Chapter 3

It had been a huge, immobilizing shock to discover that Aomine was doing drugs, had been...for however long; he refused to say. But now that he observed his appearance and behavior with the newfound awareness, Kagami wondered how he could have missed it. He supposed he had just been unwilling to see, and had put blinders on himself so he wouldn't have to; ignorance was bliss, after all, but he could no longer wallow in it with the problem right in front of his eyes.

One thing that he wondered how he could have possibly overlooked was the constant sweat. Even doing nothing, just walking or even sitting down, Aomine's skin was covered in a thin, waxy sheen of it, making him start to look tired and sickly if one stared long enough. The haze of his eyes, shadowed by dark, sleepless circles, and the lackluster tone of his navy blue hair didn't help the picture.

He didn't seem to act much different, at least not that Kagami had noticed before. He'd always been rather volatile, but now that Kagami took a closer look….his mood took tremendous swings, day to day. Sometimes he was energetic and talkative, and teased Kagami with a vengeance while laughing out loud; other times he was brisk and impatient, and said almost nothing, just glaring hatefully at everything and trudging when he walked. Often he simply seemed to be lethargic, and though he'd always known Aomine to be lazy and rather laid-back, it was startling just how tired he seemed to be on a daily basis...a kind of exhaustion that seeped from every pore of his being and made Kagami start to wonder how he was even still standing. But then he would prove him wrong, and show just how active he could be on the basketball court, as if nothing had changed and the weariness was merely an illusion.

Aomine refused to talk about it; pretending not to hear or downright telling Kagami to mind his own business when he tried to broach the subject. And, frustrated, Kagami came to the conclusion that he would have to find irrefutable evidence in order to get his rival to admit what he was doing. And a month and a half passed with no such luck, during which time he just sucked it up and played along with Aomine's stubborn charade of normalcy...much as it ate at him to pretend nothing was wrong when he knew otherwise.

More than anything, he wanted to tell someone; someone he trusted who could help and tell him what he should do about the situation, but every time he came close to spilling everything to Riko or Hyuuga or Kuroko, in the back of his mind he could almost hear Aomine's disappointed sigh, or feel his outrage at being ratted out, or some combination of the two...and he couldn't do it. So he kept his mouth shut, and the closer he and Aomine gradually grew to each other, the closer he got to the dark secret he'd kept bottled up for his friend's sake. Their scheduled matches on the street court and dinners at Maji Burger continued like normal, but it didn't stop there. Nowadays they also spent a lot of time at one another's houses, or else just went somewhere together; a park, a restaurant, or the movies, it didn't always matter where. In fact, Kagami spent more of his free time around Aomine alone than he spent around anyone else.

And he would be damned if that wasn't really stressful.

Not that he didn't enjoy spending time with his boyfriend, especially now that he had become that; quite the opposite. It was just that...when he enjoyed himself by Aomine's side, something in him felt guilty and wrong, like he should be distancing himself from him, or giving him the silent treatment or something. But he was still himself, still acted much the same and still kissed Kagami like he was all he ever wanted, and as far as Kagami was concerned, he hadn't earned any punishment for doing what he was doing...yet. He might change his mind once he dug up the why, but until then, nothing had really changed all that much. Except that he was losing sleep dramatically, and kept worrying that his hair would start falling out in clumps with the strain of it all.

.

.

He wasn't sure how exactly he started smoking. It wasn't about relaxation or feeling good, it was about sanity. Because he was starting to recognize that Aomine's shifts in mood adhered almost entirely to when he'd gotten his last fix, and he acted more like himself when he was under the influence...which was disturbing. And as he got accustomed to the circumstances, he was coming to the guilty conclusion that he liked high Aomine more than sober Aomine; a fact that honestly frightened him.

It was almost two months into their relationship, and Kagami had purposely distanced himself from his boyfriend; telling him he had things to do when in reality, he just needed some air and time to himself without the self-loathing riding him so strongly.

