Chapter 9

Present day…

Aomine had been found on a bus stop, almost forty-eight hours before Kagami had been contacted. He'd already been unconscious long before then, and the bus patron who'd found him had immediately brought him to the hospital. A nurse searching his pockets had turned up only his wallet, his cell phone, and an empty syringe that, upon further examination, had been found to contain traces of diacetylmorphine. He'd been on life support since then, for almost two days, and finally the receptionist had taken it upon herself to charge the battery of the phone they'd discovered and call Kagami to let him know an Aomine Daiki - relationship to him unknown - had been checked in anonymously to San-Ikukai General Hospital for a heroin overdose.

Kagami didn't know what Aomine had been thinking the night he disappeared, nor could he have even begun to guess where he had been trying to go. For two days he'd heard nothing about his whereabouts, and he'd agonized over the brief, confusing text he'd been left with, trying over and over to call his boyfriend - all morning, all night, and whenever he had a spare moment at work - but he never picked up. Forty-six unanswered calls in total. Trying to get to sleep alone; knowing Aomine was out there somewhere, he had no idea where, almost certainly out of his mind with misery, had been impossible. Kagami hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, and hadn't been able to properly function, since he'd gone missing.

He'd repeatedly called Kuroko, Momoi, and even Akashi as a last resort, but none of them had had any idea where Aomine could be either. He'd spent hours just sitting and staring at his phone on the table, willing it to ring. Willing Aomine to answer if it did. When it had started vibrating on the second day since his boyfriend's disappearance, he'd picked up before even checking the caller I.D., and when he'd realized it was the hospital calling him, everything had seemed to stop, like the whole world had just grinded to a halt on its axis. Because even before he'd run out the door without stopping to throw on a jacket and rushed to the address he'd been given, heart hammering like he was being pursued by the dogs of hell; even before he'd been guided by a chattering nurse whom he dwarfed with his height through the doors of the spotless ward and saw Aomine's still, lifeless form surrounded by wires and tubes and beeping things with his own eyes...some part of him had already known.

So here he was.

Well, at least if my heart gives out, I'm already in a hospital… he thought ruefully, sinking into the straight-backed chair that had been dragged out for him by the nurse, unable to take his eyes off of Aomine's gaunt, reposed face; over the last two days, part of him had wondered if he would never see him again, and the rest of him had feared he would see something like this when he did. He almost didn't know which would have been worse, at the moment; it was a small comfort knowing he was at least alive...he had no idea how long he would remain that way.

The nurse was speaking to him again, and it took several minutes for her words to stop sounding like garbled white noise and actually register as attempts to communicate.

"Mr. Kagami? Can you hear me?"

Shaking himself out of his thoughts and tearing his eyes away from the patient on the bed, he glanced at her, feeling air rush into his lungs as he did, as if he'd been suffocating since he'd laid eyes on Aomine. He tried to speak, but his voice failed him, his tongue feeling too thick and heavy to produce coherent speech, so he just nodded shakily, trying to keep his breathing steady.

"He's been receiving Narcan through his intravenous line over the last thirty-six hours or so; it should be reversing the effects of the drug, but we don't know when he'll regain consciousness."

"H-he will, though?" Kagami stammered, and even he could hear how desperate his own voice sounded.

The nurse adjusted her glasses, hesitating, "He should. Heroin in excess is a fast killer, so if his heart hasn't stopped so far, I don't think it's going to just yet."

Kagami wrapped his arms around himself, distantly glad he was sitting because he doubted he could have remained standing with the way his legs were shaking. He dropped his gaze to the linoleum tiles under his feet, vision blurring in and out of focus as tears kept gathering before he blinked them away. Aomine...why would you do this? You've never slipped up before, what were you thinking?

Slowly, and with great effort, as if he had to pull the thought out of solidifying concrete, it occurred to him that it might not have been a slip-up. It might have been deliberate. Heroin in excess is a fast killer… Was it possible Aomine had been...trying to die? That it hadn't been an accidental overdose, but an attempted suicide?

