Chapter 10

Kagami had a thousand questions, all clamoring to mind at once as he gazed like one starved into Aomine's beautiful eyes, but he didn't think now was the right time to ask them. Aomine seemed disoriented, delirious, and absolutely exhausted; what little energy he retained seemed like it was being channeled solely into holding Kagami's gaze, and even then it wavered frequently, and Aomine's eyelids seemed to keep trying to close, sinking down heavily before he forced them open again. Kagami didn't know how long he could keep himself awake, but he assumed it would only be a matter of time before they just stayed shut, and then he would be left waiting on the edge of his seat again for him to regain consciousness.

Slowly, he reached up and traced Aomine's cheek, a half-smile finding his face when he leaned into the touch, "I love you," he murmured softly.

He saw a blip, a change in rhythm, register on the monitor beside the bed, and his smile persisted to see proof that the words had made Aomine's heart skip, "D-dumbass," Aomine mumbled, voice still dry and thin, wobbling slightly, and he added after some hesitation, "...You too."

Kagami leaned up, bracing his free hand against the bed, and dipped his head down. Aomine's eyes closed, and Kagami's followed suit as he held his breath; his lips were an inch from his lover's when the sound of the doors squeaking open incited him to break away, interrupting the kiss before it could really happen. Aomine's eyes flitted back open in confusion, and shifted from Kagami to the nurse shuffling into the room, tired, abstract wariness crossing his face briefly.

The nurse blinked, looking from one man to the other, but whatever she thought of how close they were to each other, and Aomine's hand still resting in Kagami's hair, she didn't comment about it.

"Seems you're finally awake," she said instead, turning her attention to Aomine with an expression Kagami couldn't read, "That's good, I understand you gave Mr. Kagami quite the scare."

Aomine's eyebrows drew together slightly, and Kagami could almost hear the gears turning in his scrambled and exhausted mind, trying to put the pieces of what had happened to him together. He wondered if he hadn't even realized that he was in a hospital bed, hooked up to an I.V and everything, until now. After a few seconds, he glanced at Kagami with a dazed, unspoken question, not replying to the nurse's comments.

"You've been out cold for almost three days," Kagami explained, enunciating each word to be sure Aomine understood him in his slow, bleary state, "I was called by the hospital yesterday afternoon, and I've been here ever since, waiting for you to wake up."

Again, a myriad of questions sprang to the tip of his tongue, as he thought of the huge and numerous holes in the explanation he'd gotten of what had happened; holes only Aomine could fill…but he swallowed them down, not wanting to confuse him further. He probably couldn't remember much about the night he disappeared anyway, at least not right now.

"Wh-why did…?" Aomine began weakly, but then he stopped, and Kagami almost saw something click into place in his head, and his unsteady gaze lowered, "...Oh."

Kagami sighed. He wanted to tear his hair out in frustration at that response that only deepened his confusion; Aomine seemed to understand now what he'd done to himself, but that didn't get Kagami any closer to figuring out if it had been an accident or not. It could easily have gone either way. And he still had no idea why Aomine had left that night in the first place, or why he'd been collapsed on a bus stop halfway across Tokyo when he'd been found.

"Anyway," the nurse who'd approached the side of the bed cut in uncertainly, "I'm just going to take your numbers again, to see how you're doing. You seem much better than this morning…"

"When...c-can I leave?" Aomine mumbled, shifting as if trying to sit up, but he didn't get far, and just slumped back again.

"Not until all your vitals are stable and you're well enough to handle your first dose of methadone. We want to make sure you're on the road to recovery before we send you away."

"Methadone...?" Aomine asked blankly, following her with his eyes as she flitted about, scrawling things on her clipboard rapidly.

She glanced at him, glasses flashing, "Synthetic opioid, basically a high-strength pain reliever; it should help with the withdrawal symptoms while you detoxify."