It didn't work very well, as without the distraction of Aomine's presence, the only thing he had to focus on was what was bothering him. He was alone on the street court, shooting some layups to try to loosen the tension...and then pouring his frustration into devastating dunks that shook the whole backboard when that didn't work. He almost expected to see sparks leaping from the ball when it hit the pavement, he was dribbling so fast; almost expected to feel his knees give out with how hard he let himself fall when he let go of the hoop, and his acrobatics must have drawn some attention, because he looked up after what felt like hours to find he had an audience.

"Dude, that was freaking awesome!" one of the guys leaning against the other side of the fence called gleefully, the choppy English words making Kagami's ears perk up. Tourists, probably… Despite himself, he moved over to where the group was gathered, joining them outside the court.

"Where'd you learn to dunk like that?" the first person asked, only to be elbowed by one of his friends, who made a motion at Kagami.

"He probably has no idea what you're saying; don't confuse him."

Kagami laughed, and the sound coming from his own throat almost made him jump in surprise. It felt like forever since he'd let himself laugh out loud.

"I can speak English," he said, the words sounding a little more slurred and jumbled together than the others' speech. He lifted the ball in his hand, "You play?"

"A little," one of the taller people in the group shrugged, "Nothing like that, just some street ball sometimes."

Grinning, almost forgetting what had had him so tense these past few weeks, Kagami bounced the ball against the pavement once, "Want to play a quick match?"

"A-against you?" the person who had been the first to speak stammered incredulously, "No way."

Kagami frowned slightly, "Five on one?"

That offer seemed to entice them much more effectively, but even when he was so outnumbered, Kagami defeated his new opponents thoroughly and easily, in a matter of minutes; stealing the ball often and slipping past unprofessional, sneaky defense to jam it into its hoop over and over. And maybe part of it was him showing off...just a little. He had to represent his team back at Seirin's abilities well, right? He was sweating and beaming by the time he reached the allotted number of points to win, dropping to the ground and looking around at his exhausted, panting company, only to find that most of them had ditched him, moving back to their fence and slouching against it. He approached them uncertainly, leaning against the metal barrier a little more cautiously beside them, unsure if he would be welcome.

"Damn, I need a smoke," one of them muttered, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and lighting one, taking a long pull. Kagami wrinkled his nose at the acrid smell, but didn't comment, just observing the strangers; it wasn't often he ran into people from America, and he was intrigued. Besides that, the whole mess with Aomine had all but left his mind…

Shit... As soon as his thoughts turned to that, they refused to waver, and he dropped his gaze anxiously as the American guys started to chat among themselves, studying the concrete under his feet. At least one of them must have seen the stress and worry and conflict surfacing in his face, however, because he spoke up.

"Hey, what's eating you, man? You look terrible."

And that was where his memory got a bit unreliable. Caught in the moment, he wasn't sure how he went from forcing a terse "I'm fine," to placing a cigarette between his teeth. He didn't remember if he'd revealed any information, or if any of them had even offered one to him, but before he knew it he was breathing in the crisp, soothing nicotine, and once his lungs and throat stopped protesting and insisting he cough and choke to rid himself of the burning sensation, he might have felt a tiny sliver of relief.

.

.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

He winced at the loud demand, almost right in his ear, but paid Aomine's hysterics little mind, taking the cigarette from his mouth and exhaling a cloud of smoke, leaning his arms against the railing on the balcony of his apartment.

Appearing infuriated that Kagami hadn't answered, Aomine stomped over and shoved him, causing him to stagger a step to regain his balance, "Hey asswipe, I'm talking to you!"

Kagami returned the object of his boyfriend's outrage to his mouth and took another drag, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from his shirt, "I thought it kind of went without saying," he said coolly, "Or have you never seen a person smoke before?"

Aomine grit his teeth, hands clenching into fists at his sides. He opened his mouth as if to retort, and then closed it again, almost visibly giving off steam.

