Chapter 11

Aomine was released from the hospital the following afternoon, but he was still unsteady and listless, and all he seemed to want to do was sleep. The nurse who'd been checking in often gave Kagami a notecard with an address and phone number scrawled across it, claiming that was the best clinic to get Aomine started on the path to recovery, and then said he was free to go.

Kuroko had visited earlier that morning, bearing words of sympathy - for Kagami, not so much Aomine - and an apology for letting this happen. He didn't attempt to take any of what he'd said back, but his disgust and hostility towards Aomine seemed to have dulled, and the atmosphere between them was certainly awkward. What did one say to the person they'd emotionally shattered and then indirectly put in the hospital? He'd also mentioned that Akashi had been notified of Aomine's whereabouts, and sent his concern - which Kagami had taken with a grain of salt; Akashi and concern were two ideas that didn't really belong on the same emotional plane, and even if he did send that sentiment on Aomine's behalf, it was most likely not genuine. Just whatever obligation he felt he owed a former teammate and opponent. Apparently, he'd also said that Aomine had better recover from this "setback", or he would have hell to pay when Akashi got ahold of him. The veiled threat did more to get Kagami's attention than anything else, because he'd known Akashi to be exactly as merciless and psychotic as his words and appearance suggested, on occasion.

Aomine, for his part, had said very little overall; he didn't seem to resent or blame Kuroko for what had happened, and actually didn't seem to bear him any ill will at all. He'd just seemed upset with himself, and had barely made eye contact with his old friend over the course of his stay. All he said in response to Kuroko's apology for pushing him so far was a morose "It's fine" - as if their argument hadn't brought about such drastic, devastating consequences - and then he'd looked away, preventing any further conversation.

Kagami had taken the opportunity to explain the new circumstances to his former "shadow", and what had been going on the past few days. He gave him a very abridged version of Aomine's story concerning the night he disappeared; saying only that he'd tried to leave, ended up on a bus stop, and accidentally overdosed because he was hurt over the prospect of parting with Kagami. For some reason, when he was finished, and went on to say that Aomine was going to try again to quit using as soon as he was out of the hospital, a lot of the stiff formality left Kuroko's face, and when he glanced at Aomine out of the corner of his eye, the concern didn't seem as forced.

"Aomine-kun is never going to go back to the way he was," the light bluenette had murmured levelly, but there was a sorrow in his gaze that didn't match up with the impartial words. That had been Kuroko's goal for a long time, after all...to restore Aomine to the carefree, exuberant spirit he'd known in middle school. It was a mission that had seemed to succeed, for the most fleeting spell of time after the Winter Cup, but really...perhaps it had been doomed to fail from the start.

Kagami had grunted an agreement to his comment, but the truth was he'd already resigned himself to that fact long ago. There was no going back to the old Aomine, and even if he did recover, he would never be the same. Part of him would always be damaged; eaten away by the drug that had visited his veins for three years. They had yet to see how large that part of him would end up being.

Kagami could see that Aomine just wanted to rest; didn't even want to eat anything, and as soon as he was in the car ready to leave, he started to fall asleep in his seat. Hesitating indecisively as he started the car and exited the hospital parking garage, Kagami's mind turned to the notecard in his pocket. Would it be better to stop by the clinic he'd been directed to first, before heading home? He didn't know how long that would take, or what it would entail, and Aomine was already exhausted, from just staying awake to see Kuroko earlier. He should get a good night's sleep in his own bed first… he decided, He probably couldn't hold a coherent conversation with anyone right now. Let him sleep off the trauma and the hospital's painkillers, and we'll go first thing in the morning.

He couldn't explain the unease that stayed with him as he turned at the intersection to take them home, glancing at Aomine slouching, fast asleep, against the window, and he tried to tell himself there wasn't really anything that could happen now that hadn't already happened. Surely the worst was behind them now.

.

.