"Withdrawal?" Kagami saw the flash of dizzy fear in Aomine's eyes as they widened slightly, and where his body had been limp and unresponsive before, now it was tense, the spikes on the heart monitor coming faster as his pulse sped up.

"Yes," the nurse said matter-of-factly, "You've been putting your life at risk, and recently you had a very close call; we don't want this to happen again, do we?"

"It'll be okay, Aomine," Kagami soothed, brushing his thumb along his boyfriend's knuckles, "You're going to be okay."

"I can't -" Aomine began hoarsely, breaking off and falling silent with a ragged sigh, closing his eyes, while the nurse finished what she was doing and bustled away without another word, leaving the two of them alone once again.

"You can," Kagami murmured, squeezing his hand, "You're strong enough to beat this...and this time we'll have help."

He knew this was one mess that wouldn't be solved just by him believing that it would, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to hope for the best, and he'd seen the strength of Aomine's determination, once it was piqued. He didn't think he would fail, as long as they didn't repeat the same mistakes that had set him back before. He did acknowledge that Aomine might never return to full health, even when he was in the clear, and all the wonderful things he'd promised the day before might never come to pass, but his recovery alone was enough of a goal, so he focused on that.

.

.

Over the course of the day, Aomine drifted in and out of consciousness, and Kagami was dragged away from him only by the protesting of his own stomach, angrily demanding he provide it with sustenance after days of running on empty. He texted Kuroko before going to sate his hunger, letting him know his whereabouts and a brief overview of what had happened to Aomine, and after a moment's hesitation did the same for Momoi. Then, he took the opportunity to stretch his legs, swinging by the closest Maji to eat his fill, and after he'd gulped down as many burgers as he could hold, he fell into the automatic habit of loitering beside the establishment, bringing a smoldering cigarette to his lips and releasing the smoke into the crisp evening air. Absently, in the lull of the subsequent relaxation, he studied the object between his fingers, dropping flecks of ash on the pavement, and a tentative idea formed in his mind.

When he returned to the hospital, Aomine had come back to awareness again, and was gazing out the window from his bed, looking very bored and a little irritated, which was actually a relief. If he was able to feel boredom, it meant there were things he would rather be doing; things he felt up to doing. An energetic spirit like him wasn't used to being confined, much less forced to lie still for so long; by his own body no less, something that had rarely failed him….although it tended to more frequently as of late.

Kagami set his offering - a Maji vanilla milkshake - on the table beside the bed. He wasn't sure if Aomine was allowed to eat or drink anything, but he couldn't think why not, if he felt like he could keep it down.

"You took your time," Aomine muttered, turning his gaze to him.

Kagami didn't reply, just tossing something from the plastic bag he held onto the bed beside him. Aomine blinked, and craned his neck down to try to see the little box.

"What's this?" he asked, running his fingers over it as if there were braille on the sides that would tell him what it contained.

Kagami sat down on the edge of the bed, and, leaning closer so his boyfriend could see, he rolled up his sleeve and bared his upper arm, "I'm going to start using the patch," he explained, "I threw out my lighter and all the packs in my car on the way here, and stopped by a convenience store to get these." He picked up the box from the bed and opened it, extracting one of the clear nicotine squares and peeling away the plastic. Taking Aomine's hand in his, he placed the patch face-up in his palm, and brought it close to his arm, "Here...this way it's you who's stopping it. We'll do it together...you help me quit, and I'll help you."

Aomine looked at him for a long moment, and Kagami noticed his gaze seemed steadier than it had been earlier, roiling with a thousand emotions, gratitude and relief seeming to win out after a while. A small smirk snuck onto his face, and he smoothed the patch - like a band-aid to fix the damage that had been dealt over months and years - onto Kagami's skin, just below his shoulder, his touch lingering like a pleasant aroma. Kagami took the hand in his own again and leaned down to kiss it, before releasing it and pulling his sleeve back down. He knew that, however long he'd had to get accustomed and become numb to it, Aomine still disapproved and was troubled by Kagami smoking, just as Kagami disapproved and was troubled by his continued flirtation with his "girl"... and if Aomine was going to be commanded and coerced to stop his dangerous bad habits, he supposed he could follow suit, as a show of support, if nothing else.

