For the first time in years, America didn't know where to go. Her kids were busy with their tutors, her family was probably preparing for dinner, and Maxon clearly did not want to talk to her. There was only one person who America knew wasn't doing anything.

The guards posted outside May's doors didn't question America's request for entry. In fact, they barely acknowledged her. She walked into May's small room. There was an empty food tray on the table by the window and the bed was unmade but other than that, there was no sign of life in the room. There was a thud from the bathroom. America walked to the door and pressed her ear against it.

She could hear someone retching and it sounded like May. She waited by the door for May to come out of the bathroom. After a few more minutes of heaving, America heard the toilet flush, the faucet of the sink run for a few more moments and then May walked out.

At first she didn't notice her older sister standing by the door and jumped when she finally saw her. "What? No guards?" she asked, wiping her mouth and walking to the bed.

America sighed. So that's how this conversation was going to go. "I can call for them if you want me to."

"You're not scared I'm going to kill you?" May asked, seeming to avoid looking at her sister at all costs.

"No, I'm not. Judging by the state of your health, I think I could hold my own against you," America snapped. Then she sighed again. She could see that May was unhealthy. Her eyes were too big for her face, the bones in her hands and arms stood out against her skin; she looked starved. She looked over at the empty food tray in the corner of the room. "May, what's going on?" she suddenly asked, getting concerned.

May was taken aback by America's spontaneous compassion. "Nothing," she shrugged nonchalantly.

"No, it's not nothing. You look like you haven't eaten in weeks."

"It's not like I've never starved before. Sorry I haven't been living in a palace for the last ten years."

America shook her head. After the events of the last twenty-four hours, she felt on the verge of passing out and she knew the stress wasn't good for the baby. "I can't make you talk, I know. But when you're ready, tell the guards to summon me. You should know that I'm always here to listen." America stopped in the doorway. "By the way, I never forgot about you May."

With that said, she walked up to the Queen's Suite, barely making it in time before her lunch made a reappearance. When she looked up from the toilet, she saw Maxon standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. Despite having gone through morning sickness several times already, he never seemed to conquer his squeamishness when it came to vomit but she appreciated him at least trying to comfort her.

Thankfully this was a short episode and she only retched for a few minutes before she was done. Then again, she didn't have much to expel from her stomach. Maxon handed her a glass of water and leaned against the bathroom counter as she brushed her teeth. "About earlier," he began, looking down at his hands and twisting his wedding ring absentmindedly. Perfect timing Maxon, wait until I can't talk to try to apologize, America thought. "It was wrong of me to take out my frustration on you. I just…do you know how annoying it is for everyone to treat you like an invalid when you don't feel like one?"

America shrugged. "Kind of like what you do every time I'm pregnant," she said against the toothbrush in her mouth.

He cracked a smile and turned to her. "I'm not ready to leave you." For once she was thankful for not being able to answer. Not that she would be able to say anything past the lump in her throat. "I made a promise to love you forever and I'm not going to be able to keep that promise. And that fact alone is tearing me up inside."

She leaned over to spit out her toothpaste, holding her own hair back. "You're not the only one."

"I know. You know what else kills me? That I won't be here to help Christian through his Selection. I won't be able to walk Georgina down the aisle on her wedding day. I won't get to break up any more fights between Michael and Georgina. I won't get to meet this child," he half-whispered, half-sobbed, placing a hand on her stomach, effectively stopping her from moving to wipe away the residual tooth paste around her mouth on a towel. "But most importantly, I won't get to be your husband anymore." He moved his other hand to cup her face in his palm, removing the toothpaste with his thumb. "And that scares the heck out of me."

She looked down and thanked her maids silently for getting her waterproof mascara. She wrapped her fingers around his and looked back up at him. "It scares me too," she admitted. "All of it." Without any hesitation, she leaned into him and let his warmth seep into her.

"I have something for you," he whispered into her hair, leading her out to their bedroom. On his desk sat an ornate carved box, about the size of a dictionary. He held it in his hands. "I have one of these for all of the kids but this one is for you." He placed it in her waiting hands and waited for her reaction anxiously as she lifted the lid.

She set the box down on their bed and sat next to it, pulling out the thick envelopes one by one, stopping after the fifth or sixth. Tears were in her eyes when she looked up at him in shock. "How long have you had this?"

"I started it before we got married and I've been adding to it over the years. I finished it this afternoon, along with the kids'," he explained vaguely. He sat down and shut the lid gently. "This is my way of making sure I never leave you. When you need me, you'll have these letters."

She shook her head. "They'll never be good enough."

"They'll have to because they're the only thing you'll have."

She kept shaking her head. "You can't go. Dax don't leave me!" she sobbed into his shoulder. He pulled her closer, practically on to his lap. He rocked her as she cried into his shirt, knowing that this was what she needed. She needed to have this one breakdown with him. He knew as soon as this was over she would probably not shed another tear until the day he died. A shiver went up his spine when he realized just how soon that could be. Within seconds he joined her in crying because he wasn't ready either. He never would be ready.

Yay for a fast update! I am working on the next chapter for my other one-shots story so that should be up in the next few days. my grad party is next week though so I'm super busy planning/cleaning/cooking/decorating/doing-everything-else-under-the-sun. did anybody do Kiera Cass's twitcam last night? some of the stuff she talked about was super crazy, right? I mean, ugh...yeah, just crazy. anyways, thanks for the awesome reviews from last chapter y'all!