In the middle of the night, Kagami was awakened by a strangled scream. Flailing in panicked surprise and almost falling out of bed, he managed to regain his balance before he tumbled to the floor, gripping the headboard behind him and trying to catch his breath. He wondered for a moment, as he panted and attempted to slow his racing heart, if he'd imagined the sound, but then his eyes fell on Aomine, who had his hands clenched tightly in the sheets, knuckles showing white in the sparse moonlight filtering through the window. Pressing his face that Kagami managed to glimpse was contorted with agony against the pillow, Aomine grit out a low, muffled moan of pain, and after a moment's uncertainty, Kagami reached out and shook his shoulder to wake him.

"Aomine? Hey, are you okay?" Stupid question, he berated himself, But I've never...heard him scream like that before. His heart twisted as he replayed the sound in his mind - he'd sounded like he was being stabbed or something… - and he watched Aomine shift and his eyes squint open, before immediately squeezing shut again.

"Fuck..." he groaned, voice strained and a little slurred with sleep, arms wrapping around his midsection as he curled up in a ball.

Kagami scooted closer to him, hand lowering to awkwardly rub his back - soaked with sweat even through his shirt - but he stopped immediately when Aomine tensed, hissing a breath as if even the gentle touch were painful.

"What hurts?" he asked softly, keeping his voice as soothing as he could manage.

"God, everything hurts…" Aomine muttered against the mattress, taking short, harsh breaths at uneven intervals, "My stomach...ugh...feels like it's being ripped out…"

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He remembered Aomine complaining of severe stomach pain on only one occasion, and it had led to him dashing to the bathroom to throw up as his body battled the symptoms of withdrawal, months ago. It seemed worse now...maybe because it was the second time around, maybe because his body was already weakened from the ordeal that had him hospitalized, or maybe because he'd been using for a longer period of time, and taking away something that had become fundamental to him feeling normal had more drastic consequences.

Aomine grit his teeth, and Kagami saw a fresh wave of sweat break out across his forehead, "Shit, a-anything..." he choked, "Talk to me, sing, I don't care, just keep my mind away from…" he trailed off, but he didn't need to finish his sentence for Kagami to understand.

"Okay, uh…" Kagami began, but his mind had gone blank of any topics he could bring up to take Aomine's mind off the pain and dangerous need assaulting him. After a moment, one of Aomine's eyes - appearing silver in the darkness - opened, and looked at him with a mixture of prompting and discomfort, "Sh-shut up," he stammered self-consciously, though the bluenette hadn't said anything, "I'm thinking."

"Is it really that hard...to just distract me?" Aomine huffed.

Distract you? Shaking off his floundering attempts to make conversation, Kagami hesitantly leaned down, one hand cupping Aomine's chin, and brought their lips together. Aomine's were dry and chapped, and he started in surprise at the contact, but didn't protest, letting Kagami kiss him; lapping at the corner of his mouth, nibbling gently, changing the angle frequently. After a moment, he broke away, confusion and maybe a little spark of interest joining the misery etched onto his face.

"What the hell...are you doing?" he asked dryly, as Kagami leaned in again and pressed his lips to the side of his neck, tasting the salt of his sweat.

"Mh...distracting you," Kagami replied simply, kissing the hollow of his throat, "Tell me if I'm hurting you, I'll stop."

Aomine exhaled slowly, and Kagami glanced up to see his eyes flutter closed, a tiny bit of tension leaving him, "No," he muttered quietly, shaking fingers reaching up and combing through Kagami's hair, "Don't stop…"

Kagami decided to take that as permission. Part of him wanted to think he could replace Aomine's pain with pleasure, and make him feel good, but he knew even his best efforts would barely amount to a drop in the bucket right now. Aomine's pleasure receptors were rather stunted and frayed to begin with, ravaged by the extreme effects of the drug that had overstimulated them and then left them in ruin. He couldn't process the simple joy of a sunny day or a well-cooked meal anymore; heroin, basketball, and even sex no longer brought him true euphoria. Nothing did. He could still register happiness and bliss if conditions were right, but he was incapable of feeling ecstatic, or just...content in his everyday life.

