*AN – This is really sort of a part two to the last chapter, this is what the second half should be like but I thought I wouldn't be able to type all of this up in time, but I have alot of spare time now that I'm off school for a while lol, so here's another 6000 words for you guys ;)*

I laughed at his loud antics and held up a hand to him signalling that I would be another five minutes before I was ready, he nodded and slipped away into the crowd, his hips jiggling ever so slightly to the beat.

I breathed a sigh then set off to collect my packed bag from the truck. I was slightly scared at being so exposed in front of them all but I pushed through those thoughts and onto the ones that told me, for once, I was going to enjoy myself. It didn't help that I felt immensely out of place here.

I was making my way back to the house hopping from foot to foot as I pulled of my trainers on the soft earth in front of Jacob's house, changing into a pair of turquoise flip flops I was guessing would be more suitable for the outing.

I heard the continuous laughter inside the house and I suddenly wondered what everyone would do while we were away, would they just wait on us? My question was answered almost precisely as many tanned bodies began pouring from out of the small house; shouting, singing and dancing into a minibus and two cars, only my truck and Jacob's white car was left.

The last four found their way outside as I watched them from my truck. Billy spoke to Jacob who his muscular arm swung around the waist of his beautiful girlfriend. My mind changed at that moment, I was going there on my own, my body was telling me I needed time to think or I was going to crumble, I had to listen to that instinct or I would be in a lot of trouble, I had to trust myself.

I did, I climbed into my truck and roared up the engine. They all turned with a look of shock and I laughed. I wasn't really laughing though; it was fake and slightly sycophantic sounding to my well attuned ears. I knew what my real laugh sounded like and that wasn't it.

I couldn't understand it; I was falling into the trap of being fake with them too. What the hell was going on inside me that was forcing me to be this weird unbalanced person. I knew the reason but I refused for the moment to accept it. It made me sick that such a twisted person had such a strong hold on my life.

I stared straight at them and opened my mouth to speak, "I'll meet you guys there, I need to get changed anyways, I'm guessing it's the usual spot," I seemed to be watching myself from somewhere else, it was as if I wasn't me, but a judgemental spectator. One who was noticing all my flaws and faults as I spoke; this is what he had made my mind into.

Who would have thought one kid could do this damage; he had wrecked my personality the day he had decided to become the dipshit he is.

Jacob nodded suspiciously, his eyes locked with mines and I knew he was asking if I was okay, I nodded slowly before reversing and turning away from the Black's house. I blasted the music, losing myself inside it; I didn't want to think about me in this particular moment.

I bit my lip in anticipation, I wasn't expecting the waves to be so high today, but the wind was picking up pace and the water coincided with that. I knew where this place was, I had been here many times with my father, Billy and Jacob.

It was the spot where, so many years ago, Jacob had told me I was beautiful no matter what other people said. His words had probably saved my life then. I pulled in and changed quickly into my wetsuit, checking repetitively out the window to make sure no one was looking.

Exiting my truck, I opened the glove compartment, pulled out a torch and walked slowly down to the beach; they were certainly taking their time. I threw of my specially chosen flip flops, I had changed my mind, I wanted to feel the wet sand between my toes, even if it meant I might get a couple of cuts of rocks or even some glass, you never knew with La push.

My feet had just reached the water when I heard Jacob's voice, accompanied by the voice of his car. I turned to him and the moment I saw his face, even from a little distance, the memory I had been suppressing swam to the surface of my mind and engulfed me...

I paid the pitying taxi driver, leaving him with a two dollar tip. I felt pretty grown up getting a taxi by myself, especially without my mother's knowledge. I was 11 years old and I was breaking apart.

I ran down to the disserted beach, discarding my backpack at the top of the beach, throwing my trainers behind me as I ran to put my feet in the water, my socks followed then finally I was bear footed.

My toes touched the cold water with a start, they were numb within seconds, and I was shivering within a few more.