"What's the big deal?" Kagami asked, crossing his arms, "It's not up to you what I choose to do, and if it helps me relax…"

"You. Are. An athlete." Aomine snapped, biting off each word as if they tasted foul, "Not just that, you're the only one whose pathetic ass can take me on in a match; don't you care about -?"

But Kagami was laughing. Grim, humorless laughter released with little bursts of gray smoke between his lips, "You're a fine one to talk; is your temper so short because you've gone a day or two without shooting a dose?"

Aomine looked for an instant like he'd been slapped, mouth dropping open and face going paler than Kagami had ever seen it. Then fury blotched his scorching blue eyes, turning his expression ugly.

"That's crossing a line," he growled, in almost a whisper.

"Is it?" Kagami shot back, not shying away from his irate face, "You must think I'm really fucking stupid, not to figure it out. Or else you're just perpetuating this delusion so you don't get your pride hurt."

"A five-syllable word," Aomine sneered in mock surprise, "I'm impressed."

"Fuck off." Kagami retaliated coldly, extinguishing his cigarette against the metal railing. "And don't change the subject."

Aomine looked as if there were several vicious things he wanted to snarl in response, and Kagami could see the defensiveness of his stance, like he believed he was being attacked and wasn't at fault. In his mind, he never is…

But eventually, his shoulders just slumped tiredly, and the rage and heat in his eyes dulled to a rigid bitterness. He looked away from Kagami, wringing his hands, an action that made him seem strangely forlorn.

"Fine, I…" his voice cracked and he trailed off for a moment, wrestling with himself, "...I understand if you...don't want to do this anymore. We can break up, and…"

"No." Kagami said shortly, with finality, but his conviction wavered as he tried to continue, "I-I want to be with you, I just...want you to admit it and stop making me live in denial for you."

"Admit wh…?"

"Please don't treat me like I don't have a brain," he interrupted tonelessly.

Aomine was silent for a long moment, and eventually he shifted and leaned his folded arms on the railing, glancing at Kagami out of the corner of his eye.

"Alright, I…" Kagami saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, "I've been using heroin...since the Winter Cup. Wakamatsu mentioned he knew a guy with a stash of dirt, and I just wondered… I didn't think…"

"Idiot." Kagami sighed, closing his eyes. Though he'd known what he was going to hear, for some reason he was still surprised. Mostly that Aomine had actually owned up to it; part of him had suspected he wouldn't. "You never think."

He thought he heard Aomine echo the soft sigh, but he might have imagined it. He could almost hear the clinking of him swallowing down shards of pride as he went on, "I didn't know...what to expect, but the guy kept saying it was out of this world, and for about two hours, I agreed with him. Now I'm not so sure, but I still keep coming back to it."

"You're addicted, dumbass."

Aomine snorted, "Am not, I could stop any time I want…"

"So stop." Kagami said simply, eyes snapping back open and seeking his out, "And never touch it again."

The darker man seemed to think about it, eyebrows furrowing, and Kagami glimpsed a barely-discernable flicker of fear crossing his face for about half a second as the idea registered.

"But -" he began, sounding a little frantic for maybe the first time since Kagami had met him.

"There you go."

"Bastard."

Kagami shrugged, "Hey, you can't pin this on me. You messed up."

"I didn't mess anything up," Aomine grumbled stubbornly.

Kagami released another low exhale and broke eye contact, looking out at the sun gradually being swallowed by the horizon.

"Keep telling yourself that," he said in a resigned, barely audible murmur.

.

.

Since Aomine's confession, Kagami didn't feel quite so twisted up, and things seemed to smooth out the barest bit. He still had no idea what they were going to do about his addiction now that it was out there, but he told himself those were worries for another day, and for now his primary concern was keeping the relationship between them stable, in a loose sense of the word. His rival's show of honesty was reassuring, because it meant that he cared enough about his relationship, cared enough about Kagami, to suppress his ego in favor of returning to his good graces, and maybe alleviating some of the stress.