There was a minute or two of companionable silence, and then Aomine looked over at the vanilla milkshake that had been placed next to him, something like regretful distress in the furrow that appeared between his slender eyebrows. For a moment, Kagami couldn't figure out where that response had come from, but then it hit him, and he wondered how he could have missed it. Aomine only proved him right with what he asked.

"Does Tetsu know what happened? Does...he know where I am?"

"Yeah. I texted him and Momoi while you were still out of it….they were both worried about you, and said they'll be visiting soon." He hesitated, messing with the corner of the sheet under him, and gathered his resolve; he had to know, "What exactly...happened that night? Do you remember? You vanished, and the nurse said someone found you on a bus stop…"

Aomine sighed deeply, averting his gaze from Kagami, "Yeah, I remember… It's...I mean, you aren't going to like it."

"You think I like being in the dark about it any better?" Kagami replied without heat, "Tell me...please. What was going through your head then?"

Seeming very reluctant, Aomine swallowed, closing his eyes resignedly, "Fine. But only because it's you asking, and you'd better keep it the hell to yourself."

"Okay," Kagami agreed, looking at him expectantly.

For several seconds, Aomine remained silent, eyes still closed, and just when Kagami started to think he'd fallen back unconscious, he spoke, slowly and quietly, "I felt...God, I can't even tell you how shitty I felt. What Tetsu said to me...I couldn't get it out of my head, I couldn't stop thinking that he was right, about all of it."

"So you -" Kagami began, only to be cut off as Aomine's eyes snapped open.

"If you interrupt, I'll stop talking." Kagami nodded hurriedly and pantomimed zipping his lips, and after taking a deep breath, Aomine went on, "He'd given up on me. I know you heard everything, but...try to understand. This was Tetsu, who didn't stop practicing even when he was on his hands and knees puking blood, who didn't quit in a game even when the odds were against him a hundred to one…. And he fucking looked me straight in the eye and called me a lost cause; said I'd lost every last bit of his respect. The look of disgust in his eyes, I just…" he trailed off momentarily, reaching up and rubbing his temples with one hand, before setting it down carefully so he didn't pull on the tubing leading from it.

"I felt like utter crap...lower than I think I've ever felt, even coming down from the Zone way back when. I wanted to hit you or shout at you or something when you kept touching me and saying it was okay, because it was fucking not okay, and I couldn't stand that you were still treating me like…" he grit his teeth, "...Like I was even worth jack shit. There you were being so amazing and understanding...and I hated it. I hated every fucking minute because I felt so wrong and g-guilty taking it." He sighed again, and Kagami thought he heard him whisper something that sounded like "all I do is take", but he couldn't have been sure. He was surprised Aomine was admitting as much as he was, diligently picking through his feelings on the matter when typically he rarely even touched his emotions with a meter stick when he spoke.

"I couldn't stand it, and I felt like I was going to explode, so I left. Tetsu said he thought I knew what I should do that would be best for you, but all that came to mind was to get the hell out of your life so I could stop screwing it up."

Forgetting his promise not to interrupt, Kagami protested, "You haven't screwed up my life,"

Aomine gave him a withering glare, "Really, Bakagami? You want to go there? Remember all the plans you had, when you got out of high school? You were going to go to a university on a scholarship and work your way up to the NBA, or if that didn't work out, you were going to work for the fire department. And where exactly are you now? Waiting tables at some sushi joint, college applications and basketball shoes gathering dust in your closet while you struggle on your own to hold up an apartment and pay the bills with your lazy-ass, unemployed addict boyfriend dragging you down. Almost two years after graduation and you're heading fucking nowhere fast - "

Aomine's voice broke, strained from such harsh usage after the neglect it had taken, and he fell silent, glaring daggers at Kagami as if daring him to refute any of this onslaught. He couldn't….not because he thought it was all entirely true, at least not as he saw it, but because he was shocked, and couldn't speak for a moment, taking in everything Aomine had said. That was the first time, he was fairly certain, that he'd used the word addict to describe himself, the first time he'd faced facts, even if it was in a crude, unfairly phrased way.