I stared down at my feet, my heart thumping in my chest, a small part of me wondering what people would do if I just lay down in the cold water and let myself get numb, and more numb, and more numb. Until I was freezing to death, until I was gone. Would they care?

What would they remember me as?

I know my school would remember me as the fat kid who was stupid enough to go into the sea in winter; the neighbours would probably think the same.

My mom would miss me, I think. She had screamed at me before I left the house, telling her I was going to Angela's. She had told me that sometimes I really pissed her off. She had said to me that I needed to start making a bloody effort and be nice to Phil.

It wasn't my fault he was annoying. Maybe it was. Maybe I'm the annoying one. Maybe it's no wonder everyone hates me.

I dropped to my knees, my teeth starting to rattle. The water splashed up to my chest, the small waves, gushing over my thighs. Almost welcoming me to the sea. Maybe I could live their under the water forever. Gone and away from everyone. I wasn't naive enough to think that I would stay alive under the water, but the mere idea of my body floating out to sea; away from the cursed land that I lived on was enough to make me smile a watery smile.

Relief from the pain, the constant hurt.

But then as my legs became mostly numb but slightly painful thoughts of what I would miss poured into my mind; no college, no boyfriends ever (not that it was likely I would ever have one), no children, no Angela, no Mom.

I burst into hysterical tears as if they had been building up the whole time. I hadn't come here to kill myself, but the idea had its pros, many many pros even if it had cons.

I let my hands fall into the water, trying to pluck up the courage to let go of life or let go of my suicidal fantasy, but none seemed to be releasing the grip on me.

My mind began playing an old song I remembered my grandma singing to me when I was just a toddler, care free and pretty.


Hey where did we go?
Days when the rain came
Down in the hollow,
Playing a new game
Laughing and a running hey, hey
Skipping and a jumping
In the misty morning fog with
Our hearts a thumping and you
My brown eyed girl
You my, brown eyed girl...


I sobbed as I remembered her crinkled face with all that love for me, I wondered if I really deserved it, if she'd known I'd grown into such an ugly creature, would she still have sang to me the way she did. I was doubting everything. I closed my eyes as the pain in my cold legs became too much.

And from the deepest depths of my despair I heard a voice, soft and caring; I believed it to be a created dream of my own.

"Isabella, please get out of the water, you're gonna catch the death," I even giggled, it was so silly that someone would care enough to ask me to get out of the water, especially a boy. "Isabella?" he asked again, this time his voice was louder, nearer.

I laughed at myself as I answered the voice inside my own head, "don't be so stupid, it would be a good thing if I caught the death," My whole body froze as an arm snuck around me and I realised that the voice in my head which had sounded awfully like Jacob Black, was in fact, Jacob Black.

"No it wouldn't Izz," I opened my eyes to see his.

"But what if I want to? What if I want to stay here?" I whispered.

He placed his warm hands into the water, fetching mine out, and beginning to pull me out, "Isabella, you're too beautiful to die," he kissed my cheek as I stood up, my hands still in his. He put his arms around me as my legs wobbled; they were still pretty numb and felt almost like jelly. "Come on, Izz, we'll go back to my house and dry you off,"

I nodded, shocked and slightly relieved.

END MEMORY.

"H-hey guys," I stuttered. They jumped out of the car and came over towards me, there was alot of things they didn't know about me and I realised at that moment that I would have to be nearly as fake to them as anyone at my new school. I really had no one who knew everything, not even my mom or dad, not a sister. I was alone, which was actually pretty ironic as they were currently giving me hello hugs.

I smiled at them, putting my face on again, I was and always would be broken; they couldn't help that.

"Okayyy," Quil took charge, "I think it's time for a game of twenty questions," everyone began to grumble as he smirked excitedly, "don't be such a bore, the only reason we split from the others was so we could play a few games between close friends," he looked at everyone in turn, including me; but I honestly didn't feel like I should be included in that, I felt like an outsider.

"I suppose if we're gonna play... then I wonna ask a question first!" he grinned.

"Shit," I heard Embry mumble under his breath.