No. He wouldn't do that; he's not that cowardly… The niggling thought wouldn't quite leave, no matter how he assured himself it was impossible, and he drew his knees up to his chest on the chair he was sitting in, hiding his face against them, a purple afterimage of the bright fluorescent lights above lingering behind his closed eyelids. His throat felt tight, his eyes stinging mercilessly, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he broke down and started crying. He didn't want to do it here, under the scrutiny of the nurse he didn't know, but he realized he might not get a choice in the matter.

"It's always hard for the loved ones of addicts to cope with things like this; whatever shock or grief you're feeling is completely normal…" the nurse commented, a little awkwardly, breaking the relative silence. If she was trying to cheer Kagami up, she was failing miserably. "You both seem a little young to be dealing with something like this on your own; should I try to get ahold your parents?"

"No!" Kagami said frantically, head snapping up. She must have assumed he and Aomine were brothers, or something to that extent, if she thought they both had the same parents, but that wasn't why he responded so vehemently to the suggestion, "Please don't. They...it's complicated."

"I see…" the nurse replied, in a tone that told Kagami no, no she didn't see, but he wasn't about to explain further. Absently, he wondered if Aomine's parents would even care that their son was in the hospital, that he'd nearly died...they had just about disowned him when they were told of his relationship with Kagami, but surely family still mattered more than their bigoted opinions of him? More than their disapproval of his choice of who he loved and wanted to be with? He didn't even know how his own dad would react, if he found out about the mess Kagami was in...better that he didn't know.

"You're welcome to stay, in case he wakes up," the nurse went on, changing the subject "But at this point, it's really just a waiting game...there's not much else we can do. It'll probably be a long time, and it'll be boring...you can check back in tomorrow morning if you'd prefer."

"I'll stay," Kagami muttered, resting his folded arms on his knees and returning his attention to Aomine's unconscious face, as it seemed the woman was trying to take her leave, "As long as it takes; I'll sleep here if I have to."

"Suit yourself," she shrugged, and turned on her heel, leaving the room without another word.

Kagami didn't know if he felt better or worse with her gone; it was difficult to discern how he was feeling at all. Mostly just numb, like someone had reached in and pulled out his nervous system by the roots. Yet he was still able to feel phantom pain; distant, as if not connected to him, the hurt he knew he should be feeling. He should have been in agony over this, but no; he'd agonized for hours and hours, and now there was just...nothing remaining. He was emotionally exhausted, from stressing and panicking without rest, and he suspected experiencing one shocker right after another for two days straight was starting to give him whiplash. For a moment he was glad for the peace and quiet, so he could actually hear himself think; but gradually, he started to hate the silence, broken only by the beeping of the heart monitor and the muffled rush of air as it was guided in and out of Aomine's lungs, when he realized he had absolutely nothing pleasant to think about.

Shifting, he scooted his chair forward, the legs scraping against the floor, until he was right beside the bed in which Aomine lay, and he leaned his elbows against it, resting his chin in his hands and letting his eyes drift over his boyfriend's face. He looked peaceful, relaxed; he could have been sleeping, but for the clear, slender tubes beneath his nose, hooking around his ears. His skin, usually strikingly dark, was pale, almost grey, the very definition of ashen; his navy hair and eyebrows contrasting starkly. He had kind of always had a generally unwell aura about him, since he'd started shooting up three years ago, and it had only gotten worse with time, but now...he looked so frail and colorless. Like a corpse.

That did it, and before Kagami could hold it back, the dam broke open, tears falling down his cheeks uncontrollably, his breath leaving him in a wrenching sob, shoulders trembling, as he clenched his hands in the pristine white sheets.

"God, Aomine, I-I'm sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry…" He didn't know what he was apologizing for; maybe for not stopping him from leaving two days ago, when he knew he was upset and unstable; maybe for bringing him right back into this hell, dragging it out, unable to bear watching the shorter, harsher suffering of withdrawal when he tried to quit on his own; or for pushing him into the Zone three years ago, triggering his subsequent fall, for defeating him and starting this whole mess.

