What are you most excited for in college? - football!...and parties...;)

Do you have a boyfriend? - not at the moment but there is a guy in the picture

What's your favorite flower? - yellow tulips and white peonies

"The best thing about the worst part of your life is that you see everyone's true colors." - Anonymous

May woke up suddenly, the nightmare of Beckner's death still haunting her. She grabbed her fuzzy pink slippers and slid on a sweatshirt. Out in the hallway, the guards did not even ask her where she was going. Down at the end of the hallway she saw the lights were still on in America's room. Her feet guided her there unconsciously.

Maybe she could explain everything to her older sister. Maybe America would understand. Maybe her older sister would feel some sympathy for May losing Beckner that she wouldn't even be mad about all of those assassination attempts.

The guards outside their bedroom nodded to May as she walked past and she stopped with her hand on the door, sorting her thoughts to know what she'd say. Then she heard laughter from within the room and America's voice. "Are you serious?" America laughed. "I can't believe you just did that! It's not like you've been living here your whole life or anything."

"Hey, it's dark in there!" Maxon defended, his laughter joining America's.

May drew back from the door abruptly, pulling her hand away from the doorknob. She had been so silly to think that America would understand. Of course she would always side with Maxon and anything that threatened Maxon's life was automatically dead to her. She would never understand May's heartbreak over losing Beckner. Despite America's experience with losing her husband, she could never comprehend the position May was in.

The guard next to her – she thought his name was Tanner or something – spoke up. "I wouldn't disturb them at night, if you know what I mean m'lady."

Shuddering at the thought, she nodded. "Yes, I understand," she said irritably. She turned and crept back down the hallway to the grand staircase. Although the thought of sex still made her slightly uncomfortable she couldn't help the infinitesimal jealousy that slid into her with how physical of a relationship her sister had with Maxon.

The first floor of the palace was quiet, only a couple maids meandering through the halls cleaning what they couldn't when the royal family was around during the day. She expected the infirmary to be quiet as well but apparently a stable hand had sustained an injury while working and was yelling as nurses reset one of his bones.

She had seen the entrance to the morgue before but had never dared to go inside. Now no one was looking so she went inside, the door thumping shut behind her quietly. It was cold inside, making her shiver a little. It smelled like rubbing alcohol and plastic. Two bodies were lying on metal tables with tags hanging from their wrists. She picked up the first one and read the name. Beckner Leger. She covered her mouth to stifle a sob.

Drawing back the white cloth, she stared at his handsome face, so like his older brother's. "At least you're with Aspen now, Beck," she said miserably. What she wouldn't do just for another smile, laugh or kiss. She wanted forever with him but now he would be spending forever without her and she without him. As ridiculous as it was to imagine, she wanted it. She knew that meddling in her sister's marriage would have only ended in one way but she couldn't help hoping.

The door opened behind her and the head doctor walked in. She hastily drew the cloth back over Beckner's head and wiped her cheeks. "I thought I saw someone sneak in here. What are you doing here, young lady?"

"Oh I was just…" she stammered.

"Looking to visit Gerad?" he provided for her.

She nodded. "Yep."

"Well he's out in the main room," the doctor said. He gestured to the door with his clipboard. She ducked her head as she was passing by him but he pulled her back. "Miss Singer, I have been in this position as doctor for a long time and I have seen a lot of patients pass through these doors. I probably hear a lot of conversations that I shouldn't but I do. Just keep that in mind."

She walked back out to the main room of the hospital and looked down the rows of beds and saw Gerad, asleep in his bed. Or at least trying to sleep. She doubted he had slept through the commotion of the man yelling in pain. Shame coloring her face, she turned away and walked out of the infirmary. She was going to take advantage of Gerad's absence for as long as she could, not wanting to have to face the repercussions of her actions.

With nowhere else for her to go for a distraction, she conceded and went to bed. She laid in her warm bed staring up at the gauzy pink curtains hanging above her for hours, missing the feeling of Beck's arms around her more than anything. She woke up and got dressed and walked down to the dining room.

Maxon was sitting in his seat reading a newspaper with America standing behind him and reading over his shoulder. He looked up at her and said something quietly, looking back to his paper. She whispered back and he smiled as she laughed and kept looking at him instead of the paper. They both seemed to look up at May at the same time and their smiles sank ever so slightly. "Good morning May," Maxon greeted but his hospitality seemed more diplomatic than familiar.

She waved back and then looked at the rest of her family sitting around the table – including Gerad. He noticed her and waved to her excitedly. "Hey May! I was saving this seat here for you!" he exclaimed, his voice louder than what was proper for the palace.

She stopped in her tracks and rubbed her neck nervously. "Oh, Gerad, thanks. Um, how are you feeling?" she forced out, subtly moving the chair sideways more, away from him. She suddenly felt very hot and uncomfortable.

"Oh you know, besides not being able to eat any solid food, I'm great! And Dr. Mackey said that I can drink hot chocolate!" he announced.

America walked past, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet. "Just take it slow buddy," she called to him.

"Ames, I liked you better before you were a mom," Gerad said affectionately.

She rolled her eyes and May looked around, noticing that half her family wasn't there. "Where's Christian?" she asked abruptly, cutting Maxon off from whatever he was saying.

"Kota, James, and Kenna are taking him off our hands for a couple days. They are going to the coast for a little vacation," America answered, sipping her tea and peering over the top of her mug at May inquisitively.

May sighed. She should have gone on that trip. It would have been a way to escape Amberly. Despite their agreement made several days ago, she still felt pressured to pull through on her job. The weight of responsibility pulled her down, hunching her shoulders. "You know, I'm not really feeling well. I'm going to go rest for a bit," she told them, her breathing starting to get shallow.

She didn't wait for America or Maxon to approve of her departure; she simply walked out. She ran up to her room and collapsed against her closed door, sobbing loudly. "Pull it together May," she mumbled to herself. She crossed the room and swung the doors open wide, walking over to her bed to sit and allow the cold winter air to soothe her.

There was a tap on her door and America walked in. "Jesus, May, you're going to get pneumonia it's so cold in here!" she exclaimed, rushing to close the doors. May didn't respond. America sat down next to her sister on the bed. "May, you know you can tell me anything you need to, right?"

"Of course," May said, not meeting her sister's eye.

"So you wouldn't mind telling me what's been bothering you these past few weeks?"

May looked up at her and immediately felt defensive. "Nothing's been bothering me lately. I'm fine," she lied quickly.

America rolled her eyes and looked away, obviously not buying it. "When I found out that Maxon had pretty much lied to me about his entire life, I didn't know how I would ever forgive him. I understand that it's different because he's my husband, but at the end of the day nothing could change the fact that I love him and I was able to look past all of his mistakes and move on."

"Ames, I really don't want to hear about your marriage right now, okay?" May snapped.

America drew back suddenly. "I'm just saying, I'm not stupid May. You can't fool me, or Kenna. Maybe Mom and Dad but we're your sisters. You've been distant and angry and I think I know why. Don't just assume that I'll punish you for what you've done." She stood up and paused on her way out to say, "I've made plenty of mistakes too May. I've killed people, I've deceived the people I love…I can relate to you, believe it or not. I can help you."

so this would have been updated sooner but the site was having problems...I'm sure you all know this already. anyway, I changed the ending for this story a little bit to make it shorter but a lot better than it was already. I'm just not getting many reviews anymore and I don't want to sound whiny but with less reviews I'm less motivated. again, I'm sure you all can understand that. and I'm honestly just ready to be done with this fanfic and move on to my other one for the Hunger Games.

with that said, review and send me questions please!

(And Happy Easter!)