"Uck don't be such a baby," Jake taunted, "it's not like we have a bowl of questions to use, we may as well let me go first, I'll ask everyone one question, then we'll switch, okay?" he looked at me specifically then, I nodded timidly.

"Quil," he shouted, while splashing into the sea, pulling Leah with him, "Who do you find the most attractive girl in school?"

I walked in after him, it was freezing and I was shivering within seconds, but the four of them were laughing and joking, and as long as they weren't paying too much attention to me I could sink into my own world of thoughts, it wasn't as if I knew the person Quil was talking or some of the inside jokes they were in near hysterics about.

I paddled around in the freezing cold until I heard my name bellowed by a jubilant Jacob, "Bella, would you rather Embry or Quil?" I looked at them both, giggling nervously as they made body builder poses and shouted words of encouragement.

Embry was taller and his face was set slightly softer than Quil's, his body was lovely and sleek but it wasn't anywhere near as developed as Quil's. But I happened to prefer Embry's personality, no particular reason, I just did.

"Uhhh," I began, as they both winked at me, "Embry," I murmured, Quil's face fell as I covered my blushing face with my hands and Embry came and snuck his around my waist.

"Really," he purred playfully.

"Bug off, doesn't mean I would, it's who I'd rather," I pushed him off of me, laughing.

They all pointed and laughed at him as he hugged me in friendly way and sauntered off to get a drink from his back pack at the shore.

"Leah," Jacob teased next, wiggling his eyebrows, "did you wear this gloriously sexy black bikini today just to tease me?" The boys made baulking sounds as his hands fell onto her waist, swinging her around while she squealed.

"Don't Jacob," she hissed just loud enough for me to hear, "I look fat in this."

Some part of me knew that she was just a little insecure about her bikini but the other part of me found it highly offence, "You do not look fat," I interrupted the couples moment with my loud, outrage voice. All I could think about was the last time I had worn a swimming costume in forks...

Memory (9 years ago)

I dumped my bag in the girl's dressing room as I considered whether it would be worth running into the toilet to get changed, to prevent jibes from Miss Hale and Miss Denali.

I decided within seconds that I couldn't go through with them watching me change and I swung my bag over my shoulder then ran to the toilets as certain girls laughed behind their hands at me; I knew they were talking about me, I didn't even need to hear a word of it and I knew I would be taking the brunt of their jokes.

I changed quickly, cringing as I saw the pink butterflies' swimming costume my mother had slipped into my bag. I had liked it when I thought we had only bought it for holiday, I hadn't realised that everyone at school would be seeing it, I hadn't realised that my mom would force me into going, whether I pretended to be ill or not.

I hauled the costume onto me, it was ever so slightly too tight, and even at the age of nine I knew that it showed all of my wobbly bits and as I stepped out the toilets, placing my things into a locker, I was so close to pulling it all back out and faking an illness, but I told myself I would be okay, I really did like swimming when it wasn't in front of everyone. I wanted to enjoy it.

I walked out to the swimming pool where the rest of the class was and I heard that voice, the one that chilled my bones the second it swam into my mind.

Edward Cullen was laughing loudly.

"Look at her waddle," he said in a mock whisper.

I instantly felt myself flush, I knew it would be covering my neck at that particular moment and I walked over to the teacher to inform her my mom said it was okay that I swam with my glasses on and that she had contacted the swimming club before hand to check it was okay with them.

My teacher nodded and I saw her throw a stern look at Edward, I guessed that she had heard what he had said but didn't want to embarrass me further by giving him into trouble in front of me.

I took my place at the end of the line, sat with my legs in a basket and watched as a bald middle aged man sporting a wetsuit, a swim cap and a short beard made his way into the area, he waved at as, smiling, his kind eyes crinkling. He seemed like the sort of man you would expect to find out fishing with my dad, in fact, now that he came closer, he looked like one of my dad's friends.

I waved back as did a few others in my class but many, it seemed, weren't sure whether they should wave back or not, it wasn't often that we were greeted so informally by a teacher; even if he was only our swimming instructor.

