and I know the type of man he is, Remus. It's not what you think. Oh no, its not anything like you think."

"You don't even know what I was going to say," he said gently, she couldn't believe he was being so fair to her, not after he'd been so harsh to her before. "I was trying to say that I'm sorry to hear that. I heard about it in a rumor, but I didn't believe it to be true. I heard what he had forced on you."

"Some things you hear, you can believe, but others, you can't."

Remus gave her a light smile. "You seem a lot different since the last time I had a conversation with you."

"The last time we spoke was when the Death Eaters wrecked Bill and Fleur's wedding, and the time before that was probably before I took Anastasia's life, and then the time before that was right before I left the Order of the Phoenix," she stated blankly. "I wasn't myself any of those times."

"I meant when we spoke after Sirius' death. You seem more mature now."

"Yeah, that's what happens when you go through the things I have. I hate to say it, but sometimes it feels like my life has just been a lie, and that's all it will ever be. I hope Sirius isn't mad at me, because of what I've done."

"I doubt he is," he said confidently. "Even though he did have an explosive temper at times, he deeply cared about the ones he loved."

"I hated hurting him, Remus," she whispered as she finally looked at him. Her blue eyes held her sorrow, a sorrow that she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to get rid of.

"I know you did." He was trying to comfort her.

"I still love him." He nodded slowly, giving her another smile.

"When is your baby due?" he asked, trying to change the subject and lift her spirits.

"September," she said with a little smile on her lips. "Did Tonks already have her baby?" A grin lit up his face the instant she asked the question.

"Yes, she had a boy and his name is Teddy." He seemed so happy talking about him that it made Sira's smile grow wider. "Do you know what you're having?"

"A boy and I've decided to name him Anthony Sirius Volkov," she said warmly. Remus's joy was infectious; she couldn't help but feel joyous as well.

"I like that name for him," he responded with a grin. She laughed light, nodding a bit. It felt like the old days, back in the Order, back to everything being normal. She wished it could've always been like this.

"Remus," she said as she looked at him thoughtfully, "you do know that I truly am sorry for all the things I've done, right?" He turned her look and gave her a small nod. Softly, she left a sigh escape her chest. "I just wish I never chose myself over my friends. I was selfish, and I didn't realize how much I would hurt them when I made my choice."

"You didn't know what to think, and I don't believe we tried hard enough when helping you," he explained as she felt the tears well up in her eyes. "I feel that we tried to force you through your grief and make you see the facts, instead of allowing you time to go through everything that had happened and come to peace with it."

"I did feel better when I was with you or with Tonks. Both of you allowed me space, and both of you allowed me to think. No one else did that. They all tried to get me to admit the fact that he was dead and that he was never coming back, when I didn't want to believe that." Her eyes fixed on his, importune and puerile. "You and Tonks treated me like nothing had happened that I was just myself. Normal, and I liked that."

"You're welcome, Sira," he said warmly with a kind, forgiving smile.

"Maybe, after the war is over, we could try to be friends again?" she asked, hoping that he would agree to it for she didn't want him to be sour to her for the rest of her life. She doubted that he would be cruel to her, but she had plenty of experience with people changing.

"I'd like that." She gave him a smile, which showed her relief, as they walked into the Great Hall.

The ceiling of the hall was dark, speckled with stars that shined dully. Beneath the stars, the four House tables sat full of disheveled student, mostly whom looked like they had just gotten out of bed. Remus, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and she made their way towards the raised platform, which Professor McGonagall stood, ready to speak. Behind her stood the rest of the teachers and the Order Members, all ready to fight.

As they climbed up the platform, Sira hung back, her eyes fixed on her favorite professor. Her heart fluttered with anxiety once again. She didn't feel fit to stand with them. With a sigh, she dropped her eyes to her feet and backed away a few steps from the platform.

"Now where do you think you're going, Miss Volkov?" McGonagall said, causing Sira to look at her.

"Professor?" Perplexed, she stared at her, wondering why she asked that.

"You're a member of the Order, aren't you? Then get up here and stand with the rest." Sira glanced around the room, just to see that everyone was watching her.

"But, Professor-."

"No 'but's, Volkov," McGonagall said, her tone light yet stern at the same time. "You're one of us." She reached her hand out, offering to help Sira onto the platform, and she took it. "Welcome home," she whispered to Sira as she gave her a little smile. Sira smiled back, feeling better. Quickly, she joined the rest of the Order, taking a place beside Remus.

Relief, nerves, and apprehension mixed in her chest, but she felt much better than she did before. Scabior was still on her mind. She hoped he was okay.

"… evacuation will be overseen by Mr. Filch and Madam Pomfry. Prefects, when I give the word, you will organize your House and take your charges, in an orderly fashion, to the evacuation point," McGonagall explained, but sadly, Sira didn't hear the first part of what she said since she had been distracted by her thoughts.

Then someone, a Hufflepuff boy, stood up and shouted, "And what if we want to stay and fight?" His question was followed by a smattering of applause.

"If you are age, you may stay."

A few more questions were asked as Harry walked to the front of the Hall.

Suddenly, a voice echoed through the Hall, sending shivers down her spine as she glanced nervously at Remus. She knew the voice.

"I know you are preparing to fight. Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teacher of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood.

"Give me Harry Potter, and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded.

"You have until midnight."