The tears kept coming in waves; he didn't even think to wipe them away, crying himself out amid shaky, painful sobs, until it seemed he had no more left to shed, and his throat and ribs were aching. He sniffled to try to get ahold of himself, wiping his nose and his puffy, wet eyes on the sheets, and then rested his cheek against the bed, because it felt cool and seemed to soothe his throbbing temples a little. Reaching over, he cautiously laced his fingers with Aomine's; his hand was warm and smooth as always, but clammy, and disturbingly limp. Disregarding this, Kagami brought it close to his face and lightly kissed his knuckles, his eyelids drooping closed as exhaustion caught up with him, gradually pressing over him like a steamroller.

He didn't move from there - slumped against the bed, hand intertwined with his comatose lover's - for the rest of the night.

.

.

When he awoke groggily, his back ached something awful, and he couldn't remember where he was at first. Sitting up slowly and stretching to try to ease his stiffness, he nearly fell out of his chair as his eyes flitted open, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, the wires and machinery, and the haunting, unconscious form of Aomine in the bed he'd just been lying against. Then, everything came rushing back, and he sighed deeply, hanging his head low, almost between his knees.

He drifted in and out of sleep after that, just watching Aomine's face, refusing to look away for even a moment, as daylight started to brighten the room, fatigue pulling him under for short periods of time before he jolted awake again. His determined vigil seemed to be in vain; Aomine showed no visible change from the state he'd been in yesterday, and absolutely no sign that he might wake up soon, but still Kagami didn't waver, remaining by his side and trying stalwartly to keep himself awake, so he wouldn't miss any shift in the status quo, however small.

He found himself whispering to him, in those slim hours just after dawn, clasping his lifeless hand between his own and speaking in an undertone, as if his voice would bring out some response if it reached his lover's deaf ears. It may have been a futile effort, but he felt like he would start crying again if he didn't anchor himself somehow, and the one-sided conversation helped somewhat.

"You're going to be fine...you'll pull through this, I know you will. …Shit, it's only been a couple of days, but I miss you, Aho…I miss you so fucking bad… So make sure and come back to me soon, okay?"

He could just as well have spoken to the table beside Aomine's bed, for all the response he was getting, but that didn't deter him from trying, "You've always been a slow riser, dumbass, but this waiting is killing me, you know….I need you here. I need to see you open your eyes again….please just open your eyes and look at me, I love you s-so much…"

And that was when he would get dangerously close to losing it and breaking down, so he would stop talking and sit back to take deep, slow breaths, trying to keep his head on straight. The cycle repeated for several hours, and eventually it was broken by the doors to the room creaking open as the nurse from the day before bustled in, clipboard in hand.

"Ah, you're still here after all," she greeted Kagami, giving him a small smile, "Doesn't seem like there's been much change, unfortunately; I'm just going to check his vitals and such, and then I'll get out of your hair."

Kagami nodded listlessly to show he understood, and pushed his chair back to give her room, reluctantly letting go of Aomine's hand. The nurse seemed to notice, and as she hovered around Aomine squinting at monitors and scribbling with her pen, she shot fleeting looks over her shoulder at Kagami now and then, as if trying to decode him.

"You care about this man a great deal, don't you?" she asked as she stepped away, moving her glasses up further on her nose.

Kagami nodded again, holding his tongue because he didn't know what would decide to come out of his mouth if he opened it.

The nurse was quiet a moment, and seemed to figure out that Kagami didn't feel much like chatting.

"...He's lucky he's got someone like you watching out for him," she added, trying again to give a comforting smile.

Kagami bit back a retort he hadn't expected to leap onto his tongue; something along the lines of how would she like to be "lucky" like Aomine for awhile...which of course was completely inappropriate to say out loud.

