From S: Do you know more than one language? - Sí, puedo hablar en español.
From S: What is your favorite subject? - My favorite subject is English but my favorite teacher is my Spanish teacher.
From S: What do you plan on majoring in in college? - You know, I really have no clue. Last week it was anthropology and this week it's musical production/business. I don't know. it's all in God's hands and I trust that He'll get me where I need to be.
"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits, the rebels. Because the ones crazy enough to want to change the world...they go do it." - Steve Jobs
America felt the bed dip down as Maxon sat on the edge, checking on her once again. "America, please talk to me," he pleaded. "You were fine last week and now you can't even leave our bed; I'm worried." She didn't answer. "Christian is wondering where his mother is."
She still didn't move. She had been fine but then their lives settled down and they started to readjust to their old lives and suddenly the events of the last few months started to take their toll on her. The loss of her daughter, Aspen's proposition, Maxon's secret life, killing that man, Aspen's death...she could not handle the onslaught of emotions these events elicited. She had no idea how Maxon was keeping it together but he had always been able to control his feelings when it came to protecting her from them. His own torture would do nothing to help hers. No matter how hard he tried though, he could not help but look at her with pity filling his eyes. He was helpless against the trauma she was going through.
He placed a hand on her hip and she heard Christian run in. He climbed up on the bed with his favorite stuffed animal in tow. "Mommy, you want to borrow Teddy?" he asked, holding his bear out to her.
She took the bear gratefully and held it against her torso. Christian looked at her sadly, clearly disappointed in her lack of enthusiasm but she did not have the energy to make it up to him. He slid off the bed and ran back to his room, leaving her alone with Maxon.
"America, please, I'm begging you. Just talk to me," he pleaded, his voice desperate.
He walked around to his side and she saw him for the first time. He was dressed in his flannel pajama pants and a black t-shirt that paled his skin and hair. He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked down at the floor. Then he threw his hands up in surrender. "I'm at a loss here Ames. Why won't you talk to me? You never shut down on me like this and it's scaring me. Should I go get the doctor?"
She suddenly realized that she shouldn't have been so blinded by her own pain. She realized that this whole time she had been torturing him as well. She had forgotten how connected they were; that when one felt pain, the other felt it too. Maxon loved her to death and seeing her in this state was killing him. "I don't know what to do," she whispered, her voice croaking from lack of use.
He sat down next to her and lightly laid his hand on the side of her head. "You can talk to me about it," he reminded her. "I'm always here for you, no matter what."
"I just keep thinking about that man…I shouldn't have killed him. Every time I close my eyes I see his face and that picture of his granddaughter. I keep thinking about when I was nine-years-old and my grandfather passed away and how devastated I was. I caused that girl to feel that way," she admitted, tears sliding across the bridge of her nose and landing on her pillow. "How am I supposed to live with that?"
He sighed and shifted so he was lying down next to her and his hand was resting on her hip. "I know how it feels to be desperate and then look back later and realize that you made some big mistakes because of your desperation because I have been there. I've been in this place you're in and I can tell you that you can't make it out on your own; you have to rely on those you have around you. There will be days where you don't want to get out of bed and face the world but when you feel that way, tell me and I will remind you of why I love you and why I still believe you are an incredible person, despite everything you think you've done that is terrible. I will make the world bearable for you America because my world without you is unbearable."
She sniffed and took one of his hands. "You always know just what to say," she whispered.
"It's in my job description," he told her, winking. She shook her head and looked past him out the window. He put a hand under her chin and guided her to look at him, anchoring her gaze on his. "I'll get you through this." She nodded and pressed her face into the pillow, suppressing the urge to scream.
America tilted her hat over her eyes as she walked into the hotel in the heart of Angeles and walked to the elevators. She felt vulnerable without the guards but she knew this had to be a trip she made herself. When Maxon told her that Kenna's husband was being tried for treason, America wanted so desperately to let him loose but she knew their hands were tied in the matter. She knew that Maxon, deep-down, did not want to convict his brother-in-law of anything but they could not make exceptions, not with the current state of the country.
She knocked on Kenna's door and it swung open almost immediately. Her face sagged when she saw that it was America. "What are you doing here?" she demanded angrily.
"We need to talk," America told her tentatively. "We have to clear the air."
"Why?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.
America looked past her into the room and nodded to the small table and chairs in the corner. "Can I come in?"
Kenna opened the door wider and let America sit down on the edge of the bed. "You're family Kenna and I need you all now more than ever."
Her older sister sat down at the table and stared her down. "Why should I trust you?"
"I know I've treated you all wrong these past couple years and I have no excuse worthy of my actions. I turned my back on you all and truthfully you have no reason to trust me besides the fact that I'm your sister."
"If you set my husband free," she proposed. "Maybe then I could trust you."
America was expecting that. "But we can't. Kenna, I want to set your husband free and trust me, the last thing I want to do is hold him accountable for any of his actions. The best I can promise you is that we won't kill him."
"Why do you even think he was a traitor?"
America sighed and shrugged. "It's complicated but we basically have to try everyone that was found having a connection to Clarkson while he had our son hostage." She paused. "Kenna, I really don't want to do this but I'm here, trying to make amends so that if you wanted I could let you at least come visit him but if I don't know that I have your loyalty one-hundred percent, I can't let you come."
"Do you know how it feels America? To lose your husband?" she suddenly asked.
"I actually do," America told her. "I went weeks thinking he was dead. At least you know your husband is still alive. And let's not forget how I spent these past several months looking for my son who had been kidnapped and in the middle of all of that, I had a miscarriage. So let's not assume that I don't know what it's like to lose something precious."
Kenna looked taken aback. She shrank away from America and looked down at the cheap carpet beneath her feet. "I had no idea," she whispered. "I had no idea what you've been going through."
"Like I said, let's not assume that I don't know loss. I've spent these last several days trying to put myself back together but I finally realized that I can't do that without my family's support. And I know that you and I have the most work to do in our relationship. I know that if I want my family to support me, I had to start with you."
Kenna rolled her eyes. "You were always Dad's favorite."
"Not until after you moved out," America reminded her, smiling. "I know I can't make this all up to you in an afternoon and probably not until you have your husband back but are we at least okay?"
Smiling sadly, Kenna moved to sit next to America. "We're okay," she told her, sliding an arm around her sister. "What's not okay is your outfit. C'mon, I'll get you some shoes that actually match that dress."
It seems short but it's actually over 1500 words...weird. anyway. just wanted to tell you guys that you are all awesome people and I don't know any of you but I still know you're awesome.
review and send questions!