He stood in front of us quite excitedly, explaining that if we thought we were good swimmers we could go into the top group for the day until he had checked, the okay swimmers would go in the middle group and those who "had trouble" with it as he put it would go into the bottom group.

I knew I should go into the top group, and even though I spotted Edward and Tanya making their way over I didn't bother too much, I thought that we would be constantly watched by the instructor and out teacher and I would be okay.

Far from it.

The perfect couple, Edward and Tanya, made their way over to where I was standing, I shook slightly, my knees knocking together and I prayed they hadn't spotted another sign of my weakness.

Edward walked forward so he was just inches from my ear and whispered maliciously, "you look utterly pig like today Bella, even you're costume matches your face," he snickered and Tanya joined in with him.

I felt the myself blush even more profusely than before and I heard with distinct clarity what Tanya said when she leaned into Edward, "Even the colour of her face matches her costume; pig really is the right word,"

I felt tears well up in my sorrowful eyes, "Please, I haven't done anything," I whined, trying to turn away; I wondered why no teachers were near us, but there was some sort of commotion happening at the other end of the pool and they all seemed focused on that.

Edward's laugh was so loud even others who hadn't noticed out conversation were looking now, Tanya hesitantly joined in, she was probably just as in the dark I was about the reason for Edward's joyous laugh. "You really are hysterical Isabella Dwyer, "he nodded his head, grinning, "clearly all you've done is something, and that something is constantly eating," those surrounding us laughed with him as tears streaked my face. It felt like he had slapped me, punched me, kicked me; then again, I would probably have preferred that.

I had gasped in shock of his barbarity; I don't understand how I could have been so shocked, it wasn't particularly shocking when you think about it that Edward Cullen could have said something like that to me.

The boy was pure evil, and as I ran from the pool, I realised that putting any trust in the boy to keep his wicked mouth shut was just stupid.


END MEMORY.

Tears rose in my eyes and I suddenly felt horrendously exposed, they stared at me, and I turned to leave the water.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob asked, trudging over to me, his deep brown eyes gazing into mine.

"I don't belong here Jacob, I just don't belong," I snivelled, "I'm going home."

"That's not true-" Jacob tried to reassure but I was having a moment of clearness, what I had been thinking all night had now emerged to the uppermost point of my mind and I couldn't hide it anymore, I didn't feel at home here, all I wanted was to get away and go to my bed. I just wanted to be alone.

"No." I told him simply, "I'm not ready for this Jacob, please just let it go," he stared at me for what seemed like hours then nodded slowly.

I was impressed with the silence of the rest of them; I guessed Jacob must have warned them that I had problems. I picked up my things, quickly threw on my clothes over the wetsuit and then headed home, waving once to those remaining on the beach, laughing and dancing, singing and enjoying themselves the way teenagers should.

He had ruined that for me.

I checked the time, it was just nine o'clock. I was starving hungry, I wondered whether I had exercised enough that day to allow myself to indulge in a McDonalds. I'd had a hard day and a McDonalds was only a twenty five minutes drive away, it was just on the outskirts of Port Angeles.

I concluded as I came up to the turn that I had exercised enough, and even if I hadn't I would make sure to add in some extra tomorrow morning, food was an indulgence I never usually allowed myself, and it had the possibility of taking my mind of the fact that I just realised I fitted in with no one.

I drove faster than normal; thank god I had filled the petrol tank to max just a few days before. The truck didn't seem too pleased with me pushing it but I guess it was just tough luck. I needed some fucking good food and I needed it fast.

I found that my cheeks were still wet even after driving for fifteen minutes and I pulled over quickly, trying to calm myself. The road was near deserted and the only noise was coming from the odd passing car.

I exhaled slowly, bringing my knees up to my chest; I was exhausted from trying to be someone I'm not. It really was a vicious circle in life. If I stopped trying, I'd get the crap beaten out of me again most probably and if I kept going I'd make myself into someone I'm not.