After a moment, he untied his tongue enough to answer, "It could still happen. I'm not sure they'd let me into the NBA since I've slacked off training so much and kind of wrecked my lungs, but I think I could still play basketball professionally if I tried hard enough. That's besides the point, though. I don't care if I never stand on a real court again, I don't care if I never get accepted by a college, I don't care if I end up stuck in our two-bedroom apartment, waiting tables for the rest of my goddamn life….as long as you're still in it. My life couldn't possibly be screwed up as long as it's got you in it."

Aomine looked at him, agape, for several seconds, and then shut his mouth and snorted, "Touching. But I don't want to be the deadweight that ruins all your hard-earned potential. You have a future, and whatever you might say, it still seems a lot brighter if I'm not in your way."

He paused, and then seemed ready to resume his story, voice a little more ragged now, "...It seemed that way then; I realized I was just holding you back, and I couldn't bear it. So I took off. I didn't really know where I planned to go, so I just kept walking 'til I came to a bus terminal. Thought I'd figure it out if I looked at an actual map, but once I sat down and tried to think, all my mind kept...circling back to was you. And it hurt….it really fucking hurt," he rubbed a hand against his chest absently, as if able to recall that past pain, and didn't say anything for a few moments.

He bit his lip, looking up at the ceiling; seeming to hesitate before continuing, "I knew it was too soon. I knew it hadn't been enough time yet, and my system was still full of smack, but for a minute there I didn't really care. I just...couldn't take that hurt, I felt like I was going to come apart, so I got out the rig I'd brought with me and loaded up, trying to make it stop. I realized in about a second that I'd messed up, big time, but of course I couldn't take it back, and….I thought if I was about to bite the big one ahead of schedule, if I was never going to see you again, I should at least...tell you what I meant to a long time ago."

Kagami lowered his gaze, feeling his throat close up and his eyes sting, but refusing to cry yet again over this whole mess. So...he was half right and half wrong, whichever way he went. Aomine had known what he was doing and went ahead anyway, but he hadn't been trying to kill himself, and had realized his mistake a little too late. He was just out of his mind with pain, trying to find relief, and only after he'd put more of the killer drug in his body than it could handle did it hit him that his life was probably going to end up being the price for his respite.

Aomine's eyes closed again, and after a long stretch of silence, he pressed on, "I was scared," Kagami tilted his head, surprised; he didn't have to say that...he could have just let Kagami infer… He found himself grudgingly impressed, despite himself, that the bluenette had the guts and maturity to admit it. Desperate times, maybe...he did almost die. "But there wasn't a whole lot I could do, so I just sat and waited, wondering if it would be fast, if it would hurt, if there was a God; all the shit people think about when they know they're about to kick the bucket. I kind of wished I could see you one last time, so I could say to your face what I'd only managed to send you via text...and so I could say I was sorry. It was weird, it was kind of like I was underwater, but not like the Zone where everything gets clearer the further down you sink...everything was just getting darker and blurrier, the street lights were dimmer, I couldn't even see the stars, and I felt like I couldn't breathe, like my lungs just didn't work. Then, everything just cut out. Next thing I knew I was looking at your face…I couldn't believe it. I was surrounded by white and staring into your eyes, for a minute I thought I'd cheated the system and gone to heaven -" he cut himself off quickly, looking mortified as if realizing he'd said way too much, and Kagami saw spots of color on his cheeks as he jerkily looked away. His heart melted, and he resisted the temptation to tease, knowing it would probably earn him the silent treatment, and that was the last thing he wanted when he'd finally been reunited with his lover after two days without him, not knowing if he was alive or dead.