Her words had actually hit a nerve, though, because of the reminder that he hadn't been "watching out" for Aomine...not as well as he should have been, and right under his nose, this had happened. When he'd watched his lover succumb once again to the influence of his "girl", after the torture withdrawal had unleashed on his body, he'd made a promise to himself that he wouldn't ever let him suffer like that again, and that while he was allowing him to continue playing with a very dangerous fire, he would protect him at all costs and make sure it didn't burn him too badly. In one fell swoop, in a single night, he'd broken both parts of his promise. He'd failed Aomine, and - for now, at least, while it was still raw - he didn't think he could forgive himself.

The nurse left as unceremoniously as she'd come, heels clacking against the floor, apparently seeing that he didn't intend to reply, and he was once again alone with Aomine...so close beside him and yet so far away. He moved nearer to him again, standing up so he could lean down and brush his lips against his brow, gently moving his hair away from his face. Then, he lightly, lovingly, framed his still face with his hands, just below the thin lines of tubing, and touched their foreheads together.

"Forgive me, Aho..." he whispered, eyes flitting closed. He didn't move for a long moment, his shallow inhalations synching with the artificial ones being breathed into Aomine's lungs, his own heartbeat much louder and faster in his ears than the faint, impossibly slow pulse he could barely feel against his fingers. His eyebrows furrowed, eyes squeezing shut tighter as his breaths grew tremulous, and a single tear dropped onto Aomine's nose, followed by another. Withdrawing and wiping his eyes on the back of his hand, he numbly sat down in the uncomfortable chair once again, moving his hand to link his fingers with Aomine's on the bed.

After sitting that way for some time, just gazing at his insensate boyfriend, he gradually started to nod off again, leaning an arm against the bed and laying his cheek on it as the room fuzzed in and out of blackness. He half-dreamed; more than once he peeled his eyes open wide in shock, sure he'd seen Aomine's eyes blink, looking at him sometimes with compassion, sometimes with accusation, and sometimes with plain dismayed sorrow in their fathomless indigo depths….only to realize almost immediately that it had been an illusion, and those eyes remained ever closed. So he studied them, in the time he was awake, memorizing the lazy, gentle curve of their lids and the sweep of dark blue lashes that appeared black against his skin. His heart ached, and that was a pain that stayed with him even after he drifted off.

In one of these states of half-sleep, he was sure he'd felt one of Aomine's fingers tick against his palm, and while it certainly jolted him from sleep, seconds later he assured himself sternly it had just been another hallucination...but then, even as he lay there awake, watching Aomine's unresponsive as ever face, he felt it again. Just a tiny twitch, the most imperceptible of reflexes, but it hit him like a punch, and he took that hand reverently between his own, squeezing gently to try to coax another movement from it.

"Aomine…?" he breathed, staring with bated breath, silently pleading, making deals with whatever God would listen, to not be dreaming. Aomine's index finger flinched slightly again, and then, very slowly, his whole hand moved, wrapping around Kagami's with the barest amount of pressure, and Kagami swore he saw his eyelid shift, lips parting just slightly before pressing closed again as Aomine swallowed. Kagami followed every motion, hardly daring to believe it, and he could feel his eyes filling with tears again, which he impatiently blinked away.

But Aomine returned to stillness after that, and he didn't move again for a tormentingly long time. It might have been Kagami's imagination, but he thought he might have seen a little bit of color returning to his face; not enough to be called healthy by any stretch, especially considering it was Aomine, but enough to be called living, and that was enough to keep him from falling back asleep; perched on the edge of his seat, watching desperately for another sign that his lover was coming to.

Breathlessly, Kagami tried again, "Aomine, can you hear me?" He squeezed his hand tighter between his own, swallowing painfully, "I'm here...I'm right here… If you can hear me, please…" He trailed off, because, for a moment, he was sure he'd felt Aomine's fingers curling around his own again, just slightly, so subtly he shouldn't have been able to notice, but he was hard-wired to every little sign he could glean from him. He didn't know if Aomine had responded to his voice, but it was a possibility, so he tried to keep speaking, to see if he could get him to do it again, though his voice grew shakier and more unsteady the longer he tried, the words tumbling over each other until he didn't even know what he was saying anymore.