It was a piece of himself that he would never get back, something his "girl" had sucked away...and for awhile Kagami thought it was one of the saddest things he'd ever seen. Now, he was pretty used to it; he still mourned the loss, but he understood there was nothing he could do to reverse it, and commanded himself to just be grateful for what he had. Because he was one of the few people who could coax a smile from Aomine, or provoke him to put up an effort. He was one of the only remaining lights in his life, and even if Aomine had never told him that, it was something he knew they were both very aware of.

So Kagami set his bar lower, to accommodate for Aomine's shortcomings and the physical torment he was already experiencing, and decided if he could get him calm enough to conceivably fall back asleep, he would be satisfied. He regretted waking him up in the first place; he hadn't known he would drag him into this agony by doing so...at least when he was asleep he was mostly unaware of it.

Touching his lips to Aomine's jaw, he trailed soft, lingering kisses along his neck, nuzzling and cherishing the smooth, tan skin damp with sweat, occasionally grazing with his teeth, but never biting. He didn't want to add more discomfort, however slight.

"Just relax, baby…" he crooned, watching Aomine's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and placing a light kiss on it.

The bluenette made a short sound that might have been an attempt at a laugh, but came out more like a gasp of pain, "Th-that's a new one,"

Kagami felt heat crawl up his face, and ducked his head away, "Asshole,"

"Hm, s-somehow I...prefer that one," Aomine remarked shakily, trying to smirk and only managing a grimace, "...Sounds more like you."

Kagami sighed exasperatedly and touched their lips together for a split-second, "You mean because it's more like what I would say, or because it describes me?"

"Both…"

Sighing again, but this time with affection, Kagami captured his mouth, moving slowly and tentatively, not rushing the gentle kiss. It occurred to him that there had been a time - just a day or so ago, actually - that he'd wondered if he'd never have this again, never again get to experience the teasing banter that lead right into kissing, and while it was tamer right now, it wouldn't always have to be. Because there would be many more faux arguments and heartfelt liplocks in their future, when this whole mess was finally sorted out….he would make sure of it.

He kept up the procession of kisses, never moving lower than Aomine's collarbone for fear of hurting him, and Aomine gradually relaxed; giving to his touch and uncoiling from his rigid position, sometimes holding his breath in between brushes of Kagami's lips. Finally, his eyes drifted shut and stayed that way. His body seemed to loosen up slightly, though it still trembled now and then, his breathing coming slower and deeper as he fell asleep at last. He'd always been a heavy sleeper, and nodded off quickly, but while he'd been in the hospital, and after leaving it, it was like sleep was his default, and he only got brief spells of wakefulness in between long, comatose dozes.

Kagami moved over, claiming his spot beside his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him protectively, as lightly as he could, so as not to aggravate his aching, currently sensitive skin. And he hoped, as his thoughts started to blur with weariness settling over him, that this would be both the first and the last night that Aomine jolted him from sleep by screaming in pain.

.

.

Kagami didn't know what he'd expected the clinic to be like. Probably like the mental institutions he saw in movies, and as such, he wasn't that surprised by what he was greeted with upon entering the place early the next morning - clean off-white floors and walls and very little to catch one's eye...rather like the hospital had been. After a moment, Aomine shuffled in behind him, hands in the pockets of his jacket; oozing reluctance. He knew very little made his boyfriend really uncomfortable, but not being in control of a situation, not being able to predict what was going to happen, was one thing that did. At least he seemed a little better than he had the night before, but he was still shaking, and Kagami could tell by the occasional winces that crossed his face that he was still in a lot of pain….just good at concealing and downplaying it. A skill he'd picked up not only in the time that he'd used heroin, but before then, when he couldn't afford to let his soreness from practicing basketball to exhaustion show. Kagami had learned over the years not to always go by what he said or did, when trying to figure out if he was feeling okay.