He still scowled at Kagami whenever he lit a cigarette, with the slight scrunching of his nose that Kagami found nonsensically, stupidly adorable, and sometimes he muttered something snide in passing to further emphasize that he disapproved of his burgeoning habit, but they hadn't fought about it again, and Kagami put up with the passive aggression because in a way, it was another example of how Aomine showed he cared. He only disapproved so strongly in the first place because Kagami was damaging his health, and he was trying to look out for him.

But it seemed after a while he noticed how smoking calmed Kagami's nerves almost instantly, and made him loosen up, because he surprised him a week or two later by asking to join him in it. Kagami was hesitant; leery of the effects using two drugs on top of each other would have on him, but conceded and handed him a cigarette of his own.

It became something of a buffer for him, between doses - it wasn't as common for him to light up as it was for Kagami, but he indulged now and again, usually when he was feeling edgy or restless - and he seemed to become more relaxed. They argued a little less overall, and eventually the subject of his frequent intoxication ebbed from being a horrifying issue to just a matter of course. Kagami got used to it; and while getting comfortable with his boyfriend being a heroin addict probably should have been troubling, he simply accepted it, because it was easier not to make it a problem.

And slowly, without either of them really noticing it had happened, a new milestone had been crossed. Although Kagami came to the revelation by means of discovering a pair of Aomine's dirty socks wedged between the cushions of his couch, reaffirmed by the idiot showing up on his doorstep at ten-thirty at night because he'd forgotten his keys, it was an important turn of events. Aomine was gradually claiming Kagami's apartment as his second home. He crashed there whenever he had spare time; stayed most afternoons and weekends, and even spent the night, on occasion.

One of these nights, while they were making out keenly in Kagami's bed - something that had become a regular occurrence - tongues tangling, hands roving, hips grinding together, Aomine broke away a moment, and Kagami was surprised to see him flushing deeply, looking agitated.

"What's up?" he asked softly, flattening an errant lock of dark blue hair into place.

Aomine's voice rasped when he spoke, and his hands stayed where they were, making small circles at Kagami's waist.

"I need you, tonight…"

Kagami blinked, certain he'd misheard, "What?"

"I want to have sex with you, dumbass!" he blurted impatiently, and Kagami rolled his eyes with a mixture of exasperation and relief; that sounded much more like him.

But the implied question itself gave him pause. He knew Aomine wanted him; could feel it, pressed flush against his leg, and that was definitely a mutual desire; but it was also an enormous step, one that couldn't be taken back. He considered it, and searched the wide, nervous eyes above his own for several silent seconds before gradually deciding to trust them.

"Okay," he said cautiously, shifting slightly beneath his larger rival.

Aomine blinked, "Okay?" Said as if he didn't understand the meaning of the word.

"I said go for it, idiot, you'd better get in gear before I change my mind," Kagami laughed, leaning up quickly to swipe at his lips with his own.

Aomine didn't need to be told again, and he just about flattened Kagami to the mattress with the exuberance of his grateful, invasive kiss, rubbing up against him with a sensuality that spoke of eagerness to please, and a little jolt that spoke of inexperience. It occurred to Kagami then that Aomine might actually have no idea what he was doing, this being his first time too, but he didn't let it bother him...they could take their time and feel out what they each liked.

That night, they learned each other in the deepest way possible; taking turns leading and keeping up a constant stream of physical and verbal feedback, before simply letting their bodies take over communication, caressing and grappling with hands and mouths alike amid steamy pants and breathless moans, as they both worked up to the edge. And as Aomine finally buried himself deep, his latex-covered length hitting that one, crucial place that made the initial sting and burn fade and flashed stars in front of Kagami's eyes, he couldn't find a trace of regret for anything since meeting his perfect rival.