"...The first thing Kuroko said when I told him you'd gone missing was that he was sorry," he said after a moment, seeking out Aomine's gaze, "Said it hadn't been his place to interfere and if anything happened to you it would be his fault."

"Tetsu said that?" Aomine blinked, looking over at him.

Kagami nodded, "I know it doesn't excuse what he said to you, but when I let him know you were in the hospital he seemed like he wanted to make up for what he did….he wants to make it up to you somehow."

"There's nothing to make up for," Aomine sighed, shifting uncomfortably against the pillows behind his head, "He was right, I was wrong. End of story."

"He attacked you and made you feel like a worthless piece of trash," Kagami argued, trying to defend his boyfriend against...himself. He made you cry, he wanted to add, but he didn't think that reminder would go over well with Aomine.

"And he was right," Aomine said bluntly, "What he said was the truth; I'm done making excuses."

"Don't say that," Kagami pleaded, rising to his feet as if the height advantage would help him make his point, "You're worth so much more than that...to me. I love you."

Aomine's eyebrow twitched. He looked uncomfortable; pained, like he was swallowing nails...and unlike earlier, he didn't reciprocate the promise.

"I'm tired," he muttered after a moment, not looking Kagami in the eye, "Everything hurts, and that's only going to get worse. I know you mean well, but you're not helping, Kagami. ...Now do me a fucking favor and leave me alone."

Kagami took a step back, recoiling as if Aomine had swung a punch at him, trying not to let the hurt show on his face. He recognized the dramatic swing in his mood as a telltale sign that the severe, almost fatal high he'd put himself under had long since worn off, and his temper was shortening. Something Kagami had said had triggered the sudden spurt of aggression, that he knew for certain, and, giving ground to the volatile bluenette, he sat down in the chair beside the bed, pushing it back slightly to give Aomine his personal space.

He couldn't feel too wounded. Aomine had divulged a lot more than he'd bargained for, and was still worn out and unstable from the whole ordeal; he understood if his head or throat were starting to hurt from talking so much, and with his last dose of pain-killing heroin long absent from his veins, he was probably just starting to ache in general, and that tended to make him irritable. Besides that, Kagami had some information to stew in, and it would be easier to break down and figure out if he did so on his own, without interruption.

He wondered if it was ever going to get better for them. The best-case scenario right now was Aomine getting himself clean, and never again touching or even going near his "girl"; the two of them living happily together without ever having to deal with that mess again was enough to hope for. Almost too much, actually, because he figured Aomine's years as an addict would definitely leave their mark on him...whether physically or otherwise, and even without taking that into account, things certainly wouldn't be perfect.

Besides that, Aomine had had a point...with both of their indulgences harming their bodies and their lack of maintained practice, they'd both just about thrown their chances as professional athletes out the window...Aomine in particular. Playing at a professional level - or even the level he'd been at during high school - in his current physical state would probably destroy his body...what was left intact to begin with, anyway. He wouldn't last a single season.

Saddened by the thought of Aomine letting the chance to play the sport he loved for a living slip irretrievably through his fingers, and with it the chance to maybe reach his full potential at last, he glanced over at the bed, observing his sleeping boyfriend quietly. He'd already gone through so much pain; he'd more than paid for his past choices, and it seemed like his brush with death at the hands of his "girl" was enough to sway him to try again to give it up. And then he would get a second chance at a future. Maybe not the one he'd had in mind, but...he'd live to see it, at least. That was a start, and more than Kagami had been able to say for certain two days ago.

TBC

((Ten chapters already, can you believe it? ...Sheesh, first no dialogue, then all dialogue; inconsistent much? Anyway, probably just going to finish this story up before working on the others...a couple more chapters - hopefully more eventful than this one - and it'll be done.

Feedback is appreciated, as always; takes a second, means a lot.

-Shinsun))