Cause I'm not that confident individual I come across as; yes the normal me does have its dominant moments but nothing compared to what this new, invented character was.

I never loved fashion with a passion; overtime I had come to enjoy myself now and again, but i hated the idea of living my life constantly in shops.

Fair enough I had begun to enjoymy exercise, it gave me a recognisable control of my life and I was pleased with that, but I hated haing to take time out of my life when I thought I had better things to do because becoming over weight was now a mortal fear.

I didn't like eating almost purely healthy food. I like burgers. I like pizza. I like ice cream. Feeling like I had to check the labels of products before I could consume them was appaling.

I hated me.

I turned on the music a few minutes later once I had forced myself to except the prospect of being someone different. I started up the truck with a roar and preceded on to get a chicken ceasar salad from Mcdonalds. I guess Big Macs were out of the question to new Bella.

I pulled up to McDonalds, I felt as if they were all watching me like they used to when I walked into McDonalds, you could always just tell they were thinking about fun of me in their head, sometimes they never even managed to keep it there.

'Doesnt she think she's had enough of McDonalds?'
'She obviously doesn'tknow when to quit'
'God she has nerve'
'Fucking fatty'

All comments I over heard over time even though they whispered, makes you wonder if everyone's like that. If everyone has a mean horrible side but they just don't tell anyone. Only some do that.

I took a deep breath before strutting towards the counter, I needed to keep myself in character, and it was a way of taking my mind of reality. I twirled my hair around my pinkie, smiling at the acne covered teen coming to serve me.

He smiled back at me shyly; the poor guy had braces too. I remembered what having those was like.

"Uh...Uhhh," he stuttered as I smiled encouragingly, "can I help you?" he finally managed.

"Could I have the chicken Caesar salad please?" I answered him.

"Is that a meal?" he spoke with his eyes glued to the till.

"Yes please, could I have the orange juice with it?"

"Mhmm, anything else?" he looked up at me expectantly and I took a few seconds, I could really do with a mcflurry, but I managed to have the control to shake my head.

"Coming right up," he grinned as he collected the food and put it on a tray for me; I took it gingerly and found myself a seat in the corner, tucked away from the window and most people's view. It closed in twenty five minutes so it was practically empty except from a family of four who were eating quietly at the opposite side of the room.

I ate it slowly, savouring the taste of McDonalds chicken, there really is nothing like it.

My whole body froze when I heard the door open and the laugh that I had heard so much of lately, I turned slowly to see Alice walking in, linked arms with Jasper. Following them was Emmett intertwining hands with Rosalie, then following them was Mr Bastard retarded cunt arsed Cullen. I guess I couldn't help but call him names, immature it may be, but the others somehow I could deal with, him everything inside me burned.

I started to throw my salad down my throat in the few seconds that followed before a surprised Alice called my name, "Bella?" she chirped, I managed to swallow the cast amount of food that was bulging in my cheeks at that precise moment and turn to her with what I thought would be an endearing smile on my face.

"Wow, imagine meeting you here, I thought you said something about a bonfire party tonight?" had I told her about that? I had forgotten, shit this would need some quick thinking.

"Oh, I changed my mind last minute, I spent the night in with my dad, he's watching replays on ESPN and I just needed some time away from football mania," I laughed. Alice pulled me up gently by the hand, the picked up my food in the other hand.

"Come, you have to come and sit with us all and you don't half eat healthy, you're gonna make me look like a total grubber," she giggled while my eyes spun about the group, as much as I tried not to my eyes landed ever so vaguely on Edward, he seemed slightly confused and I moved my eyes away before he asked them any questions.

I prayed to god that he hadn't noticed any similarities between Bella Swan and Isabella Dwyer.

Alice near dragged me over to a table right in the centre of the room, just large enough for six to fit in around it. They all went up to order stuff except Edward. I knew to look normal I would have to ask him the fairly obvious question but I really didn't want to, I do mean I really was worried that instead of words I might start flying punches at him, everything that had happened to night had made me realise just how warped my life had become and made me reinstate my strong rage and need for revenge inside my head. I bit the bullet and went for it, I decided to pretend he was a nice guy, one I had just met, but when my eyes met his all I could remember was the sheer terror he caused and my voice wobbled strangely as I spoke, "Aren't you going to order?" I asked.