It didn't take long for Kagami's stomach to tighten, toes curling, eyes squeezing shut, as he was pushed to the brink of something he couldn't grasp, couldn't comprehend, but it could not and would not be stopped. As Aomine thrust home once more, his back arched off the bed and orgasm crashed over him, tearing a shout from his throat as his pulsing cock released ropes of sticky cum, and his rival and lover followed right behind, groaning something that sounded like his name as a shudder ran through his whole body. And then, exhausted to the point of bonelessness, they lay intertwined, holding each other close as heavy sleep claimed them both.

.

.

When Kagami awoke, he felt as if he'd been run over by something very large, very sweaty, and judging from the ringing in his ears, very loud. Every inch of him ached, and it felt amazing. It only took him a few groggy moments to realize the strong pair of arms that had held him were now absent, and, sitting up painfully and raking a hand through his rumpled hair, he laid eyes on Aomine, shirtless on the edge of his bed, flicking the side of a slender syringe with his thumb and forefinger. It was one thing Kagami was not pleased to see move into his house, but he knew already that he kept it here regardless. Aomine didn't seem to realize he was being watched, and Kagami's gaze shifted to his powerful arm, bound tightly around the bicep with what looked like a shoelace to make the veins at his elbow pop, and he quickly averted his gaze when his boyfriend started slipping the needle under his skin, hiding a wince.

Gradually, unease blended into grim curiosity, and after a moment Kagami scooted closer to him, all the things he'd wanted to say and ask that he'd never gotten out weighing on the tip of his tongue.

"Why did you start...doing this?" was what ended up coming out of his mouth. He'd heard Aomine's explanation, yes, but it had several gaping holes the other seemed very adamant about keeping to himself.

He must have sounded accusatory, because Aomine fixed him with an indigo glare as he withdrew the needle from his skin, setting it aside and untying the shoelace constraint from his arm. Kagami expected him to just avoid the question, or give a vague answer as he was prone to do; what he didn't expect was for him to sigh and lay back, folding his arms under his head before speaking quietly and seriously.

"When I was in the Zone against you, when I finally opened that door, I felt amazing, unstoppable and euphoric, like nothing in the world could go wrong. It was possibly the best I've ever felt in my life. But when the match was over...I fell pretty hard, and I didn't know if I'd ever feel okay again. The contrast was insane, and sometimes I even wanted to die...can you imagine that?"

Kagami was silent for a second, and then shook his head. No, he couldn't imagine feeling so awful after coming down from the rush the Zone brought, to the point of wanting to end his life. That seemed pretty extreme. Then again… a nasty little voice muttered in the back of his mind, When you accessed the Zone, more than once, it led to your victory. You didn't enter it and then lose.

Lowering his arms, Aomine studied his own hands absently before going on, "Well...this feels a lot like being in the Zone. ...It feels like sinking, like drowning, and when it kicks in everything slows down and becomes focused, in perfect clarity, but somehow blurry at the same time. All pain and unnecessary thought is shut out. ...It feels like you can do anything."

His eyes shifted to Kagami's self-consciously, and it hit Kagami suddenly how much he was laying himself bare to him. Now, and the night before, his rival had let himself be incredibly vulnerable and open. It was a side he'd never seen before, and it was surprising and intriguing...and endearing to witness.

"Heroin's my girl," he mumbled, seeming to be talking to no one in particular, "She hasn't let me down yet."

The affectionate, yet resentful tone he'd used made Kagami start to believe it was more than just a drug to him. More than just something he did, something he paid for and handled before injecting into his body to keep the twitches and the monsters at bay. He personally didn't understand, but then again, he'd never touched the stuff, so he supposed he wouldn't. There was a veil there, one he certainly wasn't willing to try to peer behind. He was already witnessing what Aomine's "girl" was doing to him, every day, and he had no way of knowing, but he hadn't seen the worst of it yet.

TBC