When he sat down beside Kagami in what he supposed counted as a waiting room, he blanched with the nausea the quick motion must have brought, and then turned a delicate shade of green, fixing his dull blue eyes on the floor.

Kagami nudged him, very lightly, "Hey, this'll be over before you know it...and then you'll feel better."

Aomine swallowed, with difficulty, "Fuck, I hope so."

Kagami tried to laugh, "I'd watch that mouth around these clinic people, or they might not feel like helping you...besides, you're making me look bad."

"Shut up, dumbass," Aomine muttered hoarsely, "You swear just as much as me, don't...don't flatter yourself."

"You've got to be kidding me," Kagami raised an eyebrow, "You could scrub your mouth out with soap every day and it still wouldn't be clean; no way in hell mine's that filthy."

His attempt at teasing seemed to work, because a tired half-smirk lifted the side of Aomine's mouth, "Huh, maybe I sh-should taste it to be sure."

Kagami shrugged, "Put this methadone stuff down your throat first, then my tongue can follow it."

He didn't realize what he'd said until Aomine blinked, and then gave a low whistle of surprise, though it quavered about halfway through, diminishing the sass considerably, "Damn, Kagami….was that a quip I just heard? You're turning into a shameless flirt."

Flushing to the roots of his hair, Kagami ducked his head away, "I'm p-plenty ashamed."

He felt lips lightly touch one of his flaming cheeks, and almost flinched, looking up perplexedly.

"And plenty adorable…" Aomine murmured, drawing away, his tone changing as he went on, "Well, let's get this over with...so my little tiger can make good on his promise."

"Don't call me that," Kagami muttered; halfheartedly, because none of his protests had ever stopped Aomine from calling him whatever he pleased. He supposed he should have counted himself lucky he hadn't picked anything too demeaning...yet.

"...So what are we supposed to do now?" Aomine grumbled after a moment, bracing his elbows against his knees and letting his hands dangle loosely between them.

"Just wait for someone to come for us, I guess. We do have an appointment; I called ahead of time so it shouldn't be long."

It must have been a busy day, because it was a longer wait than he might have liked. Almost twenty minutes went by, during which they lapsed into quiet chatting about nothing in particular, before someone finally emerged from the hallway and asked for an Aomine Daiki. Kagami immediately shot to his feet, offering a hand to help Aomine stand up, and he wasn't surprised when it was pushed away. However shaky and awful Aomine might have been feeling, it seemed he still retained pride enough to want to do things on his own...he wasn't far gone enough yet in his torment to accept help for such simple tasks. Pushing off the rigid seat of the chair, Aomine stood and immediately wobbled before catching his balance, shooting Kagami a glare as if daring him to offer patronizing support or ask if he was okay. Kagami just smiled with minimal exasperation and shook his head, turning back to their company - a calm-looking, grey-haired man he assumed was a doctor or something...he wasn't sure - and motioning for him to lead on.

"I'm very glad you decided to visit," the man said in a slow, mellow voice that Kagami wondered if he'd been trained to use, as he lead them down a wide hallway to a room that looked strangely cozier than he'd expected...better than the rigid, spotless wards at the hospital, "It takes real courage to ask for help; admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovering."

Aomine opened his mouth to speak, but Kagami nudged him in the ribs - less gently than before - as a nonverbal request for him to not speak unless it was required; ignoring the scowl of offense that was shot at him. He gave his boyfriend a chastising look, wondering if he got the message. We're here because of your mess; my money and this man's time is being put into cleaning it up. The least you can do is keep your head down and be respectful.

The man made a gesture inviting the two of them to sit down, and Kagami took it after a moment of hesitation. Aomine, however, remained standing, the glint of sweat on his skin and slight furrowing of his eyebrows the only indications of the pain he was still feeling.