He tilted his head ever so slightly as he looked at me, "No, I've already eaten with my date earlier,"

"Oh," was all I could make myself answer.

"I have a question for you Bella," he continued, and the speed of my heart increased until I concluded it must have been loud enough for even Edward, who was across the table from me to hear, "you said you were with your dad tonight, don't you think it's a little odd that I could have sworn I saw him just forty minutes ago pulling a guy over for speeding."

I decided to act as if he must be mistaken even though the Isabella in me was shaking like a leaf in a gale force wind, "I don't how you could possibly have saw him, he was sitting home with me," he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Mmmm," was all he answered and we sat in silence until the rest of them came back with their orders munching happily.

I slowly finished my salad while they spoke, "So whatcha got planned for the weekend then?" Emmett asked me.

"I looked up to see that his hand had snuck around Rosalie's waist as the other one held one of the biggest burgers I had ever seen which he was consuming pretty fast considering the size of it; Rosalie didn't seem to mind that he was asking me a question that many girlfriends would not be too pleased with their boyfriends for asking other girls, clearly she was secure in their relationship.

"Uhhh, I was going to go out with some friends from La Push, but now," I let out a breath, "I don't really know." I watched in shock as Rosalie munched her way through a big burger too, I had always thought she would have eaten practically nothing to say so supremely slim, clearly she just had good jeans.

"Well you know now," Alice winked at me, "you can come to the park with us, we're going on a day trip up to the sunnier side of the country tomorrow, leaving at 7 o'clock then not returning till late," she smiled in anticipation.

"I don't really want to intrude-" I began but was cut off by Rosalie, who even though she was talking to me was looking lovingly into the eyes of the turned brute, Emmett.

"Nonsense, of course you wouldn't be intruding we'd love to have you there, you seem like a pretty cool girl," that's because they don't know me I thought.

"Noooo, it's okay, really," Jasper then joined in the conversation sweetly.

"Of course," he placed one of his hands on my arm, "really Bella, we'd love to have you come, you can keep Edward amused as well," he grinned.

I smiled transparently back, I was utterly bemused that they couldn't see how pissed off I was at him. Edward gave me a sheepish crooked smile. I hated that he was some beautiful, I was hoping against hopes that he would be ugly, or fat, or something wrong with him when I returned to forks but he was completely flawless, if he had been anyone else I would have... I would have been different.

He put out his hand slightly towards me then it looked like he thought better of it and retrieved it from the centre f the table, the others were too engrossed with their stunning partners to pay attention to him, "Bella I – I'm glad we're not fighting anymore."

I nodded at him.

"I really mean it, I think we can be good friends if we put it all behind us," by asking that he never realised just how much he wanted me to do, I wondered then if he would be acting like this if I was Isabella, not just in personality but in looks; would he even have thought of approaching me in school?

The answer was steadfast; I doubt it.

His green jewels bore into mine and I felt the world change around me, if he still hadn't guessed it seemed I was safe. It was really time to start using his forgiveness of my 'uncalled for behaviour' to my advantage. It was time to tear the motherfucker to shreds.

*A.N. – I need you all to understand that even though it seems like she's letting Emmett and Rosalie of the hook, she isn't really, she just sees the change in them and acknowledges it, she understands that they've changed, with Edward she just can't do that, her mind refuses to allow it. What seems like forgiveness of the other two is really just acceptance, I was bullied pretty badly when I was younger and now when I see them, I realise that they've changed, except from certain people who at the time I truly believed were the spawn of the devil.
-so yeah, long AN but I need you to understand that there are reasons for things*

Oh and guys... DO REVIEW, as you can see, your lovely reviews for the last chapter just TWO DAYS ago spurred me on to type with one hand to get this chapter done ;);) xx