"I'm right beside you...I've always been right by your side, I'm not going to leave it. And you just wait, Aomine, you….you just wait. You're going to get better, and...then we're going to go home, and we're going to work on getting you clean so this never happens again...a-and then we...we can play basketball and kiss and sleep together every day, and m-maybe one day we can get married and move into a big house together and we...we'll both go to college and get signed to the NBA like we said we would back in school...a-and you'll get to have a future, and I'll be r-right by your side through every step of it." He broke off, realizing he was rambling, but even so, his eyes were burning and felt dangerously wet as he edged toward tears again, "But the first step is...o-opening your eyes…. Please, Aomine...just open your eyes, just look at me…"

Aomine shifted, his head tilting back slightly, like a very low-ki, stiff stretch, and his lips were moving again, just meeting and parting very slightly without sound, as if he was trying to speak but Kagami had suddenly gone deaf to whatever he was trying to say. His eyes flitted to the heart monitor, and while he was certainly no doctor, he thought he might have seen a difference in the jagged, wavering peaks and dips keeping track of Aomine's pulse and breathing.

"Ka…" His attention snapped back to Aomine, as the single soft, almost inaudible syllable reached him, distorted and feeble, but it had definitely fallen from Aomine's lips, "Kaga…"

Kagami could hear his own pulse drumming in his ears, deafeningly loud, and he leaned closer, mouth going dry as it became clear to him that Aomine was trying to articulate his name. An almost excruciating wave of love and gratitude took hold of him, and he actually shuddered with it, eyes trained unwaveringly on Aomine's face.

It was more of a loosening of his eyelids, but he caught a glimpse of brighter blue, as Aomine's eyes opened a crack, shifting and rolling back slightly before they closed again.

"Aomine….baby…" he almost bit his own tongue off in mortification, heat rising to his face; he'd never called Aomine that before, never dared to take a leaf out of his book and try a pet name on him for size, but the pleading, protective word had slipped out...and he was rewarded with Aomine's eyes slitting open again, drifting, unfocused and probably unseeing at the moment, but he inched closer to him just the same, some part of him wanting to be the first thing he laid eyes on when he opened them fully.

It took some time, and Kagami's patience that had already been frayed continued to stretch to the breaking point; sometimes he wanted to collapse against the foot of the bed in exhaustion and give it up for the day, other times he wanted to shout some of Aomine's favorite obscenities and throw something across the room, beyond frustrated that he was getting nowhere, despite his best efforts.

He'd pressed his face tiredly against the bed, close enough to feel the warmth Aomine exuded; not quite as intense as it normally was, but still present, taking a break from attempting to pull Aomine back into the world of the living... absently counting back in his head, trying to remember the last time he'd eaten something. Desires like hunger and thirst had long since abandoned him, it seemed. When he looked back up, he felt a thrill of shock run down his spine, because Aomine's half-lidded, achingly familiar dark eyes were fixed directly on him, and he could have sworn there was a vague hint of recognition in them, as if he knew he was looking at someone - maybe not who he was looking at; his slightly furrowed eyebrows looked confused and a little concerned - but he seemed a lot more awake than he'd been a moment ago.

"Aomine?" Kagami asked again, in the same wavering, desperately hoping tone he'd used over the past hour or so, his voice cracking in the middle of the word.

Aomine blinked slowly, the awareness in his gaze sharpening as his eyes focused, and his hand gradually lifted from the cot, resting unsteadily on Kagami's head and sifting through his hair.

"K-Kagami…" there was a note of surprise in his gravelly voice that Kagami hadn't expected, but though it was weak, shaky, and almost inaudible, at that moment it was the most wonderful sound he had ever heard.

TBC