"You're Aomine Daiki, right?" the man asked in his smooth-as-honey voice, looking Aomine up and down. He didn't wait for a response before going on, smiling pleasantly, "I'm Doctor Sugawara, it's a pleasure to meet you. I understand you're here on account of an addiction to heroin?"

Aomine visibly flinched, as if the word itself had pierced his skin like the needles associated with it.

"Yes," he said stiffly, shifting his weight.

"I see," Sugawara nodded, still smiling his gentle smile, "Would you mind telling me how long this has been going on?"

Aomine was silent, arms slowly crossing, as if in defense. Sighing, Kagami stood up, resigning himself to Aomine's stubbornness causing this to take forever.

"About three years," he clarified, looking at Aomine with an unspoken question.

A rapid, silent exchange of communication took place, all in expressions.

Kagami frowned, as if to say, Why didn't you answer him?

Aomine's lip curling just slightly said, I don't have to answer to anyone.

Kagami gave him a reproachful look; This'll be over faster if you cooperate.

You were the one who told me not to speak, Aomine's raised eyebrows retorted.

Rolling his eyes, Kagami returned his attention to the doctor, expecting him to ask more questions that he would have to answer in Aomine's place. Instead, Sugawara walked over to the other side of the room, opened a filing cabinet, and extracted a few sheets of paper. These he handed to Aomine along with a pen, which the bluenette accepted after a moment's perplexed refusal.

The doctor gave his relaxed smile again and stepped back, "Alright. Just fill out those forms regarding your patient history, and you can go. Then, in about two days, we'll call you in for your first methadone dose."

Aomine blinked, and then glanced at Kagami, mouthing "Two days?" silently.

Kagami felt the same thrill of unease as he assumed Aomine had just felt. It had only taken three for both of them to break under the strain of withdrawal before; he'd assumed treatment would start right away, once they explained why it was needed. There are going to be more nightmarish experiences like last night before this is over?

"Why can't he get it today?" he asked, keeping the frantic note carefully out of his voice.

"He has to be approved first," Sugawara explained calmly, "We'll look over his physical and mental records, then if it's safe and necessary, I'll be happy to give it to him. You'll both just have to be patient until then; two days won't kill you."

The suppressed spark of fear in Aomine's eyes before he dropped them to the ground told Kagami he wasn't so sure, and he could see his shaking had started up again, more noticeably than before. After a moment, he sat down heavily in one of the padded chairs, and Kagami joined him hesitantly.

"Aomine?" he prompted, dipping his head to try to meet the bluenette's downcast eyes.

Aomine seemed to be frozen, his hand clenching the pen hovering over the paperwork in his lap, "Kagami, I can't..." he said after a moment, voice cracking, and he finally looked up, fixing Kagami with a gaze so full of panic and dread that he could only withstand looking at it for a few seconds before he had to break eye contact, "...I can't do this. No way am I going through that again."

Kagami was silent a moment. He couldn't promise it would be okay, because he knew it wouldn't be. He knew he was asking Aomine to keep himself cut off cold turkey for two more days, knowing the kind of torture that was in store for him if he did, and having nothing to ease it. He was already hurting terribly, sweating and shaking, and it was only going to get worse...so much worse...from here. How could he ask that of him?

Summoning his resolve, he returned his gaze to his boyfriend's steadily, "Try," he urged, "You have to at least try, please...for me."

Taking a deep breath, Aomine turned to the sheets of paper resting against his legs, "Okay. You're right, I won't let it beat me. The only one who can beat me is me….and sometimes you."

Kagami gave a wry smile at the return of Aomine's old credo, and it turned into a genuine one at the three words he'd added at the end of it.

"That's the spirit, Aho," he encouraged softly, not bothering to hide the swell of pride in his voice. He lightly rested an arm against Aomine's shoulder, a silent show of support, as he bent down and started to write, "...Let's end this thing once